Pregnant riders support group? :)

[GreyStreet]

Can we talk about people’s experience with the in-laws? That has been a major source of stress for me. We just moved and are actually closer to them - which some people would consider a good thing, but it just makes me nervous about boundaries being crossed.

My MIL is so excited about our impending baby, and I’m grateful about that, but I’ve already seen some behavior that tells me she isn’t totally respecting what my husband and I want for our kid. Anyone else experience this? How did you deal with it? It’s probably my greatest source of anxiety, ironically!

[Judysmom]

Hi just checking back in! Apparently I’m not very good at updating… lol.

So my ultrasound and MaterniT 21 tests all came back perfectly normal! I was a little farther along than we thought, 14 weeks instead of 12 weeks, and… its a boy!

Not going to lie, I am most happy that the baby is healthy, but I was secretly hoping for a girl! The older boys (7&8) are THRILLED with a new little brother however. Not sure what to name this little guy, but I told the older boys that we are naming him after the cat

I’m 17 weeks now, and I am ungodly hungry. I feel like eating two meals at each meal time! Second breakfast anyone? LOL. I had put on about 15 lbs before getting pregnant, now I’m worried that I’m that I’m going to be giant when all is done. Oh well.

I haven’t been riding at all sadly. I rode some in Ireland last month, but now nothing. I plan on taking lessons once things settle after this guys is born. But it looks like buying another horse is going to have to wait a few years

[Small_Change]

[QUOTE=GreyStreet;8599953]
Can we talk about people’s experience with the in-laws? That has been a major source of stress for me. We just moved and are actually closer to them - which some people would consider a good thing, but it just makes me nervous about boundaries being crossed.

My MIL is so excited about our impending baby, and I’m grateful about that, but I’ve already seen some behavior that tells me she isn’t totally respecting what my husband and I want for our kid. Anyone else experience this? How did you deal with it? It’s probably my greatest source of anxiety, ironically![/QUOTE]

GreyStreet, I hear you, loud and clear, except that I have stress from my parents (Mom specifically) and the in-laws are wonderful. My parents live very close by, and Mom is very pushy when it comes to my little girl. She makes it quite clear without actually saying anything that she feels I’m overly protective and trying to keep my baby from her. The truth is that I am just extremely uncomfortable with my Mom, as she makes a point of ignoring anything I ask (please don’t feed baby that, please don’t crowd baby and I, etc.). Add in the fact that my brother and his wife make her feel like super grandma with their twins who are also quite young (to their own benefit, as they like leaving the babies with them and taking off for a few days at a time…), and it makes for some interesting family dynamics.

My mother-in-law, thankfully, is absolutely amazing and has been a tremendous support for me, as she went through something similar herself. It’s tough, and I don’t know how to fix things without being “nasty.”

[pinkpony321]

[QUOTE=GreyStreet;8599953]
Can we talk about people’s experience with the in-laws? That has been a major source of stress for me. We just moved and are actually closer to them - which some people would consider a good thing, but it just makes me nervous about boundaries being crossed.

My MIL is so excited about our impending baby, and I’m grateful about that, but I’ve already seen some behavior that tells me she isn’t totally respecting what my husband and I want for our kid. Anyone else experience this? How did you deal with it? It’s probably my greatest source of anxiety, ironically![/QUOTE]

I think they key to managing this successfully is making sure your spouse hears your concerns, and then helps you control the situation by either having a chat with his mother or by running interference for you. I had similar anxieties, and it hasn’t been as big of an issue as my crazy preggo mind thought it would be, but that may have been because I made my wishes VERY clear before the baby came.
You just need to expect and demand that people treat you like the mom (because helloooo you are) and don’t accept any less. Just be very calm and clear when correcting any offensive behavior

[pinkpony321]

Judysmom- congrats on all of the normal tests!!

[She_s_Pure_Gold]

Welcome to the newcomers!

[QUOTE=JLC;8599698]
Shes pure gold - how are you doing?[/QUOTE]

Aside from feeling like all I do is feed LO, I’m doing well. LO was 1 month old on Easter, how time flies when it feels like you’ve done absolutely nothing (except breastfeed!). I’ve been very lucky that DH has been home with me this whole time, he was able to take 5 weeks paternity leave, so this is his last week home with us for now, and then he’ll have another week in the middle of April (he’s a teacher, spring vacation). I really feel for those who are doing this alone, I can’t imagine how challenging it would be without him (though I’m about to find out next week!).

I’m finally mostly pain free, both ‘down there’ and in terms of breastfeeding. The latter was our single biggest challenge by a landslide, and it took until just the last few days for it to not hurt, for my milk production to balance out and for him to latch mostly properly and without too much fuss. I can’t count how many times I almost quit or would burst into tears when it wasn’t going well. After my experiences, I would never ever judge women who give up breastfeeding for any reason and just switch to formula, I was almost there and it is not a fun feeling. Anyways, LO is growing like a weed and finally eating well and other than feeding pretty frequently, we’re finally in a good place with it.

I’m lucky that my horse is at home, so I see him every day at least out the window, even if I can’t make it outside each day. More recently I’ve tried to get out at least to pet and feed him a few treats, or give a quick brush. I lunged him once last week and yesterday, and today I sat on him for the first time since October! Just 15 minutes of walking, but it was great. He’s been out of work I stopped riding, so we both have a long road to get back in shape. I’m hoping to get on him 4 days a week, but who knows what I’ll actually end up being able to do.

Going from baby-free to newborn is definitely a HUGE change, but, so far DH and I don’t regret it at all. The snuggles make the sacrifices worth it. :yes: Oh, and as expected, 1 month out and there is NOTHING that I miss about being pregnant!! :lol:

[kalidascope]

[QUOTE=She’s Pure Gold;8600801]
I’ve been very lucky that DH has been home with me this whole time, he was able to take 5 weeks paternity leave…[/QUOTE]
Wow!! That’s fantastic. We’ll get two weeks of DH being home (though he’s taking annual leave rather than paternity, so that it’s paid) and I thought we were lucky!

@She's Pure Gold;8600801

I’m lucky that my horse is at home, so I see him every day at least out the window, even if I can’t make it outside each day.

Who is feeding/checking him for you on the days you don’t make it out? I’ve got horses at home too, and very helpful horsey neighbours/friends, but am not sure how it will all work after the ‘in labour/very new baby’ assistance wears off. I’ll need to go out and take hay once or twice a day to the paddocks. I’ve got some ideas… I guess until baby’s here I won’t know what will work for him!

@JLC;8599681

First, I thought I would have more time to ride, this is my first baby and I really had no idea how time consuming a newborn is.

Everyone mentions this - would you (or others) mind elaborating? I’m not expecting to ride much (or to want to), but there’s still “stuff” I want to get done (yeah right, by the sounds of it :-P). What’s your typical day? Is all that time taken up with feeding/changing/entertaining the baby?

[PiedPiper]

[QUOTE=kalidascope;8601259]
Wow!! That’s fantastic. We’ll get two weeks of DH being home (though he’s taking annual leave rather than paternity, so that it’s paid) and I thought we were lucky!

Who is feeding/checking him for you on the days you don’t make it out? I’ve got horses at home too, and very helpful horsey neighbours/friends, but am not sure how it will all work after the ‘in labour/very new baby’ assistance wears off. I’ll need to go out and take hay once or twice a day to the paddocks. I’ve got some ideas… I guess until baby’s here I won’t know what will work for him!

Everyone mentions this - would you (or others) mind elaborating? I’m not expecting to ride much (or to want to), but there’s still “stuff” I want to get done (yeah right, by the sounds of it :-P). What’s your typical day? Is all that time taken up with feeding/changing/entertaining the baby?[/QUOTE]

From my experience time moves both slow and fast at the same time. You are waking to feed every 2-3 hours so your synapses just fire slower. Then when you are up you are caring for the baby except when they are sleeping which is your reprieve! You live on pins and needles that they will sleep just long enough to shower and dress, and then the next nap maybe you will have time to eat something or do the dishes, take care of the dogs/cat/laundry. And by evening, newborns basically become very fussy to melt down and you have that until they finally fall asleep in the evening. lol

I have struggled with breastfeeding, my daughter had a tongue tie we had snipped, has breathing/nose issues as she has a very narrow nasal passage we have to wait for her to outgrow and so I also pump as well as nurse so that takes up time as I was nursing and pumping at least every two hours to get my supply set.

That is another thing, you really want to make sure your supply is set and so should be consistently emptying your breast every two to three hours for the first 12 weeks. Hard to go ride in that time frame.

Now not everyone is like this but my experience. I waited the six weeks I had to, I had a c section unfortunately, and then my girl went to Florida. I have two old guys that I have a barter system with someone and she cares for her. Since Emma was born in December she didn’t go outside very much so that limited me taking her with me. I was able to ride at the end of my maternity leave, I took 15 weeks off, but it was hard because someone would need to watch her.

So my typical day from 1-3 months was:

12-2am Up to feed and pump
4-5am feed and usually she was up. Pump
6:00/6:30am first nap (usually longest so if I wanted to shower this was my window) Pump
7:30/8:00 up - feed, change, play
11/12 - nap (anywhere from 30 minutes - 2 hours) Pump
1/2 - up - feed, change, play
3pm - nap Pump
3:30/4 - up (usually her witching hour started as early as 4pm. This entailed fussying, crying, not wanting to be put down, not wanting you to sit down)
5/6 - nap (have found that if she napped at 5pm she was better, if napped at 6pm then would wake up very fussy) Pump
7/8pm - following cues, start bedtime routine (we found baths did calm her so we started bathing her every night and slathering on lotion. We did not use soap every time) Pump
8/9pm -asleep (we had packed up for bed at 7pm, usually exhausted at this point and on our phones surfing the net and sleeping.
10-12 -up for feeding Pump

Rinse and repeat.

My daughter is now 4 months old and the naps are shorter, she is a much happier baby, smiling and laughing now, and will do some independent playing. They are all different and my girl is definitely more high maintenance than others.

[PiedPiper]

I am struggling finding the time and energy to fit everything in. Luckily my girl has been in training this whole time so has continued to progress without me. I hope to ride on weekends and trying to see how I can during the week. I just try and look at the big picture, know it will get easier with time and age, and just be patient. And have great resources and support people around me.

[Larissa]

[QUOTE=kalidascope;8601259]
Everyone mentions this - would you (or others) mind elaborating? I’m not expecting to ride much (or to want to), but there’s still “stuff” I want to get done (yeah right, by the sounds of it :-P). What’s your typical day? Is all that time taken up with feeding/changing/entertaining the baby?[/QUOTE]

Agree with Piedpiper… time moves so slowly and so quickly at the same time. Each minute seems like an hour but then you look up and the day’s gone. My two unexpected timesucks were feeding and assisting him getting to sleep. He’d eat about 45m of every 2 or 3 hours. Usually took 30m+ to settle him for sleep. In between we usually had 1-2 diaper changes, sometimes with outfit changes and baths (babies are basically science-project-volcanoes). Figure in a little tummy time or some other mom-guilt-baby-training and you’ve basically filled up all of your awake baby time. Then they nap for 30-60m. Sometimes without event, so you can make tea, eat a cookie, sit still for 10m, take a flash shower and still have time to find any clothes that are easily within reach. Sometimes it’s fitful sleep and you’re either settling baby or yourself the whole time. I also spent a fair amount of time just fretting - pump now or will he wake soon? How long has it been since he pooped? Will my Amazon subscribe&save get here before I’m out of diapers? What is happening to my bank account since I’m not working? Crap, forgot I need hay and feed, drop a check for farrier, when the hell does that fit with naps? Why did my husband say he’d be home at 5 and it’s now 5:03?

Obviously my baby would get an F in sleeping and my body an F in mental stability so hopefully you will end up w a bit more time. I also think a lot of it is just first time mom adapting - it becomes easier the second/third/so on times around when you just feel a bit more lax about a schedule and all the babykeeping hiccups that come at you nonstop. If you can manage to get to the headspace of a mom-in-round-2 you could be winning!

ETA - you can find time to do things. Probably just not consistently and when you plan to. I was still able to do all of the admin work for my husband’s business, some small home reno’s, keep up on laundry, cleaning and cat/horse care. Just had to be flexible about when it could happen.

[She_s_Pure_Gold]

[QUOTE=kalidascope;8601259]
Wow!! That’s fantastic. We’ll get two weeks of DH being home (though he’s taking annual leave rather than paternity, so that it’s paid) and I thought we were lucky!

Who is feeding/checking him for you on the days you don’t make it out? I’ve got horses at home too, and very helpful horsey neighbours/friends, but am not sure how it will all work after the ‘in labour/very new baby’ assistance wears off. I’ll need to go out and take hay once or twice a day to the paddocks. I’ve got some ideas… I guess until baby’s here I won’t know what will work for him!

Everyone mentions this - would you (or others) mind elaborating? I’m not expecting to ride much (or to want to), but there’s still “stuff” I want to get done (yeah right, by the sounds of it :-P). What’s your typical day? Is all that time taken up with feeding/changing/entertaining the baby?[/QUOTE]

The barn has been run by a combination of extraordinarily helpful people. First off, it’s a small farm- my horse, my boarder’s horse, and DH’s mini donkey, so not a ton to manage, but obviously still needs daily management. Our boarder already does stalls for us 3 days/week for reduced board, so she has continued that. I did turnout every morning as usual up through the day I went into labor and DH and I would usually bring them in together every night to spend a little quality time out there with them- this ended the night before my water broke, and instead DH has been doing turn in/out solo since the night we came home from the hospital as for the first 1-2 weeks I couldn’t even walk out to the barn (pain from delivery) and usually I’m either trying to sleep in the morning or nursing and nursing in the evening and one of us needs to stay in with LO. We hired 2 people to come do stalls during the day (they each do 2 days) and get all the hay/grain/water set up so that DH only had to bring them in each night. Barn work was getting very difficult for me towards the end of my pregnancy, so our help actually started doing stalls at the beginning of Feb when I was 36 weeks, and one finished her last day yesterday and the other will be finishing his last days this weekend as I’m finally feeling good enough to get back to doing barn work. It cost $$ to pay people for 2 months, but it was definitely the best decision for us as it took a lot of pressure and worry away to know things were getting taken care of.

The time we spent in the hospital we had a flurry of friends and neighbors, the hired help and our boarder helping out to get everyone turned in/out and fed and cleaned, and it worked very well. We had mostly pre-planned this though with the people involved and they were ‘on call’ and knew what to do when the time came with some simple over the phone reminders from DH.

As for your last question, I remember reading people saying that babies were a time suck and that they’d be lucky to shower or eat or get anything done, and I didn’t understand how that was possible either- until LO was born! I think it is something that until you experience it first-hand, you just can’t appreciate how much time you spend while feeling like you did absolutely nothing lol. I feel like all I do is feed him and pump. He’s only a month old, so not on any sort of schedule and he’s so variable with his sleep and feedings that you never know how much time you’re going to have before he wakes up or needs to eat again, or how long he’ll eat for. Sometimes he nurses for 15 minutes, others it’s 45+. Naps might be 30 minutes or 3 hours. He may go 1 hour between feedings or 4 hours. He’s been spending more time awake now, so he needs stimulation/entertainment while awake (which is fun, not complaining!). If I want to do anything, I need to make sure DH has a bottle for LO in case he gets hungry before I get back in. And speaking of, LO is demanding his second breakfast now. It’s a time suck, but you’ll get used to it and find ways to make it all work, and I hear it gets better

[KingoftheRoad]

OK, not going to lie, you guys are about to give me a mini panic attack. DH keeps trying to tell me that with being off from work for 3 months, I should have lots of time to ride, but it doesn’t sound like that is going to be the case. Sounds like the breastfeeding piece is the biggest part of this time suck - is that the case?

Right now, I’m still trying to steal as much riding time as humanly possible, since it might become more difficult going forward. For good or for bad, my parents live within a few miles, so I’m hoping they might be able to cover for a few hours while I run out to the barn. Wish it wasn’t 45 minutes away, but changing really isn’t an option…

[Riley0522]

Reporting from the other side. My daughter was born on March 20, 4 days early and it has been a whirlwind 12 days! I am very thankful I don’t have a horse to keep in work right now and my husband has thankfully had time off with us, he got 3 weeks and will return to work the second week of April. I echo the previous poster who stated I don’t know how people do this alone. It is hard enough with one newborn and 3 dogs to care for.

Labor was long and delivery was very quick, in that aspect I’ve felt pretty good - no meds other than occasional Ibuprofen needed and I’m feeling almost back to normal. The breast feeding has definitely been the most difficult part for me, and my girl is a natural! No one tells you how painful it is when your milk comes in and the issues that can arise with latching, etc, but I’m happy to say we’ve stuck it out. My LO was already up past her birth weight a week after birth.

Despite having my amazing husband home with us, it is still tough on me as LO doesn’t abide by a schedule. Like someone else said, sometimes she feeds for 15min, sometimes 45min. Sometimes she sleeps for 3hrs between feedings, sometimes she eats every hour. We change about 8-10 diapers/day and she is not a huge fan of diaper changing. Getting her to sleep in her Pack 'N Play was also a challenge, and I have to admit we mostly co-slept the first week to maintain sanity and get any rest.

On top of the exhaustion, the baby blues are real and some days I find myself crying over nothing! Hilarious and frustrating all at the same time. I had an amazing pregnancy but wouldn’t say I loved being pregnant, but I find in some moments of extreme baby blues that I’m “mourning” my first pregnancy being over. Although we plan to have more children, there’s something special about your first pregnancy in my hormonal mind.

Despite it being tough and feeling like I may not sleep through a whole night until she’s in grade school, I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. Baby is absolutely perfect and having her has only made me love my husband more, I couldn’t have landed a better man.

Now to convince him she NEEDS a pony The first thing he said when she came out a girl was “NO PONIES!”

[Judysmom]

[QUOTE=pinkpony321;8600643]
Judysmom- congrats on all of the normal tests!![/QUOTE]

Thanks pinkpony! Huge relief!

[PiedPiper]

[QUOTE=Larissa;8601468]
Agree with Piedpiper… time moves so slowly and so quickly at the same time. Each minute seems like an hour but then you look up and the day’s gone. My two unexpected timesucks were feeding and assisting him getting to sleep. He’d eat about 45m of every 2 or 3 hours. Usually took 30m+ to settle him for sleep. In between we usually had 1-2 diaper changes, sometimes with outfit changes and baths (babies are basically science-project-volcanoes). Figure in a little tummy time or some other mom-guilt-baby-training and you’ve basically filled up all of your awake baby time. Then they nap for 30-60m. Sometimes without event, so you can make tea, eat a cookie, sit still for 10m, take a flash shower and still have time to find any clothes that are easily within reach. Sometimes it’s fitful sleep and you’re either settling baby or yourself the whole time. I also spent a fair amount of time just fretting - pump now or will he wake soon? How long has it been since he pooped? Will my Amazon subscribe&save get here before I’m out of diapers? What is happening to my bank account since I’m not working? Crap, forgot I need hay and feed, drop a check for farrier, when the hell does that fit with naps? Why did my husband say he’d be home at 5 and it’s now 5:03?

Obviously my baby would get an F in sleeping and my body an F in mental stability so hopefully you will end up w a bit more time. I also think a lot of it is just first time mom adapting - it becomes easier the second/third/so on times around when you just feel a bit more lax about a schedule and all the babykeeping hiccups that come at you nonstop. If you can manage to get to the headspace of a mom-in-round-2 you could be winning!

ETA - you can find time to do things. Probably just not consistently and when you plan to. I was still able to do all of the admin work for my husband’s business, some small home reno’s, keep up on laundry, cleaning and cat/horse care. Just had to be flexible about when it could happen.[/QUOTE]

OMG Yes! The “where is husband, he should be home!” thoughts! Lol. You will know when he should be home and you will be so ready to just hand off and actually have a minute to yourself.

And I LIVED on Amazon Prime. You will have baby stuff your kid will hate, need stuff that you don’t have, and will buy trial by error finding that one perfect thing that will get the baby to - eat better/fussy less/sleep more/be happy, etc. lol.

I will say I HIGHLY recommend an automatic rock n play! That sucker has been a lifesaver. It rocks itself so she can be in it all night, is upright so helped with her breathing issues, and helps with reflux as well. Love it!

And if you pump, I love my Spectra S2. S1 would have been better since battery operated but that is the only difference. Makes pumping so much easier.

And use those grandparents! Anyone who can help you ask them! You will be happy to have that time. Just having time in my room alone is a godsent!

And breastfeeding is hard. Research lactation consultants. Nice to have in your back pocket and was so helpful to me. It is the craziness thing that you can’t practice it ahead of time and it is something that is so vital and has to be learned on the fly.

But everything gets easier. I promise. The first few months are crazy but things are getting better for me at month four. Of course I have the sleep regression to look forward to and teething! lol. But it’s so much better and less stressful than it was in the first few months.

But every baby is different. Some sleep through the night and you have to WAKE them up to feed them. Some are super easy going, some are little dictators (my daughter). It all varies and just roll with whatever comes your way.

[Larissa]

[QUOTE=KingoftheRoad;8601624]
OK, not going to lie, you guys are about to give me a mini panic attack. DH keeps trying to tell me that with being off from work for 3 months, I should have lots of time to ride, but it doesn’t sound like that is going to be the case. Sounds like the breastfeeding piece is the biggest part of this time suck - is that the case?[/QUOTE]

Sorry about that! It really just comes down to the decisions you make. I have known plenty of parents who stole time to themselves the first few months. They just made the decision that they’d prioritize that over all the new-mommy things you (may) feel obligated to. Breastfeeding and otherwise being THE source of comfort for your little one are the two main hurdles. If you can get comfortable with an alternate source of either for your little one you’ll find yourself much more free.

Really it’s no harm no foul however you choose to raise your child and divide your time. It’s often just a struggle for new moms to decide how to bear the weight of their newfound responsibilities; many feel a very natural/hormonal pull towards being the primary caregiver. I’d venture to say that’s how most of us get in the position of feeling lost in motherhood - in the beginning caregiving feels powerful and protective and over time it has the potential to feel a little binding when we devote so much of ourselves to it.

[drmgncolor]

[QUOTE=Larissa;8602063]
I’d venture to say that’s how most of us get in the position of feeling lost in motherhood - in the beginning caregiving feels powerful and protective and over time it has the potential to feel a little binding when we devote so much of ourselves to it.[/QUOTE]

Ding Ding Ding

[JLC]

To give you an example of my day so far…
Now my baby is 7 1/2 weeks old and is pretty much an easy baby (knocking on wood).

2:30am - 3:30am feed and get back to sleep
3:30am - 7am sleep
7am - 8:30am - feed, diaper change, play, cuddle and down for nap.
8:30am - dog outside, feed outside cats, feed dog breakfast, feed myself breakfast, shower, and dress (and do all these things as fast as possible because you are not sure if this nap will be 30 minutes or 2 hours), unloaded dish washer, and started a load of laundry (the amount of laundry I do with baby is crazy)
10:30am - 11:30am - feed, diaper, play, put down in car seat
11:30am - ran out to buy buy baby to get things needed for daycare that is starting Monday (very sad my maternity leave is over), post office (needed to mail checks from my hospital bills - crazy how much birth is costing me with health insurance)
2:30pm - 3pm feed and down for nap.
3pm - stuffed lunch down my throat because nap was only 30 minutes and he is not happy in swing.
3:30 until now sleeping on my chest because the second I try to put down starts fussing…

Who ever said time goes by slow but fast is very correct…

[pinkpony321]

Can I just say that my very least favorite mom experience thus far has been when I am driving home from the barn, feeling great, and LO loses it in the car seat for 30 minutes. He gets so upset and there is nothing I can do for him, it is so heartbreaking and stressful!
I know there will be worse things but oh man. I feel so bad.

[JLC]

[QUOTE=pinkpony321;8602286]
Can I just say that my very least favorite mom experience thus far has been when I am driving home from the barn, feeling great, and LO loses it in the car seat for 30 minutes. He gets so upset and there is nothing I can do for him, it is so heartbreaking and stressful!
I know there will be worse things but oh man. I feel so bad.[/QUOTE]

Oh gosh… I haven’t had this experience yet. My LO just falls asleep every time in the car seat… I am sure it is coming though…