Really shy, virtually catatonic, dog - help, please!

[Romany]

This is long, sorry! But I really need some wise input if you have any ideas.

So, We’ve been browsing the classifieds and the pounds for a Pekingese for a while, as we’ve had Pekes before and I love that personality - bright, cheery, brave, independent, lordly.

I recently saw one advertised locally - 18mo, healthy, male, so I contacted the sellers, and we chatted: they’re looking for a new home because he was the runt of the oops litter, and dad still fights with him. :rolleyes: I figured that we could deal with that, and if I got him we’d get him neutered anyway. We have two other very agreeable dogs, and one easy-going cat. We live on a farm, shady snufflesome big fenced yard…doggie heaven.

They brought him out to our farm today, and we chatted for a while in the back yard. He just sat at her feet, or followed her around. They seemed to think I would be an ok home, so they’ve left him here “on trial,” to see how things go.

I’ve never met such a timid dog. He’s a bit scared of our bigger resident dog, but big dog is really sweet, and gives him lots of space. Little resident dog gave up right away and retired to her favourite spot, the kitchen chair. Cat said hallo, and wandered off.

Pekingese sat curled in a ball in the long grass in the shade until the sun came round, then moved a little as he was too hot, and I brought him inside, where he curled up on the floor in a corner. Didn’t sleep, just watched me go about the kitchen for a few hours. Did. Not. Move.

At doggie supper time I put (carried) him back outside and fed the other two (greedy gobblers), and he mooched around the garden with little enthusiasm, watched the horses fart around for a bit, then decided to try and escape, but the garden is well fenced, so he gave up and cried, much to the dismay of our other two happy dogs.

I fed him on his own, and he cleaned his dish politely. Now he’s just sitting there, looking glum again, avoiding us.

If I talk to him he looks stunned, and cowers if I approach, which is awful. He’s obviously used to being scooped up, and braces himself. He’s pretty taught in my arms, and his tail has disappeared altogether.

We’ll see how he settles, but I’m afraid I’ve known dogs with this type of behaviour before, one in particular, and he just never came round. That one is utterly antisocial, scared of people, and avoids company of any kind, human or canine. Our dogs think he’s weird and totally ignore him, which is kinda odd. It’s as if he’s aspergers/autistic (I’m not an MD or a vet, but that’s been our general layman conclusion).

But back to the scaredy Pekingese…any thoughts, suggestions on how I might cheer him up, or at least engage him to get his trust? I know it’s pretty soon to see a change, but we’ve always had rescued dogs, and they’ve always responded at least slightly positively to a kind voice and a gentle touch as soon as thy’ve got home. I feel so sorry for him, poor wee thing.

I tried to tease his story out of the owners when they were here…was he ever playful, friendly with other dogs, etc, as even my initial observations of his behaviour had me wondering a bit…they said doubtfully that he probably wasn’t as playful as his siblings, but they just put that down to him being the smallest…I’d say they were fairly standard clueless city dog owners…probably not mean, just omg clueless. My guess is he was tormented by his siblings, then his dad, and was never encouraged (allowed, perhaps?) to explore his little world at that important formative age.

Thoughts? Ideas?

[Manni01]

I would give him some time… He is the first time away from his home and everything he knows… He is probably not a very experienced dog who has seen a lot. I think he sounds smart… he is watching everything and trying not to be in the center of everything. Give him a chance…

[JBD]

He reminds me of the stories you hear about dogs who are dumped waiting on the side of the road for their owners to come back. He doesn’t know your home is where he’s supposed to be. Give him some time, he may be reserved for awhile.

Rescue dogs seem to know when you’ve helped them. They are so glad to get out of the shelter. We fostered a dog whose adopters brought her back after 9 months. We adopted her and 8 months later she is still letting us see new facets of her personality.

[Calamber]

You are right, he was bullied by siblings and then intimidated by his sire. He could come out of it quickly or it could take a long time, or never as you have pointed out. I am sorry, I hope you give the little guy a chance.

[cowboymom]

The poor guy; look at life from his point of view! He doesn’t know where to be or how… time! understanding, help the little guy out.

[Romany]

I agree, he’s just so lost. We’ll give it a few days, but if he’s just so miserable, I think he might be better in a new home that is moe like what he knew. We’ll see how it goes over the next couple of days.

He’s eating well (he’s so skinny), dry food, but I haven’t seen him drink at all, so I soaked his breakfast thoroughly.

[maunder]

I adopted a former puppy mill Peke from a rescue. She had been four years in the mill and then had been at two foster homes and we was pretty traumatized.

Time. Time. Time.

I found the best thing with her was to not force her. I got a tail wag within a month and within a year she was playing.

[MoonlightsMom]

Ive dealt with similar situations with my rescues. Time kindness and consistancy are what they need. I dont think its so much that the dog ‘needs a home more like what hes used to’ as much as the dog has likely been terrorized and bullied his whole life and never got a chance to come into his own. On top of that, he is likely extra stressed since he was just taken from the only home he ever knew and put with strange people and animals in a new place. If he never had the space and freedom of ‘doggy heaven’ it very likely is scary for him to have that much space.

It may make him feel more secure if you can give him a crate with a comfy bed that only he is allowed in, and give him his own ‘safe place’. I would also just keep a steady routine, so he can begin to predict what is going to happen. If he doesnt seem to like being picked up, I would try to avoid doing so for now. If possible use a slip lead to walk him in and out when neccesary - eventually he will learn to walk with you. If he seems to enjoy eating, if possible, try to give him more frequent smaller meals on a schedule so there are more joyful parts of his day while he is adjusting.

Good luck!

[Bicoastal]

[QUOTE=Romany;8157286]
I agree, he’s just so lost. We’ll give it a few days, but if he’s just so miserable, I think he might be better in a new home that is moe like what he knew. We’ll see how it goes over the next couple of days.[/QUOTE]

A couple days?! :eek: :eek: How bout a couple months? This guy was born and raised in one location with both parents. He probably never left the property. Can you give him more time or do you think he is a dud? Maybe he is and will always be quite different from others dogs you’ve known. Is that ok or do you need a specific type? Not a criticism, a reality. If you won’t be happy with him, I guess rehome him and hope that home sticks.

For suggestions to help him transition, I’d give him a crate and a schedule so he can have some consistency during this time of upheaval. Teach him a trick and reward with treats. I’d carry him as little as possible and communicate I was reaching for him before I did so. I say, “I gotcha” and you see my little dog prepare for me to pick him up. If you need to move him from room to room, attach a drag line to his collar.

[Preposterous_Ponies]

It actually sounds like he’s doing a fairly good job of settling in - watching, learning, figuring you guys out. I’d probably be acting the same way if I was dropped off in an entirely new setting (city to farm) with entirely new people!

I’d give him some time, let him come out of his shell and encourage him with lots of yummy treats.

He comes to you for pets? Treats.
He chooses to be in the same room? Treats.
Is somewhat close to the other dog? Treats.

Treats, treats, treats. Good, stinky, yummy treats. You say he’s skinny so he can afford the extra calories while he figures things out.

[scierra]

As others have said, time. A few days is not time. I took in a 5 month old Dobe that had been at a junk yard and beat up by the resident dogs. She was scared of the world. The only way she would go through the house was to cling to the walls. She would walk behind furniture and almost belly crawl for at least a month. I ignored that behavior, and treated her when she ventured out. I sat in my room with her and read out loud to her. It took time, maybe a month at least, for to be comfortable enough to walk through a room. But she did. I never pushed her. She was never a “regular” dog. Meaning she stayed shy with most strangers, and always had quirks. But I loved her for all the quirks and was proud of her when she was brave enough to face scary ( to her) situations.

It’s a challenge to take on an unsocialized dog. But so rewarding when you see each break through. It’s worth all the time in the world. Just keep in mind they might never be the dog you thought they would be. But in my case, my girl ended up being a dog I needed. You can learn so much about them and yourself by taking a dog like this on and once you get even a small break through the bond will one that will amaze you. Take baby steps, there was a lot of good information from others here. The crate, not scooping up if he is uncomfortable, a schedule and can’t say it enough, time.

[french_fry]

I recently started working with a rescue organization (fostering and volunteering at events) and I have to admit, coming from a background of getting puppies from breeders, I had no idea how shell-shocked many of these dogs are initially. Add in the fact that many of them lived outside/on tie outs/in kennels/in one room and you get some quirks from lack of socialization as well.

Some dogs seem to snap right out of it and fully embrace their new lives and others take a bit longer. It’s not for the faint of heart (although it is EXTREMELY rewarding!) so I don’t blame you if you decide you’re not the right home for this dog.

That said, it sounds like you are in an absolutely perfect situation to give him a soft place to land and allow him to come out of his shell - nice, fenced yard, other friendly animals, someone home most of the day, enough space for him to not feel constantly inundated with people and dogs.

If you do decide to keep him, try not to take it personally that he doesn’t immediately do a personality 180. It will take time.

I echo the treat advice and would encourage you to experiment a bit to find something he really likes. Also, is it possible for you to avoid picking him up for awhile? I know with little dogs it’s so easy to scoop them up and take them wherever you want them to go rather than clipping a leash on or whatever, but I’m guessing that the knowledge that he can just be swept away by someone is contributing to his timidity. If he gets a little bit of bodily autonomy back it may make him a bit more confident in his new environment.

[Cat_Tap]

These a wonderful replies, I do hope you give this poor little lost soul a chance.

[pegasusmom]

Dealing with the same situation here. In December we acquired an exquisitely bred, exquisitely cared for dachshund to replace the dog of my heart. Emmy was a brood bitch in a show kennel situation and had never been off the property, or to be frank out of the confines of the kennel. Please don’t misunderstand, top notch facility, super clean and all the dogs very well cared for. No socialization for Miss Em, and her breeder was quite up front about it.

I didn’t see her drink the first four days she was with us and I had to hand feed her soaked kibble for the first three. She barked nonstop at my husband for the first six weeks and wouldn’t go near him unless he offered a treat. (even though she slept on the bed next to him every night).

She’s been with us five months now. Every day is a big adventure for her, she comes out to the barn with me, we go on family walks together and you can tell everything is new and wonderful. (except strangers - I suspect she may never get over her fear of unknown folks, but we can live with it).

Great advice above, it takes a lot of time, and a lot longer than you think it will but every time I see Emmy bounce across the yard with her ears flying it makes it all worth while.

[Romany]

Baby steps of improvement, for sure. He followed me (treats) around the garden mid morning, we sat in the sun in the long grass for a wee while, and I just heard him having quite a few good drinks at last (I floated some kibble in the water bowl for encouragement). He walked ok up the lane a little on the lead earlier (treats), and…I can hear him coming into the kitchen now to find me. Or treats. Either is fine.

He has a crate to call his own, by the way, and he is not a rescue, but a re-home, more like what pegasusmom is dealing with, perhaps.

He is utterly terrified of DH, and pooped in horror earlier this morning. This also happened yesterday a couple of times. Hard to conceive of being that scared of life. Our life is very lively, and I suspect it would be so much to expect of him, the constant flux and company, and I do think he would find a quieter household easier to deal with. We shall see how it goes. New dogs always take a while to settle in, we’ve found, sometimes up to a year, which is fine by me, if, indeed, this is the right sort of home for this little dog, which I suspect it isn’t.

And, bicoastal - what do you mean by a “dud”? I would never call a dog a dud, if by that you mean he’s useless, no good, a reject, etc. I do think his temperament may be better suited to a quieter household. That does not make him a dud. He’s scared, and over-faced, and lost, but not a dud.

[french_fry]

I know people get sensitive about the difference between a rescue and a rehome and didn’t mean to imply he was a rescue. That said, I was giving you my experience based on dogs that, while they happen to be rescues, have been uprooted from similar situations to what you describe. You can throw it out because it’s rescue-specific, I guess, but I think that’s missing the forest for the trees.

[Romany]

Sorry, french fry - I hadn’t meant to imply that you’d caused offence - you really hadn’t, I just thought I should have clarified a bit better. I thought your description of shell-shocked is pretty apt for many rescue dogs, poor souls, and for this dog’s behaviour as well.

It’s horses for courses, really - we all have different strengths and weaknesses and characters, as do dogs, hence the development of so many different breeds.

I really do appreciate all the thoughtful insights in this discussion, and maybe they’ll be helpful with others coping with shy or fearful dogs.

[Casey09]

He could also be genetically shy in combination with not being fully socialized. He may always be a worrier, and he might worry even more about minor changes in a very quiet household. If you want a happy, energetic, cheerful dog then he may not ever be that dog. However, I don’t think you need to send him back for his benefit. I think he needs consistency and remember that for many adult dogs, rehoming is very stressful. If you like him, get him a crate that he can go into and have his own space when he needs it and provide as much consistency as possible. I doubt there is a better home for him out there if you can grow to love him with his limitations and give him time. However, if you won’t be happy with his temperament then perhaps he would do better in a home with someone that enjoys working with dogs that are shy. Usually shy dogs do best in homes with other dogs that they can watch, so I don’t think that he needs a home with no other animals.

[french_fry]

To echo what Casey said, I wouldn’t send him back over guilt about not being the “right” home for him - it really sounds like you have an ideal set up and more than anything he just needs consistency.

That said, a shy, withdrawn dog that needs a lot of work to come out of his shell is literally the polar opposite of the dog you were seeking and I don’t think you have to feel obligated to take on this dog that’s not even yours yet if you don’t feel comfortable with the amount of time and patience he will need.

I will also say that classifieds/Craiglist is probably not the ideal place to find a socialized, well-adjusted purebred dog. It’s not unheard of, of course, but you may be better working with a breed rescue group or directly with a breeder you’ve researched.

[PeanutButterPony]

One of the most profound things I learned from a past dog is the power of no expectations or goals.

Just sit in the grass with them and wait. Ask nothing. Offer nothing. Just be in their vicinity - not a 50 acre park, of course, but a fenced yard where they can elect to leave your bubble, or join you in it.

I came to own a dumped young female mixed shepard that I picked up from a friend’s place. She rode 30 miles home in my truck w/o a sound- just staring out the window, void of any expression. I showed her the kitchen, her crate, and her things. She settled quietly and as invisibly as possible. It took many days before I could enter a room where she was and she wouldn’t squat and pee and belly walk away from me.

I finally (like a week into it LOL) learned to come home from work and wordlessly open the apartment door, take down the baby gate blocking her in the kitchen, and walk away and back out onto the lawn and wait. She would carefully and cautiously come down and out- and gleefully run to me and be delighted I was home. We’d go for a walk, I’d rub on her (no pats) and rub her ears. she wasn’t food driven so treats would be politely taken then dropped. she just needed the option to decide and choose me, not be pursued or have me trying to lure her.

Space. She just needed space and time. In short order she’d sashay right to me, all wiggles, and she learned that she liked to lean on me when seated. She was a great, sweet dog.