Recovering From a Bad Fall

[phoenixrises]

So we know I got punted 4 weeks ago today. Broke the spinal process on 3 vertebrae and was very very worried for about 30 sec after the fall that it was worse (that’s a really long time when you’re worried your feet aren’t going to move when you ask them to). I’ve been riding horses for a long time (31 years) I’ve ridden some rank horses, some sweet horses and I’ve fallen off a LOT. I’ve never ever been punted like that. And before it happened I never would have thought it of this mare. Now she has her hot mare moments and her opinions, but that, that I never in a million years expected it.

I’ve taken that horse over high bridges, through mountains been terrified when she took off on XC but never felt she was more than I could handle. I’m back to working with her on the ground. Long Lining, longing, and walking (leading her) all over. And she’s my sweet girl with opinions again.

My mind says, it was a perfect storm of a busy indoor (she’s not happy in company) rehab from being off for 12 weeks, and inadequate turnout. Hindsight says when I saw the busy indoor I should have just hand walked her and called it a day, but I didn’t.

The issue I’m currently having is while I don’t expect this to be an issue again. What if?? I have two kids whom I love and let’s be frank I don’t do this for a living. I do it for fun. Am I being selfish? How do I get over this. Before that ride I didn’t think she was too much for me, we had our moments but we were going along making good progress in our own time. But WT** now. . . What if next time I don’t manage to break the one part of your spine that isn’t that important?

Obviously people on a board like this can’t solve my issues! I know. But I’m certain I’m not the only one who’s gone through this. So what do you do with yourself? My plan is to pay the lady at my barn to ride my horse while I ride one of the steady eddy lesson horses. I think watching her be fine will help.

Any ideas would be great. . .

UPDATE

We are 6 weeks out from this post. I got on her back the second week of April. The last week of April we were doing 15 miles in VT (I met Denny and he picked my mare out of the crowd to say she was really nice). The long trail rides were do good for both of us. We got to know each other again and it was different enough that I didn’t have as much anxiety. We even finished one mile on that 15 mile ride in 8:30!

Our dressage work was less than stellar and every time I felt her hind end do anything even remotely like a buck I’d tense right up. I even hopped her over a couple x-rails and fell off (uneventful totally my fault) so at least I have my first fall over with!

Yesterday though, we clicked. She went forward into the bridle, responded to my half halts, had really really nice canter transitions, and even when she got jumpy with other horses running around I rode through it. It really felt like all was well with the world! OF course this is a long term thing, and I’m still nto sure whether we’ll ever go back to eventing as the thought of cantering in the open field is kinda terrifying (why it doesn’t bother me on the endurance rides I don’t know) but I feel like we are working in the right direction.

[frugalannie]

You aren’t being selfish at all. You’re being a responsible adult. Good for you!

3 years ago I was walking a homebred youngster up my driveway to meet a friend for a hack. That’s all I can remember from that day and the next day or two. Something happened, but I’ll never know what. My friend found me sprawled next to the drive, a big dent in my helmet and unable to respond. I needed surgery to repair a broken and dislocated hip, and therapy to recover the ability to do arithmetic, read, and conduct “higher executive functions”. For quite a while I was able to drive, but couldn’t figure out who goes first at a four way stop, for example. I’m still not back to where I was before, but that may just be ageing! (I’m over 60 now.)

I wasn’t sure I’d go back to riding, and wasn’t sure I’d ever ride that horse again if I did. But I found I missed it desperately, and my barnmates were fantastic in enabling me. They kept a quiet horse going during my rehab so that when I was ready, there was a safe horse for me to ride. They made sure that two people were around for every ride for the first 6 months I was back in the saddle. And when I was ready, they were there to cheer me on riding the “perp”. Now he’s the quietest ride in the barn, himself.

One of the things that happened, however, was a complete reevaluation of what my riding goals were. I had been competitive Training level, having already stepped down from Prelim. I don’t compete much anymore, and when I do, it’s novice or less.

Bottom line: no one but you can evaluate your desire to ride and what your goals may or may not be in the future. You need to be fair to YOU, not your horse, not your trainer, and not in anyone else’s eyes except your immediate family. Give your self the time to recover fully and realize that if you want to amend your decision in the future, you can.

Best of luck!

[fordtraktor]

It’s totally OK. Take your time. When you are ready, you can ride her again.

And if you decide to sell that horse? It’s fine. buy a horse you feel safe on. That’s fine.

It isn’t a competition about who is bravest and toughest.

Discretion is sometimes the better part of valor.

If you really DON’T expect your horse to do something like this again, then this is a lesson about making better choices before you get on. I can speak from experience because I am the WORST offender on this.

I am totally, completely guilty of jumping on horses without longeing when I am in a rush, and I’ve come off several times as a result of this. I am trying to be smarter about it myself and have started longeing when I haven’t ridden in a few weeks and I expect my horse even could be a bit up.

Now is the time to start thinking “what could I have done to prevent that? did I set her up to fail? What will I do next time to take the edge off?” and if there are answers to all those, you can start formulating a plan to make sure that when you do feel up to riding her again, you don’t get on without making sure you’ve done those things.

If part of that includes “maybe this horse is just a bit too much for me if I have to do all those things and I want something I can rely on any time…” there’s no shame in trading equine partners. None at all! It is 100% OK.

And if part of you just wants a horse that you don’t have this history with because you find you have residual fear of this one, that’s fine too. Just wait and see. But give it some time first, and maybe put her in some pro training and see where you both are once you are healed. It’s too early to be making decisions now.

[phoenixrises]

I would LOVE to put her in pro training. Unfortunately, all that $$ went into her surgery. And I cannot ask my husband for money for this. He’s been pretty great about how bad I was injured but this isn’t something he’d be ok with. And I pay for horses with my own money it doesn’t mix I know other people have different relationships but this is ours and I’m okay with it. In this instance I wish I could have sent her away for a bit.

On the plus side between her surgery and stall rest and me being unable to ride, she’s become quite the in your pocket sort of mare. Comes up to me out of the field and all around seems to enjoy my company (that day being the exception).

[jaybird660]

I fractured mine quite high last spring and it was very painful. Hindsight, I also should have recognized that my OTTB was not quite himself but we were just hacking. It took weeks to heal. Then I started riding at home, alone but not hacking alone for a while.
I remember having my first lesson after that, weeks later, and being quite emotional, as you don’t realize how stressful it is, deep down, even though I didn’t feel completely worried at the time. Thank goodness my trainer of many years knows me so well and worked me through it. Now, whenever I school jumping or hack, I wear an air vest. It gives me piece of mind and being no spring chicken, it’s a good thing to have.

[kashmere]

Consider talking to a therapist. Fear is a really difficult thing to get a handle on, and it can be incredibly helpful to talk through it with someone. Doesn’t necessarily have to be a sports psychologist, though someone like that might have some specialized training or at least familiarity with this kind of issue.

I have PTSD (from a non-sports related thing), and having coping strategies for fear has been useful in all areas of my life. Our minds have an uncanny ability to turn big, scary events into even bigger, scarier events in our memories.

[yellowbritches]

You are a looooooong way from needing to make a decision about ANYTHING. Put your energy into healing and getting better, and worry about your riding/horse match when it’s time to cross that bridge.

My situation was different from yours, as my horse and I fell due to him making a mistake. I was never, ever scared of him or riding again. I missed it desperately, and it was like my world was put back in the correct order when I was able to sit on him again, a long 5 and a half months after our crash.

But, I did end up reevaluating not only my riding goals, but my whole life. I really wanted to ride professionally at the upper levels and I was trying hard to be good enough to do that. I put myself and my horse under a lot of stress to do it. My entire life revolved around getting us to the next event, making the next goal.

Now, I ride for fun and do what I want. I put no pressure on us. If we want to do something and we’re fit enough and not likely to be hooligans, we do it. I also took a different path in my career and have left the horse world behind. I put a great priority on my friends and other hobbies. Honestly, it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.

This is a blog I wrote that might help you feel a little better- http://betweencleverandstupid.blogspot.com/2014/02/embracing-i-dont-know.html. Don’t worry, and don’t feel selfish, don’t feel like you have to decide ANYTHING.

Heal fast!

[RunForIt]

Coming back from a bad, from a serious fall is a long process, but maybe most importantly, an individual process…here’s my thinking after just that, forever in that: trust is key - trust your gut feeling every single second, go only as fast as you can handle and not be scared, find a trainer who gets it, who doesn’t patronize you and will keep you safe and going forward, one inch, one foot, one mile at a time and willingly, with understanding, go back to an inch at time when that’s what is called for by that essential gut instinct. If you love it enough to ride again, love yourself enough to do it for you in the present, not what “used to be”. Best Wishes!!!

[thinking_positive]

I had a similar accident at the end of last year. I broke two transverse processes after the worst fall in my life. I’d fallen off before, but never in a way that required an ER visit. At first, I was just mad that I had to miss out on a couple of shows, but as the healing process continued, I started to wonder whether I would have fear issues. After 4 weeks, I was able to start taking short walks to regain some basic fitness after being mostly immobile for a few weeks. It was about 8 weeks before I got back in the saddle, and the first ride was a 10 minute walk just for the sake of doing it. I built up slowly from there, taking it one day at a time. I’m now back to cantering and jumping. I had a few setbacks along the way where I pushed it too hard and did too much, and then felt some discomfort afterwards. I’m now feeling much better, and any discomfort is negligible.

As far as the mental process, I’m gradually regaining my confidence with every ride. In my case, my horse stumbled and then fell on the flat, and this led to my own bad fall. I still get tense every time I imagine or feel a slight off-step, but with every ride, I’m not thinking about it nearly as much. Sometimes, I can get through an entire ride without thinking about the possibility of falling.

Best of luck with your healing process. If you’re at 4 weeks, you’re over the hump with the healing process. You’ll continue to feel a little better every day, and some day you’ll know it’s time to get back on. I thought I’d be ready at 6 weeks, but i wasn’t. Definitely find somebody else to ride your horse before you get on for the first time. Do whatever it takes to make it easy to get back in the saddle, and take it one day at a time.

[asterix]

Amanda, think you forgot to link the blog.
OP, add me to the chorus. Too soon to make any big decisions. Don’t put any pressure on yourself right now.
I had a very scary crash, and 5 years later have not entirely recovered my confidence - I did find I no longer entirely trusted the horse (it was a bad decision on his part, not a misbehavior), and I ended up finding him a new home.
Your path forward is going to be yours. It might lead back to this horse, and everything you did before. It might not. Right now you just need some time to heal.

[yellowbritches]

Fixed it!

[phoenixrises]

Thank you everyone! I absolutely want to ride again. So that’s not at question. Someone said trust. That’s what I think I’m missing. I really had full trust that whatever Presley through at me, I’d be good. And that’s what got me through things that may have otherwise scared me (anyone remember me posting the pic of us going over an omg bridge). Now that underlying trust that she and I are a team has a crack. . no guess at this point it will indeed just take time. And your guys are so right, my must plan all the things self needs to take a step back and just see what happens. I’m not ever going to the Olympics I always have goals but those can change.

[Willesdon]

I didn’t have a bad fall, but I found that I was increasingly nervous when on a horse and was not enjoying lessons because I was becoming fearful - for no reason that I could understand. To my surprise, once my diabetic control got sorted out the horse fear went away completely. So, my small contribution to this discussion is to suggest that you allow time for your body to sort itself out - fully - before you put extra mental pressure on yourself. Enjoy the company of your horse and take it easy until you are ready to go again.

[bpolli]

I had a similar experience where my OTTB went into flashback mode and took off like a racehorse. Every time I tried to ‘whoa’ him he just got faster and faster until he rounded a corner, dropped his shoulder and I was catapulted into a fence at 40 miles an hour. It’s so hard to come back from a bad one. First the rehab time, but worse than that the mental rehab time. Even though you convince yourself it was all just a fluke, your mind plays tricks on you and you find yourself riding defensively. I would say try to ride a few other horses, preferably school horse types first to get your legs back. Then go gently with your mare. I hear you on the kid issue, but it really comes down to how much you love to ride. If it becomes more of a stress fest than pleasure then its not worth it - but just remember even the best riders come off from time to time and we all face the same thing getting back on. Good luck!

[cleozowner]

I recently had hip surgery (running injury, not riding) but I anticipate my re-riding will be similar–that I’ll be worried about hurting myself. Not a great combination with a green OTTB.
The best plan I’ve come up with is to send mare to training while I recover, start re-riding on schoolies/dead broke critters to build up my strength/balance/confidence, and never be afraid to longe. Hope this plan works for me and that you find a plan that works for you.

[Beam_Me_Up]

I posted on your other thread, had a very similar injury a few years ago.

Anyway, recovery time is the worst! You have so little you can do, and so much time alone with your thoughts to dwell. Time to feel guilty about everyone who is helping you recover, to consider the risks of horses/riding/eventing/life.

For me it depends on what happened, whether I focus on the risks of xc/jumping, or green horses, or just the horse life in general.

Anyway, cut yourself some slack, and take some time. You don’t have to go back to riding this horse right away or ever, or eventing. See how you feel getting back into it slowly. (Please do be careful when you restart your horse though–it sounds like her prior time off perhaps played into the incident)

FWIW when I had a similar injury I was all kinds of doom and gloom during my recovery (I was uncomfortable, not working, not able to care for the horses, questioning myself at every turn) and in less than a year was back out on the same horse going prelim.

[phoenixrises]

Just wanted to say I rode a lesson horse in Friday, five weeks since the accident. I had zero anxiety once on (a little at the mounting block). My trainer rode my mare while I rode and she was a very good girl. Think we will do the same thing next week.

Hoping my xrays show the bones healed on Friday so I can get back to riding the princess and see where we are.

[phoenixrises]

UPDATE

We are 6 weeks out from this post. I got on her back the second week of April. The last week of April we were doing 15 miles in VT (I met Denny and he picked my mare out of the crowd to say she was really nice). The long trail rides were good for both of us. We got to know each other again and it was different enough that I didn’t have as much anxiety. We even finished one mile on that 15 mile ride in 8:30!

Our dressage work was less than stellar and every time I felt her hind end do anything even remotely like a buck I’d tense right up. I even hopped her over a couple x-rails and fell off (uneventful totally my fault) so at least I have my first fall over with!

Yesterday though, we clicked. She went forward into the bridle, responded to my half halts, had really really nice canter transitions, and even when she got jumpy with other horses running around I rode through it. It really felt like all was well with the world! OF course this is a long term thing, and I’m still not sure whether we’ll ever go back to eventing as the thought of cantering in the open field is kinda terrifying (why it doesn’t bother me on the endurance rides I don’t know) but I feel like we are working in the right direction.