Returning to riding as an adult and fear is holding me back - any suggestions?

[hemitheconyxcaudicinctus]

Hi guys!

I have a fairly serious problem and am hoping that some of you might have insight or advice to offer. I had riding lessons when I was a child, but when you’re a kid you don’t really realize the danger of situations. I’m returning to riding now that I am an adult, and my perception of horses is a lot different. I love them and really, really want to be around them (to a degree that just not being around them isn’t an option), and I have volunteered at stables, but there are still a lot of situations that I’m very fearful in.

My underlying worry is that I will get severely injured. If anything, I’m more nervous on the ground than I am in the saddle. I know a lot of experienced riders who have had serious injuries, and seeing as I’m a novice, I’m even more likely to get hurt than they are. I think knowing these people has made me feel kind of like serious injury is inevitable, that it’s a matter of when, not if, and I’m struggling to grapple with the fact that I, too, will probably get hurt at some point, or at least fall out of the saddle.

Being in groups of horses who are not under saddle or on a lead rope gets me nervous because I’m a bit afraid of getting caught in a squabble, and being in a stall with a horse (which I have gotten better about) makes me worry about getting cornered and kicked. I’ve never actually had an incident even close to that happening with the latter concern, and all of the horses I’ve interacted with have moved to the side when I asked them to.

Then there’s the issue of posting. I’m still learning and still getting my balance, and I’m afraid I’m going to keel forward. I’m working out and doing yoga to improve my core strength and balance to make that less likely and I do wear a helmet, but I’m still worried about it.

The issue is that I have an anxiety disorder and don’t really know to what degree these fears are valid. Does everyone just have to work through the same things? Is my assumption that I’ll get hurt at some point fair? How do I work through this? And has this kind of thing just gone away with time for anyone who’s dealt with something similar?

[Groom_amp_Taxi]

I think the assumption that you will get hurt in some way at some time is fair - it really isn’t a matter of “if” but “when” and how badly. Chances are that it won’t be catastrophic as most falls and accidents aren’t, but if you have an anxiety disorder, knowing that on a rational level probably doesn’t help much.

The best overall approach, in my opinion, is to associate yourself with professionals (trainers, coaches, barn managers, facilities) who put a premium on safety. Only ride or handle horses that are generally known to be reliable and safe. Don’t go in stalls with horses you don’t know. Only lead one horse at a time. Don’t go into pastures or paddocks with groups of loose horses - the fact that you have found yourself doing that makes me wonder about the places/people you are working with. I used to occasionally help bring in horses at a barn where I boarded - the owners would sometimes bring in two at a time, but I was only ever comfortable with one, and they were fine with that.

I think you can do many things to mitigate the risks of working around and riding horses, but you can not eliminate those risks entirely. Perhaps working with your trainer or coach on things like emergency dismounts (first at the walk, then maybe at the trot) and one rein stops would help you feel more prepared for things that might happen.

[HPFarmette]

I hope you are going to a trainer that has a balanced perspective on your concerns. Yes, riding can be dangerous. But my worst injuries (broken wrist, broken knee) were connected with unwise things I did. Not the horse. Do you have a good helmet, and are you religious about using it? Is your trainer willing and able to teach you safe procedures? Nowadays when I find myself getting a little too casual I half-halt myself.

[Princess_Sparkles]

Don’t go into pastures or paddocks with groups of loose horses - the fact that you have found yourself doing that makes me wonder about the places/people you are working with.

That’s not really fair, as all the schooling barns I have ridden at make catching your lesson horse the rider’s responsibility. They wouldn’t send young kids out alone, or brand-new people that didn’t know one horse from another, but I think catching your own horse from a group is an important skill and one that surprisingly a lot of otherwise “experienced” horse people lack.

Of course, if it causes the OP undue stress and worry, I would recommend asking if someone can come with her to supervise. If it’s a good lesson barn that shouldn’t be an issue. Or they may start catching the horse for you (one barn I worked at just left all the lesson horses in so riders didn’t go to the paddocks. It saved time on busy Saturdays).

Do they require you to tack up in the stall, or can you cross tie in the aisle? Not being closed in might make you feel more comfortable.

Otherwise, yes, I can say you can count on getting hurt at some point. It could be as minor as some bruises or a stomped toe, or more serious. You are also correct that groundwork is dangerous. My worst horse related injuries have all been sustained when I was handling horses on the ground, not when I fell off. Of course, I used to work at a breeding farm handling babies, yearlings, and stallions, which is a lot higher risk than your (hopefully) quieter school horses. I don’t do that anymore–in fact, I carefully consider the horses I let into my boarding facility as I simply don’t want to deal with a dangerous horse with poor ground manners. I have a full-time non-horse job and I can’t afford to get hurt.

Wear your helmet on the ground as well as when you are riding, and consider investing in a crash vest. I tried wearing one for the first time not long ago and they are really not as uncomfortable as I thought. I have a few older boarders who just feel a lot more secure wearing a vest, and wearing it on the ground while around the horses could help too.

[emipou]

I came back to riding as an adult with a metal knee (saint bernard head butted and broke tibia in two places). I was out of shape, overweight, and didn’t even think I’d ever be able to run again, but I really missed horses. It scared the crap out of me - what if I fall off and mess my leg up even more? But moreso, I needed to be back with horses.

So I started taking lessons again, with a great re-rider/beginner type trainer. And I worked hard at gaining the fitness needed to do things like post the trot, and not fly off the saddle at the canter. But always there was that fear about my knee.

To this day, I have been back in the saddle for 4 or 5 years, and I have fallen off once. And it was totally my fault, and I easily could have sat the little jump, but show nerves allowed me to fall. And I did not hurt my knee in the slightest. I broke my pinky (and I still showed that day, and later that week with that stupid broken pinky).

Today, I’m taking a lot of lessons and getting in a lot of non-lesson riding time on a number of horses. One of them is a 26yo KWPN who still has major 3yo moments. Every single time he, or any other horse, has a ‘moment’, my head does this: ‘this is it, this is the time I’m going to fall off’; followed by, ‘hell no it’s not’; followed by, ‘Now that he’s cantering, we will collect and will keep it going.’ And it looks something like, ohmygawd leaning forward, followed by calm and relaxed sitting up to handle correctly, followed by some really nice gaits.

The point I’m trying to make here - is it’s okay to be scared - of course you should be scared - that’s a big a$$ animal. Fear should be there just enough to keep you from getting lazy. But it should not consume you.

A couple years back, with the mare I was leasing, we were finding ourselves riding alone a lot, in a big tall scary box canyon, with a lot of nature going on around us. It was scary some days, but it was the only time I had to ride and I really wanted to ride. I would bring my phone in case anything happened, and turn the music on - sometimes rather loudly. And we would ride through that with the music. I learned a lot about embracing those little jumps. The mare learned that she could rely on me and stopped being such an alpha mare (carrying me to safety). It took getting through that to realize that I had fear.

[Barn_Mom]

So I’m kind of working on this too, since I had my second fall as an adult almost 2 weeks ago. We were cantering in the ring and there was a Bigfoot in the woods…ok it was a deer. I heard the rustling, she heard it and then we were cantering sideways. My inner spider monkey wasn’t able to save me this time! Haha!

Anywho, my brain is getting in the way and I’ve been anxious riding. My trainer is helping me to keep my mind busy by increasing my focus on what I’m doing, what I need to be doing and what the horse is doing, leaving little time to think about the “what if’s” or focusing on what I’m afraid of. Lots of working on being straight (not horsey’s strong suit), finding and keeping a focal point, working on lateral movements etc. It is definitely helping both my mind and my riding.

You don’t know what you don’t know, ask lots of questions and try to educate yourself so that if a situation arises, you will be prepared. Hopefully the more you learn the more your worries will ease up!

Horses are big, strong and even the saints can be unpredictable, a healthy respect is a good thing!

And be patient with yourself! Getting the trot balance is hard, you will get it very soon! Try and focus on keeping your heels down!

[Horsie_Girl]

I get anxious too and I always have. It helps me to remember that the more often I am around horses, the more comfortable I will be and the less likely I am to be hurt. The only time that isn’t true is when you become so comfortable that you think “I probably shouldn’t do x but…” and then it ends up being the one time your horse decides to freak out over something.

When I was first taking lessons, I was terrified. My instructor told me that I could always do a one rein stop and get off if the horse wasn’t being safe. I was a child and a beginner at that time but in all the years I took lessons there, it was never necessary. I keep that in mind now as an adult if I’m on a trail ride or a new situation. I can always just get off if I don’t feel good about it. There’s nothing wrong with working a horse from the ground if that is safer for you and the horse.

You will also learn how big a horse will usually spook. Some horses have larger over reactions than others. I learned that I can sit just about anything my horse can throw at me but that isn’t the same for every horse. If you know that the horse is too much for you then you know you’re not ready for that horse yet.

Most of the people I have known that were very hurt or killed riding horses were making huge mistakes. The only time that wasn’t the case was when the horse had an diagnosed neurological problem. Use common sense, always examine your horse and note changes in behavior, and ride within your level. I always assess the level of danger to get my breathing under control. Logically you know that loping your horse in an arena is not the same as galloping a race horse like a jockey, there are two different levels of risk. I also remind myself that riding a trusty old horse and following the common sense safety rules is probably less of a risk than driving my car to the grocery store.

These are just things I keep in mind when my head starts rolling through the risks. I run through worst-case scenarios in my head all the time. Sometimes I listen to the voice because it might be valid. Maybe that voice is noticing that the horse is super up tight that day, so I will go put her in the pasture while I clean the stall because I’m anxious she will kick me. Maybe that is unnecessary because she has never kicked out at me but it won’t harm anything to be proactive in those scenarios. You have every right to acknowledge those thoughts and sometimes listen. But don’t let it keep you from enjoying your life and your horse.

[SuzieQNutter]

I think your problem is to do with you and not the horses. A lunge lesson where you fall forward onto your shoulder on the neck of the horse should help with your fear of posting and that falling forward does not mean falling off.

Surround yourself with safe school horses and professional safety conscious instructors. Wear a helmet when you get out of the car and take it off when you get back in the car.

When your time comes it won’t matter if you are sitting in a lounge chair at home or on a horse. Where would you rather be sitting?

[xeroxchick]

One of the most beneficial things about riding horses (especially for young people) is that you have to learn to control your emotions. Deep breathing, stretching down into your heel and stretching up through your diaphragm and lifting your chin can make you more secure, plus you have to relax. Sounds easy, right? LOL. But the more secure your leg and seat are, the safer. Try to get some longeing time with you in the saddle, no reins or stirrups. Did I spell that right? Mental imaging, as in keep that love, love of the smell of the horse, feel of the horse, your own delight, in your head. Practice imaging what you love about it. When I first started hunting many years ago I found us galloping through stuff I’d hardly walk through and having to push through really let me have confidence in my horse. I was terrified at first then was amazed that if I just let go and did it, it was done and we were much much better off and safer than if I was gripping and pulling. Yes, we all get hurt but it’s usually stupid, simple stuff. Sometimes when I was on a young flighty horse I would sing to stay relaxed. I must have seemed crazy.
You really want to do this, so keep that wonder and ecstasy in your mind and try to relax. Relaxing makes you safer and the horse calmer. Not easy, but breathe and focus on what it is you love while improving your physical skill. My 2 cents!

[RedHorses]

When I taught older riders new or returning to riding I would often work through what if situations with them to help them remember that they had the skills to handle the what if situations.

For example when riding around the track to cool out after a lesson what if the horse goes fast? My students knew how to do canter trot and trot walk transitions, and from there they could do a walk halt transition. We practiced what do you want - which is to say what do you want the horse to do now? Negatives were not allowed as positives get the focus on the desired behaviour instead of stopping the undesired behaviour. So if the horse gets quick and breaks to trot we’d say I want to walk, which leads to the I can do a trot walk transition.

Breaking things down into what you want, with the known skill to get that helps give you confidence, and helps you see when things start to go beyond what you want before it is a big issue.

Being very specific is best. I want the horse to stand here is better than just I want the horse to stand still because if the horse takes a step and stops you would put it back in the first case and ignore it in the second (which leads to another step, and two more, and so on until you have a horse that doesn’t stand quietly).

Think about what scares you and what you can do to practice the skills to keep you safe. Take being in a stall with a horse. Practice moving the horse one step in any direction, forward, back, sideways using the lead rope and separately touches on the horse’s chest or sides. Knowing you can easily move the horse by doing it often could help.

You might watch people work with horses in various situations. Watch horses being horses with each other in turnout. Look for the body language and movements and see what reactions occur. If you learn to read horses you will see changes sooner and be able to react before the situation becomes dangerous.

I hope you have got help with your anxiety disorder already. Be kind to yourself and set yourself up for success. Try the things suggested and see if any are helpful.

Good luck!

[Scribbler]

There’s two things going on here, OP.

Objective risk. The way you minimize this is first, develop excellent skills, in your case this might require fitness work off the horse so you can stay stable in the saddle. Also you should take some specific groundwork lessons from a horsemanship person. There are skills to controling horses on the ground and at liberty. And learn some emergency procedures like one rein stop and energency dismount. Second, associate only with safe people and horses. Don’t go trail riding with the barn yahoos on their real sweet 3 year old OTTB filly. Find lesson programs with good consistent safety rules. Third, use all the safety gear, helmet and boots and vest and silicone grip breeches and gloves. Fourth, make sure your tack fits you and horse and is in good repair and correctly installed every ride.

But you also need to get your anxiety under control. I sometimes think people with high anxiety create dangerous conditions for themselves because they are always afraid, and therefore don’t have the ability to always distinguish between slightly risky and downright foolhardy moments. Also sometimes if one anxiety over rides another anxiety, you can choose to do something dangerous. Anxiety is a moving target, so for instance social anxiety can sometimes make people take big physical risks.

Above all accept yourself and your physical and emotional limits at the same time you are methodically trying to expand them. Don’t allow anxiety about being anxious or about how you stack up to more confident riders compound your basic physical fears.

[painthunter]

I got hurt very badly riding as a 20 year old (in the warm up ring at that). I didn’t ride much for several years after that.

I came back to it almost 10 years later (about 4 years ago). I found a trainer that focused on safety. She put me on appropriate, quiet horses. We stayed at whatever level I needed to be at for however long I needed to be there. I bought my first horse since childhood 2.5 years ago. He pretty much has achieved sainthood all over our area for bringing people up from Walk/Trot to jumping 2’6". He is never going to be the fanciest horse in the ring. But he is safe, consistent and will take care of me which is what mattered the most.

Take it slow. Find the right trainer to work with you on doing things correctly so that you feel safe.

[cutter99]

@Jackie Cochran

There is a “gadget” that could help your feelings of insecurity.

The RS-tor is attached to the stirrups bars of the saddle and goes back to the rider’s hand, you can see it at http://rstor.co.uk . Supposedly when the rider falls it will help the rider land on their feet.

I have been riding with it for years. I have not fallen off but I get a great sense of security from holding it, which helps relax me which in turn makes my seat “deeper” and more secure.

I have MS, horrible balance, bad proprioception and coordination. I feel so much more secure when holding the RS-tor, especially when I go faster than a walk. Back when I started riding seriously, 48 years ago I did not need something like this, but now my MS is so bad that I am super grateful that I found out about the RS-tor riding security aid!

The other thing that really helps me feel secure on horseback is wearing Silicon full seat tights or breeches. I did not realize just how much I was slipping around in the saddle before I got my first pair. The horses are a LOT happier with my seat since I started wearing the silicon full seats!

I am not sure that landing on your feet is ideal. I had a friend come off and she landed on her feet, shattering her heel and breaking head of her tibia.

I have been riding since I was three, and am now in my 50s. I went through a period of such fear that I considered getting out of horses about 20 years ago. Luckily, I found the right trainer. She knew when to push me and when to back off. Part of my “rehabilitation” was warming up cutting horses for her, which requires lots of loping, literally hours. After hours of loping, especially in a shownpen that may have 40 plus horses in it, you learn that there are things you can do to control your fear and put that energy to better use elsewhere.

Find the right lesson/ riding/ training situation for you. Find an instructor who pushes you to your limits, in a good way. Find an instructor who knows when to end on a good note.

[Scribbler]

Two other points.

The serious injuries that pros and experienced riders have tend to come from two situations. One is pushing themselves in risky situations, jumping or riding green or problem horses. You can avoid that. The other is getting casual about safety. Saw a news article about an eventer in Britain who severed a toe because she was handwalking two horses to pasture wearing flip-flops.

The second thing is, anxiety is free floating. Pick a barn that doesn’t raise incidental anxiety in you, either because it is noisy or crowded or a difficult drive or whatever.

[hemitheconyxcaudicinctus]

I’m stunned at how much great advice and meaningful support I’ve gotten. Thank you all so, so much. This is really helpful and I feel a lot better keeping the insight you’ve all shared in mind.

I’m very fortunate in that I have a good lesson horse and a good trainer for my needs - my trainer is very safety-first and the horse that I am on is an incredibly mild mannered elderly gentleman who is quite low to the ground. I don’t really feel scared that he’s going to spook at any moment or kick me, and he has good ground manners, which is a MUST for me. The trainer is serious about competitive dressage BUT the barn itself is super casual, which makes me feel a lot better, and because of when my lessons are scheduled, thus far it’s just been me and her, with no other, more experienced equestrians, which is good because I have the tendency to compare myself to others. I have started as a working student, so I’m also getting more time around my lesson horse that way.

It’s a really good point that I don’t have to work with/ride green or ornery horses if I don’t want to - as obvious as it is, I never really consciously recognized that even when I’m more experienced I could simply choose to ride a very mild mannered horse. That alone makes me feel like I’m more in control of my destiny and like I have more of a say in the potential getting hurt department, which is comforting. Similar concept with the fact that I can always just get off the horse if I need a breather.

Vis-a-vis the silicone full seat breeches, I’m definitely going to get a pair! Are there any that you guys recommend for extremely hot weather? I’m also going to look into the RS-tor.

Yesterday (at my request) we practiced emergency dismounts from a standstill and I definitely improved from where I have been - I’ve stopped catching my inner thigh on the top of the cantle, so I feel a lot more secure in that regard now that I’m not so afraid that I’m going to fall on my back. Next lesson I’m going to be doing it from a walk!

[aregard]

I would also encourage you do to some on-ground lessons with the horses to learn body language, theirs and yours, since you say you feel unsafe on the ground. Horses tell us what they are going to do. If you learn to read their language, you can much more easily understand any ground situation you might find yourself in. If you learn what situations can set them off, you will instinctively avoid or defuse those situations. Learning to control a horse on the ground, through your body and understanding of the language, is the third step. MANY ground accidents can be prevented by seeing them coming.

This sounds touchy-feely. It’s not. It’s how animals operate. My daughter works at the Marine Mammal Center and wrangles elephant seals. She is astonished at how many highly trained people do not understand the body language of the animals there, and therefore don’t anticipate or correctly identify the animal’s intents through observation of their movements. Her horse background actually transfers pretty well.

[hemitheconyxcaudicinctus]

I actually do have some experience on the ground volunteering and doing research! Should’ve mentioned that in my first post, lol. I totally agree about the importance of reading body language and don’t think it’s touchy-feely at all - just basic safety when you’re around an animal this big.

I think my problem is less that I don’t know when they’re about to do something - I’m generally very good at anticipating something before it happens and know equine body language/am very attentive to it whenever I’m around them - and more just that I fear that I’ll notice something that’s going to happen but be unable to get out of the way by the time the horse shows any detectable sign that something’s wrong. I know that the more attuned to the horse’s body language I am the earlier I’ll notice and have time to get out of the situation or defuse it, but if I’m to be honest with myself, I’m afraid that there will be a situation in which I can’t escape.

For instance, if I’m in a stall, my fear is that I’ll be crushed against the wall or that I’ll be backed into the corner and kicked at. In this fictional scenario the horse doesn’t start showing indications that either of these things are going to happen until it’s already too late for me to get past it. I don’t know how actually realistic that is and tend to think it’s not very realistic.

(Also, your daughter’s job sounds SUPER cool. I’d imagine she doesn’t have a shortage of stories for parties!)