Returning to the horse world after time away

[Rothesay]

I am not sure how to word all of this but I’ll give it a go.

I have had about a year away from horses and riding. This wasn’t really a conscious choice, rather due to circumstances. After a series of numerous bad events including unsound horses, serious injuries resulting in enormous vet bills, my own serious injuries and the death of my ‘best’ horse last year, I have little confidence in being able to ever get back into the horse world again. The best way to describe It is like a loop - I want to get my life back (my social life was almost wholly centred around horses), I desperately miss riding and being around horses, but I don’t want to risk yet more heartbreak either. So I am stuck horseless and unhappy. I have found I cannot be around my horse friends as it is really hard to hear all about the great ride, fantastic competition result, weekend away with the horses as I have nothing to offer and nothing to say. I don’t feel ‘relevant’ and as horrible as it is, and as much as I wish I didn’t think like this, I also don’t want to hear about the great time everyone else is having. It just makes me feel worse. I tried some months ago to look for another horse but couldn’t trust any sellers, thinking they weren’t being truthful, or that things just wouldn’t work out for me because of the things that have happened before. I also attempted riding school lessons and tried different places but as an experienced rider it felt very strange, it was not an enjoyable process. I know Horse ownership is not smooth sailing and everyone has ups and downs and there are never any guarantees but there have been just so, so many downs. I would love the ideal horse to just magically arrive so I could resume the life I miss so much, but obviously that’s not going to happen. I suppose what I am looking for is views of anyone who‘s been in a similar boat who made it out the other side?

[wsmoak]

I’ve been in and out of horses over the years, also due to unsoundness and illness. They will always be there when you’re ready to return.

How about looking for a lease? That way you don’t have the commitment and the pressure of finding the perfect horse before you can get back out doing things.

[Scribbler]

@Rothesay

I am not sure how to word all of this but I’ll give it a go.

I have had about a year away from horses and riding. This wasn’t really a conscious choice, rather due to circumstances. After a series of numerous bad events including unsound horses, serious injuries resulting in enormous vet bills, my own serious injuries and the death of my ‘best’ horse last year, I have little confidence in being able to ever get back into the horse world again. The best way to describe It is like a loop - I want to get my life back (my social life was almost wholly centred around horses), I desperately miss riding and being around horses, but I don’t want to risk yet more heartbreak either. So I am stuck horseless and unhappy. I have found I cannot be around my horse friends as it is really hard to hear all about the great ride, fantastic competition result, weekend away with the horses as I have nothing to offer and nothing to say. I don’t feel ‘relevant’ and as horrible as it is, and as much as I wish I didn’t think like this, I also don’t want to hear about the great time everyone else is having. It just makes me feel worse. I tried some months ago to look for another horse but couldn’t trust any sellers, thinking they weren’t being truthful, or that things just wouldn’t work out for me because of the things that have happened before. I also attempted riding school lessons and tried different places but as an experienced rider it felt very strange, it was not an enjoyable process. I know Horse ownership is not smooth sailing and everyone has ups and downs and there are never any guarantees but there have been just so, so many downs. I would love the ideal horse to just magically arrive so I could resume the life I miss so much, but obviously that’s not going to happen. I suppose what I am looking for is views of anyone who‘s been in a similar boat who made it out the other side?

How old are you? What kind of finances and time constraints? Do you have a job?

Honestly if you want to ride, then go find a lease and trainer in your discipline. If you don’t want to ride then you need to find a new social life outside of horses. Find a new hobby. Do you have a spouse, a partner, work friends?

That’s the big decision, do you want to ride or not?

I had a horse as a teen but essentially retired her while i was in college because school work travel social life were more compelling. I did not keep in touch with my horsey high school friends. We all went in different directions.

I returned to riding in my 40s and slowly made horse friends again. A few have become real friends but most of the barn crowd I’d likely never see again if I stopped riding or even moved my horse. Of course I still have lots old friends from my non horse gap decades.

So you either need new hobby and new friends or get back on a horse. Of course this is easier if you are a self supporting independent adult with a job. If you are in junior high and forced to eat lunch with the same crew of frenemies because all social grouping is set in stone I’d still suggest joining another club or team to get you out of the rut. And stop following them on social media.

[BatCoach]

@Rothesay

I have little confidence in being able to ever get back into the horse world again. The best way to describe It is like a loop - I want to get my life back (my social life was almost wholly centred around horses), I desperately miss riding and being around horses, but I don’t want to risk yet more heartbreak either. So I am stuck horseless and unhappy.

I am currently in a horseless “phase” and definitely get the itch to dive back in from time to time. Cruising the CANTER site and following some local trainers on social media is the equivalent of window shopping, and sometimes the daydreaming gets pretty active. But I had to remind myself why I am taking a break in the first place - which is to get my finances in order so when I do get back into riding, I can benefit from good instruction and have a better budget for showing without pulling too much from my other expenses. I sympathize that it can be hard to just bop around in a lesson mill or ride a friend’s horse once a month. I decided it was all or nothing for me.

Judging by the quoted portion of your OP - I think you need to reconcile that heartbreak can happen no matter what. It can be small, like an abscess on the night before a show you spent months preparing for, or huge, like the loss of a horse. to quote Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and once it has done so, he/she will have to accept that his life will be radically changed.”

Its a passion, its a lifestyle. We have to take the good with the bad. Its high highs and low lows. You might not be ready to dive back in whole-heartedly. Try some new hobbies, hang out with non horsey friends. Make goals for other areas of your life and see how you feel. You might become more well-rounded and discover more about yourself, that way, you are building yourself up brick by brick to be stronger so when you DO meet that horse or trainer that pulls you back in, you are ready and better than ever before. I think you will know when the time is right.