May we set aside discussions about legal and equestrian-community punishments, bail amounts,NDA’s, and so forth–just for a minute?
There are a couple hard realities to face:
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What is now considered sexual abuse of a (teenage) minor was tolerated in the equestrian community and in society at large for decades. The word “tolerated” is key here. To tolerate a behavior is different than approving of it. In fact, the behavior may be widely disapproved of, but if it is allowed to go on without check, it is tolerated. No way around it.
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It is all very well to punish sexual abuse, but no amount of punishment for the perpetrator removes the injury to the victim. A victim no doubt values support from the community, but not even that erases the injury.
So. While SafeSport and legal sanctions are appropriate and may be effective as deterrents, the more important focus should be on preventing sexual abuse in the first place. How to do that? Educate young people. Educate the adults around them–their parents, their parents’ friends, their adult barn mates-- not just the pros who are required to take SafeSport training. That means “If you see something, SAY something!”
Personal story: When I was the single mom of a fourteen-year-old horse-crazy girl, I was prepared to make financial sacrifices so she could pursue hunter-jumper training. One day, in conversation with a woman who’d been in the local scene a long time, I mentioned that I was looking for a board-and-training program, and was considering the one at BarnX. The woman glanced around nervously, then in a very low voice said “I would steer clear if I were you. And that’s all I’m going to say.”
Few words, but the expression on her face was enough to make me pass on Barn X and keep looking. I know people are reluctant to speak up. They fear reprisals, they don’t want to be dragged into an ugly dispute, with people taking sides, and they find it easier to justify keeping their mouths shut: It’s really none of my business, and anyway, what if I’m wrong?
But what has really annoyed me are some remarks on this thread and others dealing with sexual misconduct issues, comments like “Well, it’s about time!” (referring to a trainer who’s been outed). Or “What about So-and-So?” (referring to a trainer whose misconduct has so far escaped sanction).
And most annoying of all: “It was an open secret!” Or “Everybody knew!”
No. Everybody DIDN’T know. I sure didn’t. There are plenty of non-horsey parents who aren’t privy to “insider” information and whose kids could end up in a bad situation.
On one COTH thread, a poster described an abusive relationship they watched in action at a show prior to the institution of SafeSport. Another poster asked if they’d reported it, and the OP’s shrugging response was “Who should I have reported it to?”
That’s a cop-out. Even a quiet word can put innocents on alert and offenders on notice.
So I say to all you posters who are the “everybodies” who’ve seen something and said nothing, yet now are all full of self-righteous anger: Put down your pitchforks and zip it with your rhetoric about how brave it is to come forward and how you support victims, yada yada. It rings hollow. Just vow to step up and do better in the future.