He trains and competes solo, but I’m sure if he did have teammates / tri friends they would say something because even most of the male pros are pretty open and honest about the impact of infants / young children on their training schedules, recovery, and performance.
He does have one competitive marathoner friend who said that training time is still easy to fit in around a kid (and he was right - our son loved to sit in his bouncy chair and watch my husband on the indoor trainer) but the recovery is much harder due to the lack of sleep and advised him that planning to limit to halfs may be best. Of course then COVID came and all his races were cancelled anyway!
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That is the reason I mentioned it. 
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I feel compelled to note that your point 2 is what enabled your commitment to your point 1.
Not all babies/toddlers can be compelled to “fit your lifestyle.” If my second child had been my only child, I probably would have agreed with you. But my first child? He was a completely different story.
And that is part of the point I was making in my original post. Everyone is going to have different experiences. And you can’t know in advance what kind of experience you’re going to have.
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I understand your point. But the horses still need to get fed and watered, pens cleaned, and a hundred other chores on farm need doing regardless of how baby feels about it. They just have to happen. When we got a dump of snow while his dad was away at work, we had to bundle up and plow the driveway. Even if he had screamed for the 10 minutes it took, it still had to get done so we weren’t trapped at our house.
I’m blessed because he’s a happy dude who naps well so that gives me time to do those things. If he wasn’t, I’d just have to figure out something else. Whether that’s a babysitter, asking for grandparent help more, packing him around on my back, getting a swing or something else. Sure, I probably wouldn’t be riding as much if he wasn’t as cooperative so I’m very lucky in that way. But my lifestyle comment refers to a lot more than just hobbies.
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@B-burg_Dressage @Cocorona
I’m kind of late to the party but just wanted to throw my 2 cents in since I was exactly where you guys are now before baby and now I have an 8 month old. Sorry this is about to be a novel.
I think in terms of readiness many people will never feel 100%. There are women who dream of becoming moms since childhood and love being pregnant and then there are the rest of us who see the practical limitations children impose on your life and the risks. We ultimately picture ourselves with kids/grandkids down the road but are leery about all the obvious work/change that having a baby entails. If you’re in the 2nd camp I think you wait for when it makes sense financially, time wise and biologically and then you just grit your teeth and take the plunge. Ask yourself, if you accidentally got pregnant now would you be miserable and conflicted or would you be like “ok, this is happening, I think I got this”? If it’s the second you’re probably ready.
I stopped riding around 5 months pregnant because I was having a lot of round ligament pain with riding, my horse is a bit spooky and I was just starting to become unbalanced in the saddle. I showed (dressage) at 4 months and I actually fell off at 7 weeks (no bleeding or issues, they’re well padded at that point).
I got back on about 4 weeks post-partum. I was hoping for 2 weeks but with a 92nd percentile baby head and some stitches down there it just was not gonna happen. I did start going out to the barn regularly to visit my horse and watch trainer ride starting 10 days post-partum.
I now ride 3 times a week- both weekend days and then I usually do a lunch lesson during the week and if I can’t manage that I do a weekday lesson after work. My trainer picks up the other days. I’ve shown twice since having the baby. I used to ride 4 days a week before baby.
I think there are a few things that make my situation work.
- Horse in full training so I don’t have to worry about the other days and I have someone to tack up and cool down for lunch rides. I also know he’s getting great care and someone else can manage bodyworker and farrier appointments. My barn is also 5 minutes from 1 of my offices which also helps (although I have no control over how many days a week I get to work from there unfortunately).
- Setting a consistent schedule and having a supportive family/spouse. Everyone knows that I will be at the barn from 8-10:30 every weekend morning and it’s our normal routine just like I’m leaving for work. I think if you set the expectation that this is a life commitment just like work and this time is sacred people respect that more
- Husband is a stay at home dad. This means if I do need to do an evening ride because I couldn’t make lunch work I don’t have to book a babysitter or worry about them not being able to stay late that day.
- I try to be ultra efficient with barn chores. I usually bring my tack home once a week to clean while the baby is napping/asleep for the night. I make 2 weeks of grain bags during a different lunch break during the week. If I know I have “extra” barn jobs coming up like washing a tail before a show, pulling his mane, etc I plan my week so I can split these jobs up and only add a little time to each regular barn trip. If it’s a chore than can be accomplished away from the barn I try to do it at home to minimize time away.
I’m the only breadwinner in our family and I do not have a flexible job schedule, but because of a very good salary, being very motivated because my horse keeps me sane and the above listed reasons I make it work. I think if you can carve out time in the morning or mid-day to ride that’s ideal because it’s always a race against the clock to get home before bedtime and that’s doubly true if you’re breast feeding and nursing the kid to sleep. I love my horse and horse time and it makes me a more centered, more patient, better mom and my husband understands that. That said, if you guys find yourselves in a different place and decide not to ride or to scale back that’s ok too as all the above stories show.
If you guys have other questions feel free to PM me! I had so much anxiety about becoming a mom and how it would impact riding, but I love being a mom more than I ever thought I would and still get adequate barn time.
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So we’re apparently interpreting “fit your lifestyle” in different ways. I’m not talking about stuff like that. Some things are simply non-negotiable. Like going to work (for most of us) or plowing the drive or feeding the horses.
I’m talking about the multitude of little choices people make every day that in total add up to lifestyle. For example, I have known young couples who eat out almost every night. Those who have “easy” babies (like one of my cousins and his wife) can continue that practice with the baby in tow. But not everyone has a baby that allows them to enjoy dinner out with their child.
There are many such adaptations people make that lead to changes in lifestyle. They find it too difficult to make their baby fit their lifestyle and instead, modify their lifestyle to meet the needs of the baby.
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This is my life, too. I’m not super career-minded, but my salary pays for the horses, dogs, and savings. So no, I won’t be quitting anytime soon!
Pro tip: finagle with your employer about working from home and having some flexible hours. This makes ALL the difference in the world. I frequently sneak in a ride at lunchtime when my kids are in school and SO is working.
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That will definitely be the goal. Even if I can only WFH 2-3 days/week I think it would make a huge difference.
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@B-burg_Dressage I am a bit late to the game but your OP sounds so much like me just a few ago. We had built our farm, got married, moved the horses home and I was on the fence about kids but at the age where we needed to either do it or not. I was completely freaked out about the unknowns-from how to juggle it all with a little to not knowing if I would ever be “maternal” because I didnt feel drawn to be a mom at all.
At 35, we decided to pull the goalie and try and I got pregnant the first month of trying which further freaked me out (I thought it would take time since I was AMA so I’d have time to sort through my feelings). I didnt want riding to change and luckily my husband was very supportive of me continuing to compete until early 2nd trimester and then ride until I felt like I couldnt/shouldnt anymore (he did ask me to stop eventing after I ran champs at 14 weeks which I was fine with). That helped me maintain some normalcy but having to listen to people tell me the typical naysay of “you’ll lose interest” “your priorities will change” etc when I talked about getting back into it post baby really took its toll on me mentally.
I got right back at it which wasn’t the smartest but I ran my first event back when my son was 11 weeks old and by the time he was 6 months old, I had completed all events but one that I entered and ran a long format. I do wish I gave myself a bit more grace but I felt like I had to prove a point.
You aren’t selfish to want to not give up riding. You will be a better mom for not letting motherhood completely consume you. At least I feel like I am.
A few things that really helped me:
- A SUPER supportive spouse. My husband ran back and forth to shows so I could nurse my son in between ride times. He met me at the finish line on XC with the stroller.
- A flexible job. I work from home now, and its much easier to fit in rides at lunch or after they leave for daycare.
- Supportive mom friends. This for me helped a ton-they understood the guilt I felt and what it was like to not feel like yourself anymore.
I did end up retiring my older horse when my son was 8 months old. He was a difficult ride, and having a baby made me realize that I wanted to have fun and not get hurt. He lives at at home and I have not regretted that decision for a second. Had I not become a mom I probably would have kept battling through it on him, but I guess in that sense motherhood did change my priorities.
I just had my second (so much for not being sure I wanted to be a mom 
) and I rode the first 7 months I was pregnant, then sent my horse off for training until I am cleared to ride again. I am SO glad I did that-it takes the pressure off starting him back before I am ready and I get to play owner while I adjust to a newborn again. I am planning on showing again when the new baby is about 8 weeks old-but with far less pressure. If I’m not ready, ill wait and send him with my trainer.
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I rode up until the day before I delivered my first child and was back in the saddle asap after he was born.
It was easier because my horses are at home. With each successive child I rode less during and after pregnancy because I was carrying low, was older and with a baby , a toddler and a 4 year old, you can’t plan on doing what you would like most of the time.
If your husband is able or you have someone to watch the baby for you there is no reason your riding must suffer at all except for later in pregnancy and while you recover after birthing.
I was in exactly the same boat. I wanted kids in a vague, far off sort of way, but shied at the idea of actually doing it. I have been riding (at least) 6 days a week, every week, since I was a kid and hate to miss days. I got pregnant faster than expected and rode up until 2 weeks before my first. I was back on 2 weeks later. I stayed very active which helped immensely with an easy
delivery, small baby, and quick recovery. It was the same story with baby #2.
I see lots of people on here and in real life with debilitating SPD, and many of you citing it as the reason you stopped riding. I had it with both pregnancies. It wad so bad I couldn’t walk, put my pants on, or sleep at night after I rode, but I am nothing if not stubborn, so I pushed through it anyway. I nearly told my husband I wouldn’t have another baby solely because I couldn’t deal with the pelvic pain again, but heard from many people that every pregnancy is different and it might not be an issue next time. So baby #2 happens, and I had it even worse. Finally my OB suggests chiropractic. I had tried physical therapy, anti inflammatories, and all different types of those support belts with the first baby, and none had made much difference. I wasn’t optimistic about chiro, but I was desperate, so I gave it a try. It was life changing. Pain wasn’t completely gone, but became very tolerable, and when it got bad again I could just pop in for an adjustment and I was good for another 2ish weeks. I don’t know if my chiropractor was a magician, or I was a special case that was more easily helped, but I suggest all you pregnant people with pelvic pain give it a try. I was actually kind of pissed that my OB doc didn’t suggest it sooner.
Baby 1 is 2.5yrs, and baby 2 is now 2.5 months so I’m still at the beginning of the riding with kids thing, but I still ride at least 5 days a week, every week, and run/yoga/cross train a bit too. My situation makes it easy though, as we live on a farm (I teach lessons full time) and have ample childcare opportunities. My teenage students come babysit while I ride, and I can teach with the baby in a sling on my chest. The toddler is harder to have at the barn while I do anything, so he had started daycare 2 days a week.
I have definitely structured my lifestyle around being able to still ride and compete, so I know not everyone is as fortunate, but I just wanted to show the OP another example of “it can be done.”
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You sound like a lot younger version of myself. I’m 57, soon to be 58 and still backing the young stock. My kids are grown and well adjusted adults. My life has always revolved around horses and my kids don’t resent me for it or regret their experience due to it. Where there is a will there is a way and no one way recipe.
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Are we living the same life?! Lol. I had my baby (almost 2 now) went back to work and was kinda riding, bam 6 months later I was pregnant.
We also have 5 horses, just down the road. I had a 40ish minute commute when I was working (ended quitting my job) I’m 5 months PP and still haven’t ridden. My excuse was the long winter.
