I’m wondering how you guys handle anxiety around riding?
I have my first riding lesson tomorrow, I took lessons around 6 years ago, but since then only a handful of trail rides.
Back in August of 2018 I broke my ankle (bad enough to need surgery) from a horse riding accident and it took until February until I could ride again. That also ended up being my last lesson due to other life circumstances. I have also been diagnosed with diabetes since then.
I’ve noticed since then on those trail rides while I’m having fun I’m also just a little bit anxious the entire time.
So any tips to turn this anxiety back into excitement?
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Tell the coach you are anxious and your first goal is to be comfortable in the saddle. You aren’t on a fast track to jump or gallop. You are right to be anxious on a trail ride with strange horses and a group you don’t control.
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I have MS. I ride lesson horses who can be changed without warning.
I find that when I TELL THE HORSE, verbally or mentally, about the problems I have riding these horses adapt rather quickly even though my balance, coordination and timing can be pretty bad at times. I do a little “movie” in my mind about my problems too.
This did not work for the 5 year old OTTB, but it has worked for every other horse I’ve ridden the past decade or so. Yes most of the lesson horses I’ve ridden are experienced lesson horses, used to less than perfect riders, but even experienced lesson horses can get really irritated from my handicaps. It has also worked for lesson horses who developed some problems with their lesson students including some whose answer to the problems of life was balking or heading to the gate ignoring each and every aid.
The lesson horses I ride are very kind to me, and I thank them for their kindness and praise them for their understanding about my physical problems. Horses LIKE being praised, after all.
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After riding as a kid & a bad fall, I restarted riding as a teenager with a ton of anxiety. My first ride back, I sat on a sweet old lesson horse and just bawled my eyes out. It’s scary!
Definitely tell your trainer about your fears. For the first few rides, make sure they know you want to prioritize feeling comfortable in the saddle. Improving your seat/hands/leg/equitation can come later. And give yourself the grace to go slow: even a boring 30-minute plod around the arena will build your confidence. Riding is a risky hobby, but that doesn’t mean we need to be thrill seekers!
A solid lesson horse will guide you through the anxiety, so if you have any reservations about the horse under you, don’t be afraid to speak up. Horses easily pick up on energy, so you’ll need one who isn’t rattled by nervousness.
I used to think every horse was intent on killing me… like they were dying to bolt or buck at any second. It was only after months of saddle time that I internalized how much you can trust them. ESPECIALLY the lesson horses among us. They’re saints. They’ll take care of you.
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Too many years of difficult horses plus an injury got my anxiety ramped up for several years.
Three things that helped me considerably:
Lessons with instructors who understand that and work with me
RideIQ
Sports Psychology. I really like Natalie Hummel.
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I’m gonna use a coach who specializes in this, my first appt is in June. NOT CHEAP. So many good reviews from people I actually know. I did a free appt with her to see if we were a good fit and she was excellent. I can report back?
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I have anxiety in general and it cranks up pretty strong when I ride. For me, figuring out what I was anxious about was helpful. In my case, I worry about loss of control or getting run off with. Steady Eddie’s and a good trainer help. I’m a chicken on trails, our version now is riding in the field up to the road-frontage fence after lessons.
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Hopefully you are taking private, not group lessons. Don’t think that just because a lesson is 45 minutes that you have to stay on the whole time. If you feel anxiety building up let the instructor know and either do something easier for you, or even get off. There is a lot to be learned doing some work with the horse from the ground.
And if everything is going really well, that’s another good time to end the lesson, hop off, and hand walk the horse back to the barn. Don’t forget that you are the one paying the bill, and don’t be shy about saying that you’re ready to stop for the day. Then you can reflect on all the good things that you did between lessons.
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Yes it is private lessons
Thanks for the good reminder
I have/had pretty severe anxiety. I’ve been working with an amazing therapist who is a bit different for the last two months.
Basically hypnosis, affirmations, tapping, with a little CBD and calming meditations have made a world of difference in my life and my riding has drastically improved. Plus learning to breath properly was huge.
My therapist doesn’t like to use meds but just brain retraining. I’ve tried multiple meds that didn’t help.
My horse spooked the other day and was super up from wind which normally would have caused me to ride in the indoor and try not to die and I probably would have cried from fear. Nope, we had a great ride and at the end he was relaxed snd so was I.
It’s life changing.
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I think communication with your instructor, and a good instructor who listens to you and is willing to push you when you need it but also let you set the pace when necessary is also very important.
I don’t think I am a particularly anxious person, but I can get anxious about certain horses or doing certain things. I even had a lesson a couple of weeks ago (mentioned yesterday in a different thread) where at one point I thought I was going to cry. It took me a minute or two to admit that to my instructor, but once I did, we talked about various unrelated things as I walked the horse around. And while I still was not ready to do what she had asked me to do that caused the melt down, we were able to find other things that I could work on comfortably. This week I rode that same horse and it was a much better lesson where I did way more than the thing that prompted tears the previous ride.
For me, it makes all the difference that my instructor listens to me when I say I am uncomfortable. And from the very beginning, she has told me that I need to tell her if I am uncomfortable with something because she doesn’t want to overface me or put me in situations where I lose confidence (things happen sometimes).
So, yeah, make sure you can communicate with your instructor and that they are okay with going at your pace. And also, as necessary, talk to other professionals about your anxiety.
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Definitely be honest with your trainer, both before your lesson and while it’s going on. If you’re doing something at all of sudden cause you fear or anxiety, tell your trainer. There’s nothing wrong with taking things slowly or dropping back a step when harder things get scary. Don’t feel like you’re obligated to ride for every minute of your lesson. If half way through you’re getting anxious and need to stop, give yourself permission to do that. You can try more next time. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. If you’ll be riding a variety of horses, there’s also no shame in speaking up if one of them makes you particularly nervous - there might not be an alternative horse but at least your trainer can help you sort out that partnership. Having a mount that you can trust is key.
I think it’s also good to know what mentally helps you when you’re worried or anxious. Coddling, sternness, etc. I had a very scary trip and fall many years ago, and due to my mare getting banged up as we fell over, it was the first time after a fall that I couldn’t get back on and sort out my brain. Once my mare was cleared for riding my confidence had completely disappeared. All I could picture was us falling down cantering again. I’m the type of rider that will do what my trainer says even if my brain thinks she’s insane (and I trust my trainer to never tell me to do something that I’m not ready for). I had to ask her stand in the ring with me and tell me to just keep cantering, we would be fine, and that it was okay if I cried so long as I cantered and cried. After a few days of that I was able to believe that it would be okay. Having a trainer who is your partner can make a huge difference.
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Not all instructors are a good match for you + anxiety. Some might be good for other people, but not your particular case.
Two different instructors were really instrumental in getting me through my anxiety. The first was really good about reading my horse and always had a really handy tool in the toolbox to help diffuse the situation, which was exactly what I needed at the time. I needed to feel like I was capable and could manage situations after so many years of going into defensive while riding. My current instructor is just really good at getting me out of my head by distracting me with conversation or another task to focus on.
Comparing that to some other instructors I took lessons with at the peak of my anxiety, who would just dismiss it or tell me to be brave or blame me and my riding for the situations that made me anxious. That might work for some people, but it did not help me at all.
The a few weeks ago I was riding my “keg of dynamite” horse in a ship in lesson at a new farm. She wasn’t perfect, but I was laughing through her antics and grinning ear to ear the whole time. Overall I thought it was a great lesson and thought she was so good… and in those thoughts I couldn’t help but recognize how far my mental game has come. My riding certainly hasn’t improved at all these days, but I’m in such a better headspace. A few years ago I would have been miserable that whole lesson and it would have just exacerbated my anxiety in the saddle. It’s nice to not feel like that.
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I think when it comes to some of this advice, your mileage may vary. You have to know yourself, and maybe learn through trial and error. For example, I find telling an instructor I’m nervous only seems to reinforce how nervous I feel. It’s just like with horses and a spooky object—often the more sensitive, slow, and coddling you are, the more concerned they get. If you act totally casual and indifferent, they calm down and follow your lead. So, I’ve found that’s how I feel in lessons. Concerned instructors make me more concerned. Similarly, I find group lessons to be more reassuring than private lessons. Simply watching other people do the thing I’m nervous about can make me less nervous (don’t get me wrong, it makes me nervous for them at first, but enough repetitions helps me move past the mental hurdle). That’s probably also for the same reason it works on horses.
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Both of those instructors sound great! Distracting with conversation is such a powerful tool. I’m terrible about getting my blood drawn—sometimes I tense up so much that the blood won’t come out even once they manage to get a vein—and I was so grateful to a nurse who just casually struck up a conversation about (what else) horses. I was amazed how much smoother it went, compared to nurses who’ve tried to manage my anxiety by going slow and narrating everything they are doing. My experience with instructors when I’ve told them I’m nervous about something is that they tend to do the latter, and I can’t begin to tell you how much worse it makes it. As I said in an earlier comment, it’s made me hesitate to mention I’m nervous about anything, because I suspect their reaction would only make my nerves worse.
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My circumstances aren’t exactly the same as yours, but as a rider who in the past had a fall that really rattled my confidence (but I was able to work my way back from it - though it took a long time to do so) - and as a generally anxious person (I am not a brave rider) there are a few things that stand out to me:
There are many good instructors out there, but not all instructors are good with anxious riders (and what may be a good instructor for one anxious rider does not work for another). I rode briefly with a woman who was a very good instructor (and she had done a lot of work and had success with bringing some nervous riders along). I did not do well with her because her approach was a lot more forceful. I am giving you an instruction, you do it, NOW.
The instructor that brought me back both after my fall and coming back from riding after several years off, is a much different type: she knows I tend to be anxious/overthink so she and I talk about the movement/instruction before I am ever told to do it. I’m given the opportunity to think my way through it and make a plan (and in many instances I can anticipate what parts I will have trouble with and ask her questions ahead of time, so we can “trouble shoot” before we ever start). It sets me up for success because I feel like I have a lot more control, since we “have a plan” - but for some anxious riders, this may feel like over-thinking and make it worse - so it’s really about finding the instructor who you resonate with. Indy’s post above is really demonstrative of this and how it can be so, so beneficial.
But also: be honest with them. Talk to your instructor about your goals: Long term, mid term, short term. I might have a “long term” goal of training my horse up to the FEI levels but the mid and short term goals, I want to have a horse that I can enjoy and feel confident riding in different circumstances (and I need to address my anxiety/manage my anxiety to make that happen). Make plans to meet those goals. Make interim goal-posts (“I would like to be able to go canter in the hayfield and feel excited anxious rather than scared anxious”).
Communication is huge, and is a great way to set yourself up for success. Be honest. Keep an open dialogue. That doesn’t just mean when you first start working with them, that means if there’s one of those days where you just Feel Something’s Not Right (we all have those days where our brain is just not on our side) that we talk to them ahead of time and say “Hey, I’m struggling today, can we modify whatever it is your plans were to something that will be confidence building for me rather than more on the challenging side of things?”
At the end of the day, I don’t think I’ll ever not be anxious. It is a natural state for me. If I’m alive, I’m going to be anxious. But it is all about making sure I feel like there is another voice in the dialogue other than just the anxiety-voice. For me, this counterbalance comes from education, developing skills, maybe taking things a little slower than we really need to, but doing so to build the confidence in my capabilities. Collecting tools to put in the toolbox, having plans, and knowing I can enact those plans “just in case” I have to, and my instructor is my partner in this - but the other part, the other partner, is the horse. Some horses make it easier to feel brave on. My mare is not a dead-head, she will look at things and she will spook but I also know she is so, so honest, and she tells you what she’s worried about well in advance so it never takes me by surprise. I find that I can be brave on her because I “know” her so well at this point, whereas I have a lot more anxiety on other horses, so do pay attention to if your anxiety changes based on what horse you ride. That might be a component to think about as well.
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Lots of good advice here. First of all, give yourself some grace. It’s normal to feel some anxiety given your fall, your time off, and also having had some other health issues. Totally normal. Doing lessons and working on basics is a great first step to rebuilding confidence. I would be clear with your instructor that your confidence is lagging behind your ability and that you want to take it slow and work on basics. Don’t hesitate to request a steadier horse.
I also agree with considering using a sports psychology coach. You don’t have to be a top athlete to deserve this. If you love to ride, and anxiety is affecting your ability to enjoy this aspect of your life, it’s worthwhile to invest in yourself.
I have personally had some ebbs in confidence over time after a bad fall and after having kids. Life changes. We get older and wiser and more aware of our fragility. For me, one of the best things for rehabbing my confidence in the saddle was building physical fitness, especially core strength. Having increased core strength gives a feeling of increased security in the saddle that feels really good. It’s not fair–when I was a kid I didn’t need to do Pilates classes and swim laps to feel strong in the saddle–now I do.
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Thanks everyone for the advice it actually went great! I did open up about my accident and nervousness and she was really encouraging and helpful. I did have one panic when I kinda slipped forward in trot but we just tried again and all was well. I left feeling much more confident and that was my first time trotting since my accident. I even felt ok after we rode past a scary bush lol.
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RideIQ has a whole Sports Psychology series with Natalie Hummel that is incredibly helpful to just listen to. A lot of things people experience are universal regardless of the reasons, like acknowledging your feelings and stretching your capacity.
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This is such a great update! I’m glad you had a nice ride 
Put these experiences in the bank, one ride at a time, and eventually in the “balance” between confidence and anxiety, confidence can be the heavy-hitter and outweigh the worry.
Happy riding!
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