Riding Rules for Women Older Than Dirt

I just found an oldie but goodie on my computer to reshare.


  1. We DO NOT need to show up with our hair combed, make up on and wearing a clean shirt.

  2. Moaning, groaning and complaining about aching muscles is perfectly acceptable, as is taking Motrin (or something stronger) prior to a ride.

  3. Helping someone on or off the horse does not mean the rider is an invalid. It only means the horse got taller overnight.

  4. No one will comment about how big someone’s butt looks in a saddle.

  5. Everyone will wait, patiently, while someone dismounts and adjusts equipment. Everyone will also wait, patiently, until that person remounts and is ready to move on…no matter how long that takes.

  6. When a horse is acting up we will accept that the horse is just having a bad hair day and it is not the rider’s fault.

  7. Mentioning it is too hot, too dry, too humid, too wet, too buggy, etc., is considered self expression, not whining.

  8. Wanting to be first, last, walk, or just stop does not mean the rider is a wimp. Sometimes it is necessary to teach a horse who is in charge.

  9. We will take the time to discuss the important issues of the day like who is dating who, who is cheating on who and any other relevant information which needs to be passed on.

  10. We will acknowledge that horses are very strange animals and sometimes for no reason at all we fall off of them. If this happens to any rider the other riders will ascertain that the person is okay and then not mention
    the incident to another living soul, especially husbands and significant others.

  11. We will acknowledge, without apology, that riding more than 6 1/2 hours increases our grumpy level far more than any ego benefits we may get from riding longer.

  12. Our horses are not fat they are “big boned”.

  13. I need to keep this horse riding mysterious and strange sounding. If everyone else finds out how much fun it is the price of the horses will go up and I won’t be able to afford a dozen of them.



Rule 1. Don’t die (applies to all age groups)


I will add to Rule #1 that we will wear those same dirty , smelly clothes to the store if we so choose and not care what anyone else thinks.


I resemble those remarks.



Riding club lesson, all the horses neatly lined up on the centre line so the instructor could explain the game plan. When everyone was sent out to start the exercises, one horse remained standing still. On going to investigate, the rider had quietly died whilst sitting in the saddle. Great way to go.


#10 :rofl:

#14-A Ride may be 15min or 1hr+, any time spent in the saddle counts


Once when I was younger I went to a nice barn to exersize a friend’s horse and a group of older ladies were going on a ride, all had nice tweed jackets on, jewelry, polished boots etc. They did not invite me to go with them. So here’s another rule:
If you want to get together and wear your nice riding clothes for a trail ride, do it! No explanation! You do you!


Ha! Rule #10 applies to so many riders of all ages. I have a friend in her late 40s who spontaneously fell off for no reason several times. We often saw her husband. Rule #10

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Number one rule. Just do it! Start riding now and continue until you can’t any more!


Important: never mention how much horsey things cost in presence of older women’s significant others. We work hard to keep that information under wraps the CIA would envy, do not need it bandied about. This is how we continue in the sport.


Hahaha. I paid 1/2 half cash 1/2 check for my Vogel boots back in the 70’s. (It was a very big deal for me) I never ‘lied’ I just never told the whole story. The horse husbands at the bar totally died when my husband complained about that check!


Buy multiple horses in the same color so your SO loses track of how many horses you actually have! :slight_smile:


#5 - If my husband is leading a trail ride and if someone in the line needs to stop, you need to tell him why you need to stop. He gets so pissed if he doesn’t know the reason for the stop. What does it matter? Someone needs to stop for a minute, get over it!