Everyone knows? Are people letting their young daughters ride with him? Just because people were given a head’s up- that make it ok? WHY are people riding with him still? Because he wins? Has nice horses? So- just because nothing has “stuck”- it is ok. Parents may be more vigilant but they are supporting this behavior?
I have a good riding kid who is 11. I can tell you- there is NO WAY IN HELL that I would roll the dice, no matter how vigilant I am, on letting my daughter ride with someone if I have been warned my multiple, reliable sources. I don’t care how nice the pony or what opportunity. I don’t want my daughter to be the object of some perverts dreams because what if I have to run to the bathroom some day? I am gobsmacked.
This is what is wrong. Parents, owners, clients putting up with behavior “for the win”. We see it with KF, LG and now when our own kids are in jeopardy?? The sport I llove is really making me ill.
6 yrs ago, when my daughter hopped on the pony of the bnt, I found out after the fact. It was an under the breath kinda warning from another trainer. I was shocked, but not sure why I didn’t question anything. I guess, it was because I was new to the sport & the trainer in question giving me the info seemed kinda non-chalant about it.
I had forgotten about the accusations till this year when we were warned again.
& yes, this trainer has working students.
For those who asked how someone goes from school to school, with out being reported, they call it “Passing the Trash”. It’s letting someone move on, giving them a recommendation that says nothing about their predatory behavior.
It’s done because many (I was an education major in college, and kept up with a lot of the friends from then who went into teaching) times the parents don’t want to make a report, because they are afraid of victim shaming from others, or because they don’t want their child to have to testify. So the person is allowed to resign, and move on to another school system, and more vulnerable children. It’s also done because the administrators don’t want their school system, and their own record to be tarnished. CYA at it’s finest.
Its always interesting when people want to argue for the perp but refuse to use the actual facts of the case, but instead hold onto the wrong info circling around places like Facebook.
Even at 17, if he was 66 and it was 38 years ago like the person posting here supporting RG says, then he was 28. What 28 year old man has a relationship with a 17year old. Come on, it’s wrong, especially as someones coach and you know it.
There were verified articles from the media explaining how there were more than one victim, and that the latest victim to come forward asked them to hold the appeal while they filed an investigation.
Facts are what matter, not your alternate opinion of someone you thought you knew. Many people struggle to come to terms with realizing someone you know and cared about isn’t who you think they are. Don’t run around blindly defending someone when the fatcs are out there proving they are not who you thought they were.
Hillary Ridland and 4 other victims had an informal question and answer following the Grand Prix at The Oaks on Saturday. I can only hope that putting real people instead of nameless “accusers” with the story helped shut down the social media mob.
If you haven’t already, I recommend reading Laura Z. Hobson’s book “Gentleman’s Agreement”. There’s a movie, too, but this book really highlights the inner conflicts of one’s “nature”, as well as the outer failures of people to act. It’s a striking message.
I find it so frustrating how society puts the onus of avoiding sexual misconduct on the potential victim.
“Stay away from so-and-so, you’re his type.” As if, you’ve been warned so it’s now your fault if you don’t listen. Clearly he’s completely incapable of self control in this situation. I mean, you’re his type, how could he possibly resist? :rolleyes:
Even worse, people often say it as a joke… or a compliment. :disgust:
Sorry for the sidebar, your story just made me want to get that off my chest. I’m glad your daughter won’t be riding with him again.
I struggle with whether or not situations like this should be reported. The SafeSport training suggests yes-- they say to report anything you hear, no matter if its of minimal magnitude or from a third party. But in real life, most of us struggle with reporting hearsay. I guess that’s where the culture needs to change. As a country, we may need to set aside the mentality of “innocent until proven guilty” in situations where children may be in danger. Also, learn to not be so offended and sensitive if we ourselves are reported erroneously, and instead recognize that someone was just trying to keep children safe. The latter is pretty difficult, especially if you are being grossly inconvenienced and/or financially liable for defending yourself. This is an area where I think SafeSport & RGBs could improve upon. For example, I wonder if we could offer some sort of insurance against false claims, like how unions provide representation for members…
Wait a sec. I’m not sure you have this right and are inferring the right thing from oneequestrienne’s post.
I asked someone about their argument that “people can change” over time. And I think it’s public knowledge or an established fact that everyone accepts-- both those defending Gage and those defending the action of SafeSport-- that the crimes were committed “30 or 40 years ago.”
And so I asked, “OK, but just how old was Gage when those crimes were committed: old enough to know better or a kid himself?” I knew Gage was around retirement age now but I didn’t know how old-- 65? 80? I didn’t know.
And then oneequestrienne took Gage’s age at death, some (again purportedly public) details about the victims and did some math, that’s all.
You aren’t harnessing nuclear fission. You aren’t solving climate change. You aren’t helping the starving children secure a clean water and food source. You aren’t coordinating or executing space missions. You aren’t developing an alternate energy source. You aren’t curing cancer.
No matter who these guys/gals are. No matter how good they are at their job. No matter how impactful they are to you personally.
THEY. TRAIN. HORSES. AND. RIDERS.
They are NOBODIES in the grand, global scheme of things. Their contributions will NEVER be earth shattering, no matter how great. Their expertise is so narrow that it is literally meaningless to 99.9% of the earth.
To put them on ANY sort of pedestal is just asinine when looked at from outside our little “horseworld” bubble. Sometimes reality is hard to swallow, but let’s get real as these guys come and go. They really, long term, grand scheme of things, mean nothing. Stop revering them like they’re a breed of god.
Disclaimer - even if you’ve harnessed nuclear fission, you aren’t given a pass to be a deplorable human.
Our industry and most sports for that matter is in a hard spot. I just met a young lady with Olympic aspirations in jumping. She is 15. I said to myself probably not going to happen since she is not a working student at a big barn this summer. Then I put that in perspective and thought what have I just said.? Should working students really be under 18? It is such a norm in every part of the horse industry.
And I am beginning to question it.
Public information from Safesport:: multiple victims came forward and the evidence was serious enough to support a lifetime ban.
Public information from Hillary Ridland: RG’s abuse started when she was 13. Four other victims stood up with her Saturday after the Grand Prix at The Oaks. Rob was in his late 20s and 30s at that time.
Public Information from one of the obits: Rob Gage was 66 when he committed suicide.
Nope…that isn’t all that was posted. oneequestrienne posted information that came out yesterday, 6/23/19 about four victims coming forward, one saying she was 13 at the time.
We all have varying levels of attention to what we read. I’ve certainly read things incorrectly on this thread… We all also recount what was posted in different ways…For instance, Virginia Horse Mom took this:
and turned it into this:
It’s neither here nor there because contact with ANY 13 yr. olds is abhorrent. But for those of us that desire accuracy, it becomes a sticking point. Not because it’s justification of anything, but because embellishment is “lying” to us…and we write off that person completely, becoming unable to ‘hear’ anything further from them.
I. thankfully, had the opportunity to learn that is just how some people are wired. It was during a professional team building activity and I had a lightbulb moment on why I had a problem with a colleague. They didn’t have the same tie to absolute accuracy that I do. They focused on high level and would embellish/exaggerate, not to obfuscate, but because that’s how they see things. Bright, shiny, new is more important than accuracy.
There ARE cases of ‘telephone’ on this thread…and it creates confusion and unnecessary drama… And some of the drama is because we focus on different things.
I should have corrected that statement. Multiple victims not multiple 13 year olds was what I said.
Hillary Ridland stated that she was 13 at the time. Another of the women who came forward was 14 at the time.
Because Horsegirl’s Mom could have never been to facebook and still posted exactly what she did.
Reading this thread, you get the idea that oneequestrienne has more information than most on the RG situation. New details were just added to this thread, including confirmation that one of the accusers was very young. That adds to the facts known (previously it was stated by oneequestrienne, but from no official source).
Your implication is that she’s not savvy enough (too stupid is another way to say that) to understand that what she reads on FB isn’t necessarily true. But she wouldn’t have even needed to be on FB at all. (BTW - COTH doesn’t have a corner on truth…just less trolls so it’s easier to discern the situation)
