Let me start off by saying I don’t own him and never will be able to. About 2 years ago at my lesson barn I started riding this horse, Mikey. He got me through some really, really rough times in my riding. I became his main rider, the only one to compete him and his only leaser and advanced rider (he was still used in a few beginer lessons) we competed in eventing and occasionally dressage and hunters. Both years I rode him I finished champion of my division (year end). His owner is away at collage right now and he is being lent to my riding instructor. Now the issue, his owner will be moving him back home sometime within the next year, I’m not guaranteed to be able to complete this years show season with him. Unfortunately for me, I have fallen hoplessly in love with this guy and we have really bonded together. How do I cope with this and say goodbye? Most likely I won’t see him again, his owner will be moving him out of province to be closer to her.
I spent much of my young adult life too poor to own a horse, but lucky enough to have some really wonderful ‘long term relationships’ with other people’s horses. It can be hard to say goodbye, especially if you’re younger and haven’t done it much before, but here are my thoughts.
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Be really, really THANKFUL. Not just because it’s the “right” thing to do, but because it really is the very best way for you to leave with as many positive emotions as you can. Write a note to his owner about how much you loved the opportunity for him to be part of your riding journey, everything you learned from him. Write a note to your coach, thanking her for pairing you and helping you through the rough patches. Spend some time reflecting on all the good things this horse and opportunity brought you. Try to appreciate what was, rather than focus on what will not be in the future - instead try to think about how this experience prepared you for your new future (this attitude is also your best way to get future offers for horses to ride)
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Become Mikey’s - and his owner’s- biggest fan. Be thrilled with any update, cheer them on in any way you can. There was a really nice girl who rode my now-horse before I bought her (after 10 years on other people’s horses I can finally have my own!). I know she was sad to lose the ride when I bought the horse, but she is the very first person asking how she’s doing, liking every picture I ever post of her, and otherwise cheering us on. Just about every owner enjoys having people who also appreciate their horse, and it’s a way you can still be a little bit involved in his life.
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Get really good pictures of you and Mikey! Splurge and get the professional show photographer pictures, or find a talented friend to get some at home.
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Every loss needs its time to be grieved, and it’s ok not to be thrilled or happy about this development. You are far from the first or the last person to fall in love with someone else’s horse. Just try to deal with it as maturely and professionally as you can.
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Stay involved in the barn and showing any way you can, even if you’re mostly grooming. Another horse will come your way, and while it won’t be the same - especially at first - it will become your next journey. And sometimes riding different horses when you’re between main horse can really improve your riding as well.
Before I was able to buy my own horse, after riding various schoolies weekly for years, I was given a chance to shareboard.
Nice little 4yo QH (racing-bred), straight from the auction to lesson barn where he was bought within 6mos.
Owner was busy with Life & I was able to step in & become her shareboarder.
She was kind of an absentee owner & I rode more often than she did.
I also made sure he saw the shoer & vet as these were details she overlooked & was glad to have me take care of.
She also allowed me to show him & I was able to take him from GreenAsGrass to 2’6" Novice Hunter.
We had what was for me a sweet deal - I’d ride as often as I wanted & show him on weekends.
She might show up to ride in a single class at a show, more often she did not.
Then she & DH moved to the 'burbs about 1h from where he was boarded.
She offered the same deal, but after 1 long trip out there I chose to move on.
It was hard giving him up, but I went back to schoolies for a year & then was finally able to buy my own horse.
I ended up boarding him not far from where she had moved her horse & within a year she had moved her horse to that same barn.
My DH took over the shareboard & showed successfully on what had been “my” horse.
So say Goodbye to Mikey.
Keep in touch if you want, if not look for your next horse & keep on keeping on until you are able to buy or lease again.
Applecore I just want to say this might be the best post I have ever seen on these boards. Wonderful, kind, insightful advice from someone who clearly has been there, done that. Just when I want to throw up my hands and run screaming from “crazy horse people”, I come across something like this and my faith is restored.
Aww, thanks. Definitely been there, done that and eternally grateful to have done it at all :yes:. There’s a lot of good people in the horse world for sure!
Yes, everything Applecore said! Biggest thing I think hurts more is if the owner interprets you as overstepping, being pushy, ungrateful etc. So be really open and appreciative with the owner, explain that you understand why she’s moving him because you love him too, and ask to be kept in the loop. If she knows you don’t have hard feelings towards her for moving him, everything will be better. Keep it super positive. Its so hard, but just think of it as ending on a high note 
I was taking care of 2 older horses. I didn’t get to ride them but I groomed them and did their stalls and fed them. They moved across the country. I stayed in touch with the owner. It’s hard to say goodbye. My advice is to tell the owner how much you love Mikey and you would like to keep in touch.
Thank you everyone for all of your kind advice, I will be sure to keep it in mind
Applecore nailed it!
When I was in my early 20s, I had a wonderful opportunity to ride a horse that his owner no longer rode. He was young and green but talented. For three years I was his only rider and paid half his board (she helped me with the rest). I had the most amazing time with him. With the help of my trainer, we started him over fences and took him to his first event a month or so later. That first year we qualified for the Championships in our area.
I was lucky enough to have the ride on him for three years. At that point, I moved for a job to a place where I couldn’t have a horse. She offered to sell him to me for a really good price, but it wasn’t practical, so I had to say goodbye. It was terribly hard – that horse had felt like mine! – but I tried to focus on what a great experience I’d had, and how the horse was now in a good place for his next rider.
Even though it’s hard to see it now, while this horse will always be special to you, there are more horses to come in your life. Each will be special in their own ways. A few will become part of your heart. You are only at the beginning.
