Scheduled Euthanasia for DSLD

[Alterration]

I just tentatively scheduled the euthanasia for my DSLD guy. He’s 20. He still trots and canters in the field on occasion, and he looks really good, but I think he’s tired. The bugs bother him and he develops these horrible skin bumps because he’s so sensitive - I suspect that the connective tissue disorder that makes his tendons the way they are also causes the skin issues.

This is the right decision, and I know it is. He’s a massive cribber, and I’ve noticed an increase in cribbing. He doesn’t want to go outside, because of the bugs, so he just stands in his stall cribbing. He still has an appetite, and he’s still “here” but he’s grumpy.

They scheduled it for next week. I have to call the removal company and then confirm with them. The veterinary office didn’t even question it.

I’ve helped other people through this, and it was the right decision for those horses, and I was totally able to do this with no issue, but when it’s my OWN horse, it hits different. He’s not as bad as the boarder’s horse that we had done, but still, I don’t want it to be bad. I don’t ever want him to suffer. Even the amount of pain that he must be in now feels like too much. I know he’s not comfortable, and he’s started having trouble moving if he has to be stalled.

I know this is a disjointed post. I both wish that the signs were clearer and I’m glad that they aren’t. What a mixed bag of feelings. DSLD is the worst. Not to minimize other horse ailments in the least, but you just want things to be simpler. More obvious. You want to know that you’re not too soon. I hate having this responsibility.

Please tell me there’s something I can do to make myself feel better about this?

[MorganMaresVT]

@Alterration

Please tell me there’s something I can do to make myself feel better about this?

Look into his tired eyes and know you are helping him in a way no one else can.

Sorry you have to say goodbye to an old friend, it never gets easier.

[trubandloki]

@Alterration

Please tell me there’s something I can do to make myself feel better about this?

It is going to hurt like nothing else… but you are 100% doing the right thing and this horse is so lucky to have someone who cares more about them not hurting than the human hurting because their beloved horse is gone.

I am so sorry you are having to make this decision.

[beowulf]

((hugs))

You are doing the right thing. You know it’s right, because it’s hard.

[FjordBCRF]

These decisions are never never easy, even when it’s obviously the right call. You know him better than anyone, and it sounds like he is telling you it’s time.

[GreyDes]

Hugs! That sucks and it sucks more because it’s not black and white. You know your horse and you know when to make the call. Keep trusting yourself!

[tabula_rashah]

((hugs))
You sound like you are truly and selflessly doing what is best for him
I don’t know that there’s anything we can say that makes it feel better but know that you are not alone

[SMF11]

I board retirees and have for 20 years. All the horses here have been euthanized, either in an emergency or planned.

It is easy to “what if” all the good scenarios, but it is more likely a very bad “what if” could happen too.

The one dsld horse I had here was comfortable. He trotted into the run-in to be fed, and walked out catastrophically 3-legged lame. His muscle had ripped off the bone/ligaments. That was an emergency euthanasia.

It helps me when I think “this is only going one way” – i.e. downhill/bad – with no possibility of improving. Unfortunately that’s the case with your horse.

It’s the absolute worst part of caring for horses. I am sorry you are going through this. You will feel better once it’s over – right now, waiting for the appointment day, is the worst. Hugs.

[Moss]

I was in a similar situation as you with my DSLD mare, and I almost could feel her telling me it was time. She also had skin and breathing issues related to the DSLD. Similar to your boy, she just wanted to sleep in her stall. The vet who put my mare down said it was gentlest death she had ever seen; my mare just laid down. I was actually able to hold her hold her head as she went down because she passed so gently.

Just know that you are doing the right thing, and that you are doing the right thing by your boy. Love on him all you can. I said a blessing for my mare right before she passed.

I also agree that DSLD is the absolute worst because you’re basically a “caregiver” for the day you have to say goodbye. Watching your horse suffer is almost unbearable. I tried everything. I even contacted Dr. Kellon when she was still at Virginia and sent her a disjointed email, and she sent me the patties she was making for horses.

I can reassure you that you are helping your boy. Do something kind to yourself afterwards or with people you love and trust. I actually entered therapy after putting my mare down because I had such bad nightmares about the years watching my horse go down hill. Feel free to DM me. It’s a road no horse owner should have to go down.

[bingbingbing]

So very sorry. He’s lived a very long time with an unfortunate diagnosis. You have cared for him well. I am so sad for you and I wish I had words to help it hurt less. All I can say is you know your horse, and it is time. Hugs for you both; know he will never have a rough day.

[BrownDerby]

I have seen too much and will never, ever wait until it’s too late. You are so doing the right thing.

I hope he gets a wonderful spa day with lots of love and cookies.

[VolteSomeday]

My condolences. I’m in the last season with our 25 year old IDSH. It is easy to second guess because the decision to pick the day can feel so arbitrary. I think it’s important to remember that it’s a gift to be able to choose that peaceful day than have it chosen for us by catastrophe. Noticing the subtle signs and incremental declines and using that information to make the emotionally hard decisions are the mark of a compassionate horse(wo)man. He’s lucky to have you.

[ThreeWishes]

My heart goes out to you. We take their pain and bury it in our own heart. Hugs.

[Peggy]

Someone on here once wrote, “there is nothing easy or cheap about horses and, if there is, you’re doing something wrong.”

You are doing the right thing. Better now than a panicked 911 situation.

I had to euthanize a neurologically compromised 7 yo. The week leading up to it was awful. When I drove away from the barn afterwards I felt an odd peace and relief.

[Alterration]

Thanks all. It’s scheduled for the week after next, which should give me enough time to process and hopefully not too much time for either one of us to suffer. They had an opening this week but I was concerned that might be a bit too quickly for me since it is planned.

@SMF11

The one dsld horse I had here was comfortable. He trotted into the run-in to be fed, and walked out catastrophically 3-legged lame. His muscle had ripped off the bone/ligaments. That was an emergency euthanasia.

This is precisely what I want to avoid with this one. And when the bugs show up he can get super wound up trying to avoid them.

He can spend the next two weeks hand-walking and hanging in his extra deeply bedded stall with his fan eating cookies. He’s given his people everything - he was a QH show-machine before he retired, with points in showmanship, HUS, Ranch Horse, Trail and WP. He did dressage lessons, and huge trail rides with hundreds of riders. Heck of a horse (Heavily heavily Weiscamp bred on top, Impressive bred but N/N on the bottom, for those who know these lines). He deserves a dignified end.

[JB]

Oh man, I’m so very sorry Yes, DSLD is a whole-body connective tissue disorder. ESPA is it’s newer and more descriptive name, with the S being “systemic”. Poor guy Thankfully he’s got someone like you to recognize it’s kinder to let him go sooner rather than having something catastrophic happen

[reefy]

Dear Alterration - the only thing that can make you feel better about this is time. Even when it’s the obvious thing to do, it’s the hardest part of loving our horses. I’m so sorry you are at this point. Just be kind to yourself and give yourself grace in your grief {{{hugs}}}

[Angela_Freda]

I kept mine on retirement for six years after diagnosis at age 23.
I did everything I could, $$$ shoes, etc.

You are not wrong to bypass the struggle and the very real risk of a catastrophic event.

I’m so sorry.
DSLD/ESPA sux.

[luvmyhackney]

Oh my… hugs.

It’s so hard and you are so doing the right thing putting his comfort above your own.

Let his last day be his best day, and not struggling to get up and in pain.

[RedHorses]

I have a slightly different take on what you’re feeling. You do know it’s right, and kind, and caring. Your heart is saying “I’m not ready to let go!” but you’re hearing “Is it really the right time?”

Be kind to yourself too. Of course you’re not ready. You will never be ready. This is why we have to quiet our heart voice when making these decisions, and lead with our rational head.

It’s okay to not be ready. You know it’s right. You’ll be okay in time.

And take hundreds of photos and dozens of mini videos in the next week. In the collection you’ll find some precious gems that capture who he is to you.

You have my deepest sympathy.