Take all American women who are within five years of menopause-
train us for a few weeks, outift us with automatic
weapons, grenades, gas masks moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned
tuna drop us (parachuted , preferably) across the
landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even men in turbans tremble.
We’ve had our children, we would gladly suffer or
die to protect them and their future. We’d like to get away from our husbands, if they
haven’t left already. And those of us who are
single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being
struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.
We’ve survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet and the grapefruit diet and gyms and saunas across America and never
lost a pound. WE can easily survive months in the
hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We’ve spent years tracking down our husbands or
lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events…finding bin Laden in some cave will
be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of
Afghanistan in a new government?
Oh please…we’ve planned the seating arrangements
for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years…we understand tribal
warfare.
Between us, we’ve divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money
sources. We know how to find the money and we know
how to seize it…with or without the government’s help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women.
Imagine their horror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.
Behind every good woman lies a trail of men
