@Bluey I told my husband what you have said as food for thought. He is completely new to horses.
When we buy horses we invest so many emotions and dreams of what all we will do with them.
The horse you bought with certain expectations is not fulfilling them, sadly.
If the horse is not suitable, we didn’t buy the right horse.
Maybe were wrong in what we thought the horse or us could do.
That may be where you seem to be now.
We have to weigh if we want to try to make it work after all, if it is safe to do so, questionable in your case.
If not, we may need to sell the horse and some times we may not get what we paid for it.
We learn from that, being more carefully that the next horse we buy be more suitable.
That some times is part of learning about horses.
Having a professional evaluate the horse to sell it, maybe put it on consignment to sell with one, may be one more option, but, again, it will be costly.
DH may not realize how much a horse means to horse people, may just be seeing it like selling a car.
If he understands there is more to horses than that, he may realize that it is not just about the money, although horses are expensive and that is a concern for anyone.
In the horse world, a horseman has to do right for the horse and some times, that means you have to spend some more money you may not get back to give the horse a good chance to find the right home.
We don’t have to do that when selling a car.
If this horse had work for you, I bet DH would be very happy too, seeing how much you were enjoying all you were doing with your horse.
Being new to horses, he too is learning about them.
I hope that this time it didn’t work with this horse won’t discourage him of seeing what gift horses can be for so many.
Selling horses is so very hard, for so many reasons, especially selling a horse we like but is not working for our situation.
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I got my first horse three years ago. He was not at all what I was looking for. Ugly, green, etc etc etc. But my husband insisted. My friend/trainer said, “If you love him, we can work with him.” I didn’t love him, but my husband insisted he was a good horse. (He’s had horses before). Jack wasn’t in the best situation at the time, and was a rescue of sorts. Anyway, brought him home in September. Trainer worked with him, I worked with him, doing homework at a minimum of 4 days a week. He was green-broke when I brought him home, he was about 15 years old. My trainer did the first work under saddle, and just after Christmas that year I rode him for the first time. I learned to ride on this horse. He is mellow, forgiving, and just amazing. Not at all what he was when we bought him. It took time and a lot of dedication, but Jack is now the perfect horse for me. Couldn’t have asked for anything more.
If you love this horse, give him a chance. Set a time period to put some work into him. If you want to make it work, you’ll find a way. At least try. Then if in the end, you decide he still isn’t right, sell him. I did tons of groundwork, and I spent lots of hours grooming and just hanging out with Jack. I was/am a timid rider, and getting to know him on a basic level helped a lot. Wouldn’t sell this horse if you paid me a million dollars.
Do what you can over the winter. Invest time getting to know eachother, do groundwork, and then next spring when the days get longer again, get a trainer. I’d give it until next fall to make your decision. If at that time, you don’t click, then you’ll know you at least gave it a good chance.
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^
BOLD is mine
Wait? WHAT?
Is DH a horseperson?
If not, then this is not only an unrealistic demand, but smells a wee bit like Control.
Like Bluey advises, selling price seldom reflects what you might have put in unless results are stellar.
Or horse has bloodlines people seek.
Or a show record that adds value.
For your husband to put you in a position where you are “forced” to keep a horse you cannot enjoy riding doesn’t sound like a respectful partnership.
Has he never made an error that cost him $$?
To answer your original question:
IIWM, I’d go for the training & see what I end up with.
But if your husband us going to be that inflexible, sell now & look for that as-close-to-bombproof horse you wanted in the 1st place.
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Aha.
My post was prior to seeing this reply.
DH needs to believe what Bluey says. :yes:
I’m hearing:
A) Younger, green horse
B) Rider with confidence issues from the start but exacerbated by green horse’s tendencies especially outside arena
C) Soon approaching season = no access to indoor or safe outdoor to ride in
D) Inability to ride horse regularly due to life constraints and daylight hours/season
E) Funds to work with trainer but concerns that horse may never be what rider wants/needs
That’s a no brainer to me. Sell the horse. There’s too many variables here that are going to be troublesome for you both, and honestly not fair to the horse right from the start.
I also bought that horse. Not the one I probably needed, but the one I fell in love with. She turned out to be the biggest confidence wrecked I’d ever ridden. I owned her for 8 years and finally put her down due to physical issues that were causing her chronic pain. I loved her, but I agonized with her for years. In hindsight, I’m glad I went through what I did because I’m a much better rider and horsewoman now, but I could have saved myself a lot of heartache, money and time by going with an older, more experienced horse. Not saying you’ll end up in my shoes, but from someone who has been there, life is too short to have a horse you already have reservations about six weeks into owning it.
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Sell the horse if you can’t put him in training. Life is too short.
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If I do decide to sell him now , I hope I can get what I paid for him for other wise DH says I have to keep him. I feel kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place where there are options but all come with some kind of downfall. I do just want what is best for the horse and for me to enjoy riding 
You might have to have a chat with DH and tell him to get over it. He better start getting used to losing money on horses early on. DO you work and pay for your horse or is DH using his money to pay for horse? If its your money, and your contributing to the household, you should tell your husband who doesn’t sound very dear, more like a control freak, that if he values your safety and well being over a few dollars, he’s showing his true colors.
Of course, I don’t do well being told what to do, and would have immediately went out and purchased another horse with my paycheck. Because his in mine and mine is mine.
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Take some lessons. You can do it on the weekend if you cannot do it during the week or cannot board where there is an indoor ring. You will get your confidence back and you will be able to handle your horse. Both you and the horse will learn at the same time. Or pay someone to ride your horse (not necessarily for training, just to exercise him and take the edge off of his green-ness).
And sell the husband.
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I am going to give your husband the benefit of the doubt since he is new to horses.
Perhaps explain to him that forcing you to keep a horse that is not a good match for you until a certain price offer comes in is costing $$$ every month. You can sit on the horse for months waiting for someone to offer what you paid, but each month is costing you board/supplements/vet care, and the horse is getting out of shape/potentially losing training, i.e. value. In my area, you can be spending $400-$700 a month just on board while you are sitting/waiting/hoping to sell the horse for a specific price.
Horses are not like a car you don’t like. A car can sit in your driveway with little to no cost while you wait for the offer you want. A horse has fixed monthly expenses, and the more the horse just sits in the field, the less the horse is worth. The potential buyer then has to look past the lack of fitness to see the aptitude towards whatever they want the horse to do. Also a green horse as he/she gets older becomes worth less and less with a more limited market. Not that many buyers are interested in a green 8+ year old horse.
Another thing to have him consider is if you do not feel safe riding this horse, you will not ride the horse hardly ever but will still be paying a pretty penny each month for that privilege. Even worse you could come off, get hurt, decide to sell, and have a heck of a time getting any money for the horse at this point.
Make sure you stick to what you want out of an equine partner the next time you are looking to buy. Don’t settle, getting the wrong horse is a very expensive mistake!
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Oh man, that’s tough. Your husband is exhibiting controlling behavior and it is the second time you have mentioned it. Do you feel like you can have a conversation with your him about this? If so, perhaps explain the monthly cost of ownership, and the fact that even if you sell at a “loss” it will be cheaper than keeping a horse that doesn’t really work for you.
Honestly this isn’t the time to sell for top dollar. People are thinning their herds before winter, and you can get good horses cheap. Not to mention race season ending, so well bred OTTB’s going for next to nothing.
If you decide not to sell maybe you can keep him through the winter and focus on groundwork for a few months then start him with a trainer in Jan/Feb so he has a few months of professional training before spring? Or if you do sell, it might be “at a loss”, but this time of year you can likely pick up a more suitable horse for whatever you sell this guy for.
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Has your husband ever heard the saying “never invest in anything that eats”? If not, enlighten him. If he balks, show him your feed bills. And vet, farrier, board, etc. bills. It might change his perspective.
But I’m still of the opinion that you have another path, that of improving yourself and then improving the horse. That, IMO, from an economic perspective is the better idea.
Best of luck as you go forward.
G.
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OP, let’s get specific: what does this horse “do” that makes you feel nervous? Anything in particular? You don’t elaborate as to why you feel nervous riding him sometimes, and I do think that makes a difference: some problems are more easily solved than others. A few months of professional training and lessons for you could be worth it depending on what you’re dealing with.
And be honest with yourself: is it you? Or is the horse actually doing something that causes you pause? I know a gal who could be reduced to tears because the horse she’s on trips…never mind the fact that the horse is the most broke old gelding you’ve ever laid eyes on and he tripped because he’s poking along so slowly he’s barely moving his feet. That’s a case where the best trainers and the most broke horse in the world aren’t going to do a lick of good. But if your horse maybe has a really good hard spook on the trail, and you’d like to trail ride more…well, training might help. But it might not. At which point you’re out quite a bit more money and still have a horse you don’t love.
So it depends on how big a gambler you are. I generally advise people to buy less horse than they need, especially if you’re a more timid/not as confident rider, which is why I said if you’re already getting this feeling, best trade out now.
I’m confused because two days ago OP was asking about blanketing a horse that was going to a trainer’s for the winter. What happened to that plan, which seems a sensible thing in this situation?
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Sounds like you need a more suitable place to keep the horse . If he isn’t a good match then it would be best for you both if he found a rider more suited to his needs.
@Scribbler yes I was prepared to send him to a trainer for a couple of months that I found but now am second guessing that choice and considering whether selling would be better and looking instead for a horse which is already a steady Eddy so to speak [h=3][/h]
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@candyappy I live in a small town and there is not a lot of choice for boarding. Actually hardly anything. The place I have him has an outdoor arena, trails etc and they are just a private family with only me as a boarder but as I mentioned in a prior post the only place to board with an indoor has a 75 person waiting list or you can haul to an indoor but I have no trailer
Some horses may never make good “Steady Eddies”.
Think if yours will, or ask a good trainer to evaluate and see what you really have there.
Horses are never a money making business for an ammy. If you don’t have resources to train and ride him, you would save money by selling him now, ie, not put more money into him. If that’s what you want to do. You may not get the board and training $$ back (did you have him in training?).
