Thanks for the replies everyone:) . I certainly appreciate all the advice but I am getting a bit overwhelmed with all of it and think I have enough to mull over for a few days in order to come to a decision. I would like if possible to put a “close” on the topic.
OP, I feel for you; we have a similar dilemma with our current horse, and have had issues with green horse spookiness in the past.
I’m also an adult re-rider, whose goals are fairly similar to your own. I never really learned properly as a kid, and when I wanted to get back into it, I took lessons for a good 6-12 months before taking the plunge with a green horse. I was still taking lessons on both a school horse and my mare and we did make progress until she had a significant paddock injury at the start of this year. She may manage walk/ trot under saddle again, but will never be the jumper I had hoped (and had shown some potential for). Initially I rode her in an Australian stock saddle, which helped me stay secure as we worked through her spookiness. It also helped that I could hack out with my kids on their ponies, which relaxed her a lot.
Do you have an option to ride with others, or to borrow / find a saddle that gives you a bit more security in the early stages?
When it became obvious my mare would never jump, we bought another, who was jumping. Lovely calm boy, no bite / bolt / buck, but not a great mouth due to past experiences. He frequently runs through my aids, and I am not quick enough to catch him with legs / seat etc; better riders can, though he requires constant correction and focusing. I have set a three month period to work intensively with my trainer, both on improving my riding and timing, and for her to do at least 1-2 rides per week on him to see if we can get to a point where I can maintain control at walk / trot / canter before we even look at jumps. If I can do this, he will be suitable for me and my teenager to share. If not, we sell him; horses are too expensive and far too time-consuming (and sound as though they may also be a source of friction between you and your husband) for them not to be mainly enjoyable and doing the job you want them to do with the skills and resources you have.
If you send him away for training, definitely get an assessment from your trainer as to whether they think they will be able to get the horse doing the job you want and set a time frame. And be prepared that you may invest a lot of time and money and still not get what you want.
Good luck with whatever path you take.
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I think your husband is clueless about horses! :lol: That’s okay. He’ll learn. You do what you have to do and set aside any concern about selling price vs purchase price. If you decide this horse is not for you, sell him for what you can get. Then tell hubby. 
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Smoke …for your husband’s benefit… I’ve had horses for 30 years, My spouse even longer. She’s the horse person, I just tag along. The real reason I do horses is a conversation between an older man and my young self. "Clarence, Why are you getting a Divorce?.. After 37 years together, the children are grown, and we don’t have any interests together anymore. So we are getting a very amicable divorce. " The next time I saw him, he had a very expensive late model sports car.
Horses are a shared endeavor for us. Our children are now grown and out. I like horses, but they’re wife’s passion. She is the one to push us out to ride in Summer’s heat or Winter’s chill. I do enjoy horse camping & trail riding. I like the farm and all the equipment needed to run it. I like tools and tinkering. I got the sports car AND a backhoe. (It’s a guy thing) Horses are expensive. Therapy or a divorce are even more expensive.
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Smoke, it would be helpful if you were able to answer this. When asking questions on this board, the knowledgeable folks here just have to have some information on which to make a recommendation. You can get more and better help by sharing just a bit more. Right now, it seems like blind man’s bluff. Folks need to be able to determine if the horse is irretrievably dangerous or just “special”.
Has your horse bucked or reared? If so, how much and under what circumstances?
Does he spook? If so, how much and under what circumstances?
Prance and jig? If so, how much and under what circumstances?
When I first saw my mare, I thought she was going to be a Steady Eddie type (owner demonstrating used spurs and got her to canter, I was bare-booted and didn’t get more than a jog trot, so thought I just needed spurs for her.)
After her circumstances changed, her real self came out. On one day or another, she’ll be a bit hot, the herd lookout, sometimes spooky “Princess and the Pea” and in a group, she likes it in front and I can get lost easily, so prefer to be in the middle somewhere. But, she’s a mare; these are variables.
AND, we’ve been through at least one truly scary situation, and in spite of being justifiably afraid, I was too, she has never, ever tried to dump me. Never bites or kicks, and if afraid, calms down when I go to her. That’s a reward in itself.
So no, I didn’t get what I thought I was getting. But she has offered me challenges and rewards that a Steady Eddie would never have given me. I’m a better horsewoman because of her.
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Was thinking, we may ought to consider that the OP may not be out to become a great rider of problem horses.
As stated, her intention is to have a nice trail riding horse to enjoy the outdoors with other similarly minded horse people, I think?
That doesn’t mean lessons and other would not be very helpful in general, no matter what horse she ends up with.
If that is her goal, that one “Steady Eddie” kind of horse is what she needs, not a green/retraining project, that may or not eventually become what she wants, that is what she has now.
“OP, let’s get specific: what does this horse “do” that makes you feel nervous? Anything in particular? You don’t elaborate as to why you feel nervous riding him sometimes”
So… Firstly he is a naturally forward moving horse , he has a fast walk and a fast bouncy trot but this doesn’t make me nervous , just wanted to highlight that he’s forward moving and has speed too.
He’s sensitive. Which actually is probably a good thing for the most part , ie. He moves off leg pressure extremely well, & if he’s in tune with me and focused it’s almost like he reads your mind as to what you’re going to do next. The downsides to him being so sensitive is that he’s not so forgiving of any rider error and I’m pretty sure that if I’m nervous it transmits to him.
A few weeks ago I took him for a ride in large open field and he was pretty calm do I decided to canter him . It was going fine up to the point I realised he was getting faster and faster , not responding to me asking him to slow down. Not sure if it was truly a bolt as he wasn’t going incredibly fast and his head wasn’t straight up in the air or anything but I wanted to stop and it took me a good while to get it. He became very resistant to the bit.
I think something may have spooked him while we were cantering and in hindsight I should have started turning him in a circle or something but was mildly panicked at the time.
He has never reared with me nor tried to throw me off though he has jumped when spooking which on one occasion I lost my stirrup and balance a bit.
I went on a trail ride a.few days ago which was not relaxing because he was on edge. To be fair to him it was really quite windy but he was just kinda spooky and jumpy . If the other horses started trotting he also wanted to trot or canter. At one point we were in a Hayfield and one of the riders decided to go for a canter (she told me first) but my guy got quite upset by that and antsy. I was nervous so I did dismount at this point. And yes on this same ride if he wanted to go faster than a walk and i wasn’t letting him, he started jigging a bit.
Hopefully this gives a better overview of my nervousness and his behaviour.
One more thing…I wanted to add that he’s not really a bucker even when excited or upset knock on wood so I am happy about that. He might have done a buck on one big spook he had with me on him but I’m not sure of it was really a buck or jump or what lol
He actually sounds like a good egg that just needs lots of good miles put on him. Anyway you could take a few lessons and have a trainer give you some tools to use for when he gets jiggy and decides to keep cantering? I can give you advice on what I would do, but it really helps to have someone talk you through the steps. Are you confident w/t/c in a ring with a perfect stop and a one rein stop? If not you need to get there before you go cantering through any open fields.
The hardest thing to do on horses is not to pull back but use one rein and body weight to ask for a circle and make the circle smaller and smaller until you get the speed you want. You just have to be very matter of fact, like with a toddler. You can’t make a big deal of it. Then I put them in some long lines and we work on whoa until it is perfected and then do the same thing with a rider on the lunge, and then a rider independently. I drive, so when I say whoa they better be sliding to a halt in a single step no matter what.
It sounds like something that would help is some ground work and taking your horse on some hand walking hikes so you can get him used to things without the fear of falling, plus you can learn his reactions and pay attention to his breathing, facial expressions, and just get to know him.
One tool, my kids use that works well when my pony gets jiggy, is to halt and walk one step. halt, Praise, walk two steps, halt, and build up. Very brief halts and it stalls out the negative energy and gets them focused on you and the praise vs the other horses. The trick is he has to walk on a very loose rein and stop at the slightest pressure. We make a big deal at first and included candy at first just to get his attention, now a scratch at the withers and being told he is the prettiest pony works.
Ideally you should put them to work and probably small circles, but I’ve found with people that are nervous and my kids, you have to find other methods to keep the situation from escalating. So you go back to something you know the horse can do right and praise, it might not be the exact thing you want to do but as a rider you can’t focus on the negative experiences, always find something positive about the ride. It will change how you view your horse.
Also consider at first to start in a ring or controlled area and then when he is listening go out on the trails. Honestly I wouldn’t canter him on trails until he can do them at a walk and trot on a loose rein. Then ask for a few steps of calm canter and build.
The way you describe your horse, he may just be one that is always overreactive and not that into relaxing.
Some horses are just like that, you can compensate with management, much training of horse and rider and get along well for those that like that kind of horse.
That is not what everyone wants and if that is not what you want, all the training of both of you won’t change that characteristics of who he is, they will only become more manageable, but never a horse you want to relax with.
We had one such, great horse otherwise, just not one to relax much.
We had him for years, but once his rider was getting too old and frail, we let him go to be a happy kid’s 4-H cutting show horse, which she won state championships with.
That was the right place for that horse, just was not what fit any more for someone that needed a quiet, reliable horse to enjoy riding, without need to “cowgirl up” every time you rode him, just in case he had a silly moment.
Like when the wind waved a tall sunflower in the barditch and he took a sideways jump across the whole road, one of his common teleporting tricks.
Thankfully he remembered to take his rider along with him that time.
I still think that it would not hurt to have a good trainer assess the horse and see what you have there and then make a decision with more to go by.
I could have typed the exact same thing about my mare! She is SO safe and sweet, but also sassy and temperamental (I call her my Sour Patch kid). She is actually a perfect first horse, since she will tell me when I mess up and challenge me to be a firm, fair leader, but wont hurt me in the process. Not what I thought I was getting, but definitely what I need to be the best horse owner I can be. She is teaching me SO much in and out of the saddle.
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OP, thank you for the details! I was feeling unable to comment usefully because there were at least two possible scenarios.
One is that you had a horse that turned out to be a real problem.
The other is that you had a horse that was basically OK, but you need some lessons and tips on schooling him, and that you are prone to self-doubt and bursts of anxiety and buyer’s remorse.
From what you’ve said, definitely the latter! Horse has done nothing wrong, you have just realized that you are at the limits of your current riding ability and don’t have the tools to feel you can canter safely in an open space. I’d have to add that most of the returning rider dressage competitors I know won’t canter outside of the arena, and certainly not on a brand new horse!
OP, it sounds like you have a perfectly nice horse that has not been spoiled or dulled by years of bad riding or minor injuries.
What you need is a reliable mentor on the ground in your home town. Your original idea to send him to training is a great idea, if that training also involves regular riding lessons for you that will help give you the tools to ride your horse safely.
Go put him in training, get riding lessons over the winter, and by the summer you will be all set to trail ride him and have fun. Ask all your questions of the trainer. Don’t go into this alone, as if you don’t even have the training skills to know how to make him stand at the mounting block or how to do an emergency stop in the field, you will be continually nattering at him and confusing him, and then he might really get sour.
There is nothing in your situation that is out of the ordinary for a new horse/rider combo, and you would have these moments with any horse you bought at your current level of confidence and skill.
A good trainer/ coach/ mentor is the most wonderful thing in the world, for a child beginner or an adult returning rider!
I say this as a re-rider who has helped shepherd several middle aged friends back into re-riding as well!
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OP- from what you described- I think sending the horse to a trainer to get some miles is a very good idea.
Plus- with the right trainer- the horse will have increased confidence and so will you. Go and ride it while it is at the trainer’s. (um- get a contract)
I felt like this in the spring with my horse-of-a-lifetime. We just hit a snag. It sucked. It zapped my confidence. I was going to throw in the towel. I am fortunate to be in the position to be able to send the horse out while getting lessons. Fast forward to fall- she’s back home and we are competing this weekend. Whatever bugs are worked out.
Good luck
Exactly, except that all those ifs, to ride more, to get help from a trainer, to get the horse trained more, is what is keeping this from working, why the questions if to sell?
I have seen and we have heard the stories here plenty of times of riders in this situation ending with a pasture ornament they don’t get around to riding, too much trouble and the horse eventually sold and the rider discouraged and not riding any more.
I say, be sure the horse will work if a good management program can be put in place AND if the horse is deemed to be suitable under such a management, which no one can know until evaluated properly.
If not, a Steady Eddie that won’t require any more than the time to saddle and go have fun, no extra training of horse and/or rider, no special management to get there, just the old quiet horse that is not going to give trouble anyway, that is what the OP needs to be considering to enjoy her horse life, is how many enjoy their horses.
Good points. But last week, the OP said she planned to send her horse to a trainer (the was in her query about blankets). Now she is second guessing that, and talking about whether to sell, and how to get horse to stand for mounting. I think that the original impulse to send the horse to a trainer, if that also involved lessons, was probably a good idea. I don’t think OP will sort this out alone, but I think OP could learn a lot from being in a sensible training situation. And the level of problems the OP is discussing are ones that could pop up with any horse, or be created by a beginner rider.
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That is true, even the best, most accommodating horse may not stay that way without some basic good handling and riding.
People have to keep learning some to be effective and that is part of what seems to be needed here.
I was not aware of other than this thread on this horse.
That there is other to consider not touched on here is interesting and would weigh in here.
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I am leaning toward sticking it out with him given he’s not “dangerous” and just plain green and I’m lacking confidence but if I keep him I’m planning on sending him for a few months training in January so that by the time spring rolls around I can continue with the training. The trainer who I’m thinking of sending him to also provides unlimited lessons although is about 50 mins away but I’m going to aim to go once a week while he’s in training. The only downside is that the training will all be in an indoor arena due to weather but I’m hoping skills learned here will transfer over to the trail riding , etc.
it could be that he may still not be a horse that can just go on a slow relaxing trail ride but perhaps after the training I’ll ask what his strengths are and steer my riding in that direction instead . All i do right now is some arena work and recreational trail riding but I’m not adverse to starting some competing possibly if the stars aligned. I used to do local shows 10 or more years ago when I was a kid/ teenager. Clinics would also be good once I get a horse trailer
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Sounds like a sensible plan.
Oh I promise you they will, the relationship you build, and the skills you both learn will be invaluable outside. Believe me these steps are important, not wasted in any way.
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