Sigh. ... Why? Just ... WHY?

[Rackonteur]

I met a new neighbor in my building today. We are all old here.
She was wearing a horsey T-shirt and I admired it. She said she really missed riding. I gave her the name of a trainer here who gives lessons to older riders as well as youngsters.
She said, as if replying to a gross insult, “I don’t need LESSONS. I already know how to ride.”

Why do some “horse” people think this way? You’d think I’d insulted her, when all I was trying to do was give her a tip in case she wanted to get back to horses. The only other choice around here is nose-to-tail trail rides. And if she’s living in my building, chances are good that she can’t afford to buy and board a horse of her own. .

[hybriseris]

This attitude to me usually indicates someone who’s either not interested in horsemanship, OR doesn’t really understand what being a horseman is. The best riders I know are constantly seeking more education. Hell, one of the reasons I love riding is that I will literally never know everything and I get to learn until the day I die.

It’s fine to fart around, for sure. But it sure is a jarring attitude, I definitely agree.

Editing to add, I did once lease from a woman who rode to Grand Prix level, and she said “I don’t require you take lessons, because if you need lessons I don’t want you leasing my horse.” She was a tiny little Italian lady, very gruff but amazing to work with. I always found her aversion to lessoning strange and she had the same sort of abrupt contempt, especially because I love to lesson and she would never mind if I used her horse but always grumbled. I did eventually coax out of her that she had a horrible, years long experience with a trainer as a junior that soured her to the experience. She finds lessons nauseating and anxiety provoking which is a shame, and doesn’t sound like what’s going on with your neighbor, but something to think about.

[Angela_Freda]

It’s a sport, so even if you KNOW how, it takes getting in shape to DO.

Not sure why a true horseman would balk at that idea.

[freshman]

People who might already have somewhat defensive personalities can take the suggestion as an insult. Which is a shame. Obviously what you were trying to do here was to share an opportunity for her to perhaps experience and ride/interact with horses in real life again, and also at an age and income bracket that realistically makes this possibility otherwise fairly impossible.

If you are willing to try again, you might just mention that were trying to share an opportunity for real-life horse joy with her (something she should be able to understand!) and didn’t mean to insult her ability/experience level, if that makes sense.

[Rackonteur]

I sympathize with her. During my very first lesson as a child I was screamed at by my trainer (group lesson) for doing something one of her assistants had told me to do. She terrified me, but she also made me very angry (I’ve always had that mixed reaction to bullies. Luckily the fear wins out over the anger and I usually cower or flee!).

I love riding lessons. I love learning all I can about horses.

I’m glad the Italian lady let you do lessons on her horse. I’m sure he benefited too.

[BatCoach]

I encountered this type of attitude many times when I was working on a dude ranch. People would claim that they “knew how to ride” if they had been on 4 nose-to-tail trail rides in the course of their lives and managed to keep the horse between their butt and the ground. One man claimed to be an expert because he rode at his uncles farm as a boy (40 years ago!). It truly is a combo of the Dunning-Kruger Effect and viewing horses as piece of sports equipment - like a bicycle.

If this lady really was a horseperson and had ridden to any true degree of horsemanship in her past, she would know that lessons are the best way to re-enter the horse world after a period of time off, no matter how experienced you actually are. Her response is telling of her inexperience.

[Rackonteur]

It does. Thanks. I did smile and say something like, “Cool, then as you know, every time we get on 'em we learn more about 'em,” but she just ignored that.

[shiloh]

I am looking forward to getting back in the horse world. Granted I don’t know when that will happen but I DO know that it will start with lessons. Because we all need to be reminded of certain things every now and then. Unless she’s one of those experts - like the idiot trainerettes I ran into at a barn I boarded at. The one says to the other “I don’t need to know how to ride. I already KNOW that. I just need to learn how BNT gets the horses to do those things.” facepalm facepalm

My whackadoodle neighbor loves to tell me she is an expert rider. (She rode rental horses a couple times as a child.) And because I was still taking lessons that makes me …not an expert rider. Oh ok sure fine. argh and yikes

[hybriseris]

We all benefitted I think, I’m always grateful for the generous horsemen in my life! And I’m glad your experience didn’t stop you from enjoying lessons later.

[anon15718925]

Betting:

1. She probably is someone who exclusively has ridden on a nose-to-trail trail ride and thinks that’s all there is to it and isn’t that interested (or nice about it).

2. She’s a casual/backyard type who just farts around and thinks she knows everything and apparently isn’t nice about it. (Nothing wrong with the backyard just fart around types, necessarily - I’ve known a few who were good people who took good care of their horses and loved them and rode alright enough, just maybe not with the most finesse and all they might do is some casual trail riding in western tack. Not that I’m any good at riding, either, frankly. I haven’t even ridden regularly in a few years and when I was last in lessons I was still unlearning approx. 10 years of bad habits created by poor quality or no lessons.)

[sophie]

@BatCoach

If this lady really was a horseperson and had ridden to any true degree of horsemanship in her past, she would know that lessons are the best way to re-enter the horse world after a period of time off, no matter how experienced you actually are. Her response is telling of her inexperience

I was just going to post these exact words.

When someone says they don’t need lessons because they already know how to ride, I immediately translate it as “they don’t really know how to ride” - red flag lol

I am getting ready to ride again after having to put down my beloved old mare 3 months ago. I’ve been riding dressage and eventing for 40 years, and you bet I am going to take lessons again then hopefully find a lease horse…

One thing about riding / horsemanship - you NEVER stop learning.

[FjordBCRF]

That’s too bad that was the reaction you got. SO was miffed when I had mentioned lessons when we first started dating. He was like, “you have been riding over 30 years, why do you need lessons?” He gets it now.

For someone who allegedly really misses riding, you would think that could have been a great conversation if she actually wanted to ride again. I don’t know anywhere in my area that you can go ride a horse (knowing how to ride or not). Trail rides here are even few and far between. You either have to be really well networked with horse people, or you have to take lessons and build up rapport.

[anon40672407]

@Rackonteur

It does. Thanks. I did smile and say something like, “Cool, then as you know, every time we get on 'em we learn more about 'em,” but she just ignored that.

Lots of times it’s not about the rider. It’s about the owner knowing the horse is in trusted hands. I guess I would have said something like, “I didn’t mean you don’t know how. I meant most people are not going to let you aboard their animals until you have shown you know how. Trying to keep their horses safe.”

[signmypapyrus]

A few people in my town think like this about horses. It’s really alarming to me.

[Postandrails]

Unconscious incompetence <
conscious incompetence <
unconscious competence <
conscious competence (aka The Holy Grail).

It’s just the first stage of doing anything new, when you don’t even realise how little you don’t know. Most of us move quickly to the next stage, but some people are fairly slow to move on.

[Spudsmyguy]

@shiloh

My whackadoodle neighbor loves to tell me she is an expert rider. (She rode rental horses a couple times as a child.) And because I was still taking lessons that makes me …not an expert rider. Oh ok sure fine. argh and yikes

I had the little 7 year old daughter of the BO tell me that she knew everything about horses. I told her she must be really smart because I’m still learning about them. It was pretty cute actually.

[Janet]

Reminds me of a couple of women I met socially. They had their own horses and had ridden “for years” (I think mostly trail riding) They decided they wanted to learn to jump, and signed up for lessons. They were terribly offended when the instructor insisted that they had to be able to steer accurately before they could start to learn to jump. “What does steering have to do with jumping?”

[anon15718925]

Uhhhhhhhhhhh…I don’t usually use the words “I can’t even” in the slang sense where one just lets it trail off but - I can’t even. No, for emphasis - I CANNOT even.