Sister help again...she doesn't want me showing western

[huntseat3]

Here I am again, with pretty much the same scenario-my sister against me showing western.

Just a quick rundown-I show hunt seat with my horse, who can also do western (pleasure.) My sister shows western (pleasure and ranch) and will soon get into reining. We have a 2 y/o that we are raising that will be a western all-arounder. So, I want to show my horse western, and the 2 y/o.

It’s very obvious that my sister doesn’t want me to. She’s never come right and out and said it, but whenever my dad brings it up, she tries to change the subject or says something about me not needing to buy western tack/clothes, or why would I want to do that, etc. She wants western to be her thing, and hunt seat to be mine. While I do understand that, what she doesn’t understand is in no way am I trying to outshine or overpower her, I’m simply doing it because my horse has the potential and I want to gain experience and show in more classes, and because
that’s probably all the 2 y/o will be shown in (western.)

An example-The other day she brought up finding a new show shirt to show the 2 y/o in halter in a certain small show. When I said I want to show him too, and she said I can just wear my hunt seat clothes. Then I said what about riding classes, I want to show him in those too, and she gave a small shrug, rolled her eyes, and didn’t say anything else. She’s also like this when my dad brings up me showing my horse in western classes. Sorry, it’s hard for me to explain her reaction. But it’s very obvious to me that she hates it (although my parents seem pretty oblivious.)

It just bothers me because she thinks it has to be so segregated-that I can only show hunt seat, according to her ‘rules.’ For some strange reason, she also doesn’t think my horse is a western horse, even though he’s bred for western pleasure and has had professional training. I just happen to show him hunt seat.

Now I know none of you can tell me exactly what to do, and I know I need to talk this out with her/my parents, but I’m still looking for advice on how to approach this situation. I’m going to bring it up to my mom when I get a good time alone with her.

Part of me wants to say heck with her, I’ll do what I want. But I feel like that would most likely lead to a blow-out.

[huntseat3]

I guess I can understand where she’s coming from, but she’s not being fair, at all.

And another thing-I’m always very supportive of her in shows. Whether she wins or comes in last, I complement her on things I liked. I have to specifically ask her for critiques on my ride, and even then she says very little.

Let me reiterate, in no way am I trying to take over ‘her’ discipline. It’s just simply something more I can show in, and want to.

She’s younger than me, and we wouldn’t be in hardly any of the same classes, so I guess it’s not so much her worrying I’ll beat her as…ugh, I don’t know what it is! I’m scared to bring it up to her because it’s such a touchy subject. This is all so stupid

[arlosmine]

Would it be possible to bring it up as of you had not noticed that she was already a little upset about the idea? Like : I’d like to show western this season, but I am not comfortable with us competing aginst eachother in the same classes. I really like that we can share our interest in horses, and I want us to support each other
Let’s look at some classes ans see what we can do so we don’t overlap. Do you want to take my horse in some hunt seat classes in your age group?

It may be a good idea to have this conversation in the presence of your mom or dad…or even talk to one of them first about the issue.

It sounds like she is insecure, and maybe needs help with becoming a team instead of competing against each other…

[huntseat3]

Thanks arlosmine.

I know she doesn’t want to show hunt seat though

[huntseat3]

More advice please!

[CHT]

Do you guys have an agreement for sharing the two year old? I could see her being miffed that you are assuming you will get to show him…she might have assumed she would as he is western and that is her specialty. I think you guys (parents included) need to have a discussion about who is doing what with the young horse so he is not pulled too many ways.

As for your horse, I would just start practicing western and buy the outfits. Don’t make it a discussion, just do it. Don’t hide it either, but discussing it may be what is giving her the impression she has a say in what you do with your horse. If creates a scene about it, don’t take the bait and join in an argument, just make it a discussion to be had later with your parents. She might surprise you and actually be ok with it when it actually comes down to it.

[huntseat3]

Thanks CHT

We’ve known from the beginning that we would share the 2 y/o and show him in whatever he showed potential in. He’s not mine or hers, he’s both of ours, and we actually share him very well. We’ve worked together this whole time. I honestly cannot see one of us completely taking him over.

I like the second part of your post. That is really what I should do. Just ignore the weirdness and go for it. And if anything comes up, deal with it then.

[huntseat3]

[QUOTE=CHT;7513350]
Do you guys have an agreement for sharing the two year old? I could see her being miffed that you are assuming you will get to show him…she might have assumed she would as he is western and that is her specialty. I think you guys (parents included) need to have a discussion about who is doing what with the young horse so he is not pulled too many ways.

As for your horse, I would just start practicing western and buy the outfits. Don’t make it a discussion, just do it. Don’t hide it either, but discussing it may be what is giving her the impression she has a say in what you do with your horse. If creates a scene about it, don’t take the bait and join in an argument, just make it a discussion to be had later with your parents. She might surprise you and actually be ok with it when it actually comes down to it.[/QUOTE]

Like this; I’ve never thought of it that way. She doesn’t have a say in what I do with him.

[huntseat3]

Keep coming back to your post CHT!

You may be right about her being ok with it afterall, because at first when I started taking hunter under saddle lessons with the trainer who also did some reining work with her, she was mad, but got over it (I guess lol)

[downen]

Here’s what you do: Hide around a corner, cold cock her, grab her hair and put your elbow in her throat and make her agree to what you want.

Just kidding, flashing back to my childhood. I just violated my policy of not posting after cocktail hour.

The only sage advice I can offer is that I have two younger sisters, and while I love them to death, we still at ages 53, 50 and 47, don’t see eye to eye. Let her get mad, kill her with kindness, and follow your own path.

[CHT]

Hope you end up having a great show season and that all this stressing was unfounded!

[huntseat3]

I’m going to go for it. When my dad brings it up again, I’m going to say that I want to show western.

[GotMyPony]

Your sister is probably just the first of many, many people throughout your hopefully very long life who will think they should have some control over what you do - or even what you want to do. This is a good time for you to learn the lesson that, while it’s OK to listen to other people’s opinions and to consider those opinions fairly and try to glean any wisdom you can from them, you still need to decide what the right course is for you. Or as we say in the endurance world, “Ride your own ride.”

[Trakehner]

Simple…who cares what your sister wants. Ignore her, her opinion doesn’t matter.

[goodhors]

Be careful with that 2yr old, he is ONLY a baby!! Too much work at his age is HARD on his bones, soft joints. Have you had him checked to see if his knees are even close to being closed?

With both you girls working him, it is going to be REAL EASY to overdo him, both mentally and physically. Then you end up with a horse who “showed well, but career ended early because of his body damage” at a pretty young age. Probably still in the single digits, maybe 7-8yrs old.

As for dealing with your sister in showing, guess you need to quit asking her things. She is not trying to help you, you prodding her for critiques is just like poking her with a stick. Every question from you is a jab. Ask your trainer or get a trainer that does Western to learn and be critiqued by him/her. Leave your sister out of YOUR practice and improved skills program. Be GLAD she is not screaming at you like some families do in horse activities!

And while everyone SAYS they are not competing, it still happens. Just counting the ribbons and places, always makes for comparisons. Quit talking about it, so it is LESS obvious. And DO speak up, offer your English horse to her. She might have changed her mind since “back then” to be willing to try it now. You can’t read her mind, so just make the offer good for “Anytime you want to do English, you can use my horse”. She might decide to be more rounded as a rider, learn new skills and ideas, so she will need your horse then.

Hope this works out, but best idea is ignoring her remarks, and DO NOT ASSUME you know her mind. No mental telepathy around, so you should go with what she SAYS. Too many folks trying to read others, come up with totally opposite readings of the other person. Then bad feelings start.

[goodhors]

Be careful with that 2yr old, he is ONLY a baby!! Too much work at his age is HARD on his bones, soft joints. Have you had him checked to see if his knees are even close to being closed?

With both you girls working him, it is going to be REAL EASY to overdo him, both mentally and physically. Then you end up with a horse who “showed well, but career ended early because of his body damage” at a pretty young age. Probably still in the single digits, maybe 7-8yrs old.

As for dealing with your sister in showing, guess you need to quit asking her things. She is not trying to help you, you prodding her for critiques is just like poking her with a stick. Every question from you is a jab. Ask your trainer or get a trainer that does Western to learn and be critiqued by him/her. Leave your sister out of YOUR practice and improved skills program. Be GLAD she is not screaming at you like some families do in horse activities!

And while everyone SAYS they are not competing, it still happens. Just counting the ribbons and places, always makes for comparisons. Quit talking about it, so it is LESS obvious. And DO speak up, offer your English horse to her. She might have changed her mind since “back then” to be willing to try it now. You can’t read her mind, so just make the offer good for “Anytime you want to do English, you can use my horse”. She might decide to be more rounded as a rider, learn new skills and ideas, so she will need your horse then.

Hope this works out, but best idea is ignoring her remarks, and DO NOT ASSUME you know her mind. No mental telepathy around, so you should go with what she SAYS. Too many folks trying to read others, come up with totally opposite readings of the other person. Then bad feelings start.

[huntseat3]

[QUOTE=goodhors;7517899]
Be careful with that 2yr old, he is ONLY a baby!! Too much work at his age is HARD on his bones, soft joints. Have you had him checked to see if his knees are even close to being closed?

With both you girls working him, it is going to be REAL EASY to overdo him, both mentally and physically. Then you end up with a horse who “showed well, but career ended early because of his body damage” at a pretty young age. Probably still in the single digits, maybe 7-8yrs old.

As for dealing with your sister in showing, guess you need to quit asking her things. She is not trying to help you, you prodding her for critiques is just like poking her with a stick. Every question from you is a jab. Ask your trainer or get a trainer that does Western to learn and be critiqued by him/her. Leave your sister out of YOUR practice and improved skills program. Be GLAD she is not screaming at you like some families do in horse activities!

And while everyone SAYS they are not competing, it still happens. Just counting the ribbons and places, always makes for comparisons. Quit talking about it, so it is LESS obvious. And DO speak up, offer your English horse to her. She might have changed her mind since “back then” to be willing to try it now. You can’t read her mind, so just make the offer good for “Anytime you want to do English, you can use my horse”. She might decide to be more rounded as a rider, learn new skills and ideas, so she will need your horse then.

Hope this works out, but best idea is ignoring her remarks, and DO NOT ASSUME you know her mind. No mental telepathy around, so you should go with what she SAYS. Too many folks trying to read others, come up with totally opposite readings of the other person. Then bad feelings start.[/QUOTE]

Thanks.

We’re starting him slow, we’ve only been on him three times. We’re starting with 10-15 minute rides, more later in the year, then more 3 y/o year.

[Flash44]

I agree with the poster who said that you need to stop asking for her opinion - it opens the door for her to impose on you. She is lucky to have a sister like you who cares about how she feels. But she is being a bit childish, and she is allowed to be somewhat immature since she is younger than you. You are probably too young to remember the “Marsha Marsha Marsha” episode of the Brady Bunch when Jan has a melt down because Marsha always seems to outshine her. Even though your sister is not in the same classes as you, she probably still feels like she is competing with you. Do you have a guidance counselor at school you can talk to?

[huntseat3]

I appreciate everyone’s input. I read all your posts, saying her opinion doesn’t matter, and after thinking about it I realized you’re right. She needs to see that it’s not her decision. I’m a little nervous about showing because there will probably be some dispute or tension, but I’m more confident now because I know I’ll be doing the right thing. I’m just going to go for it and not make it a big deal or overthink it.

Coming into this I really thought I would not be able to show western because of her. Now I see that this is totally possible, once I get past that mindset that she has the control. So thank you for convincing me!

[AKB]

Can you do some types of showing that are a little different from what your sister does? My daughters both did pony club and eventing. The one daughter competed over some big fences and liked her horses hot and with a lot of go. She evented at a higher level than her sister, but never scored well in dressage. The younger daughter was a dressage queen who did a little eventing, a lot of dressage, and also did polocrosse. They were able to avoid conflict because each was quite good in her favorite area, and awful at the other’s area. A good dressage test can’t be compared to a clear xc round.
I don’t know much about western, but there may be some type of class that you enjoy but your sister doesn’t enjoy. I would start with that while you and she work on getting along well and avoiding feeling competitive with each other.