Suggest you stop the lateral work until the contact is established, steady, consistent and frank, which you can both feel and see, with the horse having a steady head carriage, and the rein consistently ‘taken up’ with no slack, without changes in the rein tension or the horse’s head going up, down, in, out, changing position other than when you ask the horse to stretch or to come up.
But it is more difficult even than that. The contact must also be supple and through, with the neck muscles always loose and supple even though the contact and connection is steady, and the rider able to use the reins to bend the horse and turn him without the contact being dropped, and the biggest test of the contact, to halt and continue on without the slightest change in the amount of contact or position of the horse’s head.
THis is where it really gets much more difficult.
Simple work on large circles and straight lines, in a very forward gait (forward doesn’t equal fast; most people do need an instructor guiding them to develop forward rather than fast, though for many amateurs it is plainly and clearly just a matter of giving the horse much, much more freedom and energy in his gaits, and it may FEEL ‘fast’ to the rider), helps to bring the contact.
It is no solution to simply ride the horse with a very low head carriage and long neck all through the ride, especially if the reins are very loose or long and there is no contact with the reins.
The order of training is establish a connection and acceptance of the bit first, in what is the equivalent of intro and training level, and then go to the lateral work, which is first level and second level.
Contact is formed with a contact shy horse by teaching him to stretch, but stretch to a contact, with a connection, and that takes a lot of leg and a very clever, suppling use of the rein without overbending or de-emphasizing the leg aids.
Stretching without a contact has no worth, but may form a very initial, brief period of showing the horse how to loosen up. If it goes on for more than a few weeks it is a problem and it is becoming just another position in which the horse does not take a contact.
The correct stretch is really very difficult. Almost anyone can teach a trick for the horse to plunge his head and neck down on some cue - real stretching is much harder.
The contact is maintained, all the way down, with no change in the amount of feel one has in the reins from start to finish and back to the normal position. The horse simply elongates his neck, maintaining the connection, and the contact never changes, like an accordion, and the reins never go slack at all.
Most people drop the contact, and teach the horse a trick, rather than correct work. This has no value in training.
It is very true that establishing the contact is really the main work of the rider at this phase and nothing else really can happen and be correct without that first being established. And it is really the work of the rider to decontract the horse - many say the horse ‘offers’ a contact, but it isn’t true. The ‘offered’ contact is not through or consistent unless the horse is actually ‘losing his balance downward’ to a very low, long position and that is not balanced. The only way to get the correct contact is to consistently and deliberately create the situation in which the horse can make the connection. The rider has to actively do this, the horse is just waiting for that.
He will always continue with his old habits, even after years of retraining he will revert to his old habit, unless the rider gives him a ‘forward ride to the quiet steady hand’.
There really isn’t any other way.
Lessons really are indispensable. Videos are fun, but no substitute for lessons. I do not really believe one can gain so much from videos alone. For me they are just one important part of the whole.
Most important make sure your riding him back to front and have forward motion. Get books and videos and sit down and learn. good luck
