Ah. How did I not put that together…
Thanks for clarifying!
Has this been posted yet? The Chronicle got some input from a Black equestrian.
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I also want to make a general note that casual racism isn’t always noticed by people who are not subject to it. Sometimes even overt racism. When I worked in litigation, my boss and I were preparing a witness for trial. He went on a tangent about how he refused to do business with people of a certain ethnicity (cough…my ethnicity…) because “they’re sneaky” and “they’ll stab you in the back” and so on. It was so awkward and made me extremely uncomfortable. He looked at me, nonchalantly said “no offense,” and moved on. I was a young attorney and didn’t want to make a scene, so i just sat there and tried to focus on doing my job.
Immediately after the meeting I brought it up to my boss, in a “wow, chuckles can you believe that guy?” sort of way. To my utter shock, my boss had no recollection of the man’s racial comments. They apparently didn’t faze him enough to even stop and take notice. When I repeated them, my boss replied the man “was a little rough around the edges” and walked away. We never talked about it again. This is one example of many.
I’ve been able to achieve success in my professional life and in riding, and I don’t think I was actively or significantly held back by my ethnicity or appearance, but I also acknowledge that my experience isn’t universal. Just like my boss didn’t notice actual literal overt racism being directed at me while we were in the same room together, I might not notice the barriers that are placed in front of others, even if we’re sharing the same space (in this case, the horse world). That is why I think it’s important to really try to listen and understand other people’s lived experiences.
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That’s really brave. It must be hard to speak up after reading something like Missy’s response. Not only was Missy totally clueless (asking the man at the in gate is so cringeworthy it’s almost comical) but also punching down with respect to the 17-year-old. I hope she is genuinely humbled and reflective after this and really is doing work to make substantive personal change and not just brush up her optics while retaining her defensive “the status quo is okay” position.
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It’s encouraging to hear Missy’s response when Stephanie reached out to her. Hopefully she will do the research and get a better understanding of why her response to Sophie was so problematic.
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A dear gentle friend of mine was beaten to death by bigots for being gay.
Please tell me how he “made themself into a victim”.
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Now we are just waiting for Ms. Clark to ask COTH to take down her comments. If she doesn’t then she hasn’t learned a whole lot.
MVP- thanks for posting. Our VP is a gay man. He gave a talk at one of our PRIDE/ALLLY meetings about how he handles it when h e travels and someone sees his ring and asks “what does your wife think of all your traveling?” He said- please assume people have the best intentions. People will make mistakes, have grace.
Missy’s response to the author reminds me of that situation. (though I thought Missy’s response was ridiculous in response to a kid).
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She did that a long time ago. Said it was the worst thing she had ever done.
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Thank you so much for posting this.
I am so emotional right now I really should wait, but I wanted to thank Stephanie so much sharing. Reading her story brought back so many of the same feelings I had growing up, they never go away. I, however, could keep my mouth shut and try to blend in with the rest of my White environment. I am also happy to hear she reached out to Missy. I am encouraged Missy is willing to learn, and that’s really all anyone can ask at this point.
Stephanie, you made me cry, and I thank you!
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I so agree…
I would like to show and spend winters in FL. And have a farm that isn’t in the cold 7 months a year. But I know that in this lifetime it is not likely to happen. I know it is economics that rule. Money is the main factor in the horse world. And it is getting more and expensive to play. Cold hard facts, not racism.
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I try to understand this but I really can’t. The worst things I have ever done were done in the heat of the moment, without reflection or thought. She didn’t bang this out on her phone between schooling rounds at PBIEC. She had to think about it.
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I re-read Missy’s writing. (I’m still appalled.)
These two things did jump out at me.
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Using the phrase “to the best of my knowledge”. It’s a classic evasion.
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Missy “considers” the gentleman who works the in-gate at WEF a “good friend”. He is either a good friend or he isn’t.
When someone is your good friend, you say they are a good friend, not “I consider them a good friend”.
My definition (and I believe it’s the same for most people) of a “good friend” is someone whom you invite to your home to visit, or for dinner, and vice-versa.
A “good friend” is someone that you spend time with chatting on the phone (or the computer) if they move away. You (try to) remember their birthday. You go out for meals with them when you can and know the names of their children if they have any. A “good friend” is someone you can call if you are in a jam, day or night.
I’ll always remember my late Grandmother saying to me as she aged and her friends passed on, “My good friends are all gone. I have only amiable acquaintances now, and that will have to do”.
Perhaps Missy is a good friend of Mr. Holmes. The words she chooses makes me think it’s more likely that they are amiable acquaintances and that this is yet another example of the “some of my best friends are people of color” line, spoken by people when trying to defend their racism.
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This was posted to North Run’s Facebook page.
Since the release of my article in COTH, it’s now become abundantly clear that I have been looking at our horse world through a very narrow lens. What I perceived as an inclusive community, free of racial bias, is an inaccuracy that I completely misread.
Instead, through hearing the voices and stories of others, who navigate outside the insular community where I’ve existed for many years, I’ve been enlightened to see that in reality the lack of diversity in our sport, in fact stems from systematic racism and oppression.
I realize now how I failed many with my inability to see beyond our bubble when I voiced my opinion. And for that I’m truly sorry.
I recognize and am ready to pursue an avenue of active participation on my part – to educate myself so I can better understand the problems of discrimination, inequality and racism that exist within all areas of our horse community – with the intentions of influencing others to do the same. I had no idea how prevalent these problems were, and that is my fault.
I’d like to thank the people with whom I’ve connected during this eye opening time for helping me to see things through their eyes. I can honestly say it’s changed me forever.
So many of us are linked together through our shared love for our horses and animals. It’s the common denominator and a starting point from which we can gain unity.
I have many ideas for ways to pursue active participation on my part, in an effort to help to eradicate discrimination and social injustices within our entire horse community,
encompassing all areas of our sport.
My most sincere hope is that we can all become allies instead of adversaries and fight together so that social inequality no longer occurs within our world of horses. My words are sincere when I say I’m ready to participate in an effort to help to raise awareness, fight injustice and eliminate discrimination within our sport, and I’ll try my best to not let anyone down.
– Missy Clark
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So you didn’t realize that there was racism in your little “insular community” and now you will do your best to fight racism “within our world of horses”?
I hate to tell you this after your facebook soliloquy, but that doesn’t mean squat. You can’t claim to have seen the light when the magnitude of the issue is lost to you, which is evident from your words.
Keep trying. I do see you are taking baby steps. But that’s what they are. Do what you can, but realize that you have a long way to go.
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Any gay person saying they are a victim, “MADE” themselves into a victim? Huh? In what reality?
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Said on the anniversary of the tragic Pulse nightclub shooting, no less. :no:
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Americans have always realized our country’s beauty and promise. Many people have been beaten down and many have died in the effort to be accepted as an equal human being.
Our systemic bigotry is our country’s shame.
It is heartbreaking to see the people in their insular world that have no clue about the lives of their fellow citizens and the oppression they live with every day.
The murder of people of color is not new. nor is the murder of homosexual people. It has happened over and over and over again with no consequence for the murderer.
How long will it take Americans to live up to the promise of our democracy?
We are America, all of us.:yes: Please LISTEN https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRUjr8EVgBg
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I was co-teaching a law class with a person of “racial ambiguity.” The students were all white. I am white. When my co-professor left the room, students made comments about cases and laws in a way highly derogatory to anyone who was not white, and included comments that come near to racial slurs about my co-professor. They seemed to think we had a secret alliance of being white that allowed these things to be said and that we as white people all agreed upon them. It was distressing and it was wrong, but I cannot say I was shocked or surprised as I have seen this over and over in various places and settings. Where a non-white persoon is present, fake pleasantries are made and no racist statements are offered. Non-white person exits and there is a rush to want to solidify the white alliance by those that remain. I try to call out racism when it is done in my presence. It is hard to know how to do this. I don’t think I do it very well. I try.
I left a family gathering of my then spouse’s family when people persisted on using the “n” word. I said I preferred not to hear it, and was told that they would say what they wanted in their house. And then the word was used deliberately many times in short succession to see what I would do. I said that it was their house and they could do what they wanted, but I did not have to stay and listen, and so I left. My departure was seen as the great sin, rather than their use of the “n” word, in the rows that followed. Was this a very good way to handle this situation? I don’t know. It was what I could think to do at the time.
I was at a party of various professional people attending with my then spouse. A man told a racist joke. I objected to it. The man then lit into me wanting to know what I cared, as a white person, about his racist joke, and said I was ruining his good time at the party. So-- I said I was not white, I only looked white, and his joke was objectionable and offensive. Again-- probably not the best response. I was just reacting on the spot. He challenged me about not being white. I said his challenge was racist. His wife then came into the fray and told him to put a sock in it and made him apologize to me. I gave my greetings to the party host and went home. Aftermath-- then spouse and others from the party outraged that I had upset their good fun and jokes, and was I really a “n” as I had said? (I did not use that word). Was there a better way to handle this? Without a doubt. But it was all I could think to do at the time.
I try to figure out other better ways to respond. When I am exposed to racism, it is in the presence of all white people, not with a non-white person present.
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I like Missy’s response. You need to see a problem before you can do anything about it and I think it is safe to say her eyes were pried open last week. Missy doesn’t have the power needed to change the world or even the horse world but I like to think she is one more person on the right side of change. We need all the help we can get so welcome aboard.
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