I’ve gotten a few messages and requests for an update so here goes. It is certainly not the ending I wanted, but I have no regrets and hope this may help others.
My mare was spayed in October. Cost was $4k, she spent 48 hours at Cornell, and came home looking much more comfortable than I expected. No complications and healing was straightforward. Two weeks of stall rest/hand walking, two weeks small paddock turnout, and then she was back to work and normal turnout. She lived on trazodone 2x a day for the first six weeks, and was aced on top of that for her first few times out and first few rides back (with vet approval).
The lay up was the easy part. Putting her back into work was difficult. She looked much, much sounder, and some of the heat-specific u/s behavioral issues disappeared (such refusing to go forward/balking when I asked for the trot). Her behavior on the ground improved as well. Even on a high dose of trazodone and ace though, she never seemed relaxed. On the lunge, she would be trotting along happily and then panic and bolt at nothing. Under saddle, I could not trot her without some type of buck, spin, or spook. At best I had an unhappy horse who wasn’t actively trying to dump me.
I knew putting her back into work would be difficult, but two months later, off all drugs, in a full work load (if at a lesser intensity in deference to her decreased fitness), I saw no improvement at all. I did try putting her back on Regumate, which did not help (previously it helped, but she would cycle through it). I tried working with a local pro who specialized in groundwork and desensitization. I stopped riding her for a bit and paid my then-trainer to be the only one on her. At the end of that, when I couldn’t trot her without a bolting/bucking combination, the trainer basically asked me why I was doing this to myself. And for the first time, I really did not have an answer. It had stopped feeling fair to both me and to her to work towards getting her to do a job she was now miserable doing.
Cornell had only one real suggestion left, based on the lack of findings on the original exam, her normal pathology report, and all the other diagnostics we had done over the past year being normal: do an MRI. Their last working theory was some type of tumor somewhere (possibly in her pituitary or adrenal gland) causing her abnormal cycles and erratic behavior. They weren’t confident about that based on her young age, and it would require general anesthesia. I elected not to do that.
Instead, I emailed four of the top breeding facilities on the east coast to see if they needed a tease mare. After three different repro vets vouched for one of them that was interested (a vet friend also personally knows the person who runs it), I agreed to sign over ownership and ship her down so she could start life as a tease mare. She left at the beginning of the year to go live in a big field with a herd, and come in as needed to flirt with stallions. I was heartbroken to say goodbye, but comforted knowing she was going to be in a situation where she would be happier.
I have never regretted the ovariectomy for two main reasons. First - and I didn’t mention this previously because I did not want to deal with pushback on it and wasn’t considering it at that time - euthanasia had been brought up by one of my vets if her behavior continued to deteriorate. I was in a position where I truly felt if she had one more outburst while in heat, I would probably (and rightfully) be asked to leave my boarding barn for safety reasons, and I am not sure how I ethically could have brought her elsewhere knowing she was rearing, kicking, and striking people. So, in a sense I do believe that the surgery saved her life in that she was easier to handle afterwards and I could continue to have her in a barn where she is handled by other people (my ability to have a horse is dependent on boarding).
Second, the $4k surgery is a small price to pay to give her a chance at a second career she will be much happier in, and much less than paying to retire a 5 year old. I would have retired her personally before doing any random “free to good home” situation, and never would have offered her as a riding horse. Sending her as a tease mare or recipient mare to a well-respected facility was the only situation I was willing to look into, and I had more interest than I expected because she had already been ovariectomized.
The thing that bothers me the most is not knowing. Not knowing what exactly happened when she went into heat almost a year ago that changed her personality so much, and left her so unhappy. And having to accept that I will never know. I miss the horse I had a year ago so much.
So to everyone who messaged or asked for an update, I wish you all the luck, I’m happy to answer any question about my experience now that its not quite so raw, and would also caution you not to read into my experience all too much. I genuinely think this was a freakish medical anomaly that has stumped 3 repro vets and a therio specialist, and not any type of typical results or presentation. I think we were the worst case scenario - not a probable outcome.
[And, to leave it on a bit of a brighter note - after all that I felt a bit burnt out of horse ownership and wasn’t planning to look right away. But I desperately missed having something I could ride (safely) and figured I would see what was out there within my limited budget (for this market!). Last month, I purchased a coming 5 y/o gelding who has been so incredibly kind to me. It was absolutely a case of right place right time with how crazy the market is, and riding something that is happy to do his job and so eager to please really highlighted for me just how bad the behavior had gotten with my mare.]