As if judging people was only done by newbies. I love how kcmel was born on this board with over 5,000 posts. There isn’t a person on COTH who hasn’t judge people at some point on this board.
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“Judging” other people is problematical (if you’re not a public official wearing The Black Dress). Assessing behaviors is not. If a parent behaves badly then they should be “called out” for it. Is this an endorsement of “tit or tat” and incessant yelling sessions or endless FB exchanges? Of course not. It may well be an invitation to seek instruction/training elsewhere. It all depends on circumstances.
If a child misbehaves then the instructor is remiss if they don’t bring it to the attention of the parent. If the parent receives the report in a the spirit in which it is offered then you have a chance for a real “learning experience.” If the parent adopts the “how dare you criticize my Little Darling” attitude then maybe it’s a hint that the parent should seek instruction/training elsewhere. Again, it all depends on circumstances.
Many years ago there was an Extension Agent in another county who adopted the Vince Lombardi Theory of Competition.* At a local 4H show his behavior was a compendium of “don’t be’s” when dealing with kids. He berated any kid who did not get a blue and then called the judge everything but a Good Christian. It was embarrassing. Fortunately his behavior was witnessed by a state officer who was present and a few months later he was fired for gross incompetence and theft after information surfaced about some of his practices during working hours. A large, collective “sigh of relief” was heard even from his own county.
Parents, adults, and children are all capable of bad behavior. It up to the other parents, adults, and children to not “model” that behavior and seek to address it through appropriate means.
G.
*“Winning is not everything; it’s the ONLY thing.”
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I clicked on this thread because I thought it was going to be about those of us with special snowflake horses. Because I’ve got a few of those… :lol:
Special snowflake riders are a whole 'nother issue, and IME their existence is not new nor any different than at any time before. I grew up riding with quite a few of that type and I’m solidly a gen-x-er as well. The horse world may be the most gratifying place to see them because horses have an amazing way of instilling a sense of humility and dealing out karma!
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This thread makes me think of another on here on COtH, that’s just winding down. The poster bought a foal in utero that turned out to be 1st premium KWPN-NA and site jumping foal champion, but had a very minor defect in a hoof or two.
Of course, her world came to an end.
I’ll bet when she was little, she was one of those special-snowflakes. Now, life is happening and she has no coping skills.
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I think there are a lot of great kids these days, including, gasp, teenagers. I always hear how terrible teens are but I’ve had great experiences with baby sitters, camp counselors, and coaches that have been teens. The kids at my daughters barn all seem pretty nice too.
Yes there are some who don’t clean up or groom as much as they should, but it’s not for everyone (these are lesson kids) and when asked, they do what they need to do. Other kids volunteer to do everything they can.
And all kids want to jump when they see older girls doing it… kids generally over react and can storm off or act disrespectful. They arent always good at controlling their emotions. But that’s when a parent needs to make sure they go apologize to the instructor and don’t repeat the behavior.
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I have some acquaintances that come to mind when I hear the term “special snowflake”. When I first met them, Mom and daughter (who was still elementary school age) were fairly normal, reasonable people. . But as daughter advanced in her horsemanship and moved from a pony to a fancier horse, mom became so enamored of her daughter’s riding that she went completely over the top as a horse show mom (“Over the top horse show mom” as a syndrome may deserve it’s own separate thread). In the process, mom turned daughter into a snowflake who bought into mom’s message that she really was that much more special than anyone else. Continued all through high school - in fact, Snowflake stated goal of going to Olympics in an equestrian discipline when she in 11th grade at a time when her day to day horse life really did not align with Olympic aspirations. Eventually, college brought Snowflake back to a more realistic view of her place in the world.
I think it’s fairly normal for parents to hope or dream that their child might have some special talent or gift that is going to dramatically set that child apart from his or her peers. And I think many parents in this day and age are much more invested than their children’s successes - and failures - than they were back in the day before parenting was a discipline in and of itself. However, when push comes to shove, most reasonable parents are in touch enough with reality to accept somewhere along the line that Bella’s talent is of a much more ordinary level, and it is going to be up to Braden to find his own internal motivation to do the hard work that will bring him success.
@MojitoMare, great post. As a Boomer mom of current 20-somethings, one thing I wish I could go back and do over with my kids is work on their work ethic. Neither of them grew up with snowflake illusions, and both actually have ended up more successful in college than they were in high school (knock wood on the younger one), but having that work ethic installed makes so many things come together so much more easily.
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This is part of the special snowflake problem. There are plenty of reputable places out there where one may “gasp” practice jumps without a trainer present.
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Not all kids are special snowflakes. I work with teens and there area bunch of cool ones. Even middle schoolers. And my daughter’s college friends are awesome. Not a snowflake in the bunch. There are times (like yesterday morning) when one of my kids will act like a special snowflake and I call them on it (first world probs dude!!), and man that is annoying. But we all have our moments.
Yes there are snowflakes, and they give kids, teens, college kids, millenials a bad name. But I know some snowflakes my age too. And boy is that ugly.
OP-I love that your boss stood by you and wasn’t pressured by money or clients.
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I think this exists in every sport. And, to me, it seems like it is always prompted by the parents either refusing to see that their child isn’t the perfect child they want or trying to live vicariously through their offspring. Soccer parents are pretty bad.
I feel like it happens more often with horse parents when they have more funds to throw at horse stuff. Money makes a lot of things just happen in the adult world and it doesn’t fit in their world view that money can’t make EVERYTHING go perfectly.
I saw this happen at my extremely laid back last boarding situation. The family was really well off and the mom talked to the trainer/BM about bringing in another trainer because her daughter “just wasn’t meeting competition goals” as they were right now. This barn only has one trainer but is fairly relaxed on bringing others in with permission. But the issue in this case was the family was on vacation for almost the whole summer. It’s almost impossible to meet competition goals without actually attending competitions. Things like that make me shake my head but I’m sure it’s existed for forever and will continue to exist. We’ve just come up with a flashy term for it lately.
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There have always been sheltered, coddled children. They just have a name now. I know a friend’s brother who went from high school to the Army, married a lovely lady in Germany, moved back to take care of the parents, and they lived with them for years. The wife died, the parents both died, and friend was 50 years old, didn’t know how to get a mortgage, handle finances, or do his own housework. Watching someone grow up at 50 is very sad. That’s exactly what some parents are setting their kids up for now, but not all are fortunately. I think we just hear about the ones who are coddled and spoiled, not the majority who are growing up to be responsible, caring adults.
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First off, being “new” to an ONLINE forum shouldn’t restrict what I can post… There have been a lot more negative topics posted on COTH, yet for some reason, whenever a “newbie” posts something everyone loses their minds. This site shouldn’t be elitist, it should be a place where people can safely vent, discuss, and debate topics that maybe they feel scared to mention in their daily life.
Also I’m not a special snowflake, I know there have been several times in my life where I might’ve acted “entitled” but generally I’m not like that. My parents are immigrants who have taught me the value of handwork, I was only allowed to ride if I had no more than two B’s, and if I lost or had a bad ride, my parents came at me with the “its your fault” approach.
I don’t see how I’m a “special snowflake” I’m just sharing my opinion, i’m not saying “HEY EVERYONE, LISTEN TO ME OR ELSE YOU SUCK!!!1211!!1” also yeah I’m judging people, but doesn’t everyone? I mean you’re judging me…
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Our barn actually has a very strict policy when it comes to minors (under 18) and practice riding, just this girl was following all of the rules. Firstly minors must have parent and their instructor’s approval to jump during practice rides; and they can only jump if a legal adult is present throughout the whole ride. Secondly, they are not allowed to jump higher than what they are doing in lessons and they can jump 2’9 at the most without an instructor present.
This girl was jumping 3’6 in her lessons, when I came in she asked me if she could jump as I am an instructor, also her dad was there the whole time. She was jumping 3’3 which is lower than what she does in lessons, and she really only jumped some small combinations of that height.
I have seen barns with WAY looser policies; I have been to a “reputable” barn where kids are allowed to jump cross country… by themselves…
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“The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.” --Socrates
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While the kid in my story is a really good kid, I could barely keep my chin off the floor when this kid’s mom commented to me after a GHM clinic that kid attended that the kid just “wasn’t challenged” by that experience. I’m not really sure where you go from there.
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OP, someone saying that they think this thread is negative isn’t restricting your freedom of speech. “Freedom of speech” means that the government can’t censor you from saying things; it doesn’t protect you from other citizens telling you how they feel about what you say. Part of the deal when you post an opinion on a public forum is that some people may not agree with you and they might tell you so. 
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Well, yes, that was my point;).
Lol, I am a newbie compared to some on here!
And, BTW Dr. B, your posting rate is about double mine!
I’m sorry but I really don’t understand your point… it seems like you’re calling me a “special snowflake” for judging people and making a negative topic, and I don’t really see how that earns me the title??? I mean you’re doing the same…
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My experience with kids riding is mostly from the fairly well behaved Pony Club world. I have never seen parents behave so badly as when my son played lacrosse in 4th and 5th grade. You’d think these 10-11 year olds were going for the world cup of lacrosse or something!
OP- the nature of COTH is to beat up on the OP in any thread. Shrug it off, or don’t start a thread. There will always be SOMEONE who disagrees and then has to be a jerk. That is just the nature of Coth. While i hate it, I also have learned a ton on Coth. don’t take it personally.
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