But it seems to be me that some guys like their girls to be ‘done up’ and traditionally feminine all the time. If it works for them, where’s the harm? It makes sense to me that the competitor - who is dressed in white clothes let’s not forget - stay away from the dirty work when possible. I’d bloody love it if someone offered to clean up and carry dirty gear for me at shows. Same as I see it as my job to keep the rider clean and hassle free when I’m grooming.
And don’t forget that many men still need to feel like “she’s helpless to do it without me.”
Trophy wife is still a thing for some men too.
I’m single. I expect to stay single. I am no one’s possession or toy or gag “trophy”. I can do things on my own, and I can ask for help when I need it.
I think good relationships/marriages are wonderful. But not for me. I can’t imagine any form of that kind of relationship that could work for me. And I don’t mind or feel that I’m missing out. I think there’s a colour in the Pride rainbow for people like me, though I can’t keep up with all the various terms so have no idea what would apply. :lol:
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Oh it’s not just a southern thing. I’ve been in the dating pool in progressive big cities (San Francisco), in buttoned down but intellectual towns (Boston, New Haven), and now back home in cowboy/mountaineer country. The nerds who’ve been comfortable with a well-educated woman have ultimately mostly been a little weird about dating a woman who can teach them about car repairs and power tools, or fix their household appliances and fixtures, or tolerate harder labor or more adverse conditions. The outdoorsy types and farm boys who enjoy a woman who is willing to get her hands dirty and fix stuff tend to be squeamish about education differentials and smart conversation. Why would I give up the perks of single life to deal with those insecurities?
@lorilu , I’d hold your fenceboard any day. I’m not holding my breath that I’ll find the unicorn of a human man who is age-appropriate, not single because he’s the dregs, and not intimidated by intelligence or just plain ability to get things done, especially now that I’m well into my 30s. The crew of capable, reliable horsewomen sounds like a pretty decent alternative.
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I’m not casting shade. Just joking about the difference in experience!
I think this is the plight of the capable introvert woman. We really need that solo time, aren’t bothered by figuring things out on our own, but also need the second income for socioeconomic reasons beyond our control and could occasionally use an extra hand.
Cloning is a brilliant solution. When it comes to baby showers and the like, I’d love to have an x-halt-prime that I send to handle the social effort while I hike a desolate trail or do some barn chores… that she could hold my fence rail is a bonus.
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I don’t consider being a demanding princess expecting/demanding a servant vs. a partner to be “traditionally feminine”. I like the classic smart and capable who wants a partner, not needs a partner. Mrs. Trak is a red-headed (originally natural, now from a box) Texan, a lawyer, has a concealed carry license and has worked/been to some really challenging places for the government. For her family and mine, THAT is a traditionally feminine person and more the norm than the exception. My great aunt was raised on a Wyoming ranch, tough and talented, smoked Camels without a filter and never weighed more than 100 pounds. Most of the true horse women I know are like that too. The whiney demanding harriden spoiled brat with a wuss for a husband…no in our families (we’d spay and neuter…yes, mostly tongue in cheek humor).
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There are plenty of tough, talented women whose husbands do a bunch of the dirty work at shows, too, just because they care and want their partners to have a great experience. It’s on me that I occasionally feel a twinge of jealousy in those perfect storm moments at shows when an extra hand could really smooth things out.
Seems there’s not enough of you guys who respect smart, capable women to go around and the rest of us may have to choose between settling for those insecure “wuss” men who were never taken to your spay/neuter clinic, or savoring our independence and occasionally figuring out to MacGuyver our way out of situations that really require at least three hands.
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Theses are kind of my thoughts about having cats instead of children. Sure, we could spend a ton of money for IVF and raising a child and I could never ride again… but why?
Since I tend to get overly gung-ho about the things I enjoy doing, it’s best that the spouse stays in the picture. He supports me just enough to keep it within reason.
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As a single woman well into my adulthood this conversation makes me really appreciate my eternally supportive parents who make it a point of pride to be at every show I go to if at all possible.
So thank you, mother, for being the slobber rag holder, number fetcher, bridle wiper, boot remover, water bearer, horse groomer, stall picker, and thank you father for being the bucket dumper and cleaner and trailer parker and hose attendant. :lol:
(My trainer and I always did shows on our own and would act as support staff to one another… but her parents and mine always made a concentrated effort to come and did their very best to be as helpful as they could and it always made things so much easier. I can think of no significant other I’ve ever had that I would ever replace my mother with at a show!!)
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I don’t know Trak, insn’t that kind of judging a book by its cover? That is what my DH is like at a show, because he loves it, loves the horses, loves showing, and above all else LOVES watching DD and myself ride. He is no serf, and I am no princess. And to be fair about the issue, yes he might be like that at a horse show, but all those 26 years of him being in a band, I was right there at 3am packing up and loading all those heavy amps and band equipment into the van. And let me tell you picking up all those cords and wires off the floor when they are covered in beer and broken beer bottles and what ever else is not for the faint of heart. I also have ridden with him on his biker dice runs for hours in the cold pouring down rain, because it was important to him. I don’t really enjoy being soaking wet, rain hitting you on a bike feels like needles, and freezing my butt off at the same time, but it was for him. He does for me, I do for him.
So don’t judge the book by the cover because what we seem like at the horse show is only scratching the surface of what we are as a whole. And as for single ladies, you will never find some one more supportive of your horse habits than me. DD most likely will never marry, it is just not in her nature, she is way way way too independent. So she will most likely go it alone, except for us her parents. I support her, and her choices. She is to take over the 5 generation family farms by herself. No small undertaking. But I have no doubt in her ability to do so. And I have no doubt in all of you and your abilities as well.
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I’ve been the single farmette owner and single mother for 15 years now. The good and bad points of both are really pretty similar. It’s nice to be able to unilaterally make all of the decisions about everything, but it’s stressful and tiring and all of the physical stuff is harder alone, and ALL of the stuff for horses and kid and home and work overload the available time, so something has to give (for me, it’s housework).
As my kid got bigger he got more helpful, but it’s still nothing like having another responsible adult around, especially one who doesn’t need to be told what needs to be done.
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Princess: "He hooks up the trailer the night before, loads hay nets, hauls the water carrying vessel that weighs 8000 pounds out to the rig, and then goes to bed. She arises in the early morning, puts on full make-up and a blingy riding outfit, while he makes coffee for their thermos, packs everything else and loads the horses.
She sashays out at the last minute (doesn’t want to get sweaty), and climbs into their him-maintained dually or diesel which he then drives to the trail head, stopping to buy her tacos and treats on the way.
They arrive at the trailhead, where I am sweating and shaking from everything I’ve just that morning done by myself, including hauling the 8000-pound water vessel. I look like hell. She looks fine. They smooch and he says “That’s my pretty cowgirl!” while he unloads the horses, leads hers to a good mounting spot, and assists his cowgirl into the saddle.
“Where’s my water bottle?”, she cries. He fetches it. “Hurry up and get on, we need to go!”, she cries. He hurries up. ETC."
Sorry, that’s a princess and he’s a wuss. Doesn’t want to get sweaty the day of the ride…what’s that got to do with getting things ready to go the night before. “Where’s my water bottle?!” he fetches it etc. That’s not a partnership, that a princess/servant relationship.
I’d help the single person struggling to do it by themselves every time, wouldn’t lift a finger for the princess. I’ve wiped boots, slobber from bits, grabbed riding coats etc. for friends at shows…for a Princess? Nope. Stopped one day at a broken down car. “You need help” I asked. “No, I’m just waiting for some guy to come along and change my tire for me”. “Well OK then, have a nice day” and left her there.
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Should probably do th
Went to a Driving Show this weekend with a friend who wears the horns.
In Everyday stuff, but especially where horses are concerned.
(I try to stay out of her marital issues, less stressful for all)
As we go to harness ponies she finds she has forgotten her breeching holdback straps.
No Biggie, I carry a spare set.
Then she discovers she has forgotten to attach the tugs/shaft loops to the harness she is using.
Immediately calls down Wrath on the (not in attendance) DH for forgetting to do this.
He does not ride nor drive - treats horses like big dogs.
This time I can’t stop myself & tell her as she is the one showing it really is her responsibility or make sure everything is in working order.
Endgame:
Her stablehand has to drive 45min to bring her the tugs.
I did offer to let her try mine as we were not in the same classes, but hers: pony-size, mine: mini
Might have worked, but Musical Harness parts can be a safety issue.
This was not a One Of.
Last Fall I arrived at a show we were both doing & she asked if I had brought a longe whip (I had not) because:
“The boys forgot to pack mine.”
Must be nice to have Staff.
But IMHO, ultimately the one using the equipment better make sure it is present & in good repair.
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@2DogsFarm that is what I consider a princess… but what @xhaltsalute described is not, imo 
I must say I was thinking about how nice it would be to have a partner at home to cook me dinner last night, when I got out of work 1.5 hours late and still had to go do the horses before I would be able to get home… Thank goodness for takeaway! 
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Ah, so getting back on topic, one of the things that I find incredibly frustrating is cooking for one while still getting in barn time during the work week.
On weekdays I’m out the door by 7:30 a.m. and get home after 9:00 p.m. On days when I’m putting in hours for the little entrepreneurial venture I’m trying to kindle it’s more like 6 to 11. Which leaves precious little time for cooking in the evening, even if I’m not totally beat when I get home. About a third of the time I’m able to spend a Sunday afternoon prepping lunches for work and dinners for the week. But if anything happens – that aforementioned colic, or having to go to a baby shower/wedding/funeral/work thing, or doing something fun like a hike farther up in the mountains – then the prep time is gone and I find myself fumbling for healthy food on weekday nights.
The margins are so thin once work, family, horse, and other pets are factored in! I can generally keep all the balls in the air that matter to other people (work, horse chores, family obligations, being there for friends), but sometimes doing that and putting in the rides I need to do to meet my riding goals means that personal care (healthy/tasty meals, exercise, downtime) suffers. Anyone have great coping strategies for the overextended solo rider, or tips for meal prep or finding time for the personal needs that riding doesn’t satisfy?
LOL sorry to laugh at that (I know it is frustrating—have the same issues), but my sister gave me a crockpot for Christmas to supposedly help in that area, and well…it’s still in the box. I don’t know what to put in a crockpot besides chili. And I don’t want to leave it for 12+ hrs at a time.
I tend to buy those salad kits for lunch and make nachos under the broiler for dinner. Part of the reason for the crockpot is my oven is broken (the igniter for the baking part), so roasted veggies or even frozen pizza are out. But my house gets put on the back burner probably more than even my personal care.
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It’s definitely hard… I honestly don’t know how single mums do it. I guess you just really have to use your support network.
@x-halt-salute I get my groceries delivered whenever possible. My veggies arrive on weekely basis, straight from the farmer to my door. I buy clothes that don’t require too much ironing. Haven’t figured out how to fit in the exercise thing yet…
The biggest thing I’ve learnt is to not beat myself up when I can’t fit everything in. If I spend 3 days in a row eating takeway, so be it. if I haven’t cleaned the house for 2 weeks, so be it. If I can’t go to that friend’s party, so be it. I’m not Wonder Woman. I prioritise the essentials. Housework is not an essential imo. As in, my place is always neat-ish but rarely spotless. Sleep is non-negotiable for me though. And some days are ‘crash days’ where I do nothing but sit in front of the TV and zone out. Those days are getting rarer and rarer as I learn to look after myself better.
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Hahahahaha. Salad kits are a go to here too, and I’ve never figured out what can be done in a crockpot besides chili (I don’t eat meat, which probably thankfully rules out all of my mom’s weird mid-century crockpot recipes). I have a crockpot that I’ve moved cross country through 4 different states and still don’t really know what to do with it.
I have a working oven, but I bet I don’t use it any more often than you use your broken one…
Interesting. I think our lives are very different such that the things you mention here (grocery shopping, ironing, tidying house) are just not things I have to spend much time on in the first place. As for tv zone out days, my personal hell is a beach vacation – sitting still isn’t restful for me so I’m always amazed that people use tv time to recharge!
I will add, for any other overextended riders who do struggle with housework, that having a robot vacuum/Roomba has been totally worth the investment. I have it set to run automatically early in the morning a couple times a week on days when I need to be up early, and it doubles as alarm clock and automated pet hair control mechanism and floor cleaning tool. Lives up to the hype 100%.
Now, if someone could show me how this stupid crockpot could make me healthy meals while I ride my horse, or if I could figure out how to cram more exercise into my schedule, that would be something!
My sister is vegetarian too and apparently uses a crockpot or Instapot a lot. I guess this Christmas I need to ask for recipes
