I don’t want anyone to misinterpret this. I never expected my ex to do things that he couldn’t do because of his disability but there were things he could have done that he didn’t do. x-halt. I am HOPING that he does not want support as that will really really suck. Life’s been very stressful lately. I hope for the best.
Oh gosh. We weren’t together nearly as long as you or have the entanglement of children. I can’t imagine how tough your situation is. I truly wish you the best. Stay strong, and you’re better off alone than with a wishy washy man that didn’t appreciate you when you were in front of him.
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Thank you, that’s very nice of you to say.
I hope that things work out for you too, remember to take time for you because you are worth it! Spend time with friends even if you’d rather be alone, it helps so much. Talk about it as much as you want, I found talking about it helped put things right in my head and made me feel better.
Take care of you :tickled_pink:
I don’t think it’s a matter of being single or married; it’s a matter of being financially independent. Marriage and financial independence can co-exist and the latter can be produced by means other than inheritance.
There’s a lot more I had in mind here than finances!
But you’re right – non-financially independent single folks probably aren’t any more in tune with the challenges/freedoms someone like me (single, lived away from family all my adult life, no financial dependencies or inheritances) faces in equestrian life than a financially independent married person would be.
Perhaps “single” was the wrong word to use in the title of the thread – I meant it to provide a space for the fiercely independent equestrians who do it all solo to have a space to talk about the bits of equestrian experience that are unique to having neither a supportive SO/parent to help you nor an unsupportive partner to worry about.
This thread didn’t head where I thought it might, but it’s nice to know that there are others who are crazy enough to singlehandedly juggle career, household, relationships (family obligations, social life), and still manage to find the time/money/energy for horses, and several who’ve made a go of the solo farm(ette) life.
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I have trouble finding men who are satisfied with being wanted, rather than needed, too. Also, because I like my men REALLY smart, and for some reason smart men also seem to be needy/insecure, it’s hard to find all that plus available and interested in me.
I committed to taking care of my mom, so have dogs, horses, a cat, and her. I thought if I was still single at this point I would foster or adopt, but I can’t handle my mom and children. She’s reverse aging to the point I don’t think I would trust a child in her care - so I simply can’t do both at once. I’d love to have love, and a partner to lean on when I’m frustrated. I’m VERY lucky financially. I chose to move back to an area with low cost of living and a reasonably good horse environment, but I’ve been lucky in some aspects of my career, and spend a massive amount of discretionary income on my horses because I keep sane with them vs the stress of my mother.
I won’t make time in my life to hunt for someone, which is the biggest reason I haven’t found someone (possibly… or my being difficult to match could be part of it!), but I’d like to find someone who makes fitting him into my life seem the far better alternative than not. He has to be an equal, willing to lean on me and let me lean on him, as we figure out who will do what. If he likes putting laundry away or emptying the dishwasher, even better!
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It’s so refreshing to hear from the other single equestrians out there. I bought a farmette (also my first house) about two years ago and brought my mare home, then quickly acquired 2 more.
I would LOVE help hauling hay. And breaking ice in the winter. And snow blowing the 300 feet to the barn.
But instead, I’ve learned to do it all myself. I’ve built walls and gates and a set of dutch doors, and installed all sorts of things. I taught myself to drive a trailer, did all the research, bought the trailer, and practiced hitching until I could do it smoothly (no backup camera in the truck). And after all of it, I do feel accomplished, stronger, more independent.
But sometimes it would be nice to have someone here. I have fibromyalgia, so if I have flares, I have to change my to-do list. There are days when caring for the horses is literally all I can do. And if I wake up with vertigo, I worry about getting down to the barn to feed.
I’ve dabbled in online dating over the last year and am about to give it up completely, though. My last long-term relationship was in high school (many years ago!) and I’m pretty used to living alone.
@netg I am totally with you on that. When I moved across the country from my SO we broke up. I did not have the energy for his needy self. A lot happened before then too. I now question if it’s a good idea to give him a chance. He has worked on himself the year we were apart and seems trainable. I am a selfish person for lack of a better term. I want what I want in life and you can hop on my train or get off. For me I discovered if the guy is trainable it might be worth investing the time to train him. Kinda like a good horse or dog that’s a little feral. :lol:
We shall see what comes out of all this but for now it works.
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None of my non-horsey family or friends have EVER been supportive of my equestrian life, let alone guys I’ve dated! EVER. If I think about that too much it makes me sad - if I care about someone, I care about their passions. I keep an active interest in my friends hobbies and what not, no matter how boring I might otherwise find it. Nowadays when those poeple ask me ‘How are the horses?’ I just say ‘fine’ and we move on, because I know that they’re not really interested…
As for my horsey friends - I can discuss anything with them, horse or otherwise!
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Excellent points! I will say that while very happily married for over 35 years, I still consider myself a fiercely independent equestrian doing at least all of the horse stuff solo. Granted, Mr. Atlatl is known to do the laundry when I’m at shows so that’s a definitely a plus.
I was at a big show once with several other ladies and one of the husbands came to the show with his wife. On day 2, he asked me, “Doesn’t Mr. Atlatl come to the shows with you?” My response was “oh hell no! This is my time!”
It’s called a relationship; clearly works for them and we have no idea how the rest of their life works.
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THIS. I’ll be 34 in a few months and have given up any hope of ever dating again, at least unless and until I move out of my current town. It’s “bad enough” to be independent, but to be independent, progressive, over 30, uninterested in kids, non-religious, and living in the south? :eek: Not to mention the fact that, since literally EVERYONE here gets married right out of high school, I have yet to even lay eyes on a man who wasn’t wearing a wedding ring in the three years I’ve been down here. Ugh.
I’m a bit of a hermit by nature, so I don’t mind the lack of companionship much; I can find socialization if and when I want it. But someone to help share the day-to-day chores would be nice. And a second income would be immensely helpful. It’s more than a little grating to watch my coworkers (I am the ONLY unmarried person in my entire department) live significantly more comfortable lives than I do simply by virtue of having a second income in the household.
