Struggling with goodbye and other things

[starhorse]

My 30 plus year old mare went off her feed yesterday unexpectedly. About two weeks ago, she had a nose bleed but scoped clean and the vets were stumped. Otherwise, she’s been herself until yesterday. Not eating, lethargic. No temp. Vet came out, normal exam (heart rate, rectal, and etc) except no gut sound on the left and only light sounds on the right. Gave banamine and fluids.

The mare was up and down all night. Not rolling/thrashing, but clearly uncomfortable. Vet is back on her way now to recheck but suspects if there’s no gut sounds still, she’s limited on what to do.

I’d rather let her go now before it gets ugly if there’s not much of a chance of coming back from this, but I’ve never been present for a euth and not for a horse I’ve had for over 20 years, and I don’t really know if there’s another rock I should be turning over.

My toddler has also gotten somewhat attached to her so I’m not really sure what to tell her. I know she’ll forget over time but I’m dreading that the most.

Any words of wisdom? I know it’s 530 est so hearing back before the vet arrives is not the most likely but I had to put this out to space and off my heart.

Thanks in advance.

[trubandloki]

There is no good way to make losing something so special easy and pain free.

I am sorry you are having to thru this.

I assume she is not a surgical candidate so shipping her off to a hospital setting to do further diagnostics is not a real option (my old horse was not either, there is no judgement on this front.)

Jingles that the vet shows up and has a miracle up their sleeve.

[starhorse]

Thank you for your kindness. No, she’s not going to leave the farm at this point. Don’t want her going through anything like that at her age.

I hope there’s a miracle or that it’s really clear there isn’t. I am telling myself it’s a blessing that she’s so calm right now.

[trubandloki]

It is a blessing that she is calm.

It is also a blessing that we have the ability to let them not hurt and pass peacefully.

[moonlitoaksranch]

See what happens when the vet comes out. Maybe there’s an explanation. I’m sorry. She’s made it to a grand old age.

As far as your toddler goes, explain in simple terms based on your faith and your toddler’s understanding. I would not recommend your toddler be present for any of the actual process or aftermath. Better to have them say goodbye to their big friend before the shot.

Hugs to you all. It’s tough to say goodbye.

[starhorse]

Thank you both. I do know it’s good that she’s calm and not panicking. It’s just hard to know it’s time when she’s so stoic.

I really appreciate the messages more than you know.

[clanter]

We had a mare nearly all of her life, bough her as a long yearling. She was our kids’ horse, horse was just a wonderful horse who did everything (but what she had been specifically bought for)

She was a prefect horse. Very pretty, always was complemented on.

As she aged she was the Queen .She had her own paddock with free access to her stall.

In the morning I had completely stripped her stall, bedded deeply with the shavings she preferred. I saw her walk into her stall, later noticed she had laid down to rest. An hour later I saw she was still asleep really did not think much of it but after three hours she was still asleep.

She had passed away. There was no signs of any struggle as the stall’s bedding was not disturbed. She just went to sleep at nearly 30.

[starhorse]

Lactic acid was extremely elevated this morning (was normal yesterday) and vet suspects something requiring surgical intervention or at least off-site diagnostics. So, we let her go.

Do you all let your other horses sniff? Not sure what to do now.

[swmorse]

If she was pastured with them, letting them say good-bye would probably be OK I’ve seen that a lot of people do that. I never did because I usually had them all in and had whoever was being put down taken care of outside the barn. Then the backhoe guy was here and dug the hole and buried her/him. No one seemed to be looking for the one who had reached end of life.

I’m glad she didn’t seem to be suffering and you gave her a peaceful end. Sorry you had to do it, though.

[trubandloki]

@starhorse

Do you all let your other horses sniff? Not sure what to do now.

They are horses, there are no right answers because what is right for one is not right for another.

I have one very herd bound horse who will carry on if any member of her herd is not touchable. For that reason I thought it very important for her to be able to sniff.

We brought all the horses out, one at a time, let them do what they wanted with the body.

That mare, much to my surprise, barely sniffed it and went to grazing. Did not even call or act like the missing horse was not there. She clearly knew why he was not there (or she would have been fretting).

I am so sorry for your loss.

[2DogsFarm]

@starhorse

hard to know it’s time when she’s so stoic.

ETA
Apologies, I posted before seeing your choice was made. I hope my reply helps.
Of my euths, 2 were at a vet college, bodies donated, 2 were a trailering accident & went to landfill.
Godspeed, good mare.

This is the root of the problem with horses:
Most are stoic because they are genetically prey.
Showing weakness means the predator picks you.
No detectable gut sounds would indicate further diagnostics like MRI might find a cause.
But it’s understandable to me that the option of putting a 30+yo through a procedure that could indicate surgery is the option to resolve is not something to consider.
Even with an open checkbook, I’d choose to euth over that.
I’ve lost 4 of the 7 horses I’ve had in my life & 2 of them left the choice of euth to me. Both in their mid-late teens. Neither emergent, both to debilitating conditions causing lameness with considerable pain. Both otherwise acting as usual, eating, moving, but very apparent discomfort.
It will never be an easy choice, but for me, both horses deserved a quiet end to their pain.

{{Hugs}} to you, your mare & your llittle one, whatever route you choose.

[MorganMaresVT]

I’m so very sorry.

I’m coming up on the 1 year anniversary of a very similar decision for my 30 year old mare. We had a couple of months of trying to figure out a way to get her to want to eat again, but she made the decision for us one evening when she looked like she might be choking but was actually refluxing gallons of gastric fluids due to a suspected strangulating lipoma that had probably been getting worse over time. I hated to say goodbye to her that way, but took some solace in having a very clear choice to let her go.

I did let her friends see her and sniff if they wanted, but they were pretty matter of fact about it and rebounded pretty well.

She was my first horse, a perfect first horse. I still miss her but have found that my memories are all the good ones despite our rough last day together.

Thinking of you and your herd as you go through this tough adjustment.

[SillyHorse]

Hugs to you and your toddler, @starhorse. You made the loving decision for your much loved mare.

[ThreeWishes]

Deeply sorry @starhorse. Much love to you and yours. Rest easy sweet mare.

[starhorse]

Thank you all. It’s been a whirlwind morning but she’s been picked up. Everyone has been wonderful – horse, husband, vet, cremation pick-up. Our mare was the absolute best until the end. She just calmly went down with sedation and put her head down at the end.

We opted to let our toddler come see her and say bye to her. She doesn’t understand but I think she would have been even more confused if she was just gone all of a sudden. I’m sure this will be a process for her. First kid, and this is the parenting stuff no one preps you for.

Mare and kid, some months back

[exvet]

I am very sorry for your loss. As others have said there’s no right or wrong way. I am a veterinarian. I have been present and/or actually have done the euthanasia on all of my dogs and cats. Honestly I believe they were less scared/anxious by me doing so. Obviously this is a part of my job but it doesn’t make it any easier. As for horses (used to practice equine medicine prior to transitioning to small animal) even though I am well versed in it, I cannot watch any of my horses be put down. I guess I’m weird or just a coward but I cannot bear to see them take their final breath. I do say good bye once they’re sedated and I make sure someone they know is helping to hold them; but, it’s a memory I cannot get rid of once there. My choice, right or wrong; but, that’s been my decision for all of those I’ve had to put down. I’ve only had one go peacefully on their own at age 25 without any obvious struggle or suffering. He just laid down and went in his sleep.

My children are adults and I have no grandchildren. Once they were around 6, I would ask them if they wanted to be present. They both grew up on farms/ranches so they were quite aware of death by that age. Prior to that age I let them say good bye knowing that it would be the last time they saw that pet but I did not let them be present for the actual process. Over their years ‘at home’ their answer to be present or not varied with the pet and their emotional maturity. I never let them feel ‘wrong’ for their individual decisions. Certain losses affected them more deeply than others and I was sometimes surprised as to the which and who. Again their is no right or wrong answer, we all grieve differently and that is no different for our pets, horses included.

For my clients who have had to let go of their pet, I let them choose if they want to be present or not, if and who they want present (I’ve had anywhere from a single individual to around 10 family members present) including other pets/animals. I’ve seen animals react differently to watching the process. I am a firm believer though in decreasing and/or eliminating in any and every way possible any sort of panic/anxiety on the part of the pet. I do observe at times where very loud emotional grief seems to upset the pets, both the one undergoing the process and the ones observing. This is the only time it’s hard for me to compartmentalize but I do it because I must. My job is to facilitate the humane passing of their four-legged friend/family member not judge their grieving process.

[cayuse]

I’m sorry starhorse. What a beautiful picture of your mare and child. I feel for you both.

[frugalannie]

Starhorse, MorganMaresVT and Clanter, I’m sorry for your losses. But how wonderful that your horses had such long, good lives. Your loving care had much to do with those extraordinary lives. I hope you give yourselves credit for that.

[luvmyhackney]

I am so sorry for your family’s loss. Its hard when the good ones let us know its their time.

[colorfan]

After the fact, reading your post I believe you did all you could. You provided love and safety right to the end.