Hello all, so a little background; I’ve been riding at my barn for about three years now. I’ve been riding with the same instructor the entire time. We never got particularly close, as there is a large age gap. ( I’m a teen, she is middle aged) About two years ago, my instructor went on a several week trip, so the second instructor at my barn did my lessons. I was blown away, she had completely different tactics and was really in the moment. I didn’t really think about switching instructors at the time. Fast forward, I’m out of riding for a few months due to an injury. My parents weren’t watching the lesson, so my instructor cut it to an almost fifteen minute lesson (supposed to be half hour) and was on her phone the entire time, completely distracted. I could do a handstand in the saddle and she wouldn’t notice. I also did lots of walking breaks, to the point that I would do three trot poles then walk two laps. I didn’t feel comfortable asking for a longer lesson, her being so much older than me. I understood that it was a while since I’ve ridden, but it was pathetic. When I left, I was jumping 2’6"/2’9" and now I was doing 6 inch cross rails. I was honestly ready to cry after it was over. These lessons are fairly expensive, 50 for a private half hour and my family is struggling a bit financially. When I got home, I begged my parents to let me switch inductors, remembering my lessons with instructor 2. My parents texted my instructor later and asked about switching instructors. My parents were also not very close with my instructor. They handled it very unprofessionally, and pretty much refused to let me switch. It should have been easy, but she made it very hard. Why? Because she would be losing pretty much 200 dollars a month. It was a very selfish move, and in the end my parents dropped it. My parents always stayed to watch my lessons to make sure she didn’t cut them and payed attention, as she wouldn’t pull anything funny in front of them. While it helped significantly, I thought it should have been unnecessary and spoke volumes about her. Not too long ago, my instructor went on another trip and I got to ride with instructor 2 again. I remembered what lessons with her were like again. For unrelated issues, nobody watched my lesson. I got over a half hour of work in. My position improved dramatically and I got so many tips. They never touched their phone the entire time, and changed jump heights quickly so the walk breaks were limited to what was needed for the horse. (My main instructor would take her sweet time adjusting every jump, meaning very long, frequent walk breaks). I felt so amazing after that lesson. I’ve been asking my parents to switch, but they’ve been hesitant to do so, after how instructor reacted last time. I’m dead set this time, and really want to switch instructors. I shouldn’t have to pay for her unprofessionalism. We now have instructor 2’s number, and wonder if maybe we should contact her first, but the two are very close, as they run the farm together. I’ve thought about this decision very much, and feel it’s the best option. Even with the wake up call of asking to switch instructors, her lessons are halfway. Her mindset is if I have her jump this a couple of times I’ll get 50 dollars, while instructor 2’s mindset is I have half and hour to make this rider the best they can be. These thought processes can’t and won’t change, as it is who they are. If you’ve ever been in a similar situation or have more experience in this than me, please help!
Well it sounds like no matter what, you should no longer continue to lesson with instructor 1. Whether or not you can swing being able to lesson at the same barn and keep the peace, that may be a different story.
Are they both teaching the same type of lessons? Usually a lot of barns have a beginner trainer and an advanced trainer so is trainer 1 the one teaching the beginners? Do you know trainer 1’s schedule? Is it possible to just strategically schedule lessons on her days off?
I would try to make the switch but don’t be shocked if it doesn’t work out, and if that’s the case, I’d find a new barn. You’re not getting anything out of trainer 1’s lessons so there’s no point in continuing. Also I would reconsider a 30 minute lesson… that’s a pretty short amount of time to make any real progress. Is it possible to join a group lesson that’s a little longer but at the same rate?
Both instructors teach advanced through beginner riders.I have tried group lessons but was paired with a younger girl who didn’t have as much experience. Group lessons are quite uncommon at my barn; most people have privates. I do jumping lessons, so I get on and warm up half an hour before, then have a jump lesson. In total, I’m on for an hour. We have considered moving to instructor 1’s day off, but she will probably make a fuss about that too. Thank you for the advice!
You might have to switch barns, but definitely find a new instructor!
I keep mine at home but at our Pony Club barn- students have switched trainers depending on goals, availability and down right personality. If you’re more comfortable and happier with the other trainer - find out what the protocol is for switching and if trainer 2 has the availability.
I am an instructor and honestly this sounds like she is having issues outside of the barn. I would just tell her that you found an instructor that better suits your needs and that you’ll no longer be taking lessons with her. Don’t let her control that aspect of your life in the barn. If you want to switch instructors, then do it and be confident about it. The more you let her control you, the worse it will get. And while you’re at it, I would ask for a partial refund for the last lesson as it was cut short for no reason.
I say just strategically start scheduling lessons on her days off and if she bitches you insist it’s the only time that works for you. After 6 months of lessoning with instructor 2 it’ll seem natural for you to continue to lesson with her no matter the day.
Only question I have is does the horse belong to you? If so, I might be concerned that if it is not handled smoothy the horse may suffer.
Otherwise, it should be simple. Call instructor 2 and schedule a lesson. Call instructor 1 and tell her you are now taking lessons with the other one and thank her for all she has done.
Given the numbers of lame horses out there I wouldn’t ever be recommending that anyone work their horse harder.
30 minutes is plenty if the op comes to the lesson with her horse all warmed up and ready to go and they get right to work for the full 30 minutes.
I think the op is right that she’s not getting what she’s paying for though, and if it was me I’d mention to the instructor that I can’t waste my very limited lesson funds, so need to work harder in lessons. I shouldn’t have to say it, but sometimes if the student doesn’t say anything the instructor just assumes that they’re fine with what they’re getting.
I wouldn’t mention what I’d already let slide, but would just explain that funds are limited and I need to make the most of my 30 minutes. And then if nothing changes, or doesn’t change enough, I’d move on to another instructor.
When I was in my 20s the trainer I was working with would go back east every late summer/early fall to ride with an advanced rider and compete. She ran her business out of a large commercial barn so when she was gone there was no one left to feed/turn out the horses. The first year she had me send my horse out for 3 months off at pasture (my horse was 4 at that time so it made sense to give her a little break). The second year we riders all worked together to share chores (which wasn’t fun since we all worked full-time). The third year she sent us to a smaller farm run by one of her acquaintances who was also a trainer. Trainer #1 would go to this barn 1 day every couple of weeks and trainer give trainer #2 lessons and also teach some of trainer #2s students so the training was consistent.
I loved it there, my horse loved it there, the atmosphere was more relaxed, the turnout situation was much better and the trainer was not as technically advanced but was a MUCH better coach. I had already started to feel like I wanted to switch trainers as the one I was working with was pretty negative in her teaching and that style didn’t help me much. It felt like part of her goal was to convince me I was helpless without her and needed to stay in her program. I also felt like the reason she had students was to have people to help out with barn chores and finance her own competition goals. Trainer #2 wanted to help me improve as a rider and a horseperson and meet MY goals.
When the trainer got back from her competition trip she called me and told me what day she would pick up my horse to move back to her barn. I said “I’ve decided to stay here, it’s a better situation for me and my horse”. Trainer #1 said “no you won’t”. I said, “yes, I will, and if you’d like I can take lessons with you once a month when you come out here, or not, that’s up to you”.
I stayed at that barn for many years, had a great time finally getting to compete on my little mare. I took monthly lessons with trainer # 1 for a few months but eventually moved on completely.
Long story short, if you’re in a situation that isn’t working, there is no need to be afraid to change trainers. Show your parents this thread, you and your parents talk to the other trainer about lessoning with her, set that up and tell the other trainer you’re not taking lessons with her anymore. Life is to short to waste it paying someone to be on their phone while you ride.
Life is too short to pay someone to be on their phone while you ride. It’s also too short to ride with a trainer that doesn’t care about helping you improve. Show this thread to your parents and hopefully they’ll work with you to switch to Trainer #2. You don’t need trainer #1s permission to change trainers.
I’d love to thank everyone who has posted! You guys have given me a huge vote of confidence. It’s a great idea to show this to my parents and finally move on to a new instructor. Once again, can’t thank you enough!!
Instructors do not own students. Students need to move on. It is a foolish instructor who gets ugly about it.
I have seen it with barn owners and departing boarders, I have seen it with other instructors and their departing students, and made a point of never doing it myself. It is self defeating.
Switch instructors, and have a ball.
On the other hand in barns with multiple trainers especially those that are the same discipline I can see where the trainers agree to not take clients from other trainers. Or at least not without the blessing of the other trainer. It is a way to keep the peace in the barn to not allow one trainer to try to induce another trainer’s client.
Therefore if a client wants to switch trainers they may need to leave that barn to do it.
Because of the dynamic between the two trainers who share the management of one barn, you may have to change barns altogether.
Go ahead and do it. It sounds as if most instructors will be better than Instructor #1. As you pointed out, Instructor #1 is clearly burning you and your family’s time and money. You and your family will be better off almost anywhere else, if you can’t make the switch to Instructor #2 in the same barn.
As the others have said above, you don’t need Instructor #1’s permission to make the switch or to do anything else. But be prepared for Instructor #2 to favor Instructor #1 over your wishes. That’s where her interests lie just now, and there is no knowing what is their financial and management arrangements, behind the scenes. And not something you need to try to figure out.
Why Instructor #1 thinks that her behavior during your lessons is a riding and business program that will work out for her long term is likely a mystery to everyone but her (and maybe to her as well). But you are right that you can’t make it your problem, and your family’s problem as well.
Your parents understandably may still think of you as you were when you were younger. Make sure to conduct yourself with the maturity you are showing in this thread in every aspect of your life at home, as that will build your credibility with your parents. I’m sure you haven’t been nagging like a younger kid, but still keep in mind how you can best communicate with them so that they will respect what you have to say. I’m sure they will grow in their respect for your efforts to look out for their interests as well as yours. 
Good luck and good riding! I hope you’ll update this thread at whatever point you reach a happy ending.
It sounds like you might get along with the second trainer better so I would suggest sending them a message explaining that you really enjoy their coaching style and would like to continue regular lessons with them but that your current trainer is not happy about you switching.
They may have a policy (as others have said) where they don’t ‘steal’ students from each other so she may say that unless trainer 1 gives permission she will not coach you regularly or she may talk to trainer 1 on your behalf. Just make sure you keep everything very friendly and do not bad mouth anyone. You don’t need to go super in depth and make up excuses just simply say you feel her teaching style works best for you and that you want to make sure there will be no bad blood between anyone.
If trainer 2 says she cannot coach you I would do as others have said and look into moving barns so you can find a new trainer. Good Luck!
