Talk me out of my lesson anxiety

[BrokenArrow]

I know this sounds silly. It really does. But it’s literally the only thing stopping me from entering a clinic at the moment. My usual instructor lives interstate and isn’t going to be traveling back up here any time soon. He’s great for bouncing ideas off but I really miss the eyes on the ground in real time. I’ve had clinics with some amazing instructors before and with my WB or PRE mare, I never have this problem.

I’ve been training my mother in laws little Friesian broodmare. And she is little. A grand total of 14hh on the dot and an attitude problem. The mare rejected her first and only foal and before that, had some intermittent riding by one of my MIL’s friends. The friend was very much a self-proclaimed natural horsemanship guru and left the mare with some baggage. I spent the first month with the mare’s ears touching my face because she was worried about getting cracked in the teeth if she trotted more than 3 steps. No forward. Counter flexed the entire time. Got reefed in the teeth every time she ever cantered and the mare would get defensive about it and hump. I think my entire first month on her was spent with her jacking up or humping when asked to do anything besides walk on a loose rein.

Fast forward to now. She’s straight. She’s in front of my leg in all paces. We can canter without minimal dramatics however it’s still messy because she gets lateral in the canter any time she gets stressed. We can bend, leg yield from the quarter lines, and have started some shoulder-fore. We could do a respectable Intro test and probably a decent Training provided it’s a good canter day. I adore her and we’ve build up a brilliant partnership.

Restrictions are starting to ease her, enough that a local club is putting on a clinic with several instructors. You get your choice of a lesson with whichever instructor you choose. There’s two that I wouldn’t mind getting a lesson from. I’ve never been to either one of them but have watched both their teaching styles and like both.

BUT

I’m having huge anxiety about taking the Friesian mare. I’ve caught myself doing it for a while now because I keeping going to myself “I’ll just fix xyz problem, then I’ll look at going to lessons so I’m not wasting their time.” Or “I’ll get this going better because I don’t want to embarrass ourselves.”

I want to smack myself in the head because that’s the entire point of lessons, to HELP with fixing problems.

I don’t even know why I’m doing it. I generally don’t care if I do something that embarrasses me. But for some reason with this mare I can’t stop myself doing it.

Thoughts? Insights? A smack up the head and someone yell at me just enter the bloody lesson?

[sheltona01]

Try to think of it differently. I have accomplished so much, I wonder what else I can do? Instead of if I can do this, I will go.

I learned a long time ago, everyone struggles and there is always a girl on a pony who can out ride everyone. The people who criticized are usually the least capable. Ignore and enjoy the experience!

[Lunabear1988]

Taking this mare might make the clinic where you learn the most-or at least about problem solving tricky horses. Very well worth it in my opinion.

I personally love tough lessons though. It’s then that I usually have a break through.

[netg]

Heck, a bad day will tell you if this trainer is worth your time. One of my worst starts to a ride was my most valuable ride ever - in a clinic with Jeremy Steinberg when he was the US youth coach. I had seen him teaching and focused on releasing the various types of tension horses have before you could do anything else, and I knew my TB had major tension problems away from home - and didn’t know how to fix them. We did spend some time with hooves farther from the ground than they were supposed to be, but by the end of the (hour and a half, because that was how long it took) ride, he was relaxed. The next day all hooves stayed approximately where they were supposed to be and releasing tension was far easier.

A coach who is not worth your time or money will dismiss you. A coach who is will take you seriously and teach you something.

[Tanny98]

Well as long as it’s a clinician who enjoys working with such cases I see no problem, and there plenty of them. I wouldn’t necessarily be excited about attending a clinic with a trainer who mostly wants to focus on polishing skills to help one achieve competition level X. I would be more inclined to go to a clinician who works with green and baby horses.
And then I would be completely honest and tell them everything you just said.

[Curly_Feather]

@Lunabear1988

Taking this mare might make the clinic where you learn the most-or at least about problem solving tricky horses. Very well worth it in my opinion.

I personally love tough lessons though. It’s then that I usually have a break through.

Totally agree with this. Take every opportunity you can to learn and enjoy the hell out of it. (And of course, report back in great detail )

[Rerider54]

Where is the clinic being held? If it requires shipping the horse and having her in new surroundings THAT could be your trigger. Or it could be that you have anxiety from the virus shutdown that is leaving you no reserves. I know lots of people who are super stressed out right now. After listening and reading about what others are going through I gave myself permission to HAVE anxiety and then made the most logical decision and went forward.

As others have said it could be really worthwhile. What is the worst that can happen, you get dismissed? If you decide to go have several goals. Like ‘she loads and doesn’t spend the whole day screaming’ and ‘I stay on and we stay in the arena’ or ‘by the end of the lesson she is going forward better’ or whatever… every show/clinic/ day is a chance to improve a tiny bit and it sounds like you and the little mare have made LOTS of progress.

I am sure you realize that your anxiety will Telegraph to the little mare. Mares are way too smart about that stuff. After you decide, have a talk with her and let her know that While you might be anxious YOU will go to the clinic with a good attitude and expect her to do the same. Then get some hugs if you have a significant other or a dog.

[cnm161]

If you’re anything like me, the real root of your concern is looking less-than-great on a horse that’s not at the top of your personal riding range vs. the actual lesson/clinic itself. It’s a subconscious thing but unfortunately is pervasive.

And the only way over is through, unfortunately. Saddle up, take a lesson, and try to ignore that cretin in the back of your mind that says “BUT HONESTLY I’M A BETTER RIDER THAN THIS I PROMISE”.

I went through a long bout of this when I had an actively competing GP gelding and a very green very young mare. I took my gelding everywhere and my mare basically nowhere because I wanted to get her polished before I took her out. And lo and behold the longer you wait/polish/etc. the more you need other eyes on the ground to help. So, ironically enough, because I was too proud about how I was perceived as a rider, I set back my mare’s training.

Things won’t ever be perfect enough at home. If you’ve got a local clinician that is useful, break the ice. Go, accepting that things might go sideways, but you’re there to improve.

[KayGee]

My trainer loves problem days. It makes things interesting for her, and I learn new things too. Sitting in a chair saying ‘good, good, good’ is bound to be a snooze fest eventually. If you’re worried about others, ask to go first, last or right before lunch.

[piccolopony]

@cnm161

If you’re anything like me, the real root of your concern is looking less-than-great on a horse that’s not at the top of your personal riding range vs. the actual lesson/clinic itself. It’s a subconscious thing but unfortunately is pervasive.

And the only way over is through, unfortunately. Saddle up, take a lesson, and try to ignore that cretin in the back of your mind that says “BUT HONESTLY I’M A BETTER RIDER THAN THIS I PROMISE”.

I went through a long bout of this when I had an actively competing GP gelding and a very green very young mare. I took my gelding everywhere and my mare basically nowhere because I wanted to get her polished before I took her out. And lo and behold the longer you wait/polish/etc. the more you need other eyes on the ground to help. So, ironically enough, because I was too proud about how I was perceived as a rider, I set back my mare’s training.

Things won’t ever be perfect enough at home. If you’ve got a local clinician that is useful, break the ice. Go, accepting that things might go sideways, but you’re there to improve.

i don’t have any advice for the original poster but I popped in to say that this is exactly what I needed to hear today.

[alibi_18]

What @cnm161 said.

Don’t get « ready » for a lesson. Take the lesson and work on whatever needs improvement that day.
If your horse is perfect, it’s not lessons that you need to do, it’s called showing.

If you are a good rider, it will show through - the way you act, the way to react, the way you listen and apply whatever technical stuff is thrown at you will tell more to the clinician (as it should) than whatever the horse is doing underneat you.

[outerbanks77]

A trainer worth their salt will help you find the path through whatever problem X you are trying to fix right now.

My mare had just gotten to a respectable training level when she hurt herself and was off/in rehab for 18 months. We’ve had three lessons since she’s been back in work, and it’s hard not to feel sheepish having to cover the same ground I went over with this instructor before the injury. We are close, but not yet quite back to her respectable training level work.

However, similar to the struggles you had with your mare, I had a lot of “exciting” rides on my mare during the rehab process and we were both rather traumatized, ring sour, and I was riding conservatively and defensively for self preservation. All of that put us into some less productive cycles where, although I was making improvements, with a few lessons we were able to really get out of that unproductive rut and break some habits that developed for our mutual survival during rehab. My instructor understood all of that, and has pushed us just the right amount in consideration of where my mare is coming back from. It has absolutely been worth it and I’m really glad I didn’t try to wait until I got back to where we left off pre-injury before going back into lessons.

Maybe try thinking of it as you testing out the clinician, rather than thinking about it as putting you and your mare on display for judgement. The good trainers will be able to deal with the different types of horses with unique training challenges, and if they can’t, you’ll find out and find someone else next time.

[RedHorses]

I did regular clincs with a coach who flew in from Europe 3-4 times a year for quite a few years. Once I was riding and working really hard to fix an issue before the next week’s cliniic when I suddenly realized that getting help with my current issues was the POINT!

I confessed my epiphany to the clinician, we had a good laugh, and many productive lessons in the years that followed.

Focus on riding your horse, feeling what she’s telling you, how she’s responding to you, and forget about the auditors. You’re there for your horse not to show off.

You got this! :encouragement:
”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹

[BrokenArrow]

@cnm161

If you’re anything like me, the real root of your concern is looking less-than-great on a horse that’s not at the top of your personal riding range vs. the actual lesson/clinic itself. It’s a subconscious thing but unfortunately is pervasive.

And the only way over is through, unfortunately. Saddle up, take a lesson, and try to ignore that cretin in the back of your mind that says “BUT HONESTLY I’M A BETTER RIDER THAN THIS I PROMISE”.

I went through a long bout of this when I had an actively competing GP gelding and a very green very young mare. I took my gelding everywhere and my mare basically nowhere because I wanted to get her polished before I took her out. And lo and behold the longer you wait/polish/etc. the more you need other eyes on the ground to help. So, ironically enough, because I was too proud about how I was perceived as a rider, I set back my mare’s training.

Things won’t ever be perfect enough at home. If you’ve got a local clinician that is useful, break the ice. Go, accepting that things might go sideways, but you’re there to improve.

This hit the nail on the head. Thank you!

Ive been used to having the nice horse and lovely GP mare to take out that I’d forgotten what it’s like to be that person to rock up on an off breed and go “whelp this is what I have. Teach me everything you can” with no problems.

It’s a lot of fun being the person that people watch when you’re working on piaffe or something else fancy.

I’m booked in for a lesson. My little bundle of attitude is surprising me with every ride at the moment and providing we don’t have a meltdown, I’m hoping it’ll be a good day.

Thanks everyone.

[Core6430]

OMG! Thank you for sharing your anxiety. I’m having the same annxiety issues too. Glad to know I’m not alone in it.

Good luck at the clinic!