Thank you gift for staff at hunter barn post-euthanasia

[atl_hunter]

I unfortunately had to euthanize my horse due to an emergency (colic). My trainer and her staff have always provided incredible care for my horse and I’m so incredibly thankful for everything they have done for us over the years (let us use our own farrier, chiro, massage therapist when the barn ones didn’t work out, etc…). I have a global job and travel overseas and they have gone over and above for me to provide care to my horse while I’m traveling overseas as well.

Right now I can’t go back to the barn as the emotional trauma from seeing my horse in such pain and making the final decision to relieve him from his misery is too fresh in my memory.

l want to find a way to appropriately thank my trainer who bent all the rules for us, and also her assistant trainer who truly provided and managed all the excellent care to my horse, even though he was retired and wasn’t actively even in training for the past year and and a half and was just being boarded.

Any ideas for any type of gift that might be appropriate for this type of situation? I am not sure if I will ever be able to return to this particular program or in what direction I will go next. In situations like this I find myself often pivoting in another direction and changing focus (like dressage or jumpers) while picking up some new skills along the way.

[BeeHoney]

I’m not great with gifts, but whatever you choose to give, please include a note expressing some of what you say here–how thankful you are for the great care your horse received, how thankful you are to know that even in this traumatic situation you have the relief of knowing that your horse received the best care possible, etc. Also, how lucky you feel to have had such top notch wonderful people in your life, sharing this journey with you.

I get it that this experience was traumatic for you, but when a horse is sick and dies, the people caring for that horse also suffer trauma and grief. I speak from the perspective of a BO who has been at the side of sick horses before. I would never expect a gift in a situation like this, but having my feelings for the horse acknowledged as well means a lot to me. Also, sometimes there is not much I (or the vets) can do for a very sick horse, but I feel that my only gift to the owner in this scenario is for them to have the comfort of knowing that we did everything we possibly could to give the best care and make the horse as comfortable as possible. Having an owner acknowledge gratefully the lengths we went to in caring for their horse means a lot to me.

I guess what it really comes down to is that sometimes just saying thank you is a really meaningful thing.

[ClassyJumper]

I agree, I think a hand written note is really meaningful in these situations. As far as a gift I am a terrible shopper so I usually get giftcards… maybe to the local tack shop or a nice restaurant?

[Haylter]

I agree acknowledging their emotions and expressing your gratitude is the most important part of the gift. Write a note to about how grateful you are for everything in general and then some specific thank yous for each individual. Maybe decide which of your horse’s items you can part with that would be practical for the barn and pass them on so they can get used and be a fond reminder of your horse and your gratitude, a nice picture of your horse or something and maybe gift cards so everyone can go out to eat or get nails done or a massage or amusement park or tack shop or ??? together or separately. So sorry for the loss, but also grateful you and he had enough support so it was not even more tragic.

[Arelle]

Definitely ditto the above regarding a note expressing your gratitude.

I’m always practical and think of gifting BOs and trainers useful items that don’t have to come out of their own pocket. However, in this instance, I don’t think that would be appropriate. My mind immediately went to something “pretty”. Perhaps a pretty wind chime, or a suncatcher (Etsy has lots of pretty options, like this).

[Maythehorsebewithme]

I had to put my heart horse down at a veterinary clinic. It was one of the toughest things I ever had to do. The staff were absolutely wonderful. Since I was thanking several people–vets, vet techs, barn workers, etc., I sent a note expressing my thanks and appreciation for all they did and a very large gift basket. I made sure the gift basket contained items that were easily eaten/enjoyed without any prep.

[kashmere]

I went through a euthanasia in June and decided on a card expressing my thanks and my feelings in detail that I was simply not able to get through in person. In person I managed a “thank you” before the crying started, and was able to squeak out “for being there for her” before all was completely lost. It was important to me to be able to say more specifically how much their care meant to me in writing.

I gave my trainer, who was also there on the last night, her favourite saddle pad from our collection that she used on my mare long before she was even my mare. That was an important gift. The BO is not very sentimental when it comes to things so just expressing my thanks and acknowledging the big hole this horse left in all our hearts was the best thing.

[anon6003733]

Love the wind chime idea.

How about an outdoor potted flowering plant or bush? BOs and staff like to pretty up outside their barns. Something that smells divine and can easily be kept in a large, attractive but movable pot.

Sorry for your loss

[atl_hunter]

@Haylter

Maybe decide which of your horse’s items you can part with that would be practical for the barn and pass them on so they can get used and be a fond reminder of your horse and your gratitude.

My horse was always loaning his SoftRide boots out to other horses in the program once he no longer needed them. I think this would be an excellent way for us to pay it forward and help another horse along the way. Thank you so much for the great suggestion.

It’s a bit funny but the trainers often had to borrow from me in a pinch as I kept a fully stocked tack locker. I do love the idea of a nice “leave behind” kit of things that would help a horse in need but would also spare them the expense of a purchase of these types of items.

[atl_hunter]

@Haylter

maybe gift cards so everyone can go out to eat or get nails done or a massage or amusement park or tack shop or ???

I do like the idea of a massage or spa experience for the assistant trainer who stood by my side the entire time and helped me through the decision. It was a very stressful process for everyone and maybe something like this could help everyone get away for a bit and relax.

I think what makes this hardest for the trainer is that it’s her expectation that we will go horse shopping now and finally get the horse that will help me move up and realize my talent, as my current horse “held me back.” But my heart isn’t in it right now. So it’s not just the loss of a horse, but also likely the loss of a client.

[ParadoxFarm]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I know you’re devastated.

My niece works at a barn and she just received a gift from a boarder for all the extra help she gives. (She has a sore back and at times wears a brace.) The gift was similar to a TENS unit with a little remote controller. She tried it last night and really enjoyed it.

[paint_hunter]

I worked professionally alongside the traditional first responders for a very large horse (read “draft”) that fell off the trail into a ravine, requiring an extensive rescue with many people lasting about eight hours. Several months later, the owner graciously hosted a catered BBQ for everyone who had participated in the rescue. The first responders were very thankful and really enjoyed/appreciated the thoughtfulness of the horse owner.

[Capall]

Don’t make any final decisions about not returning to that trainer just yet. You can express your gratitude, give a gift (sorry I have no ideas on that!) And let the trainer know that you need time to grieve before you even think about getting another horse. Allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need. Don’t rush it. Then once you feel like you can breathe again, make decisions. I’m so sorry for your loss.

[Coreene]

Went through same on June 17, and it sucks. I am so sorry for your loss.

I agree that a heartfelt note and a gift card for a spa or dinner is always welcome. And I promise you that it will get easier, truly.

[mrs_beasley]

What you wrote in the first two paragraphs of your post is what you should put in the card. The fact that you are even considering sending a card for this speaks volumes of the type of person that you are. I am sad that I don’t know you in real life.

I am a barn owner/trainer, and my barn manager and I don’t ever want to see a horse suffer or be PTS. It is as emotionally traumatizing for a trainer, groom, or barn manager as it is for the owner. We just have to be tougher about it, more thick skinned, because we are on the job and need to be strong for the horse and for the owners. The same goes for the vet. I can tell you that my vet takes that S#!+ home with her, because she cares. The vet that took care of your horse will appreciate your heartfelt note more than you know.

I am very sorry for your loss.

[CPL713]

So sorry for your loss!

I like all of the gift ideas - especially the idea of passing along some items that can be useful, and also the ideas around something beautiful.
Many years ago, we lost a horse at my barn after an extended health issue that required lots of care. His owners later paid to have a pretty tree planted in a spot that benefited the barn, and had a small plaque installed at the base in his memory. I still think of that little guy often when I see that tree.

[mvp]

@atl_hunter

I do like the idea of a massage or spa experience for the assistant trainer who stood by my side the entire time and helped me through the decision. It was a very stressful process for everyone and maybe something like this could help everyone get away for a bit and relax.

I think what makes this hardest for the trainer is that it’s her expectation that we will go horse shopping now and finally get the horse that will help me move up and realize my talent, as my current horse “held me back.” But my heart isn’t in it right now. So it’s not just the loss of a horse, but also likely the loss of a client.

Your pro will understand that, even if her wallet won’t like it.

Maybe to soften the blow, be generous with the “kit” items you’ll give to her versus those you’ll keep.

I kept some of the stuff from the beloved horse I euthanized. I didn’t mind using his stuff on the next horse, albeit some time later. I always got to think of him when I put it on and had it “present” again in my life.

[hillary_again]

Similar recent experience: I wanted to thank the intern vet and vet techs. I mailed Starbucks gift cards with a nice note. If your team likes Starbucks, it seems like a good choice: the cards last forever, and you can put a large balance on them. I know vet techs don’t make a lot, and new vets have a lot of student debt.

[atl_hunter]

Thank you all for the great ideas - I truly appreciate your insightful suggestions. @mvp , I think that making the “leave behind kit” will be a great way to say thankyou, and we have the means to make it very meaningful and special (my horse had all the goodies). @hillary again , the Starbucks cards for the veterinary staff are a great idea. They spend all day in the car and it’s a great way to show appreciation.

@CPL713 , I wish we could plant a tree - that would be incredible! But the facility is leased and is also for sale, so there isn’t much of an impact we can make on the actual property.

@Coreene , I am so sorry that you’ve also been through this recently. It truly is heartbreaking, but it does give me solace that in troubled times, the one thing that’s great about the equestrian community is that we can put our differences aside and support each other. The outpouring of love and support from my equestrian friends has been so touching. Sending you hugs.

[skydy]

A nice restaurant meal is always good for people that are often too tired to cook. Gift cards to somewhere local, along with a note of thanks would be appreciated, I’m sure.
Not-chain restaurants will often create a gift certificate if you ask them.

I’m so sorry for your loss.