That unpleasant person at the barn.

[McGurk]

Good point, @JustTheTicket

But what if there is something going on with the problem boarder that the OP actually needs to know about?

For example, there was a teenage barn worker at the barn where I was teaching who just.plucked.my.last.nerve; who was particularly awful about following directions. No one told me she has significant cognitive problems, and that the barn is her refuge and therapy. Once I had some solid information about HOW to communicate with her, things improved. It’s easy to say that someone should have told me BEFORE I had negative interactions with her, but it’s an extremely busy barn with a lot of teenage helpers and a lot of contract workers. Going to one of the owners earlier with a question like “Is there something about Teenager A that I need to know? I have a really tough time getting her to follow directioins.” would have yielded the helpful info a lot sooner.

That conversation goes like this “BM or trainer, I’ve had some really unpleasant encounters with PB. Is there some history or issue there that I need to be aware of?” No need to kick off gossipy barn drama.

To reiterate, we all know that boarder or boarders. And we all, even the most grown up, articulate and assertive of us, sometimes have trouble using our words and addressing conflict directly. So until there’s more info, maybe it’s premature to demonize the OP or conclude she is the problem?

[gottagrey]

OP has vamoosed apparently, but I agree with all those that said why on earth is she letting the nonboarder get to her. If this nonboarder has been there for 5+ years she probably feels very comfortable and somewhat entitled. She also could be totally lacking in social skills, who knows. But the OP is apparently a successful businesswoman who needs to pull into the barn like the business person she is and go about the business of riding her dang horse. She doesn’t have to interact with the NB other than a hello how are you. Who cares if she videos you and posts on FB? Block her? Or ask her to please video you when you feel like you’re having a great ride.

Owners are in their 80’s do you really honestly believe they want to be involved in this petty BS? Oh 20 y/o called me a B***ch? Oh 20 y/o posting bad pics on FB and I don’t look good waaahh. Seriously the trainer doesn’t want to be bother with that nonsense either. Only if there is something illegal or illicit going on which sounds like this kid just gets on some people’s nerves. But they’re paying her apparently to ride their horses or doing something which is keeping her coming back…

I also think paying advanced board is a bad idea… the one time I did that my horse ended up in surgery with a 50/50 prognosis.

[ecileh]

I just want to say that I can totally empathize with the desire to just drive on by when you see a particular car in the driveway at the barn.

[meupatdoes]

@endlessclimb

Why is confronting issues directly so hard?

Kid running down the aisle with a grocery bag in each hand flapping about. My horse is about to blow a lid in the attached arena. My response? “Stop running RIGHT NOW.” Kid stops running. Did I get a nasty glance from the parents? Maybe, but I kept on leg on either side and I don’t care what they think. Kid hasn’t done that since.

Someone is trying to video a melt down of a young horse on his 3rd saddling in the arena. My response? “I’d prefer you didn’t video, if you don’t mind” said with a little venom. Sure they’re free to continue to do so, but boy wouldn’t they have looked like a jerk if they did.

Some woman once told me off for flatting in the arena with only the aisle lights on instead of the full blown arena lights, telling me how dangerous it was because the horse couldn’t see (lol, whut…). I told her if it bothered her, she was free to turn the lights on. As for me, I was fine as is.

Just address the issue. Girl is in the way? Ask her to move. Girl says veiled mean things? Ask her to elaborate on what she’s saying to make it super awkward. Girl is videoing your ride? Ask her not to, with a little force if needed.

And if she won’t quit? Deal or move.

:love-struck::love-struck::love-struck:
:applause::applause::applause:

You are my spirit COTHer.

[endlessclimb]

@ecileh

I just want to say that I can totally empathize with the desire to just drive on by when you see a particular car in the driveway at the barn.

I hear this.

We have a clan of three - I call them Dumb, Dumb, and Dumber but it’s really a mother, father, and daughter - that I moan and groan when they’re at the barn. Mostly because riding with them in the arena is a going to cause a wreck… they’re on green horses that don’t get turnout, they don’t know how to lunge, and they have no arena etiquette. They think it’s a free for all in there, and give me dirty glances when I call “heads up” or ask them not to stand as a group on the rail right at E or B (I mean seriously, go stand at an end dammit, I can’t do all my work on a quarter line, and I can’t even use a 20m circle when you’re standing there as a group of three).

FWIW, I’m a little passive aggressive myself on these people. I know they like to let their horses out in the arena since they can’t do much else with them. I have permission to ride many horses at the barn, though I typically don’t. Except when… I can tell they want to let their horses out. I will ride every horse I can, tacking and untacking as fast as I can, to occupy the arena for as long as I can, to prevent them from turning their horses out. Maybe someday they’ll catch on and pay the extra $40/month for 5 day a week turnout - a service the barn offers but they elect not to partake in.

We also have:
-the super emotional woman who cries every time you talk to her, and her creeper husband
-the unfriendly reiner guy - great rider though, albeit a little heavy handed
-the ‘only shows up a week before the county fair’ lady
-the girl who claims to have dibs on the one grass pasture because her overweight horse has heaves she won’t medicate him for
-the guy who thinks everyone should want to ride/train his horse for free
-the woman who swears her horse doesn’t like the tractor because it is green (same one who yelled at me for riding without lights on)
-the Gold Bond lady

Barns are full of fun characters. I’m sure several of the above mentioned people have interesting descriptions for me, too.

[Bluey]

@endlessclimb

I hear this.

We have a clan of three - I call them Dumb, Dumb, and Dumber but it’s really a mother, father, and daughter - that I moan and groan when they’re at the barn. Mostly because riding with them in the arena is a going to cause a wreck… they’re on green horses that don’t get turnout, they don’t know how to lunge, and they have no arena etiquette. They think it’s a free for all in there, and give me dirty glances when I call “heads up” or ask them not to stand as a group on the rail right at E or B (I mean seriously, go stand at an end dammit, I can’t do all my work on a quarter line, and I can’t even use a 20m circle when you’re standing there as a group of three).

FWIW, I’m a little passive aggressive myself on these people. I know they like to let their horses out in the arena since they can’t do much else with them. I have permission to ride many horses at the barn, though I typically don’t. Except when… I can tell they want to let their horses out. I will ride every horse I can, tacking and untacking as fast as I can, to occupy the arena for as long as I can, to prevent them from turning their horses out. Maybe someday they’ll catch on and pay the extra $40/month for 5 day a week turnout - a service the barn offers but they elect not to partake in.

We also have:
-the super emotional woman who cries every time you talk to her, and her creeper husband
-the unfriendly reiner guy - great rider though, albeit a little heavy handed
-the ‘only shows up a week before the county fair’ lady
-the girl who claims to have dibs on the one grass pasture because her overweight horse has heaves she won’t medicate him for
-the guy who thinks everyone should want to ride/train his horse for free
-the woman who swears her horse doesn’t like the tractor because it is green (same one who yelled at me for riding without lights on)
-the Gold Bond lady

Barns are full of fun characters. I’m sure several of the above mentioned people have interesting descriptions for me, too.

Just think, somewhere else, you would have to pay more to have that much fun with all those interesting characters to play around.

[soloudinhere]

@endlessclimb

I hear this.

We have a clan of three - I call them Dumb, Dumb, and Dumber but it’s really a mother, father, and daughter - that I moan and groan when they’re at the barn. Mostly because riding with them in the arena is a going to cause a wreck… they’re on green horses that don’t get turnout, they don’t know how to lunge, and they have no arena etiquette. They think it’s a free for all in there, and give me dirty glances when I call “heads up” or ask them not to stand as a group on the rail right at E or B (I mean seriously, go stand at an end dammit, I can’t do all my work on a quarter line, and I can’t even use a 20m circle when you’re standing there as a group of three).

FWIW, I’m a little passive aggressive myself on these people. I know they like to let their horses out in the arena since they can’t do much else with them. I have permission to ride many horses at the barn, though I typically don’t. Except when… I can tell they want to let their horses out. I will ride every horse I can, tacking and untacking as fast as I can, to occupy the arena for as long as I can, to prevent them from turning their horses out. Maybe someday they’ll catch on and pay the extra $40/month for 5 day a week turnout - a service the barn offers but they elect not to partake in.

We also have:
-the super emotional woman who cries every time you talk to her, and her creeper husband
-the unfriendly reiner guy - great rider though, albeit a little heavy handed
-the ‘only shows up a week before the county fair’ lady
-the girl who claims to have dibs on the one grass pasture because her overweight horse has heaves she won’t medicate him for
-the guy who thinks everyone should want to ride/train his horse for free
-the woman who swears her horse doesn’t like the tractor because it is green (same one who yelled at me for riding without lights on)
-the Gold Bond lady

Barns are full of fun characters. I’m sure several of the above mentioned people have interesting descriptions for me, too.

Yeah, I sure would have some interesting words for someone who deliberately hogged the arena just to be obnoxious. The fact that you think you’re better than they are, then brag about openly being s**tty says a lot about you.

[Beck]

@soloudinhere

Yeah, I sure would have some interesting words for someone who deliberately hogged the arena just to be obnoxious. The fact that you think you’re better than they are, then brag about openly being s**tty says a lot about you.

Using the arena to ride in…so others do not have the opportunity to use it for turnout? While I cannot say I am on board with the stated intent, I don’t think I would call that ‘hogging’ the arena. The space would be shared with others who want to ride, right? Hand-walking; maybe even longeing in some facilities. Seems to me turning your horse loose in it while other boarders wait to use it for riding would be ‘hogging’ the space.

[Gainer]

And people couldn’t understand why I want to keep my horses at home…

[Trakehner]

@PonyPenny

Why do we women have so much trouble with conflict? Guys would just tell her to STFU and move on. You should do the same.

Ah, simple wisdom grasshopper. “Go away”…repeat as necessary.

Just look where she’s standing, find the spot unoccupied, and go on with your life. Just don’t react with her.

If she calls you a beeyotch, just get in her face, call her a few names (I’m sure you know some applicable epithets) and tell her to go away.

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy. Who cares what she wants or does…as long as it doesn’t involve you, who cares. If it does, nail her hide to the wall and then go on.

[Obsidian_Fire]

@Trakehner

Ah, simple wisdom grasshopper. “Go away”…repeat as necessary.

Just look where she’s standing, find the spot unoccupied, and go on with your life. Just don’t react with her.

If she calls you a beeyotch, just get in her face, call her a few names (I’m sure you know some applicable epithets) and tell her to go away.

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy. Who cares what she wants or does…as long as it doesn’t involve you, who cares. If it does, nail her hide to the wall and then go on.

YUP. That’s pretty much my motto at the barn. But let me tell you what… some of these “speshul snowflakes” will go crying to the BO that the adults are “making them uncomfortable”. (True story, happened just last week).

(beating head against wall).

[TMares]

@endlessclimb

I hear this.

FWIW, I’m a little passive aggressive myself on these people. I know they like to let their horses out in the arena since they can’t do much else with them. I have permission to ride many horses at the barn, though I typically don’t. Except when… I can tell they want to let their horses out. I will ride every horse I can, tacking and untacking as fast as I can, to occupy the arena for as long as I can, to prevent them from turning their horses out. Maybe someday they’ll catch on and pay the extra $40/month for 5 day a week turnout - a service the barn offers but they elect not to partake in.

Barns are full of fun characters. I’m sure several of the above-mentioned people have interesting descriptions for me, too.

1. Are they not allowed to turn their own horses loose in an available turnout?
2. Why are they allowed to use the arena for turnout?

I occasionally haul in and ride at a vast, largely empty farm. The owners are largely absentee, the horses are mostly broodstock. There are very few boarders, and most of them are perfectly pleasant. There is one boarder, Q, who keeps two horses there. This facility offers:
an indoor
a small outdoor
a solid walled, super safe round pen (60’)
another outdoor with mirrors
tons of flat, safe, grassed ground
loads of trails, wide enough for a cart or four wheelers.

If I show up to ride, and Q is there, it’s remarkable how that is the time to school her mini in ground driving. In the indoor, on one long side, out to the quarter line, sometimes to X, but somehow, always, directly into my path. If I’m trotting a long diagonal (KXM) she will find a reason to dart from B to H jusssst in time to screw with me. Nevermind that until that diagonal, she was never remotely doing anything in an H-erly direction. So we’ve gotten very good at our adjustable trot, leg yielding, and breezing past her jussst after she crossed my path, then picking up the canter at M, 1/2 10m up the centerline, and we’re outta there again.

[TheMoo]

Some of you guys are way too invested in other boarders at the barn. This thread makes me love my barn and love the fact that I am oblivious to what people may or may not be saying about me.

[Pennywell_Bay]

@Beck

Using the arena to ride in…so others do not have the opportunity to use it for turnout? While I cannot say I am on board with the stated intent, I don’t think I would call that ‘hogging’ the arena. The space would be shared with others who want to ride, right? Hand-walking; maybe even longeing in some facilities. Seems to me turning your horse loose in it while other boarders wait to use it for riding would be ‘hogging’ the space.

Because of this statement

“FWIW, I’m a little passive aggressive myself on these people. I know they like to let their horses out in the arena since they can’t do much else with them. I have permission to ride many horses at the barn, though I typically don’t. Except when… I can tell they want to let their horses out. I will ride every horse I can, tacking and untacking as fast as I can, to occupy the arena for as long as I can, to prevent them from turning their horses out. Maybe someday they’ll catch on and pay the extra $40/month for 5 day a week turnout - a service the barn offers but they elect not to partake in.”

Not just riding- doing as many as quick just to needle these people. :sigh:

[Pennywell_Bay]

@TheMoo

Some of you guys are way too invested in other boarders at the barn. This thread makes me love my barn and love the fact that I am oblivious to what people may or may not be saying about me.

Preach.

[allons-y]

And my horseless inlaws keep saying ‘why don’t you take Boarders? You could make so much money!’
Hahahahahah NO

[endlessclimb]

@soloudinhere

Yeah, I sure would have some interesting words for someone who deliberately hogged the arena just to be obnoxious. The fact that you think you’re better than they are, then brag about openly being s**tty says a lot about you.

With 13 outdoor turnouts, I don’t have much pity for the weekend warrior that can afford three horses they can’t ride (and cant catch, and doesn’t clean up arena manure afterwards)… yet can’t afford to pay for turnout.

Petty? Sure. Says a lot about me? Maybe. Do I care? Nope. The arena is shared duty, anyone can lunge or handwalk, even them being obnoxious they are free to ride. Come out and turnout, then claim you can’t catch your animals? Nope, turn them out outside. Better yet, let them outside of that 10x10 box they live in more than once a week.

[endlessclimb]

@TMares

1. Are they not allowed to turn their own horses loose in an available turnout?
2. Why are they allowed to use the arena for turnout?

1. Yes, they are. There are 13 to choose from - several are sand, a couple limestone, some dirt, some grass.
2. BO’s rules are priority goes to riders, then lungers, then turnouts. I’ll turn my horse loose if there’s no one there. Since the arena is in the center of the barn open to the aisles, I won’t turn out if anyone’s there because the horses reach over the fence and harass the horses in cross ties.

[ecileh]

I want to hear more about the Gold Bond Lady.

[endlessclimb]

@ecileh

I want to hear more about the Gold Bond Lady.

She COATS her grey horses legs in the stuff. The aisle is pavers, and you can tell she was at the barn due to the nauseating smell and the appearance of a Gold Bond Bomb having gone off on the bricks.

Why she does this? Her horse has a severe case of cellulitis (and has for years now…) - she believes the Gold Bond helps, and applies it to all 4 legs religiously. :disgust: