"The barn needs to make money"-my husband

[SFVine]

My husband and I are in the process of building our barn. My problem lies in the fact that my husband has started telling people they can keep horses in our barn. First of all, I am not sure where our own horses are going to go if we are only building 4 stalls and apparently are going to have other people here. Second, none of these people are actually horse people and none of them currently have a horse. They just have young daughters (two separate families) and think horses are pretty and want them. They would have to be full care because they don’t know anything and I would not agree to any sort of self-care situation.

Unfortunately my husband sees horses as money burners (eye roll…he knew who I was when he married me) and wants to make money somehow (yes, I have already explained that you don’t make money boarding horses). I taught lessons for 15 years so I told him I would be happy to teach the kids on our horses, but then I need a good outdoor ring, a few solid citizens to teach on and INSURANCE-probably not teaching enough to make THAT money back- but I would really like a nice outdoor lol

Bringing horses home is my dream. I just want a little barn with a few horses for my kids and I to enjoy. I don’t want to get involved in coming home and having to teach people about horses after I teach at work all day. I don’t want to have to be nervous about having novices in my barn when I am at work- the liability!!! I have enough experience working at boarding barns to know the crazy sh*t people who know nothing about horses (heck, even the people who do know about horses!) do when the owner is away. I am just not interested.

Ohhhhh what do I do? Any good ideas for how I can actually make money?

I’ll add we both have full time jobs and run a vineyard, so it’s not like we need to make money, my husband is just an old school farmer who thinks all land should turn a profit.

[Arlomine]

You need have a serious discussion so you won’t be revisiting this over and over again.
Tell him directly that you WILL NOT be boarding other people’s horses and explain why. Do not budge. He doesn’t have a clue.

Thinking about your situation, I can only think of one way for you to potentially make money. Birthday parties/pony parties where people come, bring their own refreshments, and leave. They do not ride.

You make nice decorations, provide nicely set party tables, ponies are dressed up. Kids take turns brushing and leading. Minnies are cheap to keep and obviously to small for riding. Bonus points for picturesque vineyard. Insurance may be less if there is no riding.

present him with numbers. No one makes money boarding.

maybe you can get a nice big covered round pen out of it

[Foxglove]

If your husband is a farmer, then he knows “profit and loss,” —just because he says: “That will make money,” doesn’t make it so —for any type of farming. So not sure what’s going on there —all the farmers around me are incredibly aware of what the cost of planting/fertilizing/harvesting is, and what the price of corn/milk/beans/wheat is and can tell you in a flash if their land is profitable. Same with cows: cost of cow, feed, care, milking and amount produced compared to what milk sells for —clear profit or loss.

You don’t really seem to have time to find a way to make a profit with your stable/horses --if it were easy, everyone would do it. At best those of us with horses try to break even --and frankly, the only horse people I know who do make a profit are my shoer and vet. Neither of them ride, although both own horses.

My kids lessons for a few years (kids wanted to) —it appeared on paper to be a profitable business --16 students, 2 AM 2 PM once a week, four days a week $50/hour —but what the kids found out was after I deducted their insurance payment, cost of feeding/care for their horses (they used their own), there wasn’t much profit and worse, they didn’t have time to ride their own horses!!!

I’ve had friends who do “pony rides” at birthday parties–the insurance is expensive. Add to that the weather needs to be good and the pony owner needs to be present and handle kids and pony. I’d rather be riding.

Talk to your husband —if he really is a farmer, lay out the numbers for him. . . .he will understand.

[js]

Firstly, he needs to understand boarding horses doesn’t make money, at least in the context he is thinking. Its a break even kind of business at the best of times and often not even that. Explain the ramifications of boarding other peoples horses, like additional liability insurance, business insurance, needing a much larger barn with all the extra stalls that will be needed, hay storage, parking, providing handicap facilities, maintenance and repair, having to provide turnout and safe riding areas, the work involved, etc. Having people at your property all the time, no privacy.

Let him know how much you will be saving by having just your horses at home v/s you boarding them out, that you will be at home rather than at the barn, that should be enough.

[Bluey]

NO is a whole sentence, stand by your guns, no explanation needed.

Especially the first year or two, until you have a routine and reconsider any other and even then, I expect NO will still stand.

No need to complicate your life, especially as you are just starting out with this set-up and building process.

[JanM]

If boarding horses is such a profitable business, then why did so many boarding operations go out of business? The worst part of novice owners dumping horses on you is that not only will they want full care, at bargain prices, but the next thing you know they’ll be inviting all of their friends to come see the horse, and that will turn into riding the horse too. Also, you might explain that waivers don’t really protect you even in state with equine liability laws. It was a good question about where you’re supposed to stall your own horses too? I’m wondering about the extra time needed to do anything about abandoned horses, or non-paying boarders when the courts are barely open?

[pony_grandma]

If you need help with this idea, float this:
Get an insurance liability quote!! On paper. Ask what HE’S doing with the manure, sourcing the bedding?? Extra gravel for those SUVs to park, maybe they’ll all get a trailer How far is the barn from the house for privacy? Where’s the toilet, think of all those kids, and THEIR friends? They all have grandparents cousins BFs if they buy that family horse. If they don’t find a ‘family quality’ horse then there are those other problems…

oh, has hubs ever fixed fence. Repeatedly? Hauled volumes of hay to store? Willing to give up vacation trips? (you may have a horse sitter while you’re personally out of town but would you want these other people at your property while you’re gone? )

[HungarianHippo]

All I can say is: he’s not treating you with any respect. As long as he’s not showing any respect for you, I would not bother trying to convince him with logic, lots of research, etc.
Just state your will out loud, clearly and directly. Don’t ambush him while he’s busy with something else. Don’t do this when you’re angry with each other. “We need to talk seriously about this. I am not going to take on the time, work, and stress that boarders will bring. We would have all sorts of new liability risk and no privacy, and I’m not willing to live that way. I need you to stop offering up my labor and time to others without my permission. When you’re ready to talk about it, let’s work on another way to supplement the budget.”

Don’t feel obligated to answer here, but you should be asking yourself how was this not discussed before you started building the barn? Honestly, if he continues to offer the barn to boarders over your wishes (and you’ve told him this is serious and important to you), you’re in “you need professional counseling” territory. Ideally together, but go solo if he won’t go.

Good luck.

[clanter]

well it Can be done, farmer vineyard owner guy needs to buy the horses and pay the wife’s farm to board the beasts …I know it works because I did it.

When were ready to have horses (again)… I had my business (a S Corp) buy the animals (they were used in advertising the business) …then my business boarded Its horses at our Farm (the fool that owned that business paid big bucks to board those horses) . Farm was an independent business (a C Corp), farm leased the barns and land form us.

All were separate independent operations.

The pluses were numerous.

[goodhors]

Perhaps discussing this again, have him picture the horses as a “large family boat” instead of creatures. They provide fun and work, need constant attention, but do NOT provide income, only expenses! You are not going to turn a profit in the situation you describe.

Bluey said it well, NO is what you have to tell him on his proposals of boarding, lessons. You HAVE a full time job, horses are for leisure time, not a second job. Even with kids doing chores, there is a lot of time invested. You and kids will be trading chores to keep YOUR horse things done with your busy schedules. We did that with our kids in sports and clubs.

Boarding is not negotiable idea! Stand firm on this or you will be out of horses in no time, with him repeating “I told you hroses were a waste of money!”

[ayrabz]

I’m sure there has to be more to the story—because as told? this sounds like a relationship issue, not a horse issue. I’d be telling him I’d rather board my own horse for my own enjoyment elsewhere than ‘at home’ if to have that it would be dictated to me how I would utilize the barn, the horse, my time, my privacy, my home.

[Bluey]

Say you decide to put in our yard a swimming pool and he invites all neighborhood, any time.
He offers you to take care of the kids, teach them to swim, be sure no one gets in trouble, or drowns.
Demands you charge for it, we need to pay for that pool after all.

There will be people and loose kids and their families and friends dropping in at all hours, every day, having pool parties, using your bathrooms.
Kids being kids, they raid your refrigerator and cabinet goodies, sit to watch some TV in your living room, why not?
Plus now insurance premiums went thru the roof.
Surely he did bring the insurance to date on his new liability with, for all purposes, running a public pool business?

Wonder how he would feel about that, as that is what he is requesting of your barn and horses and YOU.

[Lusoluv]

Since the OPs husband is inviting people to come board, then he can calculate the monthly board needed for each horse to “make money”. The OP said she has HORSES, so that’s at least 2, with a 4 stall barn. So, assuming a maximum of 2 open stalls, how much would boarders need to pay? If you’re building a barn you also need fencing, a riding area, gates, stall fixtures and maintenance equip. Recouping the capital outlay in a reasonable amount of time with 1-2 boarders would be cost prohibitive. Maybe let him come to that conclusion so you’re not the bad guy!

[ayrabz]

This thread reads as if we’re in the 1950s. Why are we discussing how to make ‘him’ understand?

[SFVine]

@HungarianHippo

All I can say is: he’s not treating you with any respect. As long as he’s not showing any respect for you, I would not bother trying to convince him with logic, lots of research, etc.
Just state your will out loud, clearly and directly. Don’t ambush him while he’s busy with something else. Don’t do this when you’re angry with each other. “We need to talk seriously about this. I am not going to take on the time, work, and stress that boarders will bring. We would have all sorts of new liability risk and no privacy, and I’m not willing to live that way. I need you to stop offering up my labor and time to others without my permission. When you’re ready to talk about it, let’s work on another way to supplement the budget.”

Don’t feel obligated to answer here, but you should be asking yourself how was this not discussed before you started building the barn? Honestly, if he continues to offer the barn to boarders over your wishes (and you’ve told him this is serious and important to you), you’re in “you need professional counseling” territory. Ideally together, but go solo if he won’t go.

Good luck.

I don’t feel that he was being disrespectful, just clueless. I think it would be disrespectful if after we talk about it he continues to go out and talk to people. I had not realized “don’t invite people to keep horses at our small private barn” was something we had to talk about it. He has created this whole thing in his head and has been telling people when he tells them we are building the barn. Like, “we are building this barn, blah blah blah, you can have a horse here too if you want!” kind of thing.

He also thinks that I can make a side business of buying, training and selling OTTBs because I bought my last horse off the track. You know, with all my free time and no arena. Again- just clueless lol

[SFVine]

@ayrabz

I’m sure there has to be more to the story—because as told? this sounds like a relationship issue, not a horse issue. I’d be telling him I’d rather board my own horse for my own enjoyment elsewhere than ‘at home’ if to have that it would be dictated to me how I would utilize the barn, the horse, my time, my privacy, my home.

You can see my response above, it is not a relationship issue…just a clueless husband who thinks he is being a great guy by offering up my services to our friends. I did find out tonight that his cousin has actually been pressuring him to let them buy a horse and keep it here, not the other way around. The other one (his best friend and our hay guy) he offered a spot to.

[Mango20]

You’ll have to point out that you’ll need more insurance, and you’d obviously have to hire an employee to help with the added workload of boarding horses and/or teaching lessons.

[ayrabz]

I’m sorry, (not sorry) that I see him being ‘clueless’ as a relationship issue. Do you decide for him how he needs to make money from any of his interests? I’m SURE he’s a nice guy. But this seems something you have to take in hand and address, and that is what I meant by a relationship issue. Simply something he thinks is fine to direct and issue to you as part of ‘being able to have your own barn’ in the first place is just whacked. . But we all make our own beds. Best of luck. I’d pass myself on having my own barn if this is how it would go. not at all worth it to me!

[HungarianHippo]

From the original post, it sounded like you had already had told him you don’t want to have boarders, and that he was persisting. If you’ve told him no and he respects that and will tell his cousin and hay guy that it’s not an option, then problem solved right? If he doesn’t tell them, then you call them both tomorrow morning and say, sorry, it was a misunderstanding and we are not in a position to take boarders. Done and done.

[starsandsun]

A suggestion … we all use different language and structure that expresses our underlying unconscious motivation. How do I know this? I’m a psychologist, trained in this space, and it’s my job. If you wanted to work with me for 3-6 months, we could get granular on this, but let me give you a short cut and see if it helps. From what you’re sharing, your husband enjoys hearing about choices that might (not will, just could) happen. I’d like to invite you to consider simply say “that’s an option” and let it pass. Try it out and see what happens. My prediction is that once you use that response a few times, the tension you feel will resolve, and things will work out.