The Fate Of My Para Dressage Career - Conflicted Over Barns, Trainers, and Horses

[DoomPony]

I really need some moral support and guidance from people who have been in this sport longer than I have. I’m an almost fifteen year old para dressage rider who’s been riding (in lessons, not for therapy) for five years now. I switched barns in September of 2012 and got my first horse in December of 2012. Now, this horse was a big switch from the dead calm, beat the crap out of me and I’ll sort of trot lesson horses I’d ridden before. He was a proper competition dressage horse. I remember the first time I tried him I nearly fell off, and he was saintly enough to stop dead. I thought my trainer was crazy for suggesting this horse, but within three days I was in love, and bought him.

My trainer is amazing. She’s funny, works me hard, and has made me believe in myself. As tough acting as she is, she was the first one to hug me when the first horse we looked at fell through. I call her Mom, she’s always there for me.

My barn I mostly like. Everyone’s very sweet, and there’s only minimal drama. The only thing I don’t like I will explain now.

Last March, my horse and I were riding along, calm as could be. Calm as could be, anyway, until a few teenage boys sped by the arena in their shitty car and yelled ‘YEEEEEE HAWWWWWW!’ Needless to say, my horse bolted. I ended up coming off. Ever since that fall I’ve been mostly on a lunge line, and have had more falls than I could count on my fingers and toes. This anxiety, combined with the tightness from my cerebral palsy makes my horse very hot and spooky, and he’s very nervous while we work. Things have worked to fix it somewhat, me being on a stretching routine and getting a bigger saddle, but he’s still way more sensitive than I’m comfortable with. He also doesn’t have awesome ground manners. His issues have pretty much halted my progress in my riding.

My trainer as I said, is awesome, but she’s also the BM and doesn’t have time to take me to shows, even if I was ready. She also doesn’t have time to really condition and work with my horse on his issues.

My barn is actually an eventing barn, so I don’t have the resources I’d get at a dressage barn to make it where I need to go (Horses, trainers, etc).

We have considered selling my horse and leasing something calmer instead. I just don’t want to give up on him. Everyone has given up on this horse, except us. Am I crazy to keep him, as much as I love him? He’s gorgeous and talented, and he clearly does adore me.

It’s also getting hard for us financially, as I’m one of three middle class kids. I take up a lot of the extra money, and I feel so bad about it. Leasing could potentially be cheaper. If you were in my situation, how would you handle it? The barn and trainer being a dead end for me is depressing, as well as not being able to ride my horse on my own and be the rider I know I can be…

[OverandOnward]

Have you started exploring other barns, other programs? You don’t have to make a decision. Just find out what’s out there.

It can be inspiring just to look up out of the tunnel we find ourselves in when we start to worry. Tunnel vision sets in when we start to feel we don’t have many options, or only bad options … but it’s not so. Find out what’s out there. Even if you don’t change the current situation, it’s empowering to know.

What if you half-leased your horse with a well-qualified rider who can help keep him fit and going, while you were able to both ride and focus on yourself a bit more? That would cut down on your expenses, as well.

Find out about sports psychology programs like Daniel Stewart’s and others. DS writes (or wrote) a monthly guest column for the USEA website. These programs address fear issues.

Talk with other people about what you are looking for, even if you feel a bit vague about it. Letting others know your needs can bring some surprising answers, sometimes. Any boneheaded feedback, though, you can ignore.

Also … read your sig. It’s great.

I think you’ll find the answer, but it may not be one complete thing. It may be a series of steps.

Fwiw, do the boys that yelled have any idea about the consequences someone else paid for their actions? If you know who they are. I will never know what people who try to scare horses with a rider on them think will happen. If they do manage to scare the horse, that can be kind of like jerking a ladder out from under someone. Why would someone do that to someone else - usually someone they don’t even know?

It could be that your real fear issue is not the horse at all. Maybe it’s the unpredictable behavior of the buttheads of the world. Understandable - there are ways to cope.

I’m sure you’ll work through this - take care of yourself, and be happy!

[alto]

I don’t know where you live but do look at community support for you, your horse, your show goals; also check with equine industry.

Talk to your parents about how you feel.

He also doesn’t have awesome ground manners.

Look for someone to help get this sorted - not just professionals but also talented juniors around you (see if there are any local trainers that emphasize this in their programs - western or english).

Have you spoken with your trainer? even if she does’t have the time, she may be able to set you up with some assistance, or alternate trainers/barns etc.

This anxiety, combined with the tightness from my cerebral palsy makes my horse very hot and spooky, and he’s very nervous while we work.

Find a second rider to help your horse regain his confidence - also de-energize him a bit, but while engaged in activities that he can “get right”, & that still require him to “think”.

For your anxiety, you may need to ride a confidence building horse for awhile - until you find yourself relaxing again.
You need to set yourself up so that you’re not falling for awhile - don’t expect to do this on your own, talk to people (maybe a sports therapist/psychologist).

It’s possible that you won’t be able to re-connect with this horse, but that doesn’t mean you need to go back to where you were before. If it comes to that, sell him, lease for awhile, look for another partner.

[DoomPony]

[QUOTE=OverandOnward;7577566]
Have you started exploring other barns, other programs? You don’t have to make a decision. Just find out what’s out there.

It can be inspiring just to look up out of the tunnel we find ourselves in when we start to worry. Tunnel vision sets in when we start to feel we don’t have many options, or only bad options … but it’s not so. Find out what’s out there. Even if you don’t change the current situation, it’s empowering to know.

What if you half-leased your horse with a well-qualified rider who can help keep him fit and going, while you were able to both ride and focus on yourself a bit more? That would cut down on your expenses, as well.

Find out about sports psychology programs like Daniel Stewart’s and others. DS writes (or wrote) a monthly guest column for the USEA website. These programs address fear issues.

Talk with other people about what you are looking for, even if you feel a bit vague about it. Letting others know your needs can bring some surprising answers, sometimes. Any boneheaded feedback, though, you can ignore.

Also … read your sig. It’s great.

I think you’ll find the answer, but it may not be one complete thing. It may be a series of steps.

Fwiw, do the boys that yelled have any idea about the consequences someone else paid for their actions? If you know who they are. I will never know what people who try to scare horses with a rider on them think will happen. If they do manage to scare the horse, that can be kind of like jerking a ladder out from under someone. Why would someone do that to someone else - usually someone they don’t even know?

It could be that your real fear issue is not the horse at all. Maybe it’s the unpredictable behavior of the buttheads of the world. Understandable - there are ways to cope.

I’m sure you’ll work through this - take care of yourself, and be happy! :)[/QUOTE]

Thanks about the sig. Sometimes I need that quote to keep me going in times like these. We’re looking into other programmes to see what’s out there, and considering letting someone else work with him. Problem is, we don’t know whether this will benefit him or make him worse as before he came to us, he got passed around about once a month from place to place. I think it’s given him some serious separation anxiety and almost a form of Pony PTSD. This also makes me concerned when I think about showing him…

[Halt_Near_X]

[QUOTE=DoomPony;7577571]
Problem is, we don’t know whether this will benefit him or make him worse as before he came to us, he got passed around about once a month from place to place. I think it’s given him some serious separation anxiety and almost a form of Pony PTSD. This also makes me concerned when I think about showing him…[/QUOTE]

I think you may be anthropomorphizing and projecting your own fears and concerns on him. It’s not going to help either of you.

There are definitely horses that do better in a consistent program, but there is an entire spectrum between a horse being passed around every month and a horse only having one rider. He might cope very, very well with a second consistent rider–especially if they are more confident and can give him some of that confidence. You won’t know if you don’t try.

Try to look at his behavior as if you didn’t know his history and didn’t have the PTSD thing in your head already. Is there anything in his current behavior to suggest he couldn’t cope with a second rider? Or is there anything in his current behavior to suggest that what he really needs is another, more confident hand? Make a plan based on how he acts now, not on your fears about his past.

Same with shows. You don’t need to worry about shows right now. Start with field trips to other barns, or go to schooling shows as a non compete. Just let him hang out at the trailer/hand walk/etc. When you are both confident in that sort of outing, you can hack him on his field trips. When that goes well, you can worry about actually showing. Treat him like a green horse that needs exposure/good experiences to build confidence at new venues. And again, focus on how he behaves now, not on fears grounded in his past.

I bet he’ll surprise you if you give him the chance.

[Pembroke]

I think, for one thing, you should change his feed. If he’s nervous, switch to some oat free food (for instance, my boy who spooks easily gets Krafft’s blue muesli which has helped tons), plus I would also suggest Horse First’s Relax Me.

I think the aforementioned half lease could also be a solution. Or you could just get someone to help you. You do seem a little over-horsed at the moment.

And, hey, it won’t hurt to look around the dressage barns a little. You are obviously attached to your trainer, but it’s showing something that she won’t even deal with your horses ground manners or help in any other way.

[SillyHorse]

You might think about seeing a sports psychologist who understands the fear and anxiety you are experiencing. I don’t know where you live, but if you are anywhere near Janet Edgette (Exton, PA) make an appointment. She’s a rider as well as a pychologist. At the very least, get and read her book [I]Heads Up!

[/I]http://www.amazon.com/Heads-Up-Janet-Edgette/dp/0385480172

[Countrywood]

Some good suggestions above…my overall “take” on this, is that this is not the right horse for you…much as you adore him. I can understand a horse bolting if teenage kids sped by in a car and yelled, however, that one incident should not have been enough to un nerve him and have him be hot and spooky much of the time. Which means, (imo), that even if he were to be worked with and calms down, another incident could un hinge him, and that can happen even at the best barn…or show. You need, first and foremost, a horse that can handle an incident like that with minor reaction and recovery to calm state.

If you were riding a calmer horse ,would you still want to change barns and trainers? Have to separate out a change of barn from a change of horse. No one barn offers everything, and ditto for any one horse…but safety is first especially for you so much as you love this horse, the lack of enjoyment at being nervous plus the real possibility of getting hurt again, just not worth it. There is another, calmer horse you can love that still has talent, and yours sounds nice enough that he can finds a good home.

I gave up a horse I adored because he had a quick reaction spook and bolt, after two injury falls I could never regain confidence in him. (tried for over a year). Horse I have now…well…he sometimes spooks, but a different kind of spook and easier to stay on…the main difference is that fear is not there. Sometimes it is PTSD with a certain horse and just to o difficult to overcome .

Best of luck.

[OverandOnward]

[QUOTE=DoomPony;7577571]
Thanks about the sig. Sometimes I need that quote to keep me going in times like these. We’re looking into other programmes to see what’s out there, and considering letting someone else work with him. Problem is, we don’t know whether this will benefit him or make him worse as before he came to us, he got passed around about once a month from place to place. I think it’s given him some serious separation anxiety and almost a form of Pony PTSD. This also makes me concerned when I think about showing him…[/QUOTE]

@Halt Near X;7577591

I think you may be anthropomorphizing and projecting your own fears and concerns on him. It’s not going to help either of you.

I agree with this. I was about to say “over-thinking the horse’s reactions” when I saw how Halt Near X expressed it.

Horses adapt to change far, far better than we do. They do have separation anxiety, and they do get over it within 2-3 weeks.

Look at it this way - everywhere he’s moved has taken good care of him. Far from increasing his anxiety, the moves may well have increased his confidence that this is a good world that he can rely on for food, shelter and care.

Horses do not dwell on the past. They do not actively remember the past when nothing is reminding them of it. Oh, if only humans had this great gift! :lol: You are the one worrying about moves. He is not. If the grub comes on time, every day, he’s in great shape. :yes:

[QUOTE=Halt Near X;7577591]
There are definitely horses that do better in a consistent program, but there is an entire spectrum between a horse being passed around every month and a horse only having one rider. He might cope very, very well with a second consistent rider–especially if they are more confident and can give him some of that confidence. You won’t know if you don’t try.

Try to look at his behavior as if you didn’t know his history and didn’t have the PTSD thing in your head already. Is there anything in his current behavior to suggest he couldn’t cope with a second rider? Or is there anything in his current behavior to suggest that what he really needs is another, more confident hand? Make a plan based on how he acts now, not on your fears about his past.

Same with shows. You don’t need to worry about shows right now. Start with field trips to other barns, or go to schooling shows as a non compete. Just let him hang out at the trailer/hand walk/etc. When you are both confident in that sort of outing, you can hack him on his field trips. When that goes well, you can worry about actually showing. Treat him like a green horse that needs exposure/good experiences to build confidence at new venues. And again, focus on how he behaves now, not on fears grounded in his past.

I bet he’ll surprise you if you give him the chance.[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this. Don’t worry so much about the horse … I suspect his spookiness has more to do with you than anything else. He’s not thinking about any of this stuff, at all. You are. He’s thinking about you. You’re anxious - so he’s anxious. Does that make sense?

Try ‘act as if’. Even if you have some unproductive thoughts and emotions flowing through you, try faking it, acting as if you are a strong and confident rider, and everything today will be fine. It’s pretty easy to fake horses out with this technique - I have a lot of experience with it, myself. (It works well on people, too. :winkgrin: )

Remember this: He does not remember the car incident. He forgot it within about 30 minutes after it happened. There’s nothing to remind him of it - so it’s gone from his world.

[OverandOnward]

I once knew a lady, a fellow boarder, who had been in riding lessons for years with her horse. She paid the trainer to keep him in good training, because she lacked confidence in her own riding - in her case, a good decision because she offered the horse very little when she rode.

She would not canter on her horse. She talked about it, worked toward it, told the trainer weekly that ‘today is the day’ - but when the moment came, she wouldn’t do it. (And for some reason she wouldn’t ride any other horse.)

This lady’s concerns were due to an accident she had had with her horse that had created her fear of cantering. She re-told the story often - I mean, like every time she rode - always in the same way. It was so convoluted that even after I heard it several times, I never understood exactly what might have happened. Best I could figure, the horse moved off or took off when she was trying to mount, and I guess she went with him kind of half-on half-off … it’s a muddle.

Anyway, she put this incident and how the horse might react at a canter on the horse. It was the horse that was anxious about it, and who might be affected if she tried to canter him. (Just her since she was the rider who was part of the incident. She didn’t think it affected anyone else who rode him, re the trainer.) The horse had never done it before that incident, and never done it since, including with the trainer. But the lady was convinced the horse had this big incident at the forefront of his mind, and it made cantering with her in the saddle an unpredictable endeavor.

Nothing the trainer did, said or demonstrated made any difference. The lady paid the trainer to bring this horse along in eventing and they went well through Novice, won a few ribbons. Still the lady wouldn’t ride him at a canter in her own lessons. Those lessons were walk-trot lessons, forever.

The lady had been telling this story and not-cantering for 6 YEARS. That’s right … it had been 6 YEARS since this one incident. I’ll never forget how taken aback I was when I found that out - when I first heard her tell her story, I thought it had been maybe within the last few months, at most!

I can assure anyone the horse forgot whatever happened quickly after it happened - it was entirely gone from his awareness by the next feeding. He never had anything to remind him. This big danger of a repeat of whatever happened existed nowhere but in the lady’s own mind. She even kind of admitted that.

There’s no reason for anyone else to unintentionally follow this lady down the same path. Not that I think you will, op, but even if not this extreme, it can be easy to start worrying unnecessarily about something that happened, something that our horse is not thinking about at all.

[mvp]

Sigh…. so much advice in so many differing directions!

Bottom line, OP:

Do you think this horse was just scared once and then got some less-than-helpful rides from you afterwards?

Before this, was the The One For You because you could ride him well and improve, or because you just loved him as a project?

Same goes a bit for your trainer: Can you sort out how much you like her personally from how much she can help you as a professional?

I ask you to get to the brass tacks answers to these questions for yourself because you are about to sell a horse and/or stay scared or hurt, plus spend money you feel bad about.

In your spot and with CP, I’d keep riding in my life if I and my family could possibly afford it. It sounds like something you need, not just “want.” Let your parents worry about the money… (until they bring the issue to you). But your part in that is making sure it’s spent well.

IMO, you need a pro that first and foremost works for you. When I teach/ride for people, that’s what I do. My job is to make the horse rideable for the client. If I can’t do that, I’ll let them know. But I can’t know that until I really get on the horse and train him, as well as see the owner ride and get a sense of how much they can/want to work on their riding.

If you haven’t yet had the gift of 30-90 days with a good pro who really commits to working for you and your goals, please give yourself that before you make any drastic decisions.

As others have said, it sounds like you and Horseley have painted yourselves into a corner that you need help getting out of. No shame there. Trust me, we all have done it. If we are smart/lucky, we ask for help before we sell them or get hurt.

Best of luck to you.

[emipou]

I don’t think I can offer you any advice better than what’s already being given. I just wanted to share what I wrote to you on another thread, before seeing this thread.

http://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/showthread.php?436787-Horse-Related-Fantasies&p=7578180#post7578180

DoomPony - I’m completely intrigued and amazed by you. Don’t you let anything get in the way of your dreams.

Please don’t. I think there is some great advice here for you. Even if it takes you years and years and even decades, stick to your dreams.

Also, I know this is sort of random, but I found this girl’s page a few weeks back and was totally in awe of her. Check her out. Hit her up. Maybe she can offer some insight to help you. http://www.ashleighjonesparadressage.co.uk/

[betsyk]

I may not be saying anything new, so I’ll apologise for rambling. But it sounds like you’ve got two things going on: your horse is pretty likely confused by the things you describe, and you’ve got yourself into a downward spiral. I’ve seen this sort of thing happen with others - you’re not alone - but it’s going to take some effort on everyone’s part to break the pattern.

Let’s start with your horse. Definitely, find a good rider that you respect and trust to ride him regularly for you. If that means a lease, great, if that means you pay someone at your barn, so be it. Horsey needs time with a good, confident rider on his back who can help him get some solid exercise on a regular basis and use all those skills he had that you bought him to teach you! don’t worry if that person is an eventer and not a dressage purist. Your horse just needs a confident rider who can get him to work.

All the mental coaching and preparation ideas that people suggest sound great - I can’t add to that - besides suggesting that the commitment you make to getting your horse back to “happy” will hopefully get you excited about riding him again. If it’s ground manners he needs, find someone who can help you with that and work at it together - whether it’s a 4H person who does showmanship or a natural horsemanship person who does round pen work, in the end, it’s all good. Manners are critical for him and empowering for you not to have to rely on someone else to be there for backup.

And don’t discount your instructor who has supported you through all this. Sure, she’s busy, and she may not be the one in the end who can get in the saddle and help get your horse back to great. But having someone out there who’s on your side no matter what - that’s priceless. Take things a step at a time. Make some goals and get the help you need to meet them. You’re 15, you’re at a great age for really digging into riding and going someplace with it, but every journey begins with the first step off the longe line, right?

[PhoenixFarm]

I would break it down simply, as suggested above. The curren situation is not working for you, so what needs to change to make it work? Once you have that list (which based on your OP would possibly consist of things such as: training rides on my horse, access to a confidence building horse, ability to show regularly, etc) then sit down with your current barn/trainer and discuss the list with them. If they are able to help make those changes, great, if not, then hopefully they will be able and willing enough to help you get to where you can get those things which you need.

If she isn’t able to help you, then start exploring other barns. Present them with your issues and listen to what they suggest for working through them. Find someone who is willing to invest in you as a student and competitor, and can discuss with you the path they would take to achieve your goals. They should be willing and able to assess you and your horse seperately and together, and have an idea of potential bumps in the road.

Good luck!

[Graymaresrule]

[QUOTE=SillyHorse;7577715]
You might think about seeing a sports psychologist who understands the fear and anxiety you are experiencing. I don’t know where you live, but if you are anywhere near Janet Edgette (Exton, PA) make an appointment. She’s a rider as well as a pychologist. At the very least, get and read her book [I]Heads Up!

[/I]http://www.amazon.com/Heads-Up-Janet-Edgette/dp/0385480172[/QUOTE]

Jane Savoie is also great with confidence issues. At the very least sign up for her newsletter. There’s nothing like “Motivation from Moshie” to brighten a day!
Her books “It’s not about the Ribbons” and “That Winning Feeling” helped me when another clinician destroyed my self confidence.

I think that replacing my negative feelings with positive ones helped the most

[Tnavas]

Great suggestions from above. I also agree that you may need to reduce your horses energy.

My suggestion is to cut out ALL processed feeds, grains etc and go for a totally fibre feed. I believe that you can get the Fiber Fresh products in US, these are really great and horses love it. Feed just this along with a balancer for protein, make sure he has at least 2 tablespoons of salt a day and also a supplement with Magnesium in it. These will help calm him down.

Hope you get back to your confidence level again. My friend in UK is going through the same with her new horse, she lost the use of one arm after a motorbike accident. New horse is taking its time to settle in.

[Lucassb]

You have gotten some good thoughts here so far. I’m sorry you had a scary experience, but I’d also encourage you to work through it further, perhaps with a slightly different point of view.

The first observation I would make is that there is quite likely a lot you can do, both on the ground and in the tack, to address some of the issues you are having at the moment.

For instance, what you need to address your horse’s not-so-awesome ground manners. For that, all you need is patience, a plan, and …oh, did I mention patience? There are tons of books on working with a horse in hand, and you can find them inexpensively used - or possibly even from the library for free. But even without any books, you can easily just start really paying attention to where your horse’s body is in relation to yours on the ground, and start being very particular about how he responds to you when you work with him on foot. If he is inattentive on the end of a halter, get yourself set up, perhaps with a chain shank, and spend a few minutes every day teaching him to walk next to you obediently, stopping and moving off promptly when you ask. If he barges past you, calmly correct him with the shank, perhaps have him halt and/or back, and then walk on. Most horses really do figure this out quite quickly, and the message you send to him about respecting you will carry over into the tack.

When you are riding, my guess is that you need to work on YOU right now, particularly in terms of controlling your emotions. Remember this is the same saintly horse who stopped dead when you tried him and lost your balance; what has changed seems to be your thought process, not his.

And the truth of the matter is that all horses, saints included, are still living beings that can be surprised and reactive under certain situations. Learning to deal with those issues and move on is part of the journey that is riding, I think. Yes, some are hotter and more reactive than others, but they don’t change their native personalities over a single incident, and there is no reason that your horse will not go right back to being the good guy he was when you first started riding him - if you will allow him to do that. (And the flip side of that is that if you are tight and worried and making your horse nervous, you are likely to provoke that reaction in other horses as well.)

Of course that means mastering your own concerns. Most if not all riders have had to do that at some point or another, and it is a very worthwhile lesson to learn. My guess is that your horse will be a very happy fellow when you can start viewing and riding him like the good horse he was when you bought him.

Take all the time you need and for now, do only what is comfortable. When what was comfortable morphs into boring, do a bit more. There is a lot you can work on at the walk, for example; tons of lateral work, transitions within the gait, bending exercises, etc. Then do a bit of trot, working on perfecting transitions, being very correct in your posture and aids, changing up the figures that you ride. And every day you can do a bit more, building on what you’ve done so far, until one day you will wake up and realize that you just aren’t worried anymore.

Best of luck.

[kande04]

[QUOTE=Lucassb;7578989]

Take all the time you need and for now, do only what is comfortable. When what was comfortable morphs into boring, do a bit more. There is a lot you can work on at the walk, for example; tons of lateral work, transitions within the gait, bending exercises, etc. Then do a bit of trot, working on perfecting transitions, being very correct in your posture and aids, changing up the figures that you ride. And every day you can do a bit more, building on what you’ve done so far, until one day you will wake up and realize that you just aren’t worried anymore.

Best of luck.[/QUOTE]

This, as the alternative is to try to push through it, which is almost always a lot harder on both you and your horse. If you want to create a calm rider on a calm horse then take the time that it takes, and if that means that you need to find a more patient trainer, then find one. Or at the very least tell your current trainer that you want to slow down enough so that you’re begging her to do more before she lets you do more, and see if she can help you with that.

[kinscem]

Is this real?
If so, you are almost 15 yo, you complain about beat crap dead lesson horses but obviously you cannot sit your nicer horse…
You complain about being in eventing barn and not having resources of dressage barn? R u serious?
I wanted to say you would be blessed to be in an event barn, but reading the rest of your post, I reconsider.
Sell your horse and take upon another activity!

[QUOTE=DoomPony;7577556]
I really need some moral support and guidance from people who have been in this sport longer than I have. I’m an almost fifteen year old para dressage rider who’s been riding (in lessons, not for therapy) for five years now. I switched barns in September of 2012 and got my first horse in December of 2012. Now, this horse was a big switch from the dead calm, beat the crap out of me and I’ll sort of trot lesson horses I’d ridden before. He was a proper competition dressage horse. I remember the first time I tried him I nearly fell off, and he was saintly enough to stop dead. I thought my trainer was crazy for suggesting this horse, but within three days I was in love, and bought him.

My trainer is amazing. She’s funny, works me hard, and has made me believe in myself. As tough acting as she is, she was the first one to hug me when the first horse we looked at fell through. I call her Mom, she’s always there for me.

My barn I mostly like. Everyone’s very sweet, and there’s only minimal drama. The only thing I don’t like I will explain now.

Last March, my horse and I were riding along, calm as could be. Calm as could be, anyway, until a few teenage boys sped by the arena in their shitty car and yelled ‘YEEEEEE HAWWWWWW!’ Needless to say, my horse bolted. I ended up coming off. Ever since that fall I’ve been mostly on a lunge line, and have had more falls than I could count on my fingers and toes. This anxiety, combined with the tightness from my cerebral palsy makes my horse very hot and spooky, and he’s very nervous while we work. Things have worked to fix it somewhat, me being on a stretching routine and getting a bigger saddle, but he’s still way more sensitive than I’m comfortable with. He also doesn’t have awesome ground manners. His issues have pretty much halted my progress in my riding.

My trainer as I said, is awesome, but she’s also the BM and doesn’t have time to take me to shows, even if I was ready. She also doesn’t have time to really condition and work with my horse on his issues.

My barn is actually an eventing barn, so I don’t have the resources I’d get at a dressage barn to make it where I need to go (Horses, trainers, etc).

We have considered selling my horse and leasing something calmer instead. I just don’t want to give up on him. Everyone has given up on this horse, except us. Am I crazy to keep him, as much as I love him? He’s gorgeous and talented, and he clearly does adore me.

It’s also getting hard for us financially, as I’m one of three middle class kids. I take up a lot of the extra money, and I feel so bad about it. Leasing could potentially be cheaper. If you were in my situation, how would you handle it? The barn and trainer being a dead end for me is depressing, as well as not being able to ride my horse on my own and be the rider I know I can be…[/QUOTE]

[red_mares]

If you take the CP out of the OP, it’s a 15 yro with a horse, complaining about how life sucks. She sounds a bit like a hunter princess wailing about how she only has 2 junior years to ride and doesn’t have the $$ to do 3’ AA, but is currently only going 2’6". Yes, she has challenges, but to go on about “the fate of my dressage career” at 15 is a bit much. She is incredibly lucky to have her own horse and have a trainer. If she has to sell or lease the horse, she still has the rest of her life to get another horse.

Lots of good advice given here, but the OP would do well to read a couple posts over in h/j land:

This kid is living through the divorce from hell: http://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/showthread.php?436201-I-m-Going-to-Be-a-Working-Student!

This one just lost her mother to brain cancer: http://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/showthread.php?436979-Aspiring-junior-catch-rider-help

Everybody has challenges. The disability forum is full of people dealing with physical challenges, many of them chronic. Either you sit back and feel sorry for yourself or you make the best of it, even if that best isn’t what you envisioned.