How to vet students-- a great question!
- The trick, really, is to give them the kind of lesson that you will (and stand firmly enough in what you do and how you do it) that they decide you are a good fit for them or not. No consumer likes or understands being “fired”; that seems like a huge insult and categorically wrong to them. So let them choose your services or not, like the consumer they are.
I can’t tell from your post what really went wrong and, more to the point, who done you wrong. So I’ll suggest two more points.
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Separate in your mind the lyin’, cheatin’, back-talkin’, whathaveyou amateurs/clients/students from the professionals who do all that to you. I’m in the same Lack of Professionalism/Consideration Sandwich as you-- I’m no more a fan of horse care pros who treat me badly than I am of students (and really, their non-horsey parents) who get it wrong. But! These are different groups and they have nothing to do with one another. So you don’t drag your resentment toward one group into your interaction with the other, On the contrary, I have found it useful to insist on being perhaps the only honest and professional horse trainer they meet. I don’t give a shit who else makes more money lying about a horse’s suitability, soundness or the rider’s ability, I won’t do it. I’ll always be nice, supportive, helpful and gentle when I have to deliver hard news to a student. But I won’t co-sign something that’s not OK for the horse or safe for the rider. Remember that these people-- unlike the pros you make you unhappy— don’t know what they don’t know. There’s a difference between intentional- and unintentional drama.
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Is your skin too thin? I think you have to ask yourself if you have a part in getting butt-hurt. After all, one man’s drama is another man’s A-OK; and one man’s “discussion” is another man’s “fight”; one man’s “Yes, but why do I have to learn to do X or Y?” is another man’s disrespect. See what I mean?
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Make sure you get paid. How TF is this not happening and people owe you money? Always have a contract. Everyone signs it, it is discussed first. I don’t know how/why pros like show managers owe you, but that’s separate from students. My lessons are payable at time of service. If they want a series, they buy that up front. If they become a regular client after a series of lessons, I might agree to bill them at the end of the month. But that credit with me is earned, not offered or taken. I always get paid, just as I do in White Collar World. Ain’t no way I’m getting ripped off in a professional situation. And I take responsibility for insuring that.
To reiterate what I said in my first post. This is a customer service job. You can suggest, say, to a rider who pays for a lesson and then spends the hour telling you why you are wrong that, really, she’s wasting her money with you and ought to spend it with the guru she’s quoting chapter and verse. But you don’t get to take that so personally that you lose your cool and get mad at her or, worse, get personal back. If you wouldn’t do that at your “real job,” you don’t get to do that in your small business where your behavior is your brand. What this really means is that you have to spend a lot of time practicing letting client behavior roll off your back. It gets easier. The more I remind myself that I can suggest and advise but that that’s where my control stops, the happier I am with whatever outcome we get. If the student takes my advise and does well, I feel appreciated and helpful and competent. If they don’t, that’s their prerogative and it’s also their outcome.
I guess I haven’t answered your question about choosing students… but the way it came out, there kind of is an answer in there.
First, any problem with students has a great deal to do with you/us as teachers. We set our standards. IME, if I keep firm and clear standards, there’s a lot of self-selection and the people who want what I have find me and stay; those who don’t gracefully come in- and out of my orbit. No one is getting hurt feelings so far as I can tell.
Second, I think I’d always give myself more than one lesson to tell what’s going on. Sometimes ascertaining fit doesn’t get done in the first lesson where you guys are each learning one another’s experience and vocabulary. But the second or third lesson, I can tell how much a student can absorb and progress within the way I teach. I’m not the teacher for everyone, but I’m great for those who mesh with my teaching style. I want my riders to think and practice on their own, so I can see more about a student by comparing them between lessons than I can just within one lesson.
Third, no matter what happens, I leave my door open and I try to make no damning criticisms of the horse or rider— even if the match is quite bad. I want that rider to feel no shame or hesitation in coming back to me for help, even if I had to deliver some bad news about something like their horse not being sound enough or trained enough to do the job. Whether or not they ever use me again, I want them to have a good feeling and a good experience to tell someone else.
