This is just way too big, isn't it?

The size guide on their website said center of chest to furthest point of buttock.

are they sized in metric or imperial measurements?

Chart used inches and centimeters to get their measurement. 6’0, 6’3… etc

Can you not fold the seam up to where it needs to be and tape it across? I’d have the tuck facing downhill, so it doesn’t catch water.

I thought of that last night. Gorilla tape is nice and strong.

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Sell it while it’s brand new. Any gorilla tape adjustments are going to pee you off after a few days and you’ll decide to sell it then anyway, except it won’t be worth as much.