It’s really hard to be older sometimes … Maybe just being assertive with these people, and firmly saying, “it’s great talking to you, but I am really busy and don’t have time to chat now. I will see you later” could help.
It’s a tough situation.
He sounds lonely 
Can you give him carpentry projects, since that’s his thing? Maybe some wood tomato cages, or free standing bean trellises?
And, hell, if he’s telling tall tales, I would tell them right back. Pull out a beer or two and swap lies.
And when you’re done, Kwill’s idea on “it’s been real, time to go.”
Was just thinking the exact thing Simkie just mentioned. Find some broken wooden straight chairs. Some places you can pick them up for a couple a bucks a piece. Mention how you need a couple of extras around the barn. They need to be sanded, a leg repaired, some dowels replaced, patched and painted! The more spindles and carving, the longer they might take. 
I also wouldn’t ok him to mow. Remove the spark plug if you can easily. Mow until dry - if you’re near the end, leave some if you have to for next time, and hide the gas can. I had a mowing and trimming service when I was out of state. Have a trellis in front of my electric box. They kept weed whacking the poor vine trying to get started on that trellis. :sigh: Now, 5 years later, this is the first year I’ve finally had flowers on that trellis!
This.
[QUOTE=ladyj79;7702677]
He sounds like every man I’ve ever met in a bar. They are all also equine experts as it turns out.[/QUOTE]
Seriously though, if you’re red light is going off about this guy being NQR, distance yourself as much as possible. It might feel mean, but if you give him any attention, he will cling to you like super glue. I’ve had that neighbor several times. The last one let the air out of my tire just so he could offer assistance on my flat. He got so clingy, I ended up moving out when I knew he would not be home so he could not follow me to my next home. It’s just not worth it.
Don’t let him mow! If he gets hurt, then everything will be your fault, and you know he’ll either get hurt, or destroy the landscaping and garden.
Last night I went out to feed when I knew he wasn’t out there. I made it all the way to my shed, and he came out to get his food off the grill and then started talking to me from the fence. So I was mucking out my shed, and the guy is talking to me from the fence- about 100 feet away!
He actually has a whole slew of carpentry projects at his fingertips. Our landlord has let the house go a bit and there is quite a bit of work that needs to be done- sills, edges and clapboards need replacing, and the whole place needs to be painted (and a roof and new well but besides the point). There is also an entire deck that needs building. He mentioned starting to “do some work on the house” last night.
His sliding door looks out on my paddock where the shed is, and where they get fed. I often feed in pajamas. Does this mean I need to start wearing a BRA to feed?!?! ARGH!
I agree with don’t let him do any projects for you. He sounds like his is somewhat lonely, however, I think you would only be asking for more of him if you engage him in projects for you. Considering his past injuries etc. I wouldn’t risk him getting hurt on your time. Keep conversation casual and when it gets too long just say you have to go and leave. And yes, if there is a chance he is watching you when you feed, put some jeans and top on with bra, you don’t want to give him any ideas that he can twist into something unwarranted.
Well, you could always use this one:
“Yeah, sorry, I’m not going to be able to chat with you. My husband is real jealous. So I’d kind of just stay away if I were you.”
Just start canoeing really loud at night so it makes him embarrassed to talk to you the next day…or even better want to find a new place to live lol
Eccentric neighbors look way more fun on sitcoms.
I would really distance yourself from this guy. He’s already setting off your internal alarm bells. I’ve lived with NQR neighbors and it was a nightmare. I ended up moving.
I’m SOOO much happier now that I live in a single family home and don’t have to deal with the constant annoyance of my mentally ill neighbors. (There were two legitimately, confirmed mentally ill men living below me with their elderly mother.) They had nothing to do all day but hang-out outside, so coming and going into my unit was always felt like I was trying to time it for when they weren’t there. Sometimes I’d sit in my car and wait for them to go back inside. It got progressively weirder as time went by. I think I called the police on them three times.
Here are the a few weird things they did that come to mind (There are loads more, but these jump out in my memory):
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Left me a pie tin full of coffee grounds and water with a poorly written note that says “For girl upstairs, this is how you make coffee”
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Left me a plastic grocery bag full of gingersnaps on my doorknob
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One morning when they were blaring music and singing super loud, extremely off-key, I went downstairs to ask them to please keep it down since I was trying to sleep. There response was that I should invite some friends over and have a party so it wouldn’t matter.
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I have a little dog named Shortcake. The worser of the two brothers could not remember her name. He called her Ice Cream Cone instead.
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Really disturbingly, aggressively banged on my door for “being loud”. I had been asleep.
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Tried to put an entire fish down the garbage disposal and it got jammed and stunk up the entire building because they left it there.
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Would listen for me to open my door so they could walk outside at the same time as me to engage in inane conversations.
At first I felt sorry for these people, but being polite and kind just encouraged them to interact with me and it just got progressively weirder and weirder. Obviously my situation may not mirror yours, but just a warning from someone who had a mentally disabled person living in my unit who had nothing to do all day.
I think I would not let him do any favors or work for me. Whatever his pathology, he clearly has poor boundaries, and allowing him to mix his with yours in any way, or cross into your territory in any manner is only going to give him “permission” to continue to approach you or attempt to interact with your private space.
I would clearly establish “no” and set about reinforcing it now, before his personal space encompasses yours more and more. I understand you feel sorry for him, but you aren’t doing him any favors by allowing him to disregard your personal concerns and property. And, if you don’t establish “no” now, it will be harder to enforce it later on, when you really need to make sure he doesn’t keep pushing up against the edges of his personal envelope into your space.
Good luck, but I think you might be headed in the wrong direction
Edited to add: Oh, and just for you own peace of mind, wear earphones and an ipod to listen to music or the news while you do your chores. It will create a nice cocoon of space around you for yourself, you can ignore him.
I hope he isn’t using your grill.
As the mother of an autistic child I know he can be socially awkward and overly eager to please new people, ie, offer favors, gifts, tell tall tales, you get the idea. I know as he gets older this will become even more inappropriate. I have had to tell my neighbors that if he is bothering them, holding them up, or has over stayed his welcome that they can tell him I said he needed to come home. Obviously I don’t let him run at large bothering people but he talks to everyone when they are in the front yard if we are outside. My neighbors have embraced him and even initiate contact. I hope that when am dead and gone he will have people in his life to look after him. I do not think him having issues means you are obligated to put up with him at all and I would hate to know my son was disturbing a neighbor or making anyone uncomfortable.
Perhaps the best course of action is trying to speak to his son. Instead of asking if anything is wrong with him say something like, “I just wanted to touch base with you and let you know your dad is always offering to help me out and the last thing I want is anyone thinking I would take advantage of that. I also don’t want you thinking that because I decline his offers means I don’t appreciate it. I just enjoy doing my own gardening and since my horses require specific care I am not comfortable with him treating or feeding them. I am also very busy and don’t always have time to stop and chat, but we are excited to have such a friendly neighbor.” If this man truly has TBI or some other issue is son will get the point and may even let you know the best way to deal with it, or he may handle it by speaking with his dad. I know all my son needs sometimes is a reminder that people are busy and he needs to respect their space.
Also offer the son your phone number “in case of emergency” and get his, that way if he ever displayed any really troubling behavior you can call and get him out there. If he is just an annoying guy his son will tell him to cut it out.
If you can’t figure out how to get a hold of his son ask your neighbor for his phone number. “Hey I meant to get your son’s phone number in case of emergency”, and offer him a phone number in return, so it feels like 2 neighbors just looking out for one another. Make sure the number you give him is not important, like maybe the fax line at your husband’s work or something. LOL.
If you are going to want to keep things more separate you are going to have to give up gardening on his side. Figure out a way to separate things, most duplexes here have separate outdoor space. You can’t really expect a bored person that seems to like gardening to not do anything just because you lived there alone before he moved in. Let him know you are going to move your plants to your side so he can grow whatever he likes. I think you will be happier in the long run if you give him his own space and stick to yours.
If you do want to continue using both sides of the garden and he allows it then you need to face reality and accept your new gardening buddy. Depending on what is really going on with him you can try telling him that you are pretty busy and don’t always have time to talk when you are outside. Then offer up a time to garden together, like once a week on a certain day and you can mow while he does other tasks and you are nearby to ensure nothing stupid happens.
EAR BUD headphones may become your new best friend. If he disturbs you while wearing him tell him you are listening to some books for a class you are taking and really need to get it done. I can’t tell you how often i wear ear buds at my son’s OT appointments because some of the other patients will leave the group therapy and want to talk to me because of the service dog. Sometimes the cord is just in my pocket not plugged into anything. LOL
All these tips are if you find out he does have some mental issue or until you know differently. If he is just a pain in the butt, be direct, say you appreciate the offer to help, but you enjoy your outdoor chores and will do them yourself. That you are busy and can’t always stop and chat, but will when you can. Issues or not your best course of action is creating CLEAR boundaries and sticking to them.
Good luck!
Boundaries. Don’t try to be a “nice young lady.” Treat him like a pushy, spoiled stud colt. Chat with him and be polite for a however long you decide is enough time for a conversation per day. If he keeps talking to you after you have politely tried to end the conversation, then calmly and quietly walk away, even if -especially if- he is still talking. Feeling bad for him accomplishes nothing. He clearly has a good social support network nearby. He is Not Your Problem.
Best of luck!
I don’t know exaclty what your situation is, but I don’t see how you are going to stop the neighbor from using a lawnmower that does not belong to you to mow the lawn in the garden that is shared by both apartments. That seems like perfectly reasonable behavior and you need to negotiate shared space or get the landlord to set rules.
You do need to put a stop the long chats asap though. If you let somebody get into the habit of chatting for an hour then you’ll need to be much ruder when you reach your breaking point nad finally have to say “stop”. If you set the habit now that you are always busy and passing through while saying “Thanks for the advice. Got to run” then you can avoid a big confrontation and keep polite relations.
Well a bit of an update. Yesterday I had two very appropriate interactions with him. One was a very short convo, and the other was a wave before he went into his apartment WITHOUT A WORD. Holy schnikes. I was stunned and pleased.
My husband is not helping much with this. He doesn’t use body language at all to act like he needs to get going or to have short conversations with the neighbor. Today I overheard a conversation they were having: My husband was talking about books, and the neighbor was talking about trees. It did not appear that either was listening to the other. headdesk BUT, otherwise it appears the situation is improving.
OH- this AM we overheard them calling for their cat. Apparently, they had let the cat out, without supervision, and when the cat didn’t stick around, they didn’t know where it went. I also have a cat that goes out, and told them when they were ready to let her out to let me know so we could alternate letting the cats out to let them get to know each other’s smells and have supervised meetings. By the time they were calling their cat, they hadn’t said anything to me, so I went out and got my cat in, and thankfully later in the day they found their cat sitting at the door. Sigh.
[QUOTE=Roxyllsk;7702609]
He sounds a little lonely and bored. And that he’s trying too hard to make conversation.[/QUOTE]
This. I’m not getting any feeling of TBI or “crazy” or anything like that from what OP posted (he might well have a TBI or something, but just from what’s written, nah). He just sounds like a lonely, bored, somewhat nosy old neighbor who’s found a captive audience to talk at.
Good lord, my neighborhood in the old country was full of old widows like that. If they trapped you in a conversation, there went your afternoon.
