Wishing you peace and many loving memories, PP.
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In addition to the good advice offered here, may I suggest that you find a way to contribute to your horse community moving forward. Maybe you can help out a lesson barn. Possibly a busy instructor would be grateful for an experienced person who could help supervise students tacking up, or help in scheduling lessons. Offer some kind of help to a rescue (even just paper work or advertising for fundraisiers), etc. Think outside the box. No doubt there are other individuals, organizations, businesses or clubs in your area that are horse related where you could make a contribution and get some quality horse time. This will help reframe your perspective about what you can build with horses in the future, as opposed to aspects personal situation you are changing.
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Thank you.
