How does one decide to buy a farm? I lived on a small horse farm growing up. I have one horse now and about 1/2 acre that seems like a lot of effort to garden and maintain with a job and a toddler. But husband keep bringing up moving to acreage at some point (which he has never experienced).
I’m not sure I want the hassle of a farm, even a very small one. He seems to think it will streamline my life because my hobby will then be at home…
We are still a few years from moving from our current place, but I’m a planner and it’s really nagging at me that we haven’t even nailed down the TYPE OF LIFESTYLE we are going for next. (Right now we are suburban at the edge of urban in a capital city).
Gently explain to hubby that if you have acreage, you will have less time, not more. Gently present hubby with the idea of streamlining by moving to a nice condo with a pool, school, playground, and park nearby. Is your husband feeling that you are spending more time with horse than you are with him and with your little one? If so, get that figured out now. Because if that’s the case, it’s not about the horse.
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If you decide to try rural living after all, could you first rent for a couple/handful of years, to be sure that is what you both like?
Then if you do, you can look around with more of an idea of exactly what you both had in mind that both agree on.
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Depending on how far away your horse is now it can go either way time wise. I lived over half an hour from my horse so when we moved and ended up with the horse on the property I now have more time.
But things that should be remembered are that there’s no one else around to take care of your horse. We got a companion animal so now we have two horses. And if we want to go away as a family we have to plan and hire a pet sitter that can either stay with our animals or come out multiple times a day.
Also depending on what kind of property you get it can take a lot of work just to get it in shape to ride on. My girls aren’t very crazy so our fences don’t require a lot of work but we had to but in a ring and that took months.
You sound pretty ambivalent about it already… so big discussions with your husband to identify his dreams are needed!
I would suggest people not have a farm unless it is a driving passion, something they’ve really wanted to do all their life. While there are a lot of neat things about having your animals close, under your control, the level of responsibility is enormous if you are not completely dedicated. And in a marriage, it really is important that you’re both ‘into it’ on the lifestyle you choose.
You probably remember some of the drawbacks from when you were a kid, although you had adults around to take most of the burden then. You’re the adult I(and parent, and wife) now, so that is a lot of hats you must wear if you have your horses at home.
Sometimes its really worth it to take a notepad, draw a line down the middle of a fresh page, and simple title the two halves “Pro” and “Con” and scribble away. That exercise might help you and your husband both identify what is driving you both towards or away from a hobby farm.
Another very helpful thing would be to visit with some farm owner couples with your husband. He’ll hear different voices than yours about the realities of farm livin’ and it may help give him needed altitude on the pitfalls and good stuff about the farm life.
Even better… arrange to farm-sit for one of these couples for a week or two so they can take a (likely much needed!) vacation, and you and your husband can test-drive the lifestyle.
My brother and sister in law did just this when they were considering having a bed and breakfast… after two weeks running one while the owners took their first vacation in a decade, bro and sis realized they did not EVER want to pursue that dream!
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I’ll chime in here. My husband was your husband, although I didn’t have your experience of living on a small farm. He was always talking about when we could buy acreage and bring the horses home.
We’ve been on our farm for 8 years now, and I truly couldn’t be happier about the situation.
Here’s what made it work:
1 - I made it clear that if my time to ride suffered, I would be insufferably happy so we both needed to make time for that a priority.
2 - This meant that we both had to commit to doing “farm things” and taking care of the animals. The horses aren’t “mine”, they’re “ours”. We both do farm chores, both have responsibility for animals.
3 - We bought a property that was set up for riding, with a nice arena. This means I can ride almost all year long.
4 - There are plenty of nice-to-do things that don’t get done around the farm, like fancy landscaping, because they’re not as important as our respective hobbies.
5 - Having acreage has enabled my husband to pursue his own passion - old cars - in a major way.
I will say that we still argue about getting things done at times, and it isn’t easy to go out of town, but we’ve mostly figured it out. At this point, I would have a hard time going back to boarding because I like doing things the way I want them done. I still wish I had time (or money) to have someone do the landscaping around the house, but we have started hiring out for the jobs we both hate, like dealing with the fence lines.
All in all, I think we save some time over having our hobbies off the property. Just in time spent driving to and from the barn, I save an hour or so a day. I now also work from home, which saves another hour. And Mr. eponacelt is no longer driving to his garage 45 minutes away to wrench on cars, so he’s home a lot more. On balance, I think the time is a wash, but I can also decide to run out and ride in between thunderstorms or rain showers or whatever, because I don’t have to get in the car, and build in time to talk to the chatty boarder, and catch my horse from the 5 acre field, etc. I can be pretty efficient about my horse time when I want to.
It isn’t a decision to make lightly for sure, but you know that. Good luck with whatever you decide!
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One other thing to think about (or maybe it is mentioned above and I missed it) is that riding at home means either you will want to wait until he is home, or you will be riding alone (and/or with a toddler somewhere around.) This wasn’t something that occurred to me immediately and became quite a stumbling block to my riding. When I had the most time was when no one else was around, except my young children, who were more of a liability than a help. 
Had I been single with no kids, I probably would have been more cavalier about riding while alone on the property, but as a parent I thought that was kind of irresponsible. If I got hurt, who would take care of my kids, who would take care of my horses? Etc. So my riding time, which was limited already by maintaining a horse farm, was actually even more limited.
I like owning a farm more, even, than I like owning horses. So for me it is ok. But if you are not feeling a big pull toward farm ownership, I would be careful. Your husband will need more of a reason to want to live on a farm other than the possibility of “you would be home more instead of at the barn”. That in itself sounds like a problem and a naive concept of what “being home more” would look like.
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Your husband needs to realize that having one horse at home is a no go, there will be at least two or more horses, that’s how it goes. So while you may be “home” more, you will be more busy and it will cost far more then if you just had the one, kept it boarded and had a smaller place.
Sit down with hubby and talk thru the whole thing including all the financial responsibilities that go with owning more property. It can get quite expensive when you start buying tractors, implements, building a barn, fencing etc. not to mention all the time that goes into maintenance, repairs and everything else. And you will find yourself with more animals, it goes without saying, that comes with it, is he ready for that part?
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Your husband has no idea what he is talking about.
For starters, having your horses at home (can’t just have one) isn’t going to streamline your hobby. It is going to turn your hobby into a lifestyle for BOTH of you. There could be resentments when he spends his weekend mowing, weed-eating, and fixing fence that your horse broke instead of going out and doing something fun that you both enjoy.
Any extra time or extra money that you two have is going to go into your property. Taking trips, going on vacation, or even hosting houseguests will become infinitely more complex as you figure out how to get your animals and your property and animals taken care of while you are gone or trying to entertain.
Meanwhile, you both may end up commuting longer distances to work (and anywhere else that you go like the store or to go out with friends). You also may look back and feel foolish for investing your money into a farm property instead of into better investments. Farm properties appreciate more slowly and are harder to re-sell than traditional single family homes. Improvements on farm properties such as barns, fencing, sheds, arenas, etc. don’t appreciate–the re-sell for much less than what they cost to put in.
Additionally, you sound like a young couple–if future kids are in the picture that can complicate things drastically. Taking care of acreage and horses plus juggling babies or small children is really hard to do. Your fun hobby may turn into an unpleasant burden for both of you.
Chores that are pleasant to do on a mild spring day can be a nightmare in bad weather. You can’t plan for colics, chokes, or injuries, they invariably happen just as you are headed out the door to an important work meeting or a much awaited social gathering.
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What BeeHoney said. If you’re not enthusiastic about it even at first thought, I wouldn’t even consider it further.
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From the musical “OKLAHOMA”:
We know we belong to the land
But the land we belong to is grand.
This, in a nutshell, the dilemma of owning your own place and keeping your own stock. It means the end of spontaneity and the beginning of serious planning for almost all life activities. Even something as simple as going out to dinner or for an evening can be affected by what’s happening in the barn, the field, or the shed. Taking a week and going out of town is a serious matter that will take serious, and sometimes expensive, planning.
Are there rewards? ABSOLUTELY!!! But to get those good vibrations you’ve got to plan for that, too!
You will likely ride less if you have your own place. Just how much less will depend on what your’re doing now and the amount of time the land and stock take. But while total hours might decline actual ride numbers might increase. If you were formerly commuting 45 min. to the barn and then riding now you’re walk is 5 min. that can be an advantage. You can increase frequency even if total hours decline. This might actually be a benefit to riding quality because you will, of necessity, be more focused because you KNOW that time in the saddle is more valuable. So maybe this can be a situation where “less is more” in terms of value. Very possibly.
There are few “school” answers, here.
G.
I’m in the process right now, sitting here about to sign an offer, wondering if I’m getting in over my head. Everyone under the sun has told me no, including farm owners!
If we get this place ask me in a year.
I think with kids it would be harder. My friends with kids still ride less than friends without even with horses at home.
Done both. Most recently sold the farm to focus on work during a critical time in my career. After five years in a very lovely suburb looking for another farm. Husband grew up non-horsey but loved the farm work, mowing, having a big workshop and a truck 
Sign those papers #enjoytheride. So long as you are making an informed decision you won’t regret it!
It most definitely i a lot of work but a lot of us look at it as a way of life. I can’t imagine a day when I do not spend a very minimum of 1.3 hours. We own about 30 acres and two small hay fields. We have two -four cattle we raise for beef, 30-40 chickens we raise for eggs and meat and 1 mammoth donkey, 1 quarter mule, 1 paint, 1 walking horse and pasture board two horses for a friend.
We drag the dry lots at least once a week, scrubs troughs and buckets multiple times a week, put out hay, check fence, clean out runs and sheds. We bale hay in the summer and spring and fall. We seldom have to buy any hay and we can usually sell some hay.
Yes we are fortunate to have my father in law to watch over the place when we leave to go camping with the horses and mule. We started with nothing but a mammoth and a mule and then slowly expanded. we could not imagine a non rural life style. Its easier if you can build it to suite you as we took a old home stead and formed our lots and pens around existing buildings, that were older and can be a pain.
I appreciate all the thoughtful comments. Some good advice in here, definitely.
We are lucky to be in a city that isn’t super big, so even some farms aren’t too far out. We would also only be looking at 3-10 acres for maxium 2 horses and a goat.
We already have a nearly 2 year old daughter, and part of the drive to move “out” is better school systems.
I did a lot of the work growing up, but didn’t incur any of the expenses. I honestly don’t know what the cost difference would be… I don’t pay a huge amount on board now, as my dude is at a friend’s place. But I drive 30 mins each way. It’s something we’d need to gather numbers on and figure out.
I’m feeling ambivalent about another big area in life right now too… maybe I’m just happy with the status quo. Life is good as it is…
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What BeeHoney and others have said. Plus I think that farmers – horse farmers included – know in their heart of hearts that they are farmers – no ambivalance.
That sure sounds like you have made your decision already.
When you find yourself dreaming about having horses at home & doing the farmwork, THEN is the time to start looking for property.
Maybe move to the area with more land, better schools & see how that works first?
I do beg to differ with those saying you MUST keep more than 1 horse. some are fine left alone with their people.
My TB - bred to race (failed) then boarded for 15 of the 20yrs I had him - cared not a bit when I took his pal camping for a weekend.
OTOH: the pal ran the fenceline calling the whole night TB had to overnight at the vet clinic.
@danacat - I must be the Exception to that Rule.
Lived the 1st 54yrs of my Life in the Big City - now 14yrs into farmette-ownership, I could not be happier.
Only thing I miss is being able to walk somewhere to go shopping.
I do still gift myself a Day in the Big City by driving there to volunteer 1 day a week - gets me my Fix of Metro.
Well if you are still undecided, watch as many re-runs of Green Acres as you can find!!!
Here is the charming theme song.
After I moved to my own little place of 7 acres, I learned the truth about me. I can finally breathe! I didn’t know how ‘constricted’ I felt at my suburban home until I left it. So I’m another one who would live out a little ways even if I didn’t have horses (Gasp, don’t even say it!)
Being able to cast my eye around the property and see space and grass and trees (even while penciling in future projects), is extremely restful for me. I am not a ‘social butterfly’ personality -wise, but it still surprised me.
I enjoy taking care of things, so my Pecan grove and having horses are perfect for me. The sounds, the smells, the general feel of trees and grass and animals seem to be my ‘place’ in life. If that doesn’t fit you, YMMV.
I wish you all the best. Go outside, at night, in the quiet. Look at the stars, listen to the frogs and coyotes. If that makes you heave a great big happy sigh, go for it!
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