To leave or stay?

[Fig]

This is not black and white to me. I hear you about the negatives but you also have the opportunity to ride a lot of horses each day, an opportunity others would kill for. That said, are you reaching your goals? Is there a way you could pay for a lease or half lease so you can work towards what you want to accomplish without the rug being pulled out from under your feet? I was a working student for many years so I understand that many in those positions do not have the ability to pay as much as a regular client in many instances. But maybe you could pay a lease fee for just the show. That way the trainer wouldn’t hand the free ride over to another client?

This is a job and most jobs aren’t always peachy every day. That said, you should be looking out for your own goals. Be careful about sneaking around. It will get back to her eventually and if you need a reference and this person would be the major ref then don’t burn a bridge. I had someone do that to me after working for them for a year and once I left, even giving notice, she talked crap. Which really hurt as I did anything and everything for her.

[ako]

Add me to the list of folks who say there’s not enough info to advise. Sounds as if the OP rides a lot of nice horses on a regular basis. That’s no small thing. Is the trainer actually lying or is the trainer trying to help the OP but ultimately has to cater to the wealthy, paying client? (A paying client is a paying client even if they are not paying for a privilege on any given day.) The WS usually gets the short end of the stick WRT shows. I consider that normal. As a paying client, I can tell you we don’t get to ride 6-7 horses a day unless we pay to ride 6-7 horses, so on a day-to-day basis my own experience tells me the WS have a number of advantages.

Look, this is a job (for you) and a business (for both of you). If she really, genuinely is lying, that’s one thing. But be aware you probably will not find the same opportunities elsewhere. And by looking around on the DL, you may lose your current opportunity. Many trainers are overly sensitive that way.

As for DD getting more opportunities, welcome to the ways of the world. That won’t change. And it’s not even unfair. It’s the family business and you know what they say about blood versus water.

That said, don’t stay with somebody who is manipulative or unprofessional or abusive. Don’t sell your soul for a hobby or a job. Only you know if your trainer falls into that category. But don’t assume the grass is greener - or the riding opportunities better - at the next place.

[sassmaster22]

[QUOTE=ynl063w;8517843]
OP has been a working student at this barn, riding 6 -7 horses every day for 3 years, and trainer’s daughter just got the opportunity to ride in Florida 2 months ago, so I’m not sure what kind of math is being done that is concluding that OP will be dropped by trainer as soon as her daughter returns from Florida.

I also don’t understand why so many are encouraging OP to leave, based on the minimal information provided, as though there is an unlimited supply in this country of barns that provide working students with the opportunity to ride 6 - 7 horses a day, lease a really nice horse, pay for them to show, and treat them like princesses.

The reality is, OP is unlikely to find a barn that will provide the level/amount of riding experience she is getting right now, and she’s also not likely to be treated any better than she is being treated right now (which honestly doesn’t sound too bad to me, although I don’t understand what these “lies” are all about). She is more likely to end up someplace where there is next to nothing to ride, and it’s quite possible that she could be treated worse than she’s claiming to be treated now.[/QUOTE]

Ok just to clarify, I do pay A LOT of money to lease this nice horse and I pay A LOT of money to show. She doesn’t pay for me to do crap. I’m not saying you are wrong or that anyone who says I should stay is wrong, because I am asking for opinions. However, I am not treated like a princess. I worked my way up to this level by starting out with only riding a school pony once a week and working my butt off all the other days. I did ask for your opinion, but that doesn’t mean you can make assumptions on the amount of work I do.

[sassmaster22]

I do pay to lease a horse from her, enough as if I were a client. And she still uses him for lessons, even though in our lease contract it states that I didn’t want him in the lesson program anymore.

[AllOverFarm]

You state that you are a working student " of sorts". Does that mean, that you are basically a paying client, but because you are home schooled & have time to spend at the barn, she gives you extra horses to ride?
Maybe she gives you some free lessons on those horses for your saddle time. The situation sounds like it will be hard to fine at another barn. You can certainly try, if you are unhappy, but it’s not likely you can start at a new place & right away expect to ride & show sale horses.
I agree with others, you need to weigh the pros & cons.

[ynl063w]

[QUOTE=sassmaster22;8518831]
Ok just to clarify, I do pay A LOT of money to lease this nice horse and I pay A LOT of money to show. She doesn’t pay for me to do crap. I’m not saying you are wrong or that anyone who says I should stay is wrong, because I am asking for opinions. However, I am not treated like a princess. I worked my way up to this level by starting out with only riding a school pony once a week and working my butt off all the other days. I did ask for your opinion, but that doesn’t mean you can make assumptions on the amount of work I do.[/QUOTE]

Calm down. No one brought up how much you are paying to lease and show a nice horse until you did, just now. Probably because everyone on the planet who leases and shows a nice horse, has to pay for it, and everyone knows that.

I did not say you are treated like a princess. I said you were not likely to be treated like a princess anywhere. That comment was made in response to some of the other posters on this thread; it didn’t occur to me that you would not catch on to that so I apologize.

This, however:

@sassmaster22;8515505

She has promised me countless things, mainly promising me that I will get to show a sale horse for her, which then leads to me doing all the training, just to have her give the ride to one of the richer girls (WITH SAID TRAINER PAYING FOR IT).

It doesn’t matter who got to show the horse, or who paid for it (that part is none of your business). If you don’t own the horse, it’s not your decision. Either be grateful to be able to ride the horse when you are given the opportunity, or let it be known that you are not interested in riding it unless you get to show it for free.

Only you know what is best for you. Decisions like this are never easy - good luck!

[Fig]

Ah, if the lease agreement is being broken, that is tricky. On one side you have additional horses to ride but on the other you aren’t able to ride your lease horse as was designated. Would you be able to pay the same lease amount at a different barn for a quality horse? If your main goals are show related then that is what I would choose. I would be very upset if I paid for a lease and the horse was swept out from under me, according to lease agreement, and shown by another client.

[SnicklefritzG]

OP, my advice would be to start with whatever you have in writing, beginning with the contract and then continuing via email or text communication.

Go through the terms of your lease contract and any written communication to see if the trainer is following them. If she’s not, then discuss it with her. Try to sandwich any negative comments (such as trainer not following certain aspects of the contract) between positive ones. Then wait for her response.

These issues stress why it is important to have all agreements in writing. That way if something goes bad, one can always refer back to the contract. Otherwise things devolve into “he said, she said” which can create a lot of tension.

Decide what is more important to you, leasing one horse and being able to show a lot, or having as much saddle time as possible. It sounds like it may be difficult to have both of those with your current trainer unless you have a discussion with her. It may turn out to be a positive one, but it worth trying before you move on.

Let her know you want to show and that it is very important to you. See what she does about it. Have in your mind a certain amount of time you are willing to wait for her to make changes. Be ready to move on if she doesn’t help you.

You are very lucky as a working student if you are able to ride 6+ horses every day. I know plenty of working students who have had very little riding time. I’ve known some who were promised lessons and then received none! So you are not in as bad a position as you think.

The problems you are seeing with this trainer are not uncommon in the industry. You’ll find similar problems with other trainers. Unfortunately, it’s the way the industry works in many cases.

If I were you, I would probably take the opportunity to ride as many horses as you can. I took that road when I was a teenager and it has served me well. As an adult there is no way I could find time to ride that many because my day job keeps me busy. I have time to ride 2 and that;s about it.

[Kimchi]

OP be careful in this situation. Realize that some times the grass looks greener than it really is on the other side. It does not sound like your situation is ideal, but it is not horrible either.

Just know that your trainer knows you and your riding, it has taken years for her to trust you to ride the horses that you do. That is not easily replaced. It does sound like you need to talk to your trainer about the lease situation, just point out that in the contract it says x and you would like to be able to ride your lease horse more.

Also a word of caution, I would not try different trainers until after you have broken ties with your current trainer. chances of your trainer finding out are very high and it may ruin the relationship (ask me how I know). Good luck with what ever you decide.

[hb]

Regardless of whether you stay or go, start developing a more professional relationship with the trainer. Move away from thinking of her as a mother figure. Be careful about working hard for her approval rather than working hard to learn to ride and train. Talk to her about sticking with the provisions outlined in the lease agreement. You may need to bring your parents into that discussion.

Be clear around expectations in working with her. For instance, when she told you that you could show a horse but then had her daughter show instead, was it just a casual conversation “if Dobbin is going well by spring you can show him”? Or was it a formal agreement that she would pay for you to show the horse in exchange for your time riding? Did you ride him as well as the daughter, or was the decision to have the daughter ride based on what would show the horse best?

If she gives you 19 negatives for 1 positive comment, are the negative comments useful? Are you getting constructive criticism to help your riding, or is she actually stringing you along?

View the relationship as professional, don’t take her comments personally, get agreements sorted out clearly in advance and then be sure you both stick to what was agreed, and stop viewing her as a mother figure whom you need to please. That will help you view the situation logically and determine if you should stay or go.

[HealingHeart]

Control what you can control. Don’t do anymore trainer for her unless paid. Ride your horse(s) only. Pick the shows you want & go. Just don’t let yourself depend on her or her things that she controls. If she ask, tell her, it just never worked in the past, don’t want to get excited or do more than needed & be disappointed. You do your thing, leave me out & I will do my