Ok, so I know that similar threads are probably all over, however I have not seen one that applies to my situation, or is very current.
I have been a working student of sorts for my current barn for 3 years. Basically meaning that I am there all day, everyday (I’m homeschooled), and ride 6-7 horses everyday. Around May last year, right after a show circuit, we had some serious misunderstandings with my current trainer, and we were seriously considering leaving, but we ended up staying. Then in December, again, we strongly considered leaving again. However, that was the same time her daughter got an opportunity to work for a BNT down in Florida, which bumped me up to the main rider.
But lately, the feelings have been coming back about wanting to leave. My trainer is almost childish, in the fact that anytime we have tried talking to her about the problems we have been facing with her, she likes to play the “blame game” and turn it back onto us. She has also lied to us (and other clients) more than once, and refuses to admit it, even when we KNOW the truth. :no: She constantly complains about having to attend shows, the very ones I’m excited for, which really bums me out before a show. She constantly complains about some habits that I have, that I’ve been trying VERY HARD to fix for six months. We have stayed for as long as we have, because she is very skilled in dropping compliments and promises in order to keep you hanging on. She has promised me countless things, mainly promising me that I will get to show a sale horse for her, which then leads to me doing all the training, just to have her give the ride to one of the richer girls (WITH SAID TRAINER PAYING FOR IT). I completely understand that she has a business, and needs to make money, but some of her methods are just unnecessary. I don’t want to leave though, because I am leasing a very nice horse from her, and he is not allowed off property unless said trainer is there. We are also very close, she has been like a mother to me, and is very close friends with my mom. Which is very strange, since she says she treats us like family, more than any other client, but then lies to us and rips opportunities right out from under me? 
Sorry for the messy post, hope it made sense:o
Who is the “we” in your post? You and your mother?
The trainer you described in your post does not sound like she has your best interests at heart all the time - sounds more like she is using you for what she can, but when it comes down to choosing between you and a more lucrative client, she chooses the more lucrative client. That in itself is not uncommon in any barn - the clients that provide the most financial support tend to be higher in the pecking order. It is also very unusual to find a completely drama free barn.
Only you can decide if the nice lease horse and the riding opportunities you get as a working student are worth enough to you at this time to make it worth the emotional turmoil that comes with staying. What are your long term goals? Are there other opportunities in your area - either for leases or as a working student?
To be blunt, this trainer is NOT like a mother to you, she’s using you to keep her business running with her DD (least that’s who I got it was) down in Florida.
I guarantee you she does not feel the same about you. It’s a business and the longer it takes you to realize that, the more you will hold back your advancement as a rider.
Shes not a bad person here, she’s done a lot for you…but not because she loves you like a mother, because it’s good business. Not being able to take the lease horse, whether leased for money or swapped for labor, off the property is a one sided deal favoring her and of course she needs to fawn a bit over deep pocketed clients- they are feeding her and putting a roof over her head.
Time to move on here, you have outgrown her. She’ll drop you like a rock when her DD comes home. Count on it.
[QUOTE=Groom&Taxi;8515580]
Who is the “we” in your post? You and your mother?
Yep
The trainer you described in your post does not sound like she has your best interests at heart all the time - sounds more like she is using you for what she can, but when it comes down to choosing between you and a more lucrative client, she chooses the more lucrative client.
Honestly you saying this, just hit me hard with truth. And it’s exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you big time.
. What are your long term goals? Are there other opportunities in your area - either for leases or as a working student?[/QUOTE]
I made the decision to at least try a couple of lessons at new barns and talk with them about options and such. Definitely am going to try and keep in on the DL, just so if I don’t burn any bridges too early.
[QUOTE=findeight;8515603]
To be blunt, this trainer is NOT like a mother to you, she’s using you to keep her business running with her DD (least that’s who I got it was) down in Florida.
I guarantee you she does not feel the same about you. It’s a business and the longer it takes you to realize that, the more you will hold back your advancement as a rider.
Shes not a bad person here, she’s done a lot for you…but not because she loves you like a mother, because it’s good business. Not being able to take the lease horse, whether leased for money or swapped for labor, off the property is a one sided deal favoring her and of course she needs to fawn a bit over deep pocketed clients- they are feeding her and putting a roof over her head.
Time to move on here, you have outgrown her. She’ll drop you like a rock when her DD comes home. Count on it.[/QUOTE]
That was what I needed to hear too. I don’t want to leave because of what she has done for me. But when I think about it, she only does one thing for me out every 20 times she drops me. I drop everything and anything whenever she needs me, but she only helps me when it’s convenient for her :no: I’m hopefully going to start looking on the DL
Good. Dont burn the bridge tho, be businesslike and act in your own best interest.
Many people would be grateful for the opportunity to ride 6-7 decent horses a day (and you don’t make them sound like nags). I understand being frustrated but keep in mind most other barns won’t have this many, if any, for you to ride.
In any case, approach it as a professional relationship and know what you are dealing with in terms of promises and expectations.
[QUOTE=sassmaster22;8515617]
That was what I needed to hear too. I don’t want to leave because of what she has done for me. But when I think about it, she only does one thing for me out every 20 times she drops me. I drop everything and anything whenever she needs me, but she only helps me when it’s convenient for her :no: I’m hopefully going to start looking on the DL[/QUOTE]
You may want to be barn shopping on the DL but don’t be totally surprised if one of the other trainers gives your current trainer a call.
A very, very small percentage of people who love and ride horses end up making their living from loving and riding horse. This means that even if you have very serious goals for competing and riding, it’s very, very likely that riding and horses will be a hobby for you.
We can be dedicated to our hobbies, we can work hard, we can sacrifice and give up other things. We can even submit to tough mentorship and instruction in order to grow and improve. We should not allow ourselves to be manipulated and treated poorly for our hobbies (or, really, for our jobs! but there are higher stakes when our livelihood is involved). Sounds like you are unhappy in your situation - why continue in it? You’ll lose out on those rides, certainly, but there are more than 6 or 7 horses in the world. Find ones you can ride in a situation that isn’t taking advantage of you and/or making you feel so poorly.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I lost the ride on 4 great horses, but gained a whole lot of perspective and experience and learned the value of standing up for myself.
I suggest falling back on the good old “pros vs cons” 2-column list. Take a piece of paper, draw a vertical line down the middle. Label the left column “pros” and the right column “cons.” Fill in the columns.
Lots of times, actually seeing the pluses and minuses of a situation there on paper, side-by-side, brings clarity to the decision-making process.
When I first read your story, I have to say it really read as more of looking for assurance/approval to leave rather then expecting to hear reasons to stay. I don’t think this lady has your best interests at heart, and in all honesty it looks like your are already reading the writting on the wall and have been for a while. It’s OK to move on, if that is what you need to hear!
I was always a working student growing up, and when I left my first trainer after a few years, it was a really, really tough decision. I knew it was right though and talked to her directly about what was going on. We are actually now still respect her and am friends to this day, and I know she appricated me being honest and calm about everything (minus a few weepy goodbye tears). If your trainer is worth keepinging in touch with after the split she will hopefully be considerate of your decisions/needs to progress as well.
I think you already know the answer, you just have to make sure you handle everything properly as it is a small world out there.
I think you really know its time to leave and just want confirmation. Its time to find a new situation, but don’t burn your bridges, be professional and polite but move on. Findeight is right, listen to her advice.
Leave. It has crossed your mind several times before and seems you know deep down that its time to find something else
[QUOTE=kashmere;8515719]
We should not allow ourselves to be manipulated and treated poorly for our hobbies (or, really, for our jobs! but there are higher stakes when our livelihood is involved). [/QUOTE]
How I wish someone had told me this when I was a teen!
Nothing is ever perfect, and as a junior rider, it sounds like there are a LOT of positives in this job. I would not look at the negatives, but the positives ---- and then look at the overall picture.
From what you have written, it sounds like you want a job that is 100% positive. There is no such thing, and if you leave and go looking for one, I think you will regret it.
Plus if you leave now, you have already said that the trainer puts everything back on you – so she would also find fault (and perhaps communicate that to anyone who might call for references) and you would/will come out the bad guy.
The best solution is to wait. If the daughter will be coming back from WEF in April and taking back her position as top rider, THEN you have an easily understandable reason to leave, and your boss would probably help you find a new position.
Bottom line: Whatever you do, do not leave (or even take other lessons) now. Wait until April and see how it all plays out
[QUOTE=sassmaster22;8515614]
I made the decision to at least try a couple of lessons at new barns and talk with them about options and such. Definitely am going to try and keep in on the DL, just so if I don’t burn any bridges too early.[/QUOTE]
You’re going to burn more bridges by sneaking around. It’s highly likely that it will get back to your trainer that you’re riding elsewhere - local horse communities have a great gossip chain. I would instead tell her that you’re looking to further your riding education by getting some alternate perspectives and advice on your weaknesses. A professional trainer should want their riders to grow in such a manner. If she loses her mind at you for that, then that’ll be a cue to leave.
The facts that you have been considering a change for the time you have, you don’t trust your trainer, and you question her methods tells me that you need to trust your instinct and look to move on. You’ll never regret your decision if you listen to your instinct. Don’t worry, another fabulous horse is out there waiting for you to find him/her. 
Good luck.
I see it differently. If you are a working student, this is like a job. As adults, we don’t always like our jobs, and we have to make big decisions what we are willing to put up with in relation to the compensation. Your situation is similar.
To be honest, most young people (me included, at that age) have a bit of entitlement. They also tend to have a more difficult time seeing things from someone else’s POV. Be careful, and diligent, that you are not one of those.
I disagree that a PT should want their riders to improve by looking elsewhere, especially on the DL. I think if a conversation were had, and a trainer would say they were weak in the area the student is weak, then maybe a trainer would be okay with a student looking for strength in another program. But if one of my students goes looking for help in an area I’m strong in, it tells me they don’t believe in my program and my years of experience.
She has every right to do whatever she wants with her horses. At the end of the day she needs to cater to those richer clients because she needs to put food on the table. Being a working student means a lot of things. When you sign up to be a working student it is basically voluntary slave labor. You break you back you get sore and pick up everyone else’s slack for those coveted catch rides on great horses and all of the experience you get. You don’t get money, glory, or fame and I think you understand that. The best advice that I ever got for being a working student was kiss ass and take names. Like you said if she is really like a mother to you, you are going to have your fights. Only you can make the right decision but remember whatever farm you go to next your starting from the ground up. Its not like you can have the trainer you just left write you a letter of recommendation saying you ride 7 horses a day even though you really do. I take it your in high school like me, you have time and that is most coveted.
OP has been a working student at this barn, riding 6 -7 horses every day for 3 years, and trainer’s daughter just got the opportunity to ride in Florida 2 months ago, so I’m not sure what kind of math is being done that is concluding that OP will be dropped by trainer as soon as her daughter returns from Florida.
I also don’t understand why so many are encouraging OP to leave, based on the minimal information provided, as though there is an unlimited supply in this country of barns that provide working students with the opportunity to ride 6 - 7 horses a day, lease a really nice horse, pay for them to show, and treat them like princesses.
The reality is, OP is unlikely to find a barn that will provide the level/amount of riding experience she is getting right now, and she’s also not likely to be treated any better than she is being treated right now (which honestly doesn’t sound too bad to me, although I don’t understand what these “lies” are all about). She is more likely to end up someplace where there is next to nothing to ride, and it’s quite possible that she could be treated worse than she’s claiming to be treated now.
