Toddlers at the barn ... advice from MWONs (mothers without nannies) needed

[baymare]

“How is the barn any different from the office provided mummy/daddy has their priorities straight?”

The barn is different because its “business” (i.e. income producing) hours are when everybody else is off-- after school, evening, weekends. Therefore my kids, who are in school all day while I work my day job at the local library, get home at the same time I do. They go in for a snack, I quick change into barn clothes, bring in horses, give a couple lessons, check and see if there is any homework being done at home, then back out for a ride if I’m lucky. Maybe at some point I stick a frozen pizza in the oven, or maybe by some miracle I actually cooked something at somepoint and have leftovers to reheat. My husband is a truck driver and has completely unpredictable hours, as he has had since before my boys, now pushing twelve, were born.

I already get up at five to get chores done and get the humans breakfasted and off to their various responsibilities on time, so as much as I would love to, I can’t really do the early morning ride thing any more. I usually take about one half hour to myself to have a cup of coffee, then it’s out the door to get horses out and stalls done before I go to the library.

I never would have attempted this when they were tiny; as soon as I found out I was having twins I pretty much decided to hell with daycare and stayed home and enjoyed them tremendously. Now that they are older, I find that the situation is even more complicated than it was when their needs were both more basic and more obvious.

I know that by having a family and a barn I am attempting to “have my cake and eat it, too.” I just wondered how others of you coped.

On the plus side-- especially in long, boring summer vacations, my kids do have a fairly endless stream of siblings of students to play with during lesson times. As long as there is at least one supervising adult (other than me!) kids will always be welcome at Baymare Farm.

[Keely]

If you are boarding, and especially if he doesn’t listen, I wouldn’t bring him. Not trying to sound mean or anti-kid here, but it’s not safe.

I worked with a woman once who had her grandson living with her, he was about 4 years old and did NOT listen, and he almost got me killed more than once, and himself countless times.

Once I was in a stall working with a barely-handled 2 y/o that came in with mane to his shoulders and feet never trimmed. The toddler thought it was amusing to close the stall gate while I was in there (which latched when shut all the way and can NOT be opened from the inside). Being trapped in a 12x12 with a crazed 2 y/o was not my idea of a fun day at work.

He would also stand in the center of the shedrow, and while I’m bringing a rearing, striking TB down the shedrow and asking nicely, then telling him “MOVE” through clenched teeth, he’s looking at me square in the eye saying “no.”

For the safety of everyone and their horses, don’t bring them until they can listen or understand in some vague way the danger involved with horses. The manure pile would be the least of my worries.

[daytimedrama]

well if possible find an unsuspecting junior at your barn. Or you can do what my trainer’s boyfriend had done to him. While his mom taught lessons he was tied to a jump by a lunge line.

~Christina~
“I don’t patronize bunny rabbits!” -Heathers
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

[poltroon]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stormsgal:
I want my son to enjoy the horses, not resent the time I spend away from HIM with THEM. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I was wondering if anyone has any ideas to deal with this aspect. I am fortunate enough to finagle time with grandma and daddy so I can get to the barn, but I don’t want my daughter to cry because I’m “choosing my horse over her.”

I’ve thought about taking her to the barn but just can’t see how to make it work without either having to occasionally leave my daughter cooped up and bawling or risk her safety. My horse is mellow, but not 100% reliable. I’m looking forward to her being old enough to go with me when I just need to hand walk, etc.

[baymare]

to this topic. When my twin boys were infants, riding almost stopped–on rare occasions when my husband was home from work early enough to be up for a stint of minding, I could sneak out for a quickie.

When they got a little older, I literally did take the playpen to the barn (there was a small observation room which I could peer into from horseback as I rode by), and dump them in there. They usually wound up with a sympathetic fellow-boarder or two giving them all the attention they wanted–they were pretty cute!

Then, when they got a little older and really adventursome, I started riding at 4:30 am. The barn was close, the owners sympathetic. I sneaked out of the house before anyone was awake, was the first customer of the day at the 7-11 for coffee, and rode quite consistently. The only problem was that we ALL needed an afternoon nap!

Finally, when they were about to start kindergarten, I found a very kid-sympathetic barn. The observation came complete with a toy chest and an ancient TV, and usually a variety of kids to play with. As long as your kids weren’t simply horrendous or disruptive, they could come and be benignly neglected for the time it took for a quick ride or lesson. It was a great and unusual environment, and as the kids got older they had more and more fun around the farm. Yes, they were essentially a bunch of Wild Indians, but then again, so was I.

And finzean, don’t lose any sleep over those “road apples”! Just think of the terrific immune system your child is developing thanks to your exposing her to such a varied environment!

ps We used one of those play enclosures that comes in sections, like a round pen. We called it “the porta paddock”, and it was a Godsend!

[Celtic_Witch]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> How do those of you who teach a lot or own barns deal with your older children? In other words, how can families survive intact when one or both parents are deeply involved in something as intense as horses, especially if your kids are only marginally interested in horses? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, my child has only just turned one but I would think that a job is a job. How is the barn any different from the office provided mummy/daddy has their priorities straight?

Personally, if I have to do ‘overtime’ (and I work very hard during the day to keep this to a minimum), I make sure its paperwork and I do it downstairs with George. Once we’ve had dinner and a play, he’s quite happy for me to sit at the living room desk while he plays as long as I take an interest in anything he brings me.

So again, the horses shouldn’t be any different from an office job if the parents keep their priorities where they belong. ie the child(ren) always come before the horses and clients after hours.

Cheers,
Susie

Witch Haven Farm
If you shoot for the moon and miss, you still get to be a star.

[buryinghill2]

This is such a pet peeve of mine. The last people I worked for had a toddler the last few years. When he was really little, they would park his stroller in the wash rack while they rode. There he would stay, sometimes covered with flies(!), until they were done. This particular Mom would also leave him home alone napping, and put the baby monitor on my wall box while she rode! The house was some distance from the barn. I was just consistently amazed and outraged by their “parenting”. This was a private barn, so there was no way to put a stop to all this. Once he was mobile, they would just bring him down and let him cruise around while they rode. It’s a miracle he wasn’t killed! Needless to say, the entire situation caused huge amounts of resentment among the staff. As if we didn’t have enough to do! Obviously this was an extreme case, but I really don’t believe that toddlers and strollers belong around horses at all, even when well supervised. Making a decision to be a parent means making sacrfices, and unless arrangements can be made for the toddler to stay at home, riding should be one of those sacrifices. As someone else said, there is plenty of riding time left after the kids are older. Could anyone ever forgive themselves if there was a tragedy because they “had” to ride? It seems like a matter of priorities to me.

[Gayle]

I don’t have kids but a good friend does and she and I used to board at the same facility.

As long as the play pen idea works for now I would run with that. But after that I am all for working out a co-op situation with another mother/rider for sitting trades. Even if you are at other barns. For a while my friend and I were at different barns and we had a great deal. She rode my horse at my barn for me (horse a little too green for me at the time) and I watched her daughter and then we went to her barn after and I watched her again while she rode. You could try something similar in your case. It should come out even.

As her daughter started to get older (closer to 2)I would get out one of the older reliable ponies and we would brush her and in the summer baths (her favorite). Every horse in the barn had the cleanest legs in Virginia thanks to Emma and she could wash one leg for hours. NEVER leave them unattended with a horse and she was never allowed past the belly. Fortunately her mothers horse and this pony were saints and put up with everything she did including winging carrots at their head since she was a little nervous about hand feeding them. She built up a love for them as much as her mother and progressed to being able to leadline ride with Mommy which is the ultimate cool for her. Even though she is led she loves to be in the ring walking around when the other kids and mom are riding. Another bonus idea: if there are kids at the barn who hang around for hours like some of them love to do you might be able to get one of them to watch yours in exchange for a bath for their pony or a clean up clipping of ears/muzzle. If you are there riding it doesn’t have to be a kid old enough to baby sit unattended as if you were gone for an evening you can used one that is 12 or so since you will be readily available in case of need or questions.

Hope this helps.

[Flash44]

Is there a youngster at the barn who can watch him while you ride? There are lots of wonderful girls at my barn who have parents that are more than happy to rent their daughters to me to babysit at shows! I ride at a very kid friendly barn (meaning there are LOTS of friendly kids), so my son usually has someone to hang out with while I ride.

Try to go to the barn at a quiet time, and take a play pen. Have special toys that the child only has at the barn.

Kids are hard work, and it never ends. Moms need a little “Me” time, and if you love to ride, going to the barn is theraputic and helps you deal with the rest of your day with a much better frame of mind.

Use the Force.

[Celtic_Witch]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> The barn is different because its “business” (i.e. income producing) hours are when everybody else is off-- after school, evening, weekends. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Again, that is where I would stress figuring out your priorities. The barn is my business, not my life anymore. And I don’t try to do it all myself.

We have 30 horses and anywhere from 150-200 students through the place every week. I employ 5 grooms who work shifts of 8am-5pm or 5pm-8.30pm. I also have four freelance instructors who teach one day a week from 3pm-8pm.

I teach late every Thursday and sometimes pick up another night if one of my instructors is ill or on holiday. The other days, I am in the barn from 8am -5.30pm and no later. I work very hard and run a very tight ship to ensure that. God help any client who disturbs me after hours for anything less than an extreme emergency.

Perhaps its easier for me because this is what I do. I’m not trying to meld an outside job, an after hours horse job and my family into a workable schedule. Like having a child, I think you make a conscious choice when you do that.

Like any professional equestrian I work odd hours including every Saturday and every other Sunday. But I am home two weekdays so its not any different from my husband. Once Devil-child starts school, I will probably have to rethink my schedule by bringing in another single instructor!

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I want my son to enjoy the horses, not resent the time I spend away from HIM with THEM. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

As long as you ensure that you are spending quality time with him every day, there is no reason for him to feel or act that way. Unlesshe has already figured out that that is your achilles heel and the easiest way to manipulate you!

Children are incredibly manipulative beasts and most will do whatever it takes (and that they can get away with) to get what they want. You need time for you and the sooner your child learns that the better.

Cheers,
Susie

Witch Haven Farm
If you shoot for the moon and miss, you still get to be a star.

[This message was edited by Celtic Witch on Nov. 25, 2001 at 12:03 PM.]

[M_O_Connor]

…she amused Anna by leading her around on the barn’s leadline pony…Now Anna rides more than I do (and I’m sure will soon ride much better, at the rate I’m going!).

[Molly99]

As an adult child of a farm I can tell you how I was raised.

Mom and Dad traded off time, luckily we lived on the farm. I was allowed in the playpen in the yard, that horses were not normally in, as well as the lounge. Otherwise, I was in the house or with a babysitter. In the evenings and weekends, there were plenty of kids that traded babysitting duties for lessons. Additionally, the grooms wife watched me some.

I guess I was a rather “good” kid, as I don’t get the when you were young stories all that often.

Additionally, I can tell you that the barn policy was not loose dogs or children. IE, it was a barn, not a drop off place. That went for kids of all ages. They could not just be dropped off, unless it was planned and they were going to work! Also, mothers that rode had to make arrangements for their young kids. Too many things can happen too quickly for you to get off your horse and grab the kid.

When I got older, I became the babysitter for many kids, which was great.

Not having children myself, but I do take my friends 3 year old to the barn to “ride” the retired pony. She is great, but I never let her out of my site and I plan to NOT ride those days I take her by myself. And she is a great kid that listens.

IMO, if a child is mobile, in any environment that has as many dangers as a barn does, I would not leave them unsupervised.

Regardless of what you decide to do with your son, check with the barn, they might already have a policy regarding bringing the kids.

While horses are a privledge, so are children.