Toddlers at the barn ... advice from MWONs (mothers without nannies) needed

[J_Turner]

Ok – I’m finally getting a horse! Whoopee! Thank you for everyone who responded to my original posting about free leases.

Anyhow, Seamus is almost 1 1/2 and I need advice on what to do with the baby when I’m at the barn. I can’t always afford a babysitter – don’t want to always leave him behind either since he is in daycare part of the day already. Seamus doesn’t listen very well yet and will almost certainly end up in a manure pile or in the cow field if left to his own devices.

What do you do with your kids?

[SLW]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WC Princess:
IMO, if a child is mobile, in any environment that has as many dangers as a barn does, I would not leave them unsupervised.
.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

We horse keep at home and the policy with our daughters, when they were 12 and under, was that under NO circumstances were they allowed to handle the horses or go into the pasture unless either my husband or myself were outside, not sitting in the hosue watching t.v., but physically outside in the yard and “watching” them. We were blunt with them; through no fault of their own the horses could kill or injure them and if that happened the horses would be gone the next day.

As to JT’s question, a toddler and a barn don’t mix. When my girls were infants I would ride in the ring while they slept in the car seat in the car which I parked beside the arena. I checked on them frequently and many times cut a ride short because their nap ended. Once they became too “mature” to sleep in the car seat they stayed home. The idea of enlisting a 13-14 year old to babysit is a good one. At that age they are “unemployable” in the “real world” and often eager to earn some money.

Enjoy the little toddler. My “first toddler” goes to college next fall and I don’t regret one missed ride for the time spent with her as a youngin! Hell, that’s exactly why they have the “Over 40” classes, it all comes back!

SM

[Posting_Trot]

although it’s not clear to me that the bad-parenting was necessarily a result of bringing toddlers/babies to the barn, but just that the bad-parenting continued at the barn.

Having said that, I’ll add that each individual situation is different. I have a four year old boy, and I’ve only owned a horse for almost two years. I partly chose a boarding barn based upon kid-friendliness. (The barn owner herself has 3 small kids). I don’t take my son out every time I ride, though; he probably only goes out 1 or 2 times a week (at most). He’s also a fairly calm and quiet kid who is (usually) capable of playing with the small flotilla of matchbox cars I bring out with us for an hour or so by himself. On the other hand, if on a particular day, he can’t keep his composure together, I change my plans, and the visit to the barn gets a lot shorter. I would never have left him in a stroller by himself, while I rode. Nor do I expect the boarders or owners to provide free baby-sitting service. He never comes out when he’s sick, or when the weather’s rotten enough that he can’t play outside. All of these restrictions do cut back on the number and quality of rides, but since I didn’t own a horse before he was born, I don’t have some “pre-child ideal” to compare against. (Ignornance is bliss!). (Actually, I think my mare has him on her payroll: him acting up is a much more sophisticated way of her evading work than all the usual horsey tricks like bucking, etc.).

[J_Turner]

Ok – I’m finally getting a horse! Whoopee! Thank you for everyone who responded to my original posting about free leases.

Anyhow, Seamus is almost 1 1/2 and I need advice on what to do with the baby when I’m at the barn. I can’t always afford a babysitter – don’t want to always leave him behind either since he is in daycare part of the day already. Seamus doesn’t listen very well yet and will almost certainly end up in a manure pile or in the cow field if left to his own devices.

What do you do with your kids?

[Linny]

If you ride at a boarding barn, maybe you can ask a couple of the older kids to watch him. I have a VERY active 22 month old and I prefer to leave him home with Dad, but some of the kids like to play with him. If you ask them to watch him, you’ll want to do something for them. If you have a horse and line up a lesson student without one, you may want to offer her a chance to ride your horse. If you don’t have a horse to offer rides on maybe a monthly gift certificate from a local tack shop would be good compensation. Of course, there’s always cold hard cash!
Horse barns are not safe for toddlers and toddlers are safe for horses. I can’t leave Nate in a playpen (he screams) and wont leave him alone in the viewing area because he will find a way to destroy something.

BEQS clique. With elbows in!

[Baileybff]

I mean DARN, I had it easy even when I thought I had it hard. I’ve never thought about having to “board” anywhere, being that we own our barn. We do ,however, board, but everyones children are 9 and up. My son is now almost 5 and when he was younger, I would just have my mom or one of my students “baby-sit” while I rode. I usually would just take it off their lesson bill at the first of the month (from the previous month).
I would suggest asking around and seeing if anyone has the time and would be interested in “sitting” for you. Usually girls between the ages of 9-16 love to do it…Even now, one of my students who is 9 loves to play with my son and it makes my life much easier. He is in school now, so the hardest part for me is when I’m teaching afternoon lessons he is jealous and wants to “have a lesson” too. Mommys just need more than 24 hours in a day!
Natalie

You’re only as good as the judge thinks you are…

[Ethan_amp_Ella_s_Mom]

Ethan is going on seven months. When he was younger and would sleep all the time I would bring him out and let him hang out in the office (which has both heat and AC along with a TV) while I rode and taught lessons. The owner would sit in the tack room with him if he was awake. If he was asleep we just left him alone but checked on him all the time. Now that he is getting older I rarely take him to the barn. He gets extrememly upset if I leave him in the tack room. If I have a lesson during the day when my husband can’t watch him, then one of the mothers sits in the tack room with him (or if it’s nice he hangs out in his stroller with a mom beside him at all times). I would never leave him alone. I pretty much go out to the barn in the evenings now when my husband can be at home with him. I always make it back in time to put him to bed though. That’s my one rule. If there comes a point where I have to decide between child and horses, I know what my decision will be and it will be a very easy one. There will come a time where Ethan will want no part of hanging out with his Mom so I’m going to take advantage of our time now. There will be plenty of time for me to ride and horse show later.

“I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free, and I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. And I’ll gladly stand up, next to you and defend her still today, cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land, god bless the USA”

[Finzean]

Oh, J.Turner do I know what you mean???

Sophie is almost 1 and is just starting to walk - you know what that means. I find her all over the place (we don’t have a manure pile, we spread, but I’ve found her cruising around with a road apple in hand… ). I was afraid that she would pitch a fit at being confined but as long as she can watch the horses, I can put her in the pack and play while I work around the horses &/or ride. I’m sure she’ll eventually start working on liberating herself, but for now it’s sufficient.

My other secret weapon is that my business partner has a little boy 2 mos. younger so we take turns watching the kids while the other one rides, etc. I also trade babysitting services for riding lessons with a young girl. And then there is the baby back pack (holds up to 45 lbs) for when I’m doing chores or grooming. Yhe horses usually have to be despooked to this contraption, and the back pack should be a heavy duty one - Kelty, LLBean, or Edie Bauer - or your back will suffer.

My partner and I joke about putting the babies in one of the x-pens for the dogs to contain them!! Ain’t motherhood grand?? Fortunately for me, the Sophinator loves being at the barn.

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There is no crying in baseball!!!

[coco]

I don’t mean to sound mean but…

I used to board at a barn where this girl and her mother used to come everyday with a newborn in a stroller and just leave it there in the aisle while they BOTH went into the arena to ride.

Although no words were ever spoken and no requests ever made, I guess I was just expected to watch the baby while at the same time trying to teach my baby (horse) not to kill me in the cross ties

Of course, I couldn’t and I would go outside or go home or whatever and the baby would just be there alone in the aisle in its stroller (sometimes in the FREEZING cold) and it was up to the Gods to ensure a loose horse didn’t trample it.

My feeling is if you have a baby (human), and you can’t afford a babysitter, then quite frankly you can’t afford to ride.

Welcome to life. It doesn’t always seem fair. You probably should have thought of this before you got pregnant, because now you have a responsibility (for at LEAST the next 5 years
) that should not be seen as an inconvenience to your fun…and then try to get some dummy at your barn to begrudgingly take care of your stuff.

Does anyone other than me see this as unfair to the child?!?!?

[lilblackhorse]

my kids are now 9 and 11…I am thinking more of the 'can you find someone to sit for your kid AT HOME?"…it is just too difficult to give your full attention to your horse when you are thinking about your child. Period. Hell, I listened to a friend today in trying to lunge and dealing with her two dogs…they were running about and she was yelling and the poor horse was going bonkers.

I would highly recommend giving yourself 1 1/2 hrs with no kid-get out there, perhaps skimp abit on the grooming, and have a good ride…and then get home to the kid. Or, the other idea, if you have to do the barn thing, is to switch off with another mom and take turns-she rides at 1, you ride at 2…having been a babysitter, things go wrong when you are not at home, and the kid is somewhere new…and the kid knows you are near…

Then you get into the 4 year old zone-some HJ trainer around here has a nightmare child, who needs a bullet. She brought some older kid (babysitter?)…the kid was hateful, running around, scaring my horse…not to mention it was pouring rain and blowing like 45mph-why did this mom not find a sitter and leave the kid at home?

I don’t make my kids go to the barn much anymore, but will relate the one laugh…when I overheard my daughter in 3rd grade maybe telling about her summer “my mom made me go to the barn”. …Geez, how many young girls would DIE to do that? Mine? They will be in therapy because I forced them to go there…

Ok, ramblings over…just random thoughts you may want to consider…

“If you haven’t gotten where you’re going,you probably aren’t there yet.”-George Carlin

[511]

Not to sound horrible but you have to consider the safety of your child first. Don’t bring him to the barn, perhaps you could let his father watch him while you ride? (even if it is late in the evening) you could concentrate on the horse and your baby would be with family not a stranger.

[J_Turner]

Well, my best friend did put hers in a puppy pen and she seems no worse for wear. Anyone else?

[Gubgub]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by coco:
My feeling is if you have a baby (human), and you can’t afford a babysitter, then quite frankly you can’t afford to ride.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I don’t think we have to be quite that drastic. You probably won’t be able to compete at the same (or any) level for a while, but you don’t have to get rid of your horses. I work full time and my husband is 3000 miles away at graduate school for the next year, so I’ve pretty much maxed out the babysitting resources by the time I get home at night. My little guy has been coming with me to the stable since he was about a week old and has been sequestered in car seat, stroller (not in barn aisles),playpen and coffee room. He loves the horses and has learned to be quiet and gentle with them.

I am lucky enough to keep my horses at a small stable with only a handful of boarders. This suits me and my current situation. I want my son to enjoy the horses, not resent the time I spend away from HIM with THEM. I’m planning on him being a vet when he grows up. Save me some money…

Don’t get me wrong, though: the minute dad is home for Christmas break, I am gone to my horses BY MYSELF!!!

[Cactuskate]

I would just like to say, please respect the fact that it is a barn, that serves horses and the activities that involve horses. It is not a park or a shopping center or even a day care set up.

Some of us on this planet made a deliberate choice not to have children. We look to our horses and their activities as an escape from work and the other trappings of life.

Nothing will annoy me more than to have to listen to someone’s child whimper, whine, cry, snivel and fuss because they are not happy being with Mommy at the horses.

I think it is really selfish and unfair to the child to expect them to maintain a continual level of attention at a barn, especially if the weather is a factor.

I think it is unfair to the child and just gives you a false sense of feeling like you are not “abandoning” your child for something you are entitled to do.

Take a break from life, go to the barn, enjoy yourself, and go back to that real world called your family.

“The older I get, the better I used to be, but who the heck cares!”

[lilblackhorse]

Just another thought on the whole thing-do something for YOU. I tell ya, call me selfish or whatever, but I LOVE my time at the barn. It is my time, away from children and husband and a messy house. People ask me all the time if my kids ride. No, they don’t. They dance. It is what they love to do, and they are good at it. Horses have been my life since I was little. It burns in me to be near them, do things for them and with them. Yes, I have to admit that I like having something that I do on my own…Forget some of the posts that imply you are a crummy mother if you leave your kid with someone else. REality is, when they are a parent they will realize that sometimes that is far better than becoming a nasty person with your kid. Trust me, we have all been there. I yell(because I care ). We all try to be the best parent we can be. I say that a parent who is happy with herself and does something for for herself and her own sanity will in the end be a better person and a better parent. Less resentment, a social time for you, some exercise, some equine bonding, you name it. I say find a way to leave your son several times a week at home (dad, sitter, family, etc)…be somewhat quick, but enjoy your time. You will be a much more focused mom if you feel you are doing what you want to in life, even if it’s only a few hours a few times a week.
This is my philosophy even now-screw the housecleaning…I love my kids, and spend hours with them taking them to dance, playing monopoly, you name it, but I also don’t want to end up a whiny mother when her kids have all grown and gone saying “god, I did every thing for them”…I do things for them, but guess what? This is my life, and I am gonna do something I like too —something for ME. I am determined to not be saying something like “Gee, I wish I had done such and such”…or “I regret…”…when I am old or dying…So, that is my little thought for you here, may be way off base, but the upshot is take time for yourself. Noone will beat you up for not being a good mom…being a good mom comes in many packages, and a happy mom makes a good mom in my book (Plus one who comes to school everyday in black full seats and poopy Ariats…works for me )…I know you are into music…remember John Lennon’s thoughts: “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans”. It will all work out, and he will be big before you know it…I look at mine and am just amazed…(amazed that I haven’t killed them in their sleep after having been home for the last week on vacation…and Christmas and it’s TWO week vacation comes up soon…give me strength! I love em, but there are times… )
aimee

“If you haven’t gotten where you’re going,you probably aren’t there yet.”-George Carlin

[muley]

Or a play pen works wonders. you could always put her in the cross ties…

http://members.home.com/hagys/sabainspage.html

I’m aging like fine wine…I’m getting complex and fruity…

[Finzean]

Coco- I am in total agreement about the idiot at your barn who left the newborn in the stroller (and idiot is too mild a word). We don’t allow allow this at our barn.

Unfortunately there are some moms whose toddlers/children torture everyone. BUT, there are those of us who do happen to be responsible moms and taking our kids to the barn is just another activity we enjoy together. My business partner & I make the rules at our facility. I dont “abandon” my child so that I can ride, etc. Nor does my partner - we make safe and suitable arrangements that don’t involve hiring a babysitter.

J.Turner seems to have her priorities straight; her post is for advice on how to make it work so that she can enjoy both. I happen to have a very good friend who was able to afford childcare while she competed extensively; her child hates the horses because they have always seemingly taken precendence over him; he doesn’t understand this is how mommy makes her living. THAT is unfair to the child. In retrospect my friend would do things differently and involve her child.

I understand you, and other posters, have been the victim of moms with bad judgement, but we are not all that way. Sophie comes to our barn (a facility which we own/operate), is thus far well behaved and even at 10 mos. old understands “no ma’am” (and will have no other choice as long as I live & breath), and totally loves going. She delights in the horses and dogs. We don’t allow our boarders to bring their dogs out and I am the safety queen; everyone, and I mean everyone, operates in an extremely safe fashion - part of the boarding agreement they sign. As far as the back pack goes…she rides around in that only infrequently (getting too heavy), our stalls are completely enclosed and the horses I “groom” (mainly fluffing blankets and knocking off dirt) while wearing her are cross tied and bomb proof.

As far as having this responsibility for the next 5 years…well, you must know something I don’t because I thought I was in for a lot longer.
The juniors were discussing some boys on another thread that I knew when they were little. At 7 years old, these kids were turning their ponies loose on the show grounds for entertainment value while mom was dealing with clients. And I’m pretty sure there was a nanny of some sort. Being a responsible parent certainly doesn’t stop at 5 years old.

This can work. Kudos to all the hard working responsible moms out there!

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There is no crying in baseball!!!

[Heidi]

On the occasions that we took Sumo to the barn, either my husband or I rode - not both. We were always there at his side to keep a constant and vigilant eye on him while he meandered like a drunken sailor through the aisles, wanting to kiss all the horses.

Our barn isn’t set up for young children and there are too many possible dangers for me to ever have considered leaving him to amuse himself, even in a playpen, while I rode.

We are fortunate enough to have indulgent grandparents who live 10 minutes away; and if we could help it, we dropped him off there while we rode. Not only was it less stressful for us, I didn’t have to spend the entirety of my time worrying that he’d eat hay, be head-butted by the barn goat, step on a pitchfork or drown in the pond.

At almost-four, he’s developed into a very cautious child so I have fewer fears – but, when he does venture up with us, either my husband or I, or our 11 year-old daughter continue to remain at his side.

[Celtic_Witch]

While I was on maternity leave, I went to the barn only during the evening so that my husband could watch him. I do not think that its fair to myself, George, or the boarders to pack my kid to the barn.

Now that I’m back to work, Devil-child is in daycare from 7am - 5pm and on evenings (I teach late 1-2 evenings a week) and weekends he is at home with Daddy. I made it very clear to my husband from the beginning that raising the Boy is his job as well as mine.

X-pens are brilliant and Devil-child doesn’t seem to mind being in his, especially if it means he gets to be on the lawn, but I don’t use it at the barn.

I do not carry him about the barn in a pack as it is simply too dangerous. He could lose a finger to a simple inquisitive nip. Nor do I allow him loose anywhere on the yard. He would not have any way to protect himself if a young horse were to get loose (not to mention if a boarder’s dog took acception to him) and I would never forgive myself if he were hurt let alone killed.

Cheers,
Susie

Witch Haven Farm
If you shoot for the moon and miss, you still get to be a star.

[baymare]

that I hate to see it get lost in all the Canadian Turkey-day posts!

I would like to take it a step further. How do those of you who teach a lot or own barns deal with your older children? In other words, how can families survive intact when one or both parents are deeply involved in something as intense as horses, especially if your kids are only marginally interested in horses?