Looking for advice/support/ideas/reality check…not really sure actually.
I have had many concussions. None super serious, but a considerable number starting as a child. Unfortunately, in the last 20 years, some happened quite close together, and I have long term effects with the worst being permanent vertigo. I was doing well for the last decade as I got out of retraining horses and got better at saying no when asked to fix someone else’s problem (horse).
But then 9 days ago I used horrible judgement plus a combo of unexpected bad timing, and ended up getting bucked off, right onto my noggin. It wasn’t a fall from far, and my injuries were limited to a couple bruises- no issues with my neck and back. The neurological issues seem out of proportion to the fall and are still an issue. It took me a while to figure out how to stand up for example, and trying to decide if a light is on is still complicated.
Now I am scared of another fall. I am scared of how lost I felt when I came off. I am scared that the next time will be worse. I am scared I am on a fast track to dementia.
I am also scared to get back on that one horse…which is dumb, because although she only has 30 rides, she has never shown a sign of being a bucker…this was just me being an idiot and a few unexpected events.
I am going to be seeing a specialist (not sure when) to hopefully help reverse some damage and stop the non-stop ringing in my ears. Meanwhile I am taking it as easy as I can. Fortunately I get a headache to remind me to lay down after 2 hours or so of being upright.
It is hard to let go of the paradigm of getting back on if you come off, but man, I regret the years I believed that was true.