After 25 years of my life revolving around horses, I am horseless. My body has insisted I stop.
I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2015. Fighting this for likely 15 years by then. By 2018, I was so sick and no meds were helping that I had to have my colon removed I have chosen to keep my ostomy at least for now. I resumed riding and working on a large ranch after this surgery and was doing pretty well. Managing the effects of UC on my joints and legs. Then, I had my son and we ended up in an emergency c-section. They cut across my colectomy scar, so now I have a crosshair of scars across my lower ab. I’ve developed a lot of scar tissue and the muscles are just so weak. I’ve tried working them out and it just leaves me unable to move. Doctor says another surgery. The muscular pain has multiplied immensely. I could no longer do my job safely, manage the lifting, or climbing in and out of the truck. They say its fibromyalgia now. I dont really know. The meds dont work. Riding became so painful to even sit in my saddle. Following the motion was like being torn apart. And the fear of pain or falling was crippling. If I fell, I dont think I’d be able to get up. I feared not being able to care for my animals so I said goodbye to my horses.
It seems so dumb, but so much of my identity revolved around horses. Now I’m lost.