Too soon for another horse?

[RedHorses]

Four weeks ago I euthanized my younger horse - the Wobbler. It was tough, but I made the decision in April, so it was not unexpected.

Ten days later I went to look at a horse to lease. I’d talked to the owner at the end of September about the possibility, and as I was working in their area it seemed like a good opportunity to meet the horse.

The horse is very green, and his somewhat lacking ground manners appear to be lack of training rather than anything else. His owner is working on their own health to be able to ride, and wants to do Endurance (the horse is bred for it), and has a similar training philosophy to my own. Everything I will train the horse to do is what the owner wants.

Younger horse’s saddle looked like a decent fit, and just needed a fitter to tweak the stuffing.

I’m picking the horse up this weekend. The fitter is coming on December 6th (they’re from the next province and travel to my area once every month or two, and there are other factors that make getting a fitting that quickly a surprise).

It’s like everything is falling into place for this to happen.

I’m not sure how I feel about it. It seems too soon, but I want to move him before the weather gets bad, and if I work with him over the winter we’ll be able to go out and do fun things next summer. And my older horse is still not back to riding health (vet’s coming tomorrow to check a possible broken splint bone in the same leg as the stifle injury we’ve been healing and rehabing for the last year, and I’m trying not to go down the WhatIfHeNeedsSurgery rabbit hole).

And I’m still conflicted. I miss my younger horse, but I am also feeling relieved of the daily stress and worry about him. While I have ridden some other horses this year, I used to ride each of my horses 4-6 times a week. Training rides, trail riding, going off property once a week from late spring through the fall. I’m grateful for my friends’ generosity in giving me the saddle time, but I still miss the goal focused riding with one horse.

There’s been so little horse fun in the last year that part of me just wants to give it up. I’m pretty sure that part is depression talking. I’m thinking I don’t want to buy another horse until after my senior horse goes, which makes leasing ideal to give me a ride without the commitment.

I don’t even know what I’m asking you. Can you give me another perspective? Thoughts?

[Scribbler]

If you want to ride and fate has dropped an opportunity in your lap go for it.

There is no required mourning period for your late horse. You are not betraying him by finding a new horse, or by enjoying the fact this horse has more potential than the Wobblers horse.

Having crocked horses really takes all the fun out of things. Go rediscover fun with a young sound horse that needs what you have to offer.

[Night_Flight]

First, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through.

I’ve followed your journey with the wobbler since you met him as a foal, and my impression of your horsey life has been that you’re very good at the timing of overlapping multiple horses and allowing yourself to find something special to do with each of them.

If everything feels like it’s falling into place, I’m confident that you’re where you need to be. I hope that once you’re able to enjoy working on your own goals again that it will feel like you made the right choice.

[atr]

It sounds like you have been provided with the perfect opportunity to continue to do what feeds your soul while you decide what you really want to do next.

These chances are usually only bestowed by the fates on the deserving.

Take it with gratitude and enjoyment. Life is short.

[Night_Flight]

Also, we must know if the lease horse is another chestnut!

[RedHorses]

Nope. He’s black with white socks. I’m content to stay four times chestnut for now.

Thank you for your kind words. While our journey was cut short, I am glad to have had him. He made me a better horseman.

[RedHorses]

@Scribbler

Having crocked horses really takes all the fun out of things. Go rediscover fun with a young sound horse that needs what you have to offer.

Thank you for this. I needed to hear it.

[Edre]

I guess my question is this (and it sounds really schmoopy when I put it this way, but honestly, I think it’s the best way to say it): does the idea of being in the saddle again make you more happy than it does sad?

It sounds like you’d be totally justified if you felt sad (having to let go of your former partner, and I’m sure your journey with him was an emotional roller coaster…health issues always are), or otherwise conflicted.

But if the idea of riding & training this one makes you more happy than anything else, I don’t think it’s too soon. We all hit that point at different speeds and there’s no right or wrong time to find ourselves saying that.

The nice thing about this situation is that it sounds like it is finite. You aren’t committed to this horse forever, so if you change your mind, or have an idea or more clarity about what it is you want long term, you can make that happen without having permanent commitments making it difficult to adjust your plans.

I took too long to get back in the saddle when I lost mine. I needed time, but the time away sort of turned the things I was thinking into oversized dragons that seemed impossible to overcome. It took me a lot of work to become brave enough to come back, and I couldn’t have done it without the support and encouragement of the people around me. I needed to re-learn what it was to have fun with horses again. Once I did - I remembered why I love it so much. Whatever your choice is, I hope you, too, have the opportunity to celebrate things with horses that make you happy and that you have fun doing.
Cheering you on.

[RMJacobs]

When I had to euthanize my beloved Hackney pony, I felt disloyal at first that I continued driving my large pony, even though I had retired the Hackney pony quite some time before he was euthanized. I quickly developed a closer bond with the large pony, and we kept driving together for another six years until his eyesight got too bad to be safe on the road. I was grateful to have him to help me get past losing the Hackney, and grateful that the large pony lived well into his 30s so that I still had a horse to hang out with, even if I couldn’t drive him. It was really tough when the large pony finally died, but I was so grateful for the years I’d had with him.

Rebecca

[RedHorses]

Thank you for the schmoop! Yes, I am looking forward to riding and training a horse for long term goals again. I’ve done some training of other horses this summer and remembered how much I enjoy it.

As I’ve been drifting away from the regular riding, I’m afraid I will lose the skills and confidence to ride. In the past I’ve had a younger horse I needed to keep riding each time I euthanized one. This time my horse is a senior, not really rideable, and I’m beginning to question if he ever will be able to do more than short walking rides. Which is okay. He’ll always be my super horse, even if I need another horse for the bigger rides.

[RedHorses]

Thank you so much for that! The opportunity really was just offered up just when I was thinking over possible options. That seems to be the way in my horse life. I’ve never deliberately decided to go looking for a horse to buy. Each of them arrived in my life as opportunities.

[floppyammy]

@RedHorses it is ok to hold multiple feelings at the same time as you move forward in life without your young horse. You can grieve and keep riding. You can mourn what was and what might have been while also moving forward with new opportunities. You may find you miss certain things about your lost horse while working with a new horse. You have had a long journey with an unsound, unwell horse. That is an incredibly draining experience. I say go rediscover the joy to be had of working with a sound, healthy horse.

[cayuse]

I don’t think it’s too soon at all. When I lost my beloved pony that I owned for 26 years to colic, I actively started looking for another 2 days later. It wasn’t because I didn’t miss him but rather I missed him so much that I knew if I didn’t try to move forward, I could get stuck in an emotionally bad spot. And once I started looking, fate stepped in and sent me another. It’s a long story, but the stars were aligned that day. Best dollar I ever spent!

[jonquil]

It’s great that you found one to enjoy. Let any guiltgo. Keepingon riding is the best medicine for all kinds of things, including grief.

[Scribbler]

Animals just don’t have that long on this earth, we will lose many, even all, our animals over the course of our much longer lives. It’s sad and it’s awful when it happens, especially when it feels too soon. But it can also be a boost to seize the day with what ever animal you have at the moment.

[sascha]

@RedHorses

It seems too soon

I was looking for a replacement days after my Wobbler horse got diagnosed. It was maybe a couple of weeks after I found my current horse. We’re coming up to 11 years together in the spring and I do not regret the quick ‘replacement’ in any form.

Do you - if the right horse comes along and you want it, get it. If the ‘too soon’ is the social-norm grieving process you feel being thrown over you like a cloak, and not something that comes from within, swear at it, and carry on doing you.

There is no correct amount of time to grieve.
There is also no reason that you can’t ‘multi-task’ grieving AND enjoying your new horse.

[SuzieQNutter]

It is never to soon. My philosophy is that I have grieved too much in my lifetime. I am not going to grieve any more. Go on with life.

[Scribbler]

Also people are allowed to have multiple animals and they can sell or rehome them too.

If you find a new spouse too quickly after a tragedy people wonder if you were fooling around while spouse was slowly dying. You are only meant to have one spouse.

But you can have a whole herd of horses and if one dies you can’t stop caring for and riding the others. It’s not an exclusive relationship.

[goodhors]

Not too soon for another horse. Bring him home before bad weather and have some fun with horse! Sounds like a sad year, so I hope he can brighten things up for you!

[jvanrens]

The new horse sounds like the perfect opportunity. Don’t be a big mope like me and go for it! You’ve had a hard time, you deserve to enjoy.

Now I need to give myself that pep talk!