Deep Breathe. I am going to tell this. When this happened I was begged not to do anything about it. Literally told that he would burn the barn down. I am sure that was a valid fear. So, quickly I pushed it all down… or thought I did. I self abused, became a cocaine addict, and practiced brinksmanship with my life for decades. Couldn’t trust anyone, relationships were all screwed up. Never even told my shrink, who I began to see that winter. Not one time in the 15 years of therapy did I mention this. I honestly put this somewhere where it couldn’t touch me…Then, nearly three decades later, in a conversation with my former trainer and later dear friend, for the first time since that night I was asked if I remembered it. We cried and cried together… I do remember in spits and pieces, and still am not certain if the DEED was consummated. I hope I never remember that…
It was at Branchville. I was cutting yarn in the feed stall. Suddenly, he threw me on a hay bale face down. I remember having time to think Where are my braiding scissors. Staring at the farm logo on the tackroom drape trunk. He had my jeans down in a heartbeat. I am certain I went into shock… and the next thing I recall is the Barn Manager from behind this monster saying I have a pitchfork pointed at your back. I hope he stopped it soon enough. I remember being so cold, and my savior wrapping me in the dead of summer in a wool cooler.
I couldn’t speak. I had been forewarned by my dad about this person years earlier. Dad told me never to be alone with him. The threat of this coming out was dire. In hindsight I know just how dire it was. So, I pushed it down. Showed that weekend, and just went on. But I went on as an angry and damaged soul.
This wasn’t the only time. Twice more I had grown men force themselves on me that year. It was like I had a target on my back. But by then I was ready… and I hurt those bastards. But I continued to see them at horse shows. One is a convicted child offender…
It is up to us, Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and girls are being abused in this industry. Parents send their children off thinking they are safe. Well. WE ARE NOT. So, If someone makes you even the slightest bit uncomfortable say LOUDLY " I don’t want you doing…" Staying in the shadows only encourages these predators. This is RAMPANT in the industry.
One of the reasons I haven’t named a name is I worry that my dear friend and mentor will be criticized for his insistence that I not bring this into the light. I know he was right. Ward would have hurt my horse, possibly burned the entire barn down. If I had told my Dad ( former CIA) he would have killed Ward and fed him to the fishes. I have offered to come out to Molly at the Chronicle but they don’t have the courage to publish this. Since both my mentor and his barn manager are dead, and I have been unable to confirm from anyone at the barn at the time that either EVER told anyone, it will be my word…and that is a lame excuse. I know it is, I am not in the business even peripherally anymore … but I still hesitate. Can I ask you? Can you tell where I rode from this above? Am I giving anything up that isn’t directly about me, Ward and the aq]ssault?
