Regarding your test thread and the judges comment…I just want to say I commiserate with you. I think we share a lot of similar personality traits, especially around the desire to do well and reading into things that may not be there ( …or maybe they are and then I dwell on it forever :no:). I’ve been upset over tests in school and with riding,even when I’ve placed first, but felt I could have done better. I feel like I let my horse down when I don’t ride perfect or if the score doesn’t reflect how awesome he felt.
Deep down this is probably something good for you to work on, as it will help in other areas of your life. I say that as someone who has taken steps and is trying to better themselves; it is hard and a challenge. I feel how much you care for your riding and how important it is to you. It’s my therapy too. I often feel like I’m a “crazy horse person” at times, and often replay conversations in my head, thinking that my trainer, vet, clinician all think I’m nuts or suck at riding, but in reality I’ve taken this horse to 3rd and scores to 70% from FEI judges, so I can’t be that bad. I know I’m not making him a GP horse on my own, and have probably created some holes in preparation for advanced training, but I’ve learned that it’s ok. I’m allowed it. I’m an ammature who just loves riding.
You kicked ass, had a great ride and look like a sympathetic rider (I saw your video). Be easy with yourself and enjoy the love your horse gives you.
Anyhow, I just wanted to say I feel ya. And I use butthurt all the time lol!
That is definitely how I feel!