I need some opinions.
I feel like my situation at my current barn is toxic, yet I love my trainer with all my heart. I work for her basically for free but I don’t complain because I get many hours in the saddle riding a million horses and even get to show her horses/ponies a lot.
I do everything she asks of me because I want to succeed in this sport very badly. I have to work for different trainers at horse shows grooming and picking stalls to make money to be able to afford shows with my personal horse and all of her fees that come with it.
But there’s a lot of downfalls. Don’t get me wrong, I love a hard-on-you type trainer and I do NOT mind getting screamed at when I’m riding like crap. But I feel like there are a lot of things she says to me that she shouldn’t be saying. Most of the bad comments come from in the barn. She expects me to literally read her mind, which is fine!!!.. But her mind changes all. the. time. She’ll make up rules and says that we have always done this or that a certain way, but I promise you on my life that we haven’t. And this is all the time. And she will scream and make you feel like the worst kid on the planet.
There’s a very wise lady that rides at my barn that has noticed me becoming burnt out and suggests that I research other places and maybe even try them out. But I feel so stuck and trapped. If I ever told her that I wanted to leave she would be so heartbroken and I would be too quite frankly. I love her most of the time but other times she makes me wonder if she is even sane.
All I want is to succeed in the hunter jumper world and I am willing to put forward every ounce of hard work that it takes. I just don’t feel like she’s in the best interest of me anymore. The other day she was talking about the future at our stables and made it sounds like she wanted me there another 10 years… I just can’t do that because it’s never going to get me to my goals. We don’t go anywhere but one facility for horseshows because its super convenient.
I am not financially supported by my parents and she knows it. I am 17 years old and work for just about every dime I spend on my horse and she knows it. Yet she doesn’t cut me a single break. I just can’t express the quantity of work that I do for her I feel like I am being used. I train all the clients horses and rides all the broncs that come in and get thrown all the time. (again not complaining *kinda) I just do not feel like she shows her appreciation well.
Also please note that I am well aware of how rough and tough this equine world is. I KNOW it will never be easy!!! I am fine with that! But the mental abuse and toxic vibes I get out there are not okay.
Thank you for reading, as I go over this I feel like I have barely given you a glimpse of my crisis. there is so much more to it, but maybe this will give you an idea of my situation.
If you have any suggestions I’d love to hear them!
