Totally rattled after a fall

[La_Chasse]

Groan Yesterday, I tried out a new horse for a partial lease who is a big 16.2 WB X with a huge stride & lots of experience. Unfortunately, he took an enormous L-E-A-P at a dinky little 2’ fence which, rocket launched me onto his neck, giving him the opportunity to jump around and throw me loose, flat on my back on ring floor.

My instructor was so nice about it, but I had to get back on and try it again. I was super dizzy, hurting, shaking & felt a panic attack coming on (ever so much fun for those of you who have had one.:no:). My trainer doesn’t know I get these because I am embarrassed about them, so it made it ever worse. This time, he took another long spot, but I managed to slip my reins this time and stay on.

Unfortunately, I have 2 terrible falls in the past,including 2 bad concussions, a permanent hearing loss (I wear a BTE hearing aid now), and surgery, so my confidence is totally bottomed out right now. I have been getting back into riding, after a few years off for grad school, but, in total, have been riding/competing for over 20 y. The problem is my brain is just so different than it was when I was little or a teenager. I can’t remember what it feels like to jump correctly anymore, much less quell the anxiety I get 2 strides out from a fence. My DH was very supportive, but he doesn’t ride; last night and today, I have been icing my back, swallowing Aleve and Flexeril, and feeling really, really upset.

Anybody with helpful thoughts or words of wisdom?

[wateryglen]

Ah forgetaboutit!!!

Well…welcome to my world! So my motto applies here!

Quit yer whining, take your pills, shut up and ride! :winkgrin:

Maybe skip the jumping for awhile. Let your confidence be your guide.
Let your pain level be your guide.
Own your fear, deal with it, and NEVER let others set your goals for you. Take control! If it’s not fun; then don’t do it for cryin’ out loud!
Go forth, have fun!!!
We’ve all been there!

[jnel]

Maybe consider not jumping for awhile and just enjoy riding without the stress. Do flat work, trot poles or trails to get your confidence back.

[Parrotnutz]

[QUOTE=La Chasse;4712290]
Groan Yesterday, I tried out a new horse for a partial lease who is a big 16.2 WB X with a huge stride & lots of experience. Unfortunately, he took an enormous L-E-A-P at a dinky little 2’ fence which, rocket launched me onto his neck, giving him the opportunity to jump around and throw me loose, flat on my back on ring floor.

My instructor was so nice about it, but I had to get back on and try it again. I was super dizzy, hurting, shaking & felt a panic attack coming on (ever so much fun for those of you who have had one.:no:). My trainer doesn’t know I get these because I am embarrassed about them, so it made it ever worse. This time, he took another long spot, but I managed to slip my reins this time and stay on.

Unfortunately, I have 2 terrible falls in the past,including 2 bad concussions, a permanent hearing loss (I wear a BTE hearing aid now), and surgery, so my confidence is totally bottomed out right now. I have been getting back into riding, after a few years off for grad school, but, in total, have been riding/competing for over 20 y. The problem is my brain is just so different than it was when I was little or a teenager. I can’t remember what it feels like to jump correctly anymore, much less quell the anxiety I get 2 strides out from a fence. My DH was very supportive, but he doesn’t ride; last night and today, I have been icing my back, swallowing Aleve and Flexeril, and feeling really, really upset.

Anybody with helpful thoughts or words of wisdom?[/QUOTE]

I don’t know how old you are. I am in my late 50’s and have been there, done that.

Sounds like you are horse shopping and I think you need to have a meeting with yout trainer and tel her about the panic attacks…when I was younger and had them everyone “thought” I was so brave because being in control is what people with panic attacks want to appear to be. My trainer at the time did not understand what they were but she appreciated my telling her and we set goals accordingly.
The good news…I no longer have them.

My best advise to you: Only buy a horse YOU are comfortable or will become comfortable riding. Do not over face yourself. And on any given day…do what you are comfortable doing and do not beat yourself up if on any given day you are “nervous” or “anxious”…Don’t put more pressure on yourself than you will handle and take control of what you want to do. I learned later in life that if I was not comfrotable jumping a certain fence I had reason not to and I am Not a wimp…and admiting my limitations set me free and they became less and less.

Hope this helps

[Donkey]

The other words of advice are good but I want to add that a therapist using hypnosis can be very effective at helping you get over a traumatic event like a fall.

[Alagirl]

Not much help other than tell your instructor about the panic attacks!

I worked with a lady who got them infrequently…it helps to know what is going on when somebody near you allover sudden gets the vapors and freezes up. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it could harm you, or people do the wrong thing when you have one. This lady was almost not able to communicate when she had one. Scary when you don’t have a clue.

Best of luck to you!

[mkevent]

I hope that you’re feeling better. That sounded really painful.

I would definitely tell your instructor about the panic attacks.

I think you are also an eventer(?) Sometimes we get pushed into the “just get over the jump” mentality and the bravado that is associated with our sport that it’s hard to say no to a situation that really frightens us. It’s such a fine line between the confidence to be willing to try something and feeling overfaced or overwhelmed. I really trust my instructor to keep me safe and the couple of times I was totally fried about a jump, she let me say no. Sometimes, for whatever reason, you are just not ready. And that’s ok!

I’m learning that this sport is just as much mental as it is physical. Do what you need to do to get your confidence back, and have an open discussion with your instructor so you can work together to find a plan.

I’m not naturally brave at all. I also constantly doubt myself, which doesn’t help the situation. Even though physically I may be capable of riding “hot” horses, mentally it makes me so nervous that it is just not a good match. I now know the type of horses that I can ride comfortably and the type that I can’t. That’s ok, too. That’s what I love about being an ammie-we can say no and we can set limits on our comfort level.

Feel better!

[La_Chasse]

I definitely appreciate the support and suggestions to speak w/ my trainer about panic. She knows this is hard for me, but is always supportive and kind, which helps.

parrotnutz: I’m 29, and i have an inkling my trainer knows i have them. she also is very willing to change plans based on how i am feeling that day. it’s me who is the prob and pushes myself b/c i get going with the “i should be able to X b/c i did X when i was 7/10/15/20/competing/hunting/on-a-shetland/whatever”

mkevent: yes, my background is eventing (& foxhunting, hunters etc.) it’s true that eventing mentality is “no fear,” and i am most likely internalizing that and blowing it out of proportion, pressuring myself, and not cutting myself any slack (overachiever much?).

[DressageGeek_Ribbon]

Also remember how sensitive horses are to us! If you are having an attack, your horse will sense that and respond.

Know what? Most of us - all of us? - can’t do at 29 what you did at 15…for some things. But we gain other strengths instead.

Above all, be kind to yourself. And good luck!

[Grandysgirl]

I completely understand your fear. I seem to be averaging a fall a month or so. Some are silly (like missing the stirrup and coming off the mounting block) and some are a bit more perilous (as with my last one where a trip to the ER was required). Couple of pieces of advice.

1. If you are just coming back from taking a long hiatus, NO JUMPING for a while. Just stick with flat work for a while until you get your bearings back.

2. Tell your instructor about your panic attacks. They are no different than anyone else who has some kind of issues. You want your instructor to be aware of any of your warning signs.

3. Always get back on. Even if all you do the rest of your lesson is walk, you need to get back on. It’s not only good for you, but it’s better for the horse too.

[rodawn]

La Chasse - having been someone who has been crushed under a horse who fell at a jump, and now has permanent tinnitus, difficulty with verbal word recall and other various sequela from that incident, I most definitely hear you. To the horse’s credit, it wasn’t his fault. It was a freaky accident, where he just slipped on take-off and couldn’t regain enough balance and crashed into the jump and fell over on top of me. When he got up, people said he did so with his head down, looking for me and was extremely careful where he put his feet, so I never got stepped on. But, it was lights out for me for the space of 4 hours, and I have permanent amnesia to the event and the days surrounding the event.

My neurologist forbade me from jumping ever again as the next bad one I might not get up from. So, I switched to Dressage.

What I might suggest is a heart-to-heart with your instructor - they must know about your fear and anxiety and they MUST learn your signals of an anxiety attack so they can help you! This is not something to be embarassed from. Your instructor is part of your team and your team needs to know what’s going on.

Then, go lease-looking for an easy-going honest-joe schoolmaster who’s been there, done that, and will look after you while you learn the skills required. An Honest Joe will cover your butt when you make a mistake, will negotiate the lines and the distances if you fail to accurately do so, and will teach you almost as much, if not more, than your human instructor. And, Honest Joe won’t hurt you should you make serious mistakes, land on his neck, or even have to gently plop down on the ground next to his feet. He’ll stand there, and wait for you to get up, snuggle you with his nose, and let you hop on and try again and again and again and again.

You won’t gain confidence with a horse (no matter what breed) who isn’t forgiving to various mistakes and lurches you might make in the saddle. You really do need to go find Honest Joe Schoolmaster and start from there. You can always switch up to a hotter horse once you’ve got a seat akin to velcro and glue!

Jumping = potential falls. So, since everyone knows they’re going to fall whilst jumping at least some point, it is better at least you have a horse you can absolutely 100% trust and sink your heart into. That horse will never let you down. Then, you can gain confidence and shake your fear.

Fear, by the way, is a good thing. It’s the thing that tells us to be careful. Jumping can be dangerous. Riding a horse can be dangerous. A healthy sense of fear makes us use our good sound sense and judgement.

And then… there is my signature which says . …

[onthehill]

Hi! I showed hunters (up to 4’) as a child through young adulthood. Had to quit at 19, and was absent from horsing all-together for 30 years. Recently got back to it - but riding a pony. I also fell flat on my back from a freak accident too (shying from a dive-bomber bird). Before my fall; getting back into riding, I was pleasantly suprised that I hadn’t forgotten most of the technical aspects - but was shocked at how out of shape I was for riding.

Did you have children?? Hormones can work you over, and it may have contributed to throwing your timing off. Being out of shape (even somewhat) can have a hand in that too. I actually felt a little nauseated trying to do a circle at the trot.

I started a riding fitness program, and feel stronger already. Got fingers crossed to see how I do when I ride again. Don’t see myself going NEAR a jump anytime in the near future though.

I agree - take it slow. Build your confidence on the flat first - then cavalettis. And with the “bomb-proof” horse too. Hugs to you! :yes:

[La_Chasse]

RoDawn: Thanks for sharing your story and experiences; I am a clinician, so appreciate it from both an equestrian & medical perspective. I, too, have tinnitus from a fall 10 years ago, when I fell on my head, sans helmet (no lectures- i learned) after my saddle slipped and being bucked off-- high grade concussion, ruptured inner ear (technically perilymphatic fistula of L oval and round windows), micro-surgery. have a >60% unilateral hearing deficit and have to wear a hearing aid. no neuro deficits, but residual balance, vertigo issues surface on 10, 20 m. circles, etc.

Overthehill: no kids, just a husband who acts like one. also, been ramping up my workouts recently which has helped a little, but it’s all about saddle time for me

All: I discussed my anxiety, loss of confidence, trepidation with my instructor today. She was totally cool with it and suggested we could go back to basics, just trot poles and half-seat work until I felt comfortable o/f again. No pressure.

Agree on the schoolmaster, SYA-type and thought this guy was going to be the one, now just not so sure, but he was much better today btw.

Thank you so much for the support as well