Best post in the thread. I salute you, @Gardenhorse!
2 Likes
There’s another thread over in H/J called “lack of confidence and anxiety causing me to consider giving up riding.” Poster is an experienced adult who had a wreck and is wondering what the next move is. Lots and lots of good advice and support there for what is in fact a very common situation for many adult ammies, to some degree and in some situations.
Losing confidence, having anxiety, becoming afraid, are not at all about “not having grit.” Those problems don’t get solved by telling folks to get back on and ride. And often enough, fairly fearless kids become cautious adults.
Anyhow, toggling between these two concurrent threads, it’s clear to me which way of looking at the issue is most useful and productive for those suffering from fear in riding.
9 Likes
ratchet, I wanted to take this moment to say I really do admire how you are riding again! You have indeed had a MAJOR journey to get there and what you endured really is true grit and perseverance.
It may not be the “flashy” kind, but it is the true kind. Speaking as a stranger, your post moved me and I really appreciate you sharing your experience. You have a new member in your fan club now!
100% agreed.
6 Likes
I don’t really think you wanted your mind changed, I suspect you wanted support for your position and expected lots of piling on the “wimps” and “coddled” here with grunts of concurrance.
You should look at yourself and try to find out why you are surprised this happened.
Posters telling you why they think you’re upset could be their insight from having the same experience you are having right now…
10 Likes
@Scribbler, was just jumping from that post to this one and thinking the same thing!
In fact, I was thinking that realizing you have an anxiety/fear issue and looking for different avenues to fix it is an example of pretty gritty behavior. It beats throwing in the towel, at least in my experience. But the solution with anxiety/fear is often NOT to just white knuckle through it, but to acknowledge it and address it. Sometimes the answer might be getting back on right after a fall, but not always. Again, one Rome, many roads.
I just skimmed down this thread, didn’t really read most of the replies in detail. I’m sure they are all lovely and valid (because, this is truly a personal topic, so… in the end everyone gets to choose their own stance here).
In the past months I’ve come to think there is an aspect being forgotten by the “tough equestrian.” I’m not so much talking about the rather sudden, and sometimes catastrophic moments, where you have to make the ‘hospital or on’ decision. I more mean in regards to the niggling pains we all seem to “play through”. The things that if it were a horse, we’d call them NQR.
I think the forgotten aspect is how to help make these things feel better. And I don’t just mean popping some advil or robax and taking a hot shower… I mean things that will help it go away long term and hopefully stay away. Things like getting the treatments if needed, doing targeted exercises, getting maintenance bodywork, etc, etc. I’m not saying no one does this. I just think the prevailing mentality in equestrians is “I’ll figure out a way to get it done with the pain I have.” rather than “I’ll figure out a way to lessen the pain so I can get it done better.”
I am painting with very broad brushes here, so I know plenty of people will be able to give me their personal exceptions. Awesome! Like I said, I think it’s something “we” as a group can do better, so the more people that are already there, great. But if you are a person who has done a sort of “rehab” or “prehab” on something that wasn’t actually a big/sudden injury, did you do it because you were “just a little off”, or because you were grade lame and at risk of not being able to ride/work with horses because of it? Again, I think on average we tend to wait too long to intervene. Personally I don’t think seeking some help and doing some targeted work on a painful area makes you weak… I think it makes you smart. It can actually mean less (if any!) time sidelined in the long run, and probably means less “pain days”.
5 Likes
Pally, I’ll answer some of your questions with my own experiences/thoughts: there are 2 very important things that factor into decisions made about us equestrians being NQR as opposed to ‘grade lame’ and they are money and time.
I have worked and ridden thru ‘grade lame’ until I was so ‘grade lame’ that I could no longer do what I needed to do. Then, I was forced to seek outside help (rehab). But here’s the thing - not only does it cost a lot of money (health care costs anyone?) but there is the time factor (driving to and fro), which takes away from what is ‘spent’ on the horse. And then there is the ‘does this care provider even have a clue what it takes to be a horse person’? So many do not and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told to just ‘stop doing what you’re doing’. Are you freaking kidding me? You can’t just not feed your animals or muck their stalls or fix the down fence or…
And yes, taking care of “you” before it becomes an issue is indeed a huge thing we need to be better at. Find me another 24 hours in each day please. 
1 Like
As a high school teacher, I see both students with grit and a mental fortitude that will make you cry, and other students that lack any kind of toughness.
I teach in a school with a very high poverty rate. I teach both remedial and honors and AP classes. Before the pandemic, I’d regularly have students coming to school sick, I’d call it “snorking” all over, all stuffed up, nose blowing, sneezing, coughing, the works, just so they wouldn’t miss a day of their high achieving classes and get behind. Many of those students were taking WAY too many AP classes, but that’s another topic.
On the other hand, I’d also have students, often in my remedial classes, who disappeared for days at a time because they had a sore throat. Or a mild cold. Or a stomach ache. Or their foot hurt. And I well aware of the excuses that children will make when there is actually something else going on in the home, or when it is actually a case of mental illness, and I do my homework and follow-up with students, guidance and parents about all of those things. More often than not, the kids are just kinda wimpy. Even kids that like school and have good grades, even if in lower level classes.
So I’d say that the level of grit in the next generation varies wildly.
Also, I don’t think “back on or hospital” is such a bad policy, but not in the way it was enforced in the past. If you fall off, and are hurt but not so badly that you need to go to the hospital, I think it’s good to get back on and walk around, maybe trot a little. By all means, do not finish your lesson or go on to do another course. I just think it’s good for the rider’s mental health to get back on for a few minutes, if at all possible. But if you think you might need to go to the hospital, then hell no. And for the love of god, it’s not about the horse learning he can get away with it. Someone else can get on and make Fluffy trot around.
5 Likes
I’m old school, so yes, I think modern people are terribly self-indulgent. That’s not even a question in my mind.
To me, though, proving your own toughness after a fall really isn’t the point. I was taught that you put the horse first - getting back on for his benefit, making sure he’s uninjured and back in the barn before you’re allowed to have a belt of scotch and cry to your nearest and dearest.
I like that system, and I’m an old lady so I’m sticking to it.
1 Like
Referring back to the school teaching anecdote above.
I agree that resilience and the ability to focus on goals are extremely valuable abilities and that not everyone seems to have them. But the word “grit” continues to bother me because it suggests an inherent quality and even a moral one.
For kids, I see more a continuum between really focused on a goal through a middling doing what’s required down to an inability to focus or concentrate. It’s the last that we worry about. But honestly if we are able to find out more about why they are this way, it’s quite likely to be depression, anxiety, grief, dysfunctional family, health issues, bullying at school, fear, shame, hunger etc.
Kids especially girls are more likely to say they don’t feel well when it’s deeper issues. And kids can even get so worked up they start vomiting rather than go to school and face bullying. Kids can also be afraid to go to school and walk away from dysfunctional homes where they think they need to stay and keep an eye on things, totally irrational but they can get a little agoraphobic too.
Now yes some kids rise to the challenge and use a goal to block all this out. But others don’t or can’t or can’t believe that a goal is feasible or achievable. Or their goals don’t line up with academic goals.
3 Likes
I think there are lines to look for. In some ways, it’s like watching a toddler trip and fall, then look up to see if any adult says “oh, poor baby, are you OK?” before deciding whether to cry or not. No adult notices, the kid gets back up and goes on, while the kid that gets the “poor baby” thing will start to cry and make a fuss over nothing.
There’s a difference between taking a minute to make sure you’re OK compared to getting really hurt and having to get back on.
I was raised with the “always get back on” mentality and it has stuck with me. Example: Last summer I slipped on some wet concrete and took a very hard fall on my left side. Took me a minute to get back up, and my first thought was “oh, that’s gonna leave an impressive bruise” (and it sure did, all shades of black and purple along my left thigh). My second thought was “get up and walk it off before it gets stiff”, and that’s what I did. It was sore for weeks and I had a definite “hitch in my git-a-long”.
Fast forward six weeks. I had a vet appointment with one of my dogs, and my vet, who used to be my equine vet before he went to all small animal, looked at me and said “You look about grade one or maybe two lame on your left hind.” I laughed and told him what happened. He got serious and said “yeah, but six weeks later you shouldn’t have a limp like that, let’s take a pic”, and so we did. Turns out I had a hairline fracture of my femur. Nothing out of place and healing very well…and continued to heal just fine. But still…that “get up and walk it off” mentality isn’t always for the best.
2 Likes
Exercise shouldn’t hurt. That’s ridiculous.
Challenge you, yes. Hurt, no. All those guys strutting around in college in those “Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body” T shirts? They’re obese & half crippled from being stupid with their bodies when they were 20.
You also don’t know what is going on with people. I get the feeling people think I’m whining or faking when I admit to being hurt or sick because I’m not a socially demonstrative person. Plus, I’m a single parent & don’t call out & miss income lightly. In reality, I’ve battled 2 serious, chronic illnesses in the last 5 years. If I call out, rest assured I’m bleeding or too sick to get up no matter how even toned I may sound over the phone.
Does your friend pay into worker’s comp? Pay a living wage?
4 Likes
Late to the party, but wanted to add to your excellent points: with what we are now finding out here in the US about TBI thanks to retired NFL players? I’ve barked at trainers that my kid isn’t getting back on until I’m satisfied her brain isn’t bruised. I’ve seen more iffy looking riders with what sure looks like a concussion crawl back on only to have a worse fall 30 seconds later because they’re confused & off balance.
About 10 years ago, a neighbor’s child collapsed & died from a brain aneurysm the morning after hitting her head in what appeared to be a mild fall. (She fell from a stationary, standing height & bumped her head on a wood floor.) It doesn’t take much force as you’d think.
8 Likes
Yep - Watching hundreds of lessons over the past 6 years I feel like more often than not, one fall is followed by a second fall in the same lesson. If there was any hit to the head getting back on right away is bad idea- really need to assess the situation carefully to avoid a second hit. Plus really the rider should be getting another helmet before getting back on anyways.
Rarely have I ever seen a rider get back on after 2 falls within a short amount of time.
2 Likes
I have a love/hate relationship with the just get back on and tough it out mentality. Riding should be fun. I see a lot of horse people who are rabid about doing things This Specific Way (having a colored saddle pad will not spell doom for the horse world as we know it Brenda) because their trainers (old military types and their students) made them do it that way. It is not that serious.
However, there are things about the sport that people need to tough out. Yes, I know the lesson pony is slow and you have to kick a lot but no I can’t just put you on the very fast, responsive 5 year old mare. Yes the horse stepped on your foot; it is not broken or sprained, potentially bruised, but you are not dying and that happens working with half ton animals.
3 Likes
My really bad fall came 10 minutes after a less serious fall from the same horse, the first time I’d ever fallen from him.
1 Like
