Wild Filly, I don’t know anyone involved in the horse world who has not lost a friend, (perhaps not a close one), to HIV. Having said that, I have to believe your barn manager would be understanding and sympathetic.
Hang in there! 
“I can justify anything!”
As a nurse I have learned to treat everyone “as if they were HIV+”. This is a standard phrase in my hospital to remind all to use protection where any bodily fluid is involved. This should be a mantra for all.
Do you tell people you ride in the car with? (Also very dangerous!)
I would tell my close friends at the barn. I do not feel it is necessary to tell everyone you ride with. Unfortunately stigma still surounds this disease.
Stay well and kick on!
As a trainer/barn manager, I would want to know any medical issues my students/boarders may have that I should be aware of.
I’ve taken quite a few Athletic Training courses for my major, and with pretty much any athletic activity, the chance of transmission is there. I know it is pretty darn unlikely, but God forbid something happened to you and you couldn’t communicate.
A dear friend of mine is HIV+ and he too has a very difficult time telling people about it. It’s completely understandable, as people are not always so rational and fear kicks in before common sense.
I recommend telling the person that you normally ride with, and a trainer/barn manager.
Kate
I would sooner fail than not be among the greatest
– John Keats
Welcome Wild Filly! This is actually the first time I’ve seen this thread, and after reading everyone’s wonderful answers there is little else I can add… I voted for telling one person, but then after the idea of the armband I change my vote to that.
You’re more than welcome to come down here to ride with me anytime, I can easily saddle another Kangaroo
Alixe
oh and just as a total aside, from a person who lives with foot-in-mouth disease PLEASE do not always take first reactions too much to heart. When a dear friend of mine told me he had cancer I reacted by the wonderful and sensitive way of LAUGHING. Great friend I am 
. But it was my immediate coping mechanism, and after a few moments of incomprehension I managed to come around and support him for the rest of his days. Thank God he never held my indescretion against me, I don’t know what I would’ve done. He was a lovely prince of a gentleman.
take care
Jetsmom, is your brother still negative?
My riding buddy that knows says she has never seen anyone bleeding froma riding injury. That makes me feel a bit better but you never know.
I just hope I can ride like cactuskate did, right up to the end.
This is probably the most important thread i’ve ever seen on this board. I hope that everyone is reading it, and you should share it with friends and loved ones.
A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men…
FairWeather
CANTER West Virginia
Wild Filly, I think everyone else has given you terrific answers…I just wanted to say my birthday is the day after yours!! I know this has nothing to do with anything, I just felt the urge to let you know! 
Again, to echo the others, you’re in my prayers.
~Jenny~
“The daughter who won’t lift a finger in the house is the same child who cycles madly off in the pouring rain to spend all morning mucking out a stable.” (Samantha Armstrong)
Wild Filly – First, a huge THANK YOU for bringing this topic up.
I’ve lost friends to HIV and have had negative friends end up with positive partners and so on, and my husband has, also, so the idea of “safe sex” education is a big one in my house. In fact, I’m known as the Safe Sex Queen at the barn, because whenever I overhear anyone talking about sex, they get my safe sex lecture (I encourage the younger ones to follow their family’s values, talk to their parents, REALLY think before having sex, but then I give them a condom and tell them I will buy them if they need them, no questions, no judgements, just a wish that they not become ill. And in 7 years no one has ever complained – including our more conservative religious parents, and in fact several have asked me to speak with their kids! And, no I don’t discriminate – I do it male or female, and I do it with adults, too - like my dear friend who just began dating again, and, I’m not making this up, my own mother.).
The point of that loooong bit is to say that even though I do this, I had not thought about HIV in terms of a fall or accident. And it’s not just HIV - hepatitis and other blood-borne illnesses are a concern.
You have raised a very important point in asking this question. FWIW, I voted for “tell one person” but that’s not really a full explaination of my vote. I think that a medical form for EVERYONE at the barn is a good idea, and that those forms should be kept private. And I do think it’s probably a good idea to tell someone, or to wear a medical armband.
While I deeply wish it were not so, I can understand not wanting to have to be the HIV Education Ambassador in telling people. And incorrect information still abounds, as does fear and prejudice and a host of other things. Besides which, it’s a personal issue, too. And while people’s reactions do sort out the ones you want to know better from those you probably don’t, it doesn’t make it hurt a whole let less to be faced with that fear and, yes, rejection. It may be that as you get to know individuals more you may choose to tell them – that’s a very personal decision and you must do not just what’s responsible, which you CLEARLY do or you wouldn’t have asked the question, but also what protects YOU, too.
What about the idea of telling the barn manager and asking him/her to include some basic safety tips for handling someone who’s bleeding in an upcoming newsletter or something? You could even personally donate a couple of blood-borne pathogen stations to the barn – I’ve seen them around and they do provide protection for EVERYONE to use.
I also like the idea of carrying gloves, etc with you – you can always make it a point to casually tell your companions “oh, I’m a safety nut so i’ve got latex gloves in my pack. Please go ahead and use them if any of us gets a bleeding wound.” Heck, WNV is even now being speculated as being able to be passed by methods other than mosquitoes, so that’s yet another reason to be smart and safe!
And although I’m no trail rider, you’d be more than welcome to ride with me and my barn friends any day! And we don’t need to know your health status to do so – I’m far more concerned that you’re not a yahooing idiot around the horses or something than that you have an illness. Heck, we’ll even give you a hug or two, probably! - Gina
I guess I’ll be the first to vote and post a response.
I was going to vote for "They should inform one person who can speak up if " but upon thinking about it, I realized that there is no way to guarantee that that person would be present when it counted.
But, while I believe that a person’s medical history is there own to share or to keep private, I think in any sport, particularly one with the known risk factor like riding, that making sure those you ride with have that information is crucial, both for there safety and yours (I would imagine that this is information that would be useful, treatment wise, to an permedic or doctor should an accident require one but I don’t really know).
But I don’t think that means announcing it to the barn community, but your regular riding companions and coach should definitely be aware.
By poor, I mean we might have to share a helicopter with another family.
They might think, oh, she’s married, she wouldn’t have HIV or anything…there are some very uneducated people out there and don’t know enough to protect themselves.
You guys are the BEST! This is the coolest board on the net! And the kindest people.
Thank you for your kind words.
Faith
Having had Blood-born Pathogens training numerous times since I worked in Schools, I am actually more concerned with Hepatitis C, since it can live outside the body for several weeks (i.e. in dried blood residue) and most don’t even know they have it.
One of my co-workers stuffed a pair of latex gloves in a film canister and gave one to each of us. You can easily do this for your purse, car, tack box, wherever. For those who know they would jump right in to help regardless of risk, you can buy a CPR mouthpiece from First Aid supply places. Maybe our medical members could give recommendations as to types.
Our barn keeps boxes of gloves in with the other horse/people medical supplies and they go to all the shows. We’re now in the habit of using them to treat even little boo-boos.
Wild Filly, you shouldn’t feel forced to tell everyone, but I would vote that it would be wise to let at least your trainer know for your own safety. And I would happily ride with you or have you in my home anytime.
Well, I’m going on 14 years and I’m still going strong! Thanks!
Personally I couldn’t care less if you had HIV, I’d still ride with you and treat you as I would anyone else. If you came to me and told me then yes, I would appreciate it but it would not change my view of you as a person.
Unfortunately I’ve had friends who have died of HIV. One friend was a BF of someone I rode with and he tried to hide it. I respected that and never pressed him to admit it to me. He kept saying he had cancer but I knew better. He never really told anyone and when he passed away we were all kind of angry with him for not telling us. His BF told us that he would think we wouldn’t want to be near him if he told us (the straight people!), what rubbish!
I don’t know if telling one person is the way to go. What if that person is not around if you are injured? Then what? A medical armband or necklace tucked under your clothes is a good idea. If you trail ride with the same person then you should tell that person since that person will pretty much be with you the whole time you are at the barn. I was taught that when a person is injured the best thing to do is run and find help ASAP. Moving or touching a person can actually harm them more if you do not know what you are doing. You are stressing out over this a lot and for good reason, but remember you will not know a person’s reaction until you tell them. I think you will find that people will not be as harsh as you think. If they are, then that is their problem not yours. You have to be strong for yourself. They will probably appreciate being told and just leave it at that. Don’t worry about what they think or how they treat you. Ignore it. You can’t help what has happened to you anymore than someone can help or change what nationality they are or what their height is, or the color of their eyes.
It really angers me that people still have such a reaction when they hear “I am HIV+”. How many times has an HIV+ handled your food in a restaurant, repaired your car, manicured your nails, etc.? Wild Filly, I am so sorry that you are going through so much stress and heartache over this. Too bad you don’t board with me, I could definitely use a trail riding buddy!! You can email me anytime you want if you ever just need or want some support or just someone to talk to. Just enjoy your horse and remember you are at the barn to do YOUR thing with YOUR horse. The time you spend with your horse is the most valuable and most precious. Don’t waste time worrying if someone doesn’t like you because they know you have HIV - that is their problem. You can just look at them and think “There but for the grace of God go I”.
It is easy to speak freely in a forum like this. I don’t have to stand right in front of you.
I’m thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain…JoDee Messina
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wild Filly:
Do you know how difficult it is to tell someone? Whether it’s an old or new friend, it is one of the most difficult things I have to face. Because at that moment that you tell someone that you are infected with HIV, you find out if they are truly your friend or not.
It’s a scary moment, some people can’t handle it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I think that would be so hard. My good childhood friend just used to suffer over telling people. It’s a crappy way to find out who your friends really are, but in another sense, you find out who you can really depend on. Some people don’t understand that you are a person, not just a disease. 
It’s a subject that I remember well…
Welcome to the bb. I can understand your reluctance to let people know that you are HIV positive. I think it is your choice who you tell, and when you are comfortable doing so. That being said, I also believe that it is everyones responsability to educate themselves about the risk of bloodborn pathogens. As it has been said before, there are some other diseases that are far more contagious than HIV. If you are the type of person that stops to help people in need, then you should be responsable enough to know “how” to help (ie: get first aid and CPR education)so you are actually a help and not a hinderance. You should also know how to protect yourself and be prepared at all times to do so. I carry a first aid kit (a rather elaborate one since I was a FF for years) complete with gloves and goggles and non rebreather mask. My trail riding kit would have gloves and bandaging equipment. However, I am also the type of person that would be willing to risk my life to protect or save someone else. So if you did get hurt and I were without my gloves etc, I would not hesitate to help you. If you were concious, bleeding and told me you were HIV positive, I would still do what needed to be done. I think that everyone needs to make that decision about what risks they are willing to take to help someone else, because the truth is you never know what contagious disease someone may have.
I think you have heard from many people who would welcome you HIV and all. I hope that one day you will be comfortable talking with those you know and see each day about HIV. Maybe you can get comfort and strength from those friends.
Wish you all the best.
Great. and Kellyt’s idea about the bracelet is a good one. I just hate to think of people’s cruel or wrong reactions.
And by the way JoeDee Messina is great “Stand beside me” is one of my favorite songs. The summer of 1999 we used to listen to it all the time going to shows over and over again, especially driving to Culpeper!
My barn manager has a medical information sheet on everyone. We started doing this after one of our barnmates was kicked in the head while grooming her horse. She was seriously injured and stopped breathing while the paramedics were on their way. We were completely unable to locate anyone to call and did a lot of thrashing about trying to find her son, make sure her cat was fed, telling her office, etc.
She did have a miraculous recovery.
I also keep a copy of this sheet in my trailer.
People can have HIV, or HepC, or a number of nasty illnesses and not even know. The right precautions are important for treating anyone. Wild Filly, you should tell people you’re comfortable telling. I didn’t announce to my barnmates or even my family that I was pregnant right away. Some things just don’t want to be public until the right moment.
The medic-alert is a good solution if you want to make sure anyone treating you knows, but you don’t want to make an announcement. Besides, think of all the people who might come across you that you wouldn’t have met or mentioned it to? 
It’s not like our everyday introductions go, “Hi, I’m Suzy and I have type 2 Diabetes.” or “Hi, I’m Jen and I’m a hemophiliac on Prozac.” 
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