Trainer communication & terrible 5's (coming 6)? Anyone else?

[raisethebar]

@Mac123

One thing I wanted to add (that was really hard for me) is that it’s not a personal slight if your trainer can get something done on the horse that you can’t or solve something that you were struggling with. They ride for a living, they sit on tons of horses a day - they SHOULD be able to fix what we can’t. And there’s no shame in that.

THIS! This is something I am learning to get over and humble myself. It doesn’t slight us as riders because we don’t get to ride as much as them. Not only does my professional rider have YEARS of experience. She rides up to 20 horses per day some days (with help of course). Hop on one, tune it up, hop on another, etc etc etc. It takes her 1/8 of the time it would take us because of the help she has.

I think that is one of the biggest struggles I have. I want to ride to the best of the abilities. But I have to remember exactly what you said.

[snaffled]

@raisethebar I like what you said about giving yourself a moment to watch them go on the lunge before riding on the days where you don’t feel 100%. It does do my heart some good to see him being great, I mean as amateurs how often do we actually get to see our horses go? Its usually us doing the riding!

I agree about not just chasing them around on the line but using the time to train them. I expect him to respond to my ques within one or 2 strides of asking, so its very telling about where his mental state is and how ready he is for work if hes not giving me crisp transitions.

I will definitely let everybody know once we find the right house! I keep telling my husband the same thing; if its meant to be, we will get it. He keeps getting his hopes up and making plans for places we put bids on and then hes so disappointed when we don’t get it. Boys…

@Mac123 You definitely have to pick your battles with these beasts! We have to be so aware of what level we are ready to take the fight to on any given day, be that riding it out, lunging it out or just not starting the fight in the first place. You are so right about feeling disgusted with ourselves when we lose our temper. I definitely beat myself up if I react badly to a situation, I’m constantly over-thinking things!

Being mindful of our mental state is so important! Its so easy to be wrapped up in all the outside issues, work, school, jobs, kids etc, etc. While riding is definitely a very physical sport, its also a very mental sport. My trainer says the best riders are the ones who are able to think quickly and get over things. You knocked a rail or added a stride? What good is it going to do you if you spend the rest of your round agonizing over it? My horse certainly isn’t giving it a second thought and I need to be right there with him. The same goes for a spook or stop, its been so hard for me to not dwell on bad parts of our ride and torture myself thinking about what I did wrong to cause it.

It can definitely be hard at times to swallow that someone else is able to accomplish what we can’t, especially when they make it look so easy!! There’s definitely no shame in it though, I’m constantly in awe of what my trainer can do on a horse! She’s eons ahead of where I can ever hope to be as a rider and I’m so grateful to have her, I would definitely not have the success I do without her. I have to constantly remind myself of that and keep in perspective how far we’ve actually come.

Thanks again for starting this thread raisethebar, it helps so much to hear that others have similar issues. With horses it doesn’t seem to be that there’s any one answer and hearing what others have done helps you think outside the box!! Like you said, we’re all in this together and I’m sure the turning point is right around the corner for all of us, just gotta stay positive

[raisethebar]

I wanted to give everyone an update since you guys took so much time to help with this situation…I recently took a new job in a new area. Everything just fell into place quickly :D. My horse move with me & we found what I think is the most perfect situation for both of us.

It has been two weeks since being in this new area and at my new barn and holy sigh of relief! This new barn doesn’t have a specific trainer - it allows anyone to come in to train though as long as they have insurance. The area is extremely healthy with horses and shows of all price points. We have a couple of event riders, a couple hunters (like myself), and a couple of dressage queens (they are awesome) and the barn works perfectly together. I am beyond happy with my choice and I am surprisingly myself with how much I am wanting to step out of my comfort zone and try new things.

I am trying to go cross country schooling with some of the event riders who train with another barn down the street, I would love to take a dressage lesson, and my motivation to get out of the ring and trail ride and ride in the rings is so much more than what it previously was. We have already trail rode our first week there and I can’t wait to venture out again (once this rain stops)!

The people at this barn are amazingly supportive - they not only believe in me but they believe in my horse. A barn mate has already set up a training ride for my horse with an amazing local pro (tomorrow)! She offered to trailer me and is beyond kind with her thoughts, ideas, and words. She actually has 2 SUPER hunters of her own and to hear her say how quality my guy is… Well, I almost got tears in my eyes… We throw ideas off of each other all the time and we get each other motivated in teaching these horses fun, new things, new courses, new gymnastics, etc.

The support that I feel has already improved my mindset 100x beyond what it was at my previous barn. The barn I came from had an amazing “family” feeling ground of people but I never felt the belief/support that my horse and I were “good enough” from the trainer that I felt like I needed and deserved. [MANY thanks to a lot of people on COTH for the support and guidance through that time, seriously you guys are great].

My horse not only looks 100x better but he feels 100x better. There are slow hills in my horses fields with tons of grass and the pastures are actual pastures, not small paddocks with a couple of horses jammed in. He gets to hang his head out of his stall. The hay and grain choices are amazing. The rings, fields, and barn are meticulously taken care of. I could not build a more beautiful dream barn - that is how nice this facility is. He has this soft look in his eye and it only took him 1 night to settle in. The workers have come to me and told me how they would have thought he has been there for a year+.

My riding has improved already. I no longer feel defensive like I had to prove myself. I’m able to pop over some jumps as needed. I feel relaxed and mentally quiet and my horse has reflected on it as well. I do well under pressure but I need to learn to relax my mind and step up to the challenge with a quiet mind - just as we expect our horses to do. Everything that we do together, I’m taking a step further in the right direction. I think this is where cross country schooling is going to help us tremendously, even if we don’t jump over one single thing!

I left my barn on great terms - as someone on here said, she is fabulous but just not exactly for what I need for this horse at this stage. I am really happy and hope that maybe hearing this encourages someone else to step out of their comfort zones and take a little risk for hopefully a big reward! There was a COTH article floating around about why adults feel like they should put up with someone who doesn’t support them… That really sank in for me and might help for others.

[snaffled]

So glad to hear that @raisethebar !! Its amazing what having the right support system for you can do! I definitely have that feeling at my barn and its just so awesome. We all support each other and cheer each other on even though we are all at different levels and have a variety of disciplines. Its nice to have a group of people around you that genuinely want to see you and others succeed with their horse. I hate to see somebody not enjoying their horse.

Also glad to hear your horse is happy with his new home. I think it makes a huge difference in the atmosphere of the place as well as the actual facilities themselves. If everyone’s happy, content and relaxed so will the horses be! A comfy stall, ample turnout and good food doesn’t hurt either!

[jetsmom]

@raisethebar

Coming here to vent but also ask for help. Sorry it’s so long but hopefully I’ll get some good suggestions for two different & related situations…

Horse Issue:
I am going through a bit of a rough time currently with my 5 year old (turning 6 in May). I swear he is like riding two completely different horses. He can go weeks with being perfect and really absorbing what he’s learning and then bam! He’s terrible, spooky when he never really is (normally just spooky at typical young horse stuff), running through my hands, ground manners are terrible, et. It’s bad to the extreme for a horse that is typically easy and very rideable.

When he’s good - he’s great. When he’s bad - he’s really bad. If you look back on my other threads, I got in a habit of “when it doubt, wait it out” (which use to play constantly in my head around a course) and have been realizing that he’s perfectly capable of carrying me around a course by now, it’s time to stop playing mother hen and let him do his job. Got it.

I am wondering if other people are getting similar behavior from their 5-6 year olds and how people communicate with their trainers while working through them.

I find it really difficult to connect with my trainer in how I am feeling when he is in one of these “moods” - I think this is where my frustration is stemming from. He looks COMPLETELY different than how I am feeling. He has a beautiful way of going and he looks so soft and rideable but in actuality, I am doing so much on his back to make him this way.

Communication Issue:
I am frustrated because I feel like my trainer always tells me about what I am doing wrong - not how I can correct him or myself. It’s never like, “more outside leg & rein & push him forward through the turn” as this seems to be my biggest problem. Its always, “let go”.

Maybe she’s trying to put it simply but the issue is not that I’m holding him, it’s the fact that he’s not actually straight from my outside aids (thank you COTH forums for helping me through that one). I’m a fully capable rider - very educated in horsemanship through my years of riding (and COTH forum). I feel like I’m missing a key piece of communication with her. I tell her how I feel: It’s always just to “let go”. I have tried to speak with her about all the things I have been feeling and it sort of feels like it goes in one year and out the other, probably out of frustration with me. She is very patient but I feel like this issue is just a tricky one to make better. I’m asking for help in our lessons and I speak with her after… I WANT to get better. I WANT to learn more.

On top of all this, she actually asked me if I was afraid of him… what!?! I’ve had this horse since he was 6 months old. Broke him myself. I have done everything myself with him - took him around his first course at a horse show, rode against professionals at an A show. He can be a handful but I have NEVER been scared of HIM — I HAVE been scared of the schooling ring. I HAVE been scared of other horses running at me not knowing if they are going inside or outside or the fact people were jumping the opposite diagonal line as me. NEVER HIM!

I was shocked and hurt to hear her say that. For whatever reason, she keeps telling me that I’ll be nervous at our first show of the season coming up, almost as if she wants me to to be? It’s very frustrating to have someone tell you how you are feeling & how do I respectfully and politely tell her that she has me all wrong? I am excited - not nervous. I have never had a pro pilot him around before and we have done really well even in great company.

I know she is probably frustrated with me.
I know this is a mix of me being frustrated with the horse but also a frustration on communication level with my trainer.

Anyone else have been through something like this? How did you fix/mend the situation.
I love riding here and it is a reputable show barn in my area. They have taken people all the way to the medal maclays so PLEASE don’t be nasty in towards her. She doesn’t ride anymore so I can’t just have her hop on and have her feel what I am feeling.
The other alternative would be having the pro ride him but she only comes 1x a week and it’s more or less a quick jumping session - not getting into that whole ordeal - I don’t think he will show his “other side” in this type of a situation.

Thanks in advanced. Vent over!

Best thing I ever learned was “forward equals straight”. It’s possible that your horse isn’t forward and is getting behind the leg, from you holding him/picking, so even though he feels quick, he’s not really forward. And if they aren’t fwd, they tend to not be straight, and will fall in, bow out, etc making you think THAT is the issue, and what you are trying to correct.
And yes…5 yr Olds can be trying. Kind of like a teenager who can one day be so adult like, and the next test you and be an obnoxious brat.

[raisethebar]

@jetsmom - you are 100% correct! He is certainly lacking forward… I had a professional on him that I finally trust. Gave him the ride I aspire to give him daily. Long and low and forward!!! My horse found every single distance perfectly, jumped everything beautifully and was a sheer pleasure to watch go.

On top of that, the professional is very interested in continuing to want to ride my horse - and no it is not the way that other professionals might “want to ride” our horses ($$) - he was thrilled with him, loved his braveness and thought he had the workings to be at the “top”. He gave me homework, praised me for how much I have done with the horse (something that other trainers have snubbed me for, “oh you haven’t had a profession on him?” UGH!) and pretty much asked for the ride on him. He told me he was very excited for me and thinks he has what it takes.

My heart wouldn’t stop beating quickly for a long time after - I know he’s a great horse, but to have a well known, great riding pro tell me this after riding him really made me proud. This trainer has a complete different way of thinking than my previous trainer and he loves that I am a DIY’er. I am still on cloud 9 and I can’t wait to get out to the barn to ride even more than I normally do.

Sometime that the trainer said - PATH, PACE, POSITION! I love it. Simple and easy to remember. Now I have to focus on pace!

[jetsmom]

A really good exercise you can do is set up a tiny vertical about a ft tall, and canter a large circle over it in a half seat, and floating the reins. Really try to not touch the reins other than to lightly balance after landing. Stay on the circle and use your upper body (coming back/more upright to slow),. The circle should be large enough to easily canter comfortably, but small enough not to allow them to pick up speed. Let the horse find the distance. Try to keep reins floaty/loose. Don’t try to pick the distance, or slow him. If he gets quick, try just bringing your body back, and say easy or whoaaaaa, and do a light half halt if needed, but then float the reins again. Jump on the circle about 8 times continuously to get into a rhythm.
Many times, you will find the horse will be quick for the first 2 or 3 times, then settle when they figure out you won’t pick at them.

[jetsmom]

Another way to really see the importance of forward equals straight is to pick a point across the arenation and try to walk in a straight line towards it, first letting him lolly gag and walk slow with no impulsion. Then look at your footprints. You’ll feel him drifting left/right, bowingbout/falling in, and have a hard time steering him straight.
Then try again, this time shorten your reins, and really make him March forward at a walk, alternating using leg to ask him to march forward. You will find he is really easy to keep straight, and if you look at your footprints, they are straight. That’s the difference, that forward makes at all gaits. A lolly gagging trot will also be wiggly, and his body will be all over the place, no matter how much you try to correct it. Same with canter.