Interestingly these days I’m pretty calm and secure (emotionally :lol:) on the flat, but I’m a complete nervous wreck over fences. For this reason, I haven’t really jumped my mare. She’d never done it before me, and I started teaching her a couple years ago. She was actually very good, my instructor and I were impressed with her, but I was a mess. And she’s very sensitive, so I’m sure if I’d kept up with it, she’d have picked up on that, and it would have become a problem.
Instructor was too tactful to say it directly (though she kept instructing me to breathe, relax, and so on), but when I talked to her afterwards, she agreed with my assessment that I needed some time on a packer, or else I was going to create problems for my mare.
For me, I wasn’t so much aware of being afraid, as being very defensive, trying to overcorrect for problems that weren’t really there. I couldn’t just sit back, relax, and let her go - I had to “prevent the run-out” if she wasn’t completely straight, be ready to grab her in case she bolts after the fence, and so on. And I mean, some level of preparedness for those sorts of things is good, but this was too much reaction out of me for a whole lot of nothing.
But it was definitely fear, and if I ever want to get back into jumping (which I do miss, I’d actually like to return to eventing someday, hah) I’m going to need a lot of time over tiny fences on something really really steady.
And although it’s something I worked through, I used to own a horse that I went through a phase where I would feel extreme anxiety when I got on him. He’d reared straight up and gone over with me at once point. We were both mostly unharmed, but I was quite shaken by it. Wasn’t ready to give up on him completely, he was pretty green when it happened, but it was frightening.
For the longest time, I took it really slow for both of us. I’d mount him and then dismount again, with a huge sigh of relief. Eventually I found I wanted to try a little more. And a little more. And next thing you know, we were out on the trail. It took a long time before I really felt comfortable on him.
He was alwas one of those horses who was a little mentally unhinged, but eventually we reached an understanding where I felt safe and comfortable on him, and I knew what sorts of things I could trust him to do and how much I could safely push him.
So anyhow, I’ve had the best luck not pushing myself too hard so that I have good experiences, and then eventually, I get bored enough that I really want to try doing more.